2011 Youth Candidate Review - Labour

Deborah Mahuta-Coyle

Today it is the turn of the pinkos to suffer trial by CV. Let me start with number 26 on the Labour list Deborah Mahuta-Coyle. I did not even have to get the A grade insults out here because the pinkos seem to have already given her the glad eye, and it is not pretty.

Deborah until three months ago worked in the Goffice (apparently hasn't been removed from the staff list) and has been told to take one for the team, travel no doubt on the taxpayers tit and stand against the unmovable Simon Bridges in Tauranga. Bridges is not concerned enough to even engage her publicly and one can understand why he is not bothering.

Mahuta-Coyle is on the list ahead of Stuart Nash, Clare Curran, Brendon Burns, Chris Hipkins, David Shearer, Steve Chadwick and Phil Twyford. General consensus online seems to be that this has opened more than a few mouths wide in horror. The Unions rated her on their wishlist of candidates as 4th behind Little, Wood and Mika.

On the Own our Future page Deborah claims:

I’m 30 and my husband and I are looking to buy our first house – and if it wasn’t for Kiwisaver it would be an impossibility. This is a reality for many Kiwis our age and it doesn’t seem right.

I put my hand up to stand in Tauranga because I believe Tauranga needs better, fairer representation in Parliament. An MP who will work hard to represent the interests of those living in Merivale and those in Mt Maunganui.

The poor Dear at age 30 cannot afford a house? Really? Most legal and accounting professionals at that age cannot do likewise! Mahuta-Coyle really is pandering to the Labour "eat the rich" electorate here by the display of faux poverty. She works in the Goffice and would be in the top tax bracket for heaven's sake probably pushing $100k as an over-inflated Wellington salary. If she can't afford a house on her own income that's a failure of her own let alone the wage of the male partner with it. Kiwisaver should have nothing to do with it. Pretending to be poor to appeal to "youff" and underclass just isn't cool anymore. The competition with the Mana Party is too tough.

Even Dim Post can see the silliness of rejuvenating the Labour Party with a Goff staffer and carpet-bagging her to Tauranga.

Maui Street was less charitable

Mahuta is one of Goff’s press secretaries. One would think association with the incompetent Goffice would be a liability. It really is indicative of the poisonous patronage that pervades the Labour Party. Around a month ago I attended one of the local list selections here in Wellington. Obviously Mahuta was speaking. My impressions of her were less than flattering. Her speech was not notable in any way, she displayed no great insight, the speech itself was hardly rhetorically remarkable and I sensed an air of arrogance about her. In my opinion Josie Pagani, Michael Bott, Jordan Carter and Rino Tirikatene were far superior. According to the local members Mahuta, despite possessing no qualifications like intellect or character, was guaranteed a high placing by virtue of her position in the party.

It is a bit pre-emptive to have a Wiki when Labour need 30% for her to get there but "Debs" seems full of confidence so I will advertise her as already there.

"Debs" has already got herself into trouble on Twitter for her a false sledge on Clare Robinson “just take your national party rosette out of your pocket and slap it on your forehead.”. Lets hope regardless of the election result, she takes over Red Alert from Clare Curran and provides the second part of a Mah(d) and Mallard comedy duo. Curran is the only Labourite strong enough to stop Mallard from gaining all permission access on Red Alert to go nuclear. Mahuta at 5 foot tall would not cope.

I could not find much of a CV online, just a Herald interview that noted she graduated (surprisingly) in the entirely safe subjects of Politics and Maori from Victoria University and has worked inside the Labour Party for ten years for Goff, Clark and Horomia. At the age of 30 and a third of her life, this firmly makes her a party hack. A party hack who will die in the ditch with Goff, this piece of political judgment:

On why its policies seem popular, but not the leader: "We need to do better [as a party]. And when the campaign starts proper, he'll connect with more Kiwis."

Phil Goff is doing many things this campaign but connecting is not one of them.

Should she be an MP? Of course not. Mahuta-Coyle joins a long list of Labour staffers who think they can be MP's. Not many have done anything else but leave University and work in the Party.

Could she be an MP? For Labour, of course. She's a perfect candidate. Academically better qualified than Kim Kardashian who has slipped her way up to number 13 on the Labour List, Mahuta-Coyle is also Tainui and a female that gives her as many points as all of Stuart Nash's degrees and work experience combined.

Will she be an MP? Here is hoping not as it would mean Labour would have polled 30-33% on Saturday. I predict she will be miraculously "re-appointed" in the Opposition Leaders office working from Monday for Labour's next leader.

Michael Wood

We will start with Michael's most fabulous claim to fame the attempting banning of Penis lollies.

At number 32 on the list his Union mates have failed him a tad as Labour would need to poll around 32% to get him in.

Wood, 31 years old from FINSEC was rated second behind Andrew Little as the Union's choice. I don't quite know why, he seems as far removed from a Union Man traditionally as one could get.

As an observer by far the best thing Michael has ever done in his life was marrying a woman far smarter and more politically astute than he is as she is picking Labour to lose three key electorates. Wood is also somewhat unique in that he is one of the only men I have read of in politics who does something called splitting childcare. That is, he works part-time to look after the kiddies. I cannot imagine "Iron" Mike Williams and his bovver boy mates ever sanctioning that.

Despite being the whipping boy to stand and fail in safe National seats, Wood seems to be a genuinely nice man who I have known of since University days. With his child minding duties he should be winning all those silly polls as to which politician would you leave your kiddies with? Wood doesn't trumpet a great academic record, sporting prowess or anything really. He doesn't have to, he's a Unionist.

Wood also has a track record of saving wounded animals on the campaign trail. Just yesterday Facebook recorded him rescuing a poor little Duck from near disaster when attacked by a cheeky darky gull.

Should he be an MP? No worse than other young Labour candidates with Union backgrounds. Fails the white male test for advancement in the Labour Party even if he shares child care. I suggest he contact Paul Foster-Bell so he can find some Tangata Whenua somewhere.

Could he be an MP? Not this time and if he stands and fails in too many other elections and by-elections he will inherit the strong taint of being a perennial loser. Timing is important in politics and now is not the time.

Will he be an MP? Not this time. But eventually the Union will push with their cash and he will be in an electable list position.

Jerome Mika

Mika is an EPMU bitch make no mistake about that. His candidate page is full of idealistic waffle and weasel words and should have been ripped apart by Labour's Comms team and rewritten as it tells us absolutely nothing about him. At number 36 on the Labour list he needs 34% to have a look in so his wiki is premature as well.

Mika lost out to Louisa Wall in the safe Labour seat of Manurewa in a classic Labour Union shitfight.

A bit like Union Hollow Man Wood, there is nothing really available about Mika online but loads of pictures of him rubbing shoulders with everyone in the Island community he can find including All Blacks, rugby players and everything blokey. Mika looks happy, smiley and a leg-opener for Phil Goff into the Island communities, an organiser of his community carrying the clipboard to sign-up voters and members.

If Mika was a skinny white boy he would be Michael Wood.

Should he be an MP? Of course not. JAFU (Just Another F***ing Unionist). Hasn't achieved anything of note outside of "community work" which as so many then end up doing he is leveraging a political career of the back of.

Could he be an MP? Unionist + Labour Party + Islander + hangs out with rugby stars = A shoo in ....for Labour eventually.

Will he be an MP? Not this time. At number on the list 36 he needs a 34% poll for Labour on Saturday. Thanks to the Greens this will not happen.