Slowly Sinking Tabloid - Panty Waisting Editor Alert
Braunias dumped by Socialist Leaning Editor
Limp panty-waister
Considering the extensive coverage on the sacking of Steve Braunias, as I have been quoted already by TV3 (who now claim I own this blog and the excellent Quote Unquote) on the issue as a defender of what is right and who is right, I will add my piece.
The Slowly Sinking Tabloid ("SST") has been causing concern for a while. Basically the paper lets face it, is shite. I've got no love for HoS but really HoS has been dumping all over it on Sunday for some time now. HoS is in the position of looking damn fine next to it. While HoS is Auckland-centric, SST has tried to be everything to everyone in New Zealand and in the process, pleasing no one.
The Editor has been washing down stories about Len Brown for months now, drip drying the dirty laundry before it is aired. What we can also tell about Mr Kemeys is that the SST has become a sensationalist dumping ground for crap like "Wealth Gap Divides Nation". Commissioned by none other than - the paper itself! What kind of halfwit would even think of conducting their own survey on such? And then let it be published as if a wealth gap is a bad thing.
Anyway, back to Braunias. I doubt Braunias can be counted as a hard right-winger, but he's been a victim of panty-waisting that only a pinko could ever inflict on a contributor. Sacked after abusing someone who abused him. Only a dud employer would ever do that to its talent. I find that a larger crime as an Editor (not backing his talent) than being a dirty pinko.
Limp panty-waisterConsidering the extensive coverage on the sacking of Steve Braunias, as I have been quoted already by TV3 (who now claim I own this blog and the excellent Quote Unquote) on the issue as a defender of what is right and who is right, I will add my piece.
The Slowly Sinking Tabloid ("SST") has been causing concern for a while. Basically the paper lets face it, is shite. I've got no love for HoS but really HoS has been dumping all over it on Sunday for some time now. HoS is in the position of looking damn fine next to it. While HoS is Auckland-centric, SST has tried to be everything to everyone in New Zealand and in the process, pleasing no one.
The Editor has been washing down stories about Len Brown for months now, drip drying the dirty laundry before it is aired. What we can also tell about Mr Kemeys is that the SST has become a sensationalist dumping ground for crap like "Wealth Gap Divides Nation". Commissioned by none other than - the paper itself! What kind of halfwit would even think of conducting their own survey on such? And then let it be published as if a wealth gap is a bad thing.
Anyway, back to Braunias. I doubt Braunias can be counted as a hard right-winger, but he's been a victim of panty-waisting that only a pinko could ever inflict on a contributor. Sacked after abusing someone who abused him. Only a dud employer would ever do that to its talent. I find that a larger crime as an Editor (not backing his talent) than being a dirty pinko.
Quote Unquote had the initial goss on Steve Braunias' departure from SST. Matt Nippert from the NBR also had the money quote.
The brilliance of Braunias is that he's a disheveled mad scientist sort of media bloke. "You can't be frightened of people. You're not in journalism to make friends" he's once quoted as saying.
Braunias swears a lot, is opinionated, lethally smart and multi-disciplined with humour, serious stuff and the hard-hitting, or ill-disciplined potentially. All of which makes him exciting and fun. For every column of his I read and love, there's two more he writes where I haven't got a fucking clue what he is talking about. Unlike say Russell Brown, where there isn't even one column I can be remotely nice about.
So Braunias' departure seems to have been hastened somewhat by allegations of his response to someone using a NZ Police email address called him "fucking ugly", he called her a "cunt". She must have then gone running to SST and cried like the baby she is.
Columnists in New Zealand tend to be in the "cult of celebrity" section, "I'm screwing the editor or know who is for this gig" section, "failed politicians" section or that of the "social experiment cheap labour filling the white spaces in between the advertising" section. Braunias is one of the few columnists who is actually a very good writer.
SST needs a rapid overhaul of its columnists and staff not to mention what they are allowed to investigate, in order to attempt to address its rapidly decreasing importance in the Sunday market. Braunias' departure wasn't one of them. He's now run off back to Metro and North and South. Where he will be read by around the same amount of people per month than who read more popular NZ blogs. Think I'm kidding? Here are the stats....
North and South - Circulation, only 28,733 pay for it, readership of 299,000 (bludgers in five minute spurts in cafes and waiting rooms)
Metro - Circulation, only 11,202 actually pay for it, readership of 142,000 (bludgers in five minute spurts in cafes and waiting rooms).
Kiwiblog - funded by Curia, monthly readership of last audited stats 226,300 visitors per month
Whaleoil - owes numerous fines, monthly readership of last audited stats 99,200 visitors per month
The Stranded - paid for by Labour, monthly readership of last audited stats 68,200 visitors per month
Asian Invasion - self-funded, monthly readership of last audited stats 58,900 visitors per month
I will at this point disclose that Simon Wilson gave me a try-out for a Metro column when he took on the Editorship. We had a failure to communicate that two people can have only when one cannot express clearly what they want and the other cannot deliver what they think the other person wanted. But it was an honest and pleasant failure to communicate. "Write anything you like just be funny". A complicated edict when your sense of humour is as far removed from each other as the North and South pole. If Wilson and I were on a first date, we would have politely adjourned just after the entree. And to this day I read Metro and to be honest haven't a clue what 70% of it is actually going on about anyway which makes it in more than one way like reading Public Address.
North and South - Circulation, only 28,733 pay for it, readership of 299,000 (bludgers in five minute spurts in cafes and waiting rooms)
Metro - Circulation, only 11,202 actually pay for it, readership of 142,000 (bludgers in five minute spurts in cafes and waiting rooms).
Kiwiblog - funded by Curia, monthly readership of last audited stats 226,300 visitors per month
Whaleoil - owes numerous fines, monthly readership of last audited stats 99,200 visitors per month
The Stranded - paid for by Labour, monthly readership of last audited stats 68,200 visitors per month
Asian Invasion - self-funded, monthly readership of last audited stats 58,900 visitors per month
I will at this point disclose that Simon Wilson gave me a try-out for a Metro column when he took on the Editorship. We had a failure to communicate that two people can have only when one cannot express clearly what they want and the other cannot deliver what they think the other person wanted. But it was an honest and pleasant failure to communicate. "Write anything you like just be funny". A complicated edict when your sense of humour is as far removed from each other as the North and South pole. If Wilson and I were on a first date, we would have politely adjourned just after the entree. And to this day I read Metro and to be honest haven't a clue what 70% of it is actually going on about anyway which makes it in more than one way like reading Public Address.
Some have poo pooed Braunias' departure as they either don't like him or fail to understand that column writing and sustained periods of it is actually quite difficult. It only is made to look effortless by those who are very good at it.
Even if you can write, you have to adapt to an Editor. Most editors are cunts. Apart from Tim Pankhurst who was always very nice. They have their own eccentricities and demands as they are allowed to because they are Mr Dic and Mrs Tator. Some are just mental, pedantic he and she beasts put there like a Human Resources Manager to stifle creativity. Many haven't got a clue what they actually want and have random splurts of swearing of their own.
Fact of the matter is that the Mingster found out and was allowed by a supportive editor to make an absolute meal of the SST. Her best line is "Sunday is a small insert magazine in the Sunday Star-Times". She also disclosed what the member of the legal Cuntstabulary actually said to Braunias:
"You're not the most handsome of men, but what a beautiful mind and heart you have," Stewart wrote.
"You're not the most handsome of men, but what a beautiful mind and heart you have," Stewart wrote.
Imagine for a minute if a male police prosecutor sent say Rosemary McLeod the above, "You're not the most attractive of women, but what a beautiful mind and heart you have"? That police prosecutor's life wouldn't be worth living. Rosemary would devote endless weeks of columns after such an incident to the police culture, men being pond scum and classical liberal bias against older women.
Forgive me for the female legal interpretation of what Stewart wrote, but she was soooooo clearly flirting with Braunias. I know that it may seem an odd thing to say to attract a bloke but lets face she's a prosecutor, surrounded all day by Police and has the pick up skills of a broken front-end loader, but I do believe that Ms Stewart was trying to score some action with a dirty email. Cheeky bint.
Braunias should have seen this and reacted in a more appropriate manner. Stating that he is married with child and not interested.
In the end he sent her flowers. Which was genius.
On first glance his man-card should be removed for making the gesture, but again a female legal interpretation of flowers is such. If given to a woman for an apology they mean that subconsciously you don't really mean it. Unlike diamonds, platinum or even something cheap like stainless steel, flowers are not enduring and a bit like the apology, they begin to wilt and die behind the recipients back after just a few hours and end up making a mess all over the platform they are displayed on.
At the end of the day this incident had nothing to do with Braunias losing his column.
It is a shame the SST Editor doesn't have clashes of personalities with others writing in and working for the paper who are actually staler than Stilton.
In the end he sent her flowers. Which was genius.
On first glance his man-card should be removed for making the gesture, but again a female legal interpretation of flowers is such. If given to a woman for an apology they mean that subconsciously you don't really mean it. Unlike diamonds, platinum or even something cheap like stainless steel, flowers are not enduring and a bit like the apology, they begin to wilt and die behind the recipients back after just a few hours and end up making a mess all over the platform they are displayed on.
At the end of the day this incident had nothing to do with Braunias losing his column.
Braunias and the SST Editor have obviously had a clash of personalities. Which was inevitable when only Steve appears to actually have one.
It is a shame the SST Editor doesn't have clashes of personalities with others writing in and working for the paper who are actually staler than Stilton.
posted by Cactus Kate at 1:14 AM
14 Comments:
" For every column of his I read and love, there's two more he writes where I haven't got a fucking clue what he is talking about. "
Thank goodness I'm not the only one though my ratio of love to total incomprehension isn't as generous as yours.
Used to buy SST regularly, now just when on holiday or now and then to confirm that not buying it regularly is sensible.
agree the SST has really gone downhill.Don't bother anymore. Employing Finlay is a guaranteed kiss of death.
How does Laws stay and Braunias goes?
Thankfully I don't agree that a newspaper commissioning and then publishing its own research is a bad thing per se (I used to do it all the time when I was an editor) or I'd be forced to admit that for the first time ever I was in total agreement with everything you wrote.
Anyone who sacks Steve Braunias can count themselves right up there with Pope Julius II in terms of both temperament and taste (though even the Pope came to his senses eventually and let Michelangelo have free rein).
You're right, Braunias is one of a handful of writers worth reading and such is the rarity of such a beast nowadays, frankly he could have got away with calling the present Pope a cunt if I were ever fortunate enough to have him in my employ.
Since it was in fact a police person, then my natural inclinations would tend more towards striking a commemorative plate of some sort, featuring the offending email, to be given away free with the next issue.
Well I also mentioned editors are cunts........may wish to correct yourself.
Hey, does it always have to be done with a sneer? Yes, it's true: from March, the only columns by the inestimable Steve Braunias published in the Auckland market will be in Metro. That's a good thing, isn't it? Why poke a stick at us? He's also writing features for us - witness his excellent profile of unionist Matt McCarten in our current issue. It's been popular among people of all manner of politics - and it's even very easy to understand. And yes, it's also true you and I did not see eye to eye on what you might write for Metro. But that wasn't because I didn't know what I wanted. What I wanted, in addition to point of view, was wit, style, analysis, coherence. You know, the old virtues. Maybe we should give that dinner a try some time.
Kemmeys took over that godawful 'When the Revolution comes' shit in the SST for 2 weeks over summer .. he was even worse than the usual fuckwit who writes it .. ps it's the column that replaced the hilarious 'Secret Diary'. guess who used to write that?
"Kiwiblog - funded by Curia"
should actually read: Kiwiblog - funded by Curia which is funded by the National Party.
And whaleoil isnt self funded as whaleoil being a beneficiary does not have a paid job. So he presumably is funded by his daddy who coincidentally is the former president of the National Party.
some balance, please.
Oh, and Braunias is brilliant, the only reason to read the SST glossy insert.
Simon, Hello from the North Pole how is it down there in the South!! All I did was a bit of full disclosure before I graciously promoed your new columnist and then merely suggested you inherited shit circulation and readership stats from your predecessor which I assumed have actually improved under your editorship.
If I was sneering I would have called you a cunt too. You know, being forward about those sorts of things and all before dinner. :)
All editors are cunts and the very best are complete cunts. Geoff Bayliss was, for instance, a complete cunt to the advertiser who rang up threatening to withdraw their patronage because of something I'd written in the Dom, saying they'd be advised to think again or else the next story would be about that phone call.
I usually start off being a cunt in order to get a title back into profitability and get some decent content but once things are ticking along I can't keep it up, so I leave before someone uses an unpleasent term to describe me, like "nice".
Simon Wilson: No it's not a good thing because those of us who can't get our hands on a copy won't be able to read him online because you're in bed wit da divil (aka MSN) who seem to think a pic of the cover is an "online presence".
"Braunias is one of the few columnists who is actually a very good writer."
Make that "Braunias is one of the few WRITERS (let alone columnists) who is actually a very good writer."
ps Kate - it's a bit of stretch to suggest that the HoS is any better than the SS-T !
Great article. Replete with "wit, style, analysis, coherence". Simon, you're an idiot for not seeing that.
Bloody hell, those stats were from a long time ago.
I have no idea where you were getting the 'visitors' number from or how it was 'audited'.
It sounds like 'visits' rather than visitors which is a pretty subjective calculation and which is quite different depending on what tracker you're using. It depends on how the time of a 'visit' is time delimited and how the algorithm used discards the bots. We use google analytics, wordpress stats, Nielson, and Awstats on our logs to get quite different answers. I keep thinking about using Sitemeter of the like so Open Parachute can access it. But I've got more than enough javascript/cookie load on the pages already.
Personally, I'd say that something like absolute unique visitors per month (discarding known bots) as google analytics does it would probably be the most appropriate to compare blogs to monthly magazines. That roughly compares apples with apples.
The major measurements flaws with that being people who don't let their browser keep cookies, those who use different browsers and/or machines, and the occasional unrecognized bot that actually runs the javascript for analytics.
But on that basis The Standard and Kiwiblog would comfortably be above those magazines, and I suspect the other blogs would be below.
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