A.Hubb Over The Hotch

Picking Winners - an astonishing day

Nice Mad Grandad

Evil Uncles Eric and Mark

The prudent measure of most business reporters has been that they have waited until this week to comment on South Canterbury Finance ("SCF") and Allan Hubbard's broader affairs. Despite murmurings of some that they thought this was coming, it is (like house prices) easy to sit and predict eventual failure. It is a grand amount harder to analyse in advance precisely how this will happen, when and with what effect. If you really knew, then chances are you are under confidentiality order and cannot write about it in any instance. SCF was a case of reporting on a corpse rather than those in Hanover in real time. Because there was no corpse in Hanover’s case, Bernies' in the form of Hotchin and Watson, were moving freely and weekend tabloid targets for speculation and innuendo.

Some of the best reporting on SCF and other finance companies is hidden away in the “still bloody difficult” to navigate website of interest.co.nz including this very interesting "deep freeze" list. Plenty of Bernies on that.

Some will write Hubbard off and say they have been for years. Of course they would be lying. No one saw this coming for more than a couple of years ago because if they did they would have smashed Hubbard the moment he and his wife were placed in Statutory Management. The SCF cult cannot be separated from the Hubbard's so imminent doom was reasonably predictable. Most sat on the fence and hoped like hell it was not true, because unlike Hotchy and Watson, this wasn’t a very sexy target. And we still do not know the extent of the issues because of commercial confidentiality concerns and the like.

According to the new Great Helmsman "Smile and Wave" John Key:

South Canterbury Finance got itself into trouble by lending money to people who couldn't pay it back and on assets that have no value, with many of the loans now bonfire material.

Really? A tad simplistic I would have thought. Ignoring of course why this money was lent and on what valuation of assets. Smile and Wave also announced:

However, New Zealand banks and finance companies would not have been able to raise capital without the government guarantee, Mr Key said. "There are some people who've invested in other finance companies, like Hanover, and have lost their money and yet they'll see others that are covered by South Canterbury Finance." They may see a degree of unfairness but it was necessary to help the New Zealand finance sector, he said.

But the most telling was from South Islander Bill "Karori" English:

Whatever your points of view about how South Canterbury has been run or the personalities, taxpayers are ending up with a bill of $600 miliion and there are a lot of other things we could have used that $600m for.” “Without that support, Timaru and South Canterbury could have ended up $600m out of pocket.”

Make no mistake, the decision to bailout SCF immediately with funds entering to the receivership, to place it in the Government Guarantee Scheme, then to honour the guarantee when it is questionable that the government even had to, is an entirely political decision of National Party rural stock. Even though SCF invested in property other than farmland, it was the farms wheeled out as to the reason why SCF could not be left to fail. The Green Party twerp railed against letting it fail as the farms could fall into foreign hands. Yet SCF invested itself in ventures in Fiji and others with remarkably similar risk profiles as Hanover.

South Island vs Auckland. It represents a wealth shift from North to South. From those at present least able to afford it to those who can afford it. Yes, the city folk are struggling in New Zealand, the rural folk sitting on ever-increasing land values and leveraging the cow crap out of themselves on the basis of those valuations creating this debt situation. Leveraging that seems to have hit a road-bump as their saviour when the Australian banks turned them away, turned out to be a crock. Yet another example of the New Zealand economy favouring those chasing tax-free capital gains over taxable income streams in terms of investing. Would SCF tanking have actually ruined the South Island and with it New Zealand? The S&P rating agency doesn't seem to think so.

Sandy Maier even stated upfront today that:

“Maier said the guarantee, which many commentators claim distorts the market, gave him confidence to accept money from "widows and children" as he sought to save the company from collapse”.

In other words – time would have been called well before now. Maier however was happy to let the taxpayer carry the can knowing full well SCF could not meet obligations and the situation was going to get worse. But Maier did not create the mess, he was handed a hospital pass only the worst ever All Black, Simon Mannix could have thrown. Hubbard seems to have been the architect of that, doling out money for example to young sharemilkers like a Smack Daddy Father Christmas for no interest. Sub-prime lending, Fanny Mae, Freddie Mac and now we have the A.Hubb.

It seems in New Zealand that you can be rural, borrow money to buy land to farm and have preferential treatment over say a young city entrepreneur who starts their own business, employs a few people then gets into trouble. All this does is distort risk away from buying land and property and towards young entrepreneurs with an idea, but no capital or tangible asset to mortgage against. Smile and Wave may think that Hanover “investors” may feel hard done by, but what this really is about is another rural v city divide in New Zealand whereby own land and you will be backed. Own exciting new intellectual property, technology or try to grow an SME and employ more people than you would if you had used the money to go farming to push around cows, and you are on your own.

Where does New Zealand’s GDP actually come from? Agriculture apparently only makes up 4.5%. Industry makes up 25.8% and services the remaining 69%.. In terms of employment Agriculture makes up just 7%, industry makes 19% and services the remaining 74%. So while important as an export earner, in terms of total GDP, agriculture stands in the shadow of service industries in New Zealand, led by entrepreneurs and market risk taking decision makers.

Of more concern with respect to creating incentives in an economy, according to Bernard Hickey:

More than a third were 'rate chasing' government guarantee investors who jumped in after October 2008 to get hold of the 'free money' returns of over 8 per cent that were guaranteed by the government.

This lot should not be bailed out as it wasn't the intention of the guarantee scheme. They should be made to wait and sweat. But this distortion was created by the silly guarantee scheme in the first place. Where else can one get 8%+ in the market on a “risk free” investment? I didn’t realize the risk free rate or return was 8%+, yet the guarantee created this. The second the guarantee was extended and applied to SCF the "fix" was in.

Anyone with half a brain knows that return is based primarily on risk. The higher the promised return the higher the risk on the investment, beneficiaries even understand this when they drive off to Skycity Casino. But when you have a government intervening to create zero risk, what does this do to the market? It stuffs the market that’s what it does. Many commentators will explain this in terms of statistical modeling better than I, because Finance modelling tends to put me into a chemically induced coma, but the general conclusions will be the same. Mess with risk at your own peril. Bailing out A.Hubb is not a market decision, it is interventionalism.

Government guarantees are just nonsense. David Chaplin dug up this gem.

The Labour Party created these silly guarantees for finance companies as their last expensive act before being turfed out of office, however unlike the worthless train set, they can’t be entirely to blame. National have not tried very hard to get out of the guarantee fine print and exacerbated the damage rather than minimizing it:

The company welcomed Treasury and Trustees Executor's arrangement for debenture, deposit and bond holders to be repaid in full regardless of their eligibility under the Crown Retail Deposit Guarantee Scheme. The government has done quite a remarkable thing," Maier said.

So here is proof from SCF itself that payment has been made by the taxpayer for events it is not even liable for. In the meantime Hanover “investors” get nothing? SME business owners in cities in New Zealand hit by the recession as well get nothing? Hardly seems fair does it? Unless you are from the South Island and your aunty is also your step-mother.

The Deed of Guarantee ("aka DOG")

There are four DOG's (amended) on the Treasury website:

Original Deed

For example at 6.3 of the original deed signed

“During the guarantee period (12th October 2008 for two years) the principal debtor shall ensure its business and operations (and the business and operation of its subsidiaries) are conducted in a proper, businesslike, efficient and prudent manner”

Then there is 6.4 inthe DOG which looks even more ominous given SCF’s reporting

“During the guarantee period, the Principal Debtor shall prepare and provide to the Crown, as soon as practicable after reasonably requested, any reports concerning the business, its operations or financial position of the Principal Debtor and/or its subsidiaries, and shall ensure that all such reports are accurate, complete and not misleading”

Next Deed

Then in December 2009 an amended DOG was signed with a far extended clause 6.3

Note that Allan Hubbard signed that DOG as director on 11 December 2009.

Death Rattle

And then again Hubbard signed as director, ironically on April Fool’s Day 1 April 2010, a similar extension document. When he was not running the company according to anyone out of the South Island in a “proper, businesslike, efficient or prudent manner”. Not to mention various other questionable exclusions the Crown could exercise if I had more time to rip that DOG apart.

Last Rites

Hubbard was removed as a director on 28 May 2010.

All and all there seems to be enough information in the journalistic domain already to blow these DOG's up with something a lot less demanding than a New Zealand Police issued handgun. So why the corporate welfare for South Islanders?

Deborah Hill Cone called it the “We Love You South Canterbury Finance Scheme”. She was not wrong:

I have been examining the Government's Retail Deposit Guarantee Scheme and it does look a bit like it could be called the "We Love You South Canterbury Finance Scheme". The Government last year announced it was extending the scheme, which was due to end in October this year. Why? There is a suspicion it was specifically because South Canterbury Finance could not be allowed to fail.

Allan Hubbard, described by Tumeke's Tim Selwyn as Mr Magoo, may not cost the taxpayer a $1.7 billion ($1 billion in apparently recoverable "good" debt and $700m being toxic) headache once the government and receivers have got value for the “good” assets remaining from the $1.7 billion Smile and Wave chucked in today, but he deserves a few sleepless nights that he will be having for being such a benevolent fool using other people's money less than prudently.

Rubbing our heads as well A.Hubb

The SFO are investigating all of Hubbard’s affairs, however proving “fraud” will be very difficult as he hasn't really stolen the money he's just led a company that invested it badly - which was the whole point of signing the DOG wasn't it? To cover for finance companies tipping money into property that is currently either illiquid or worth far less than the valuation in the accounts. The irony may be that Hubbard is charged with absolutely nothing significant in relation to any of his affairs.

In which case the Regulators of the finance company industry should be (cough), as well as the auditors who were signing off on valuations and the accountants.

If tax structuring cases were now decided as “frauds on the taxpayer” despite following the technical letter of the law, then it will be interesting to see how Hubbard is slung in the aftermath of what has happened. I am picking he will expire naturally before that occurs.

John Key is expecting the damage to be around $600 million, but he’s a politician so let us double that and add the cost of cranking out the market for risk, we ask who has taken that hit?

Aucklanders have had to, low income families have had to, ask the Hanover “investors” who made the mistake of having men in charge of their companies not as favourable to the politicians eyes as the A.Hubb with a Finance Minister based in the South Island.

Today Bill English loses the Karori Bill tag forever. It is clear that this is a deal struck for South Islanders.

Or was it a deal struck for politicians?

Can we ask now how many of them have money (or their companies and trusts) directly or indirectly tied up in South Canterbury Finance and have benefited in this guarantee rort?

That's the only logical explanation I can think of to get a politician to do something that reading the legal documents, they probably did not have to do.

Update - In this interview with Meier, John Campbell seems to have nailed Maier on television to the cross with his interview. Maier stating quite clearly the DOG was breached:

Asked whether it had been cynically exploiting the government guarantee, Mr Maier replied: "It might have been cynical, it might have been merely incompetent... it probably violated a lot of prudent lending criteria."

Go back to 6.3 of the DOG's and tell me that SCF in the guarantee period was run in a "proper, business like, efficient and prudent manner". It's own CEO, in the final foreign accented "fuck you" to New Zealand taxpayer has now publicly admitted it was not.

There is preference for South Islanders. Bill English is incorrect (well let us face facts - teling porkies) in this interview. The taxpayer did not have to pay SCF anymore than they would have had to for Hanover or Blue Chip. SCF took deposits for and moved $700m (or 41% of total) of their lending to more risky criteria even into the the hyper-risk of mezzanine lending. They breached the guarantee and their own CEO said so.

Bloggers Anonymous

Due to current increasing workloads I have checked myself into Bloggers Anonymous, a support group for recovering bloggers.

Symptoms of sufferers include random posts on a daily basis, lingering at the computer for hours on end, convulsions in the hands, dry mouth, sweaty palms and the constant nagging pain of voicing your opinion online in lieu of yelling the word c*** to describe politicians, celebrities or other dullards or match-fixing Paki cricket scum.

Treatment includes filling ones time with work, spa sessions, endless hours by the pool and jacuzzi and ignoring www.stuff.co.nz, www.nbr.co.nz and www.nzherald.co.nz.

The Great Veuve Clicquot Robbery

Veuve Clicquot in New Zealand have questionable PR. I have no idea who performs the function, however their contract needs to be reviewed and handed to a PR company with a bit more, well......everything......

After nominating Hamilton Mayoral and Council candidate Lisa Lewis for Businesswoman of the Year I am informed by Lisa that they didn't even have the manners to invite Lisa, as a nominee to the Awards Function after the publicity she generated them. This not only upset Lisa, but many in her industry with the treatment of one of their own and with it their profession. Veuve Clicquot display poor form in their corporate behaviour and given the colourful behaviour of their Founder and how she whored her product to Royalty back in the dark ages, you would expect their branding to be a tad more eclectic than to rig competitions with snobbery and little used "we can do what we want so there" terms and conditions.

Many followers of this blog are aware of Busted Blonde's entry and resounding victory in the popular vote for the NBR's 40th 'Win your weight in Veuve Clicquot" competition. Busted Blonde has been informed that while winning the "social media" section and a magnum of VC, she has not won the competition for her ample weight in VC to throw a massive party for the benefit of a charity that she was thinking of at one stage Dress for Success - helping poor women dress nicely with donated clothing so they can feel good at job interviews as they try to better their lot.

Busted Blonde won the competition on popular vote after a massive internet campaign through blogs, twitter and Facebook led by the VRWC. Joe 'the Liar" Holden also competed with vigour to increase the profile of the competition and probably "earn" the NBR more hits on their site than ever. Because lets face it they haven't exactly been stocking up the breaking news stories and ground-breaking commentary as of late.

Whaleoil has all the screen shots with the final vote here

Unlike many free-loading bloggers and MSM I have paid for a subscription to the NBR online as I am I guess part of the demographic they are pitching to - young professionals who spend far too much of their far too large disposable incomes on the NBR advertisers luxury brands. I am also unashamedly extraordinarily right-wing, read a ton of content daily for work and pleasure about business and am capable of putting up with Matthew Hooton in print. The NBR is deemed a right-wing paper. Pfftt, as the Whale would say.

$89 for six months I paid. Happy with their first six months work so I even renewed the subscription.

That will not be happening again unless changes are made.

I can put up with:

a) the NBR adjusting their often award-winning staffers every now and then as they find better jobs,
b) endless Jock Anderson,
c) their dumping of some fine opinion columnists on the online site, and;
d) the hiring of a HOS repeater with a reputation in sludge Matt Nippert.

But what I cannot put up with it a tawdry run competition which had the entire blogging and related Facebook communities, engaging and participating. The amping up of the competition to boost their online stats for advertisers. Then the invoking of the most pitiful of terms and conditions that is evident in every competition in New Zealand right down to a Colgate toothpaste promotion:

"The Promoter reserves the right to change the terms and conditions of this promotion at its discretion. Judges decision is final and no correspondence will be entered into".

It's a disgrace to invoke that term. Something that only a Labour Party LEC would be to resort to. Be as ambigious as possible with any "rules" then make it up as you go along. If such a term was invoked on NBR owner Barry Colman in life he would go red with rage and chuck his toys out of the cot with a mass of expletives.

There are a few things wrong with the competition and how it was run and the drafting of the rules:

a) no specificity as to whether the weight of Veuve Clicquot included or excluded the bottle. This makes a huge difference to the final volume,
b) the extension of the deadline to allow for those reading the Friday 20th August print edition to enter. Problem with that of course is that if they had entered online no one would have had the chance to vote for them, and;
c) the inclusion of the seductive “Leave your suggestions below. The best will be added to our popular vote below. Think fast – the competition closes August 20″. This indicates very clearly that that the selection procedure was by popular vote. If your suggestion was rubbish at that point then it would be elimiated so that no one else actually saw it to vote on it.

Many entrants wanted the Veuve to celebrate their weddings. Two of the top three popular votes from Joe "The Liar" Holden and Michael Havill were begging entries for such. Hardly a deserving or worthy cause given NBR is meant to reach an audience a bit more advanced fiscally than those trying to bludge free piss for their wedding.

So yes, no correspondence may be entered into. However this completely ignores the forum that this competition was run on. The internet. If you wish to have popular votes, spread the word on twitter and Facebook and create hype for your promotion then when you do not pick the clear winner from that forum, then you face consequences on that forum.

Given NBR's propensity for making up their own terms and conditions I would like to draw all online subscribers to terms and conditions that may affect them.

Online subscriptions

Last Christmas 2009 the NBR announced they would be on holiday for a month. As an overseas subscriber online I wrote in the comments that I hoped that payment for my subscription went on holiday for a month as well as I was working the next month. This comment was almost immediately removed from the website however I was told through various people in the know that the issue was to be rectified and credits given for the month.

On May 29th 2010 I received an email from none other than the Managing Editor running the Great Veuve Clicquot Robbery, Todd Scott stating that my six month subscription was due for renewal in 11 days. On receipt of this email I pulled out my own records and found that yes indeed some six months ago I had subscribed to the NBR for six months worth of subscription.

Only I had not actually received six months worth of subscription as the NBR staff went on holiday for a month as they do over Christmas and I did not receive any online content. While it is understood that the print edition closes shop for Christmas and therefore their subscription prices are adjusted for such in the number of editions that a subscriber receives, it was a failure of NBR to understand that online is 24/7 365 days and when I log-in I expect content, new content.

I wrote back to Todd who kindly credited my account with another month before I had to renew it. That is, NBR rectified this anomaly in my circumstance but only because I wrote to them. They had no automatically adjusted for the one month over Christmas.

However with this failure in the Veuve Clicquot to act within terms and conditions and to invoke the "because we feel like it" exception in the terms and conditions, I think it only apt that I invoke the "because I feel like it" exception in my terms and conditions and ask everyone who is an online subscriber to the NBR over a Christmas period to check that you too received one month's worth of credit.

If not I suggest you cut Todd some slack as he will be busy with complaints regarding this competition and write straight to Nevil Gibson. Nevil's email is editor@nbr.co.nz

Update: Below others have joined in voicing their disgust.

Keeping Stock

Gonzo Freakpower

Roarprawn

Whaleoil again

Whaleoil - with Tau invoking the Treaty

Clint Heine

But the biggest coup is one of the most famous wine critics in the entire world has contacted Busted Blonde wanting to know what has happened.

Jumeirah Essex House - New York

I stayed for a week at this often US$400+ a night hotel on 160 Central Park South, right round the corner one assumes from where Dear Leader now lives.

I shared a room with the little (but big) bugger above.

Now far from me to say that a 4+ star hotel where according to Wikipedia, Angelina Jolie owns the Penthouse floor and Jude Law and Samuel Jackson are rumoured to own property, shouldn't have a roach problem......

But on arrival it should have dawned on me of possible hygiene issues when I opened the mini-bar to find no drinks at all, but a prior guests breads, milks and yogurts. This took two phone calls to reception and two hours to resolve a staff member to come and replace it with the standard mini-bar items.

In capturing the cockroach that we shall term "Helen", I grabbed a glass and sat on the carpet waiting for the kill. While down there I noticed a newspaper catalogue under the seat by the bed. It was dated for promotions ending some three weeks before I checked in.

The fully gloved up worker sent in to retrieve the cockroach wanted to leave the glass in the room (for I guess their poor rinse and turn over technique) and leave the body in the rubbish bin. I insisted he take the glass and remove the evidence in his gloves and dispose of it elsewhere for a variety of again hygienic reasons.

I wrote to the hotel via email with my complaints on 9th August to the address on the website. I received an email from an Alexis Totolis on 10th August stating that it was being forwarded to the appropriate department. I then checked out on the 14th August and received an email from the Hotel Manager Dean "silent c" Huntsman, not relating to my complaint but a generic email asking me to review the hotel with the carrot of the chance to win a free weekend there. I emailed him straight back forwarding my original email of the 9th August.

It is now the 22nd August and I am still yet to hear one little bo-peep from them on the issue of hygiene at their hotel.

So I am calling time for their politeness to shine through and there is really only one thing left to do and that is to leave an indelible searchable social media imprint on this crap hotel. Including an Expedia review (just written) and an all inclusive blog post complete with a photo of the captured Helen.

To all those who are planning to stay at the Jumeirah I have one word of advice -

Don't.

Refloating The Whale

Several friends and acquaintances have asked how they can contribute to funding Whaleoil's name suppression case which kicks off next week. Whale's legal team led by gruff grumpy bastard Gregory Thwaite are looking at knocking over as many of the charges as possible. A few have holes in them large enough to drive a truck through so hopefully Thwaite can show the Police and Crown up for the farce that is name suppression.

Here is Whaleoil's post on the issue

"Ok it is time for all those out there who sup­port my stance on name sup­pres­sion to assist with the legal bills. I appre­ci­ate the months of loyal sup­port as I await the slow wheels of our Jus­tice sys­tem to turn. Now I need your cash sup­port, no mat­ter the size, every bit helps, to help with the fight.

It is time to ban the Burqa of our Legal Sys­tem – Stop Pedos and Sex Offend­ers from hid­ing under the burqa.

In just 7 days (25 August) I appear in the Auck­land Dis­trict Court to defend these charges.

I need help to pay the legal bills. The next few days are hec­tic as I pre­pare my defence with my lawyer Gre­gory Thwaite.

My Kiwibank account num­ber, opened this morn­ing for dona­tions is 38–9010-0764240–01

Any sur­plus funds raised will be donated equally between the RSA Wel­fare Fund and the Ex-Vietnam Ser­vices Asso­ci­a­tion, in hon­our of those who fought for our rights to free­dom of speech".

Random Impertinent Honesty

I'm standing at the luggage conveyor in Hong Kong today next to the leader of a Mainland tour group holding a flag.

In semi-sarcasm I ask her why she has a flag. Her answer.

"Because we all look the same".

Eat, Pray, Love versus Drink, Play, Fuck

I don't mind chick flicks. Delving into the minds of some fluffy female waffle put out to satisfy women who stay home all day waiting for men to come home from work.

Women who are always wanting more from life than they ever will actually achieve sitting at home rotting their brains looking after children or pandering to men. Women who never appear that happy and always want someone else's life but don't quite realise the sacrifices that person has made to have it.

That's why chick flicks work - they provide escapism for women who think they can relate to a character and then that character does something amazing so they dream that they too can be amazing. Oprah anyone?

But this folks is Julia Roberts. No one can relate to her. She is weird. And she didn't really do anything amazing in this movie.

I've just seen Eat, Pray, Love and thought many things as I watched it. More sex required....she went to Italy and didn't score a root? She went to India and lived with hippies? Fark Julia Roberts' lips are just well HUGE! Julia was meant to have put 10 pounds on for the movie, where? Like where did she put those? How can you learn a language in three months to be fluent? She travelled to Bali and India and didn't end up violently ill at least once? The best we get by way of illness is a UTI from her first root in a long time? Nothing went wrong in the year away? Oh and she seemed to always carry just one bag. For a year away? Yeah right.

Overall I didn't get it, but I didn't expect to get it. The frightening thing is this appears to be a true story. Eiik.

If I had a year off the last place I would ever want to go is a shitty dive in India. Bali? Yes. Italy? Well not living in the squalor she did.

And that's the difference between men as well as ambitious women, and ones who wish to opt out of life with safe options. The male version of "Drink, Play and Fuck" across Ireland, Thailand and Vegas and is a) far more dangerous and b) would make much better viewing on the big screen.

In Drink, Play, F@#k Bob Sullivan, a jilted husband, sets off to explore the world, experience a meaningful connection with the divine, and rediscover ...more In Drink, Play, F@#k Bob Sullivan, a jilted husband, sets off to explore the world, experience a meaningful connection with the divine, and rediscover his passion.

His travels lead him from his home in New York City to a drinking bender across Ireland, through the glitz and glamour that is Las Vegas, and to the hedonistic pleasure palaces of Thailand.

After a lifetime of playing it safe, Mr. Sullivan finally follows his heart and lives out everyone's deepest fantasies. For who among us hasn't dreamed of standing stark naked, head upturned, and mouth agape beneath a cascading torrent of Guinness Stout?

What could be more exhilarating than losing every penny you have because Charlie Weiss went for a meaningless last-second field goal? And what sensate creature could ever doubt that the greatest pleasure known to man can be found in a leaky bamboo shack filled with glassy-eyed, bruised Asian hookers?

Only in movieland the man would come back after a year, settle down and have 3 children never looking at another woman or drop of alcohol or drugs again. In real life he'd just keep Drinking, Playing and Rooting. Bless.

The highlight of EPL was Spanish actor Javier Bardem playing Philippe. Hot. Hot. Hot. But no he wasn't her Prince:

"I was not rescued by a prince; I was the administrator of my own rescue."

Yeah right.

The lowlight was the self-indulgent shite through the eyes of a woman. The kind that sees them think their experiences are so unique that they have to bore the shit out of everyone not portraying how much wild fun they have for fear of what others think of them, but in exploring her "personal growth" and how the wider experiences made her a "better person".

No one cares about how you have become a better person. People want to see how you've spectacularly fucked up things.

Julia Roberts doesn't look happy in real life as she cuts a lonely, dull form of great body but as interesting as a sack of spuds. Her character in this movie likewise. The woman who will never be happy as she is always looking for that perfect ending to everything. The perfect man, the perfect job and perfect bloody ironing.

Like many women she would be a lot better just not trying so hard and accepting that life can be just one rolling clusterfuck of random actions of fun added together to make what we call living. Clusterfucks I add that are made a hell of a lot easier to deal with when you have loads of money.

Liz in real life probably ended up divorcing Philippe by releasing an 83 page powerpoint of his faults and how great she is to the local Balinese papers, and returning to New Zealand to stand for ACT.

No sequel please. No sequel please. No sequel please.

Black Swan No More

Several bloggers have asked I comment about the departure of Heather "Sitiveni "Roy.

I consider that I already have when I called on her to resign way back in March. When she launched a bizarre strategy to effectively drop Epsom and focus solely on getting 5%. This despite trying for two elections herself to reach that 5%.

She's now calling for ACT to focus on 5% rather than winning Epsom. Hello? The beneficiary of ACT winning Epsom to put her in Parliament is deranged. Haven't we been trying to win that 5% for two bloody elections now? Where she has been campaigning.

Sitiveni is as much to blame for ACT not reaching 5% as anyone in the Party. In 2005 and 2008 she owes her Parliamentary seat for Epsom being won.

I blogged earlier in the year about Heather Roy's amazing ACT conference speech on the Black Swan. My thoughts are still consistent with those words then from Roy herself:

A ‘Black Swan’ is the occurrence of high-impact, hard-to-predict and rare events that are beyond the realm of normal expectations. Despite our hard work and successes, we have already seen the black swans overhead. We will see them again before the next election.

And thankfully several 22's were loaded and the Black Swan was shot when flying past this week.

The only thing surprising about Heather Roy's departure was that it wasn't after the dreadful conference speech. I doubt John Key would have let one of his MP's get away with the behaviour related to that speech.

Bloggers remain surprised at her departure? What is the ACT Party meant to do? Put out a special bloggers release explaining the inner workings of the Party? Call you individually and explain what they are doing? They haven't released details to the MSM, why the hell would they give them to bloggers to post on the internet with rumour and innuendo attached?

Already there have been false allegations and downright fictional accounts of the build-up to Roy's departure. They have to be as many conflict with others. Some have defamed very seriously several members of the Party, some volunteers and very long-serving people. Responsible members of the blogging community have deleted such speculation and comment. As I will if any is attempted in this post concerning Roy or anyone else.

John Key has never explained why Richard Worth was sacked. Key's still Prime Minister. Phil Goff has never released every detail of Chris Carter's disciplinary matter. He's still leader of the Labour Party. But the John Armstrong's of this world now want ACT to air their laundry to him in the name of "accountability"?

The blogging community and MSM of hack political speculators (of which we all are - as insiders in politics can't actually have blogs or write for the MSM about what they know from their position) are demanding ACT to release every detail in relation to an inevitable departure of an errant MP who has already attempted at least one public coup? If you know precisely what has happened in any matter such as Roy's departure, you aren't meant to be telling anyone beyond the release put out by the Party in conjunction with the departing MP. This would ring true for any political party.

I've got no idea what happened this past week in the ACT Party and I have not asked any member or MP of the Party to explain what happened, despite some being very close friends. I suggest however even without this knowledge, I am no more or less enlightened than anyone else printing speculative bullshit on the internet.

Today both Stephen Franks (acting as Roy's advisor) and Rodney Hide confirmed the dispute was over security details of a defence document that ended up not being an issue because Ministerial Services rejected Roy's complaint about his right to take it from her office to read and return. Complaining about your Boss generally isn't career enhancing when the net result is the Boss did nothing wrong.

The difference I guess is that I don't care about Roy's departure and make no apologies for that. The defence document complaint was merely the end of a long line of differences that makes it untenable eventually for the Deputy to stay in that position.

An MP who was unhappy and disruptive has gone on leave for two weeks to think about her future. In any other political party she would have already got the bullet from challenging the Party leader and losing that challenge. Imagine someone in the National caucus challenging John Key and losing? Their nameplate would have been removed and belongings boxed up before they returned from meeting the ninth floor. Yet pro-National Party bloggers are passing judgment on ACT MP's voting to removing Sitiveni from her responsibilities after a period of challenging the Leadership of the Party?

Roy's future is either within her rights as an Independent until 2011 or resigning from Parliament altogether so the next ACT list member can come in and have some experience before the next election. She may try and join the National Party but given her track-record of disrupting the leadership and inability to work for the greater good, the National Party which demands cohesiveness and blind loyalty to John Key, may not be the best home.

Update - Sitiveni is now playing the "bullied woman" card. The Herald obtaining "leaked" documents that seem on first repeated glance only to have come from Sitiveni herself given her reaction.:

"I am concerned that notes I prepared for the Caucus meeting have been leaked. The document was prepared for the Caucus discussion only, prior to the vote on the Deputy Leadership. These were background notes that I spoke to when defending my position as Deputy Leader. Only some of the material was referred to, and the document was not distributed to Caucus members".

Therefore she's actually eliminated other caucus members for the leak.

It is however very difficult to play the "bullied woman" card when a) you are a territorial in the Army, b) pride yourself on being photographed in Army combat gear playing the "tough girl" act and c) actually played the political game and tried to oust your own Leader in your own "bully" act that failed.

It's as silly as complaining that the Penguin and the Whale are bullying me. About as believable given the nature of politics being combative and all.

These actions show clearly that rather than walking away that Heather Roy is now intent on eventually destroying the ACT Party in throwing her toys out because she didn't get her own way.

A true sign of a bully if ever there was one.

I never thought I would say this but Sitiveni is about to make Donna Awatere and Deborah Coddington's exits look like classy scenes from long running Broadway musicals in comparison.

Review - KFC Double Down

This is the PR shot of the KFC Double-down.

This is what the KFC Double-down really looks like

My last night in America has been spent inducing the KFC Double Down. I waited until the last night as reputationally this thing is so disgraced that I feared becoming addicted to it. And with good reason, the DD is heaven and Parekura may just stab himself in the heart to come and try it.

I prepared for the DD by going out last night and receiving a hangover of epic proportions. This makes you hungry for fats and fast food. I then woke up late and did six hours of exercise shopping eating just 4 bits of sushi and a sorbet from Cones on Bleeker. Even at 200 cals an hour burned doing the shopping and walking then that's 1200 cals per six hours. All were needed as the nutritional information states that the DD with the wedges meal comes in at a whopping 540 calories + a huge 32 grams of fat....just for the burger. Throw in the wedges at 260 calories + 13 grams of fat and you get the idea that this is a oncer. In other words post-heart attack, there's no way Tau Henare should even be reading this review, let alone travelling anywhere to eat the DD.

No such issues I guess if you are Busted Blonde and about to win your weight in Veuve Clicquot. If they were available in New Zealand we would be packing these down the old girl morning and night.

I have timelined the challenge with tasting notes:

1946 hours - enter KFC on W14th Street and 3rd Avenue
1956 hours - order a number 9 combo with diet Pepsi (we need the drink calories for the burger)
1958 hours - served
2000 hours - in cab back to the hotel. There's no way I am eating this thing in public and without private conveniences
2012 hours - commenced challenge with breaking the beast down with plastic forks



2016 hours - first half down. Thirst sets in from the dryness of the chicken, downed diet pepsi and balanced with tasty crisp wedges. Note that the cheese resembled yellow American tyre rubber and bacon was scarce throughout the burger with very smokey salty taste. Feel the pain there Mrs "GST exempt healthy food"....Cheese and chicken - both Maori Party GST exempt. Grwwwwllll.



2019 hours - cheese-lead illness slowly setting in
2021 hours - wedges proving to be the star of the show, balancing nicely with the fats from the chicken breast. Arteries filling fast.



2025 hours - all done. Toilet monitoring will follow for timing as to how quickly the DD will not stay down. Grease dripped right through all the paper and on to the wood below



2157 hours - DD burp. Slight backwash.

Overall - this thing is utter packaged awesomeness. In reality it is just two chicken fillets placed together with a bit of yucky gluey cheese and a tiny slash of bacon. KFC rolls are so awful that it's nicer than replacing with their breads. If you are a fan of KFC breast chicken then this is the ultimate in good times. Only issue I am currently having is that I do not actually feel full.

While most women (and myself if I had already eaten today) may struggle to eat the DD combo, I predict most men I know could get through two pretty easily. I reckon David Farrar and especially Whaleoil could push it for three.

Splitting Heirs

Social engineering

Stupid legislation that New Zealand cannot afford. Unless Welfare for Families disappears. Dunne seems to be saying you have to have children to income split.

"It's for parents with dependent children up to age 18 and the definition of parents will be exactly the same as that used for Working for Families and other benefits - married couples, civil union couples, de facto couples."

The problem with income splitting is abound. But the greatest has to be the discrimination against those on the basis of marital/relationship status. What is says is, there's an often large incentive to be in a "relationship" be it good for you or not, than to stay single for the good of your children.

I think of most concern is the large amount of single people is that on one hand they have to pay for the education, health and wellbeing of SOCKs (some other c***s kids), who now have WFF (unless Dunne gasses that), income splitting and then the single person doesn't even get a credit themselves for not breeding a negative taxpayer.

But in terms of equity, childless couples are to become the most common household in New Zealand. Once again they will see the easier ride given to others even though they pay for SOCK's and get no tax credits for that.

But it's not even going to be poor families who benefit. Half of fuck all is still fuck all.

The biggest winners out of income splitting will be no doubt white upper middle class families who have children and one spouse who earns a lot and another who does not. A relatively common instance in say an Auckland household with a professional worker and a homemaker.

Income splitting will give these people more money in the hand which may not actually be Peter Dunne's intention.

Nothing wrong with that.....but Dunne won't be selling it as such. A confused policy from a confused political party.

Two weeks of Pita

If appearing in the Granny is any measure, Pita Sharples has achieved a lot this fortnight. He's supported Black Power's criminal activity on the grounds of Maori spiritual and cultural needs, he's been disgusted, shocked and stated being racist is m...kay, as long as it is your viewpoint.

And at the end of this two weeks and all the talk, what's he actually achieved for Maori?

Timeline in two weeks of a Kaumatua.....

Saturday 14th August

Supports Black Power

Maori Party co-leader Pita Sharples has lent his support to save a Black Power stronghold from being demolished because the gang pad caters for the "spiritual and cultural needs" of Maori.

What is Pita saying? That Maori spiritually and culturally need to be members of criminal gangs? The Black Power do not actually do anything else but perform criminal services such as cannabis growing and drug distribution. Like all gangs, criminal activity is central to how the gang is funded and how the membership is selected in the first place.

Thursday 12th August

Intervenes in NZRU policy which would turn junior rugby into a hakafest

Hiding haka away in the changing sheds is a travesty, says Maori Affairs Minister Pita Sharples.

Dr Sharples said he was "disgusted" by the ban and has labelled it "ridiculous".

No what would be ridiculous is skinny barefooted children performing a haka before every match devaluing it when performed by the All Blacks and national representative sides. Sharples would be the first to complain if the haka was being overused.

Friday 6th August

Fails to take ownership of Maori unemployment

Maori Party co-leader Pita Sharples said the Maori unemployment figures were shocking.

More shocking really is that he's in government and still hasn't done anything about it.

Wednesday August 4th

Hone's not racist as it is his viewpoint

"I don't think it is racist," Dr Sharples said, adding "it is his viewpoint, not ours.".

"I think it's just not divisive at all. It's a viewpoint."

So if a European politician says he didn't want his children bringing a Maori home, it wouldn't be racist as it was his viewpoint and not "ours"?

Rewarding Attempted Theft

People applauding the gutless decision to reduce penalties from overseas student loan borrowers should remember that those "escaping" New Zealand did so with the intention of NEVER REPAYING THE LOAN.

It was a rite of passage for New Zealand graduates to go on an overseas experience (OE) but often there were enormous penalties for those with student loans which stopped them returning, Mr Dunne said.

"We can no longer ignore the fact that many student loan holders are overseas with outstanding loan balances and the incentives for them to return are not that strong."

This is utter nonsense. Everyone I know who has a student loan and returned to New Zealand did so not because of money or debt but because they have family ties there or wish to return with their families. This is the catch that New Zealand has.

I realise that I am a rare case insofar that I have now been away from New Zealand for some 7 years and have no intention of returning to live. Most New Zealanders however do and when they return they bring their family back or spouse to start a family. That is the incentive they all have to return. The whinging grandparents of property rich parents who promise to help their child buy a house if they "just come home".

Rewarding overseas living student loan borrowers now with incentives and discounts from their position of absconding in the first place is just wrong. Almost all will be receiving higher wages overseas than they will when they return to New Zealand so while overseas is the best time to collect the money.

If you left New Zealand with the intention of never repaying your student loan and not keeping up with payments of monies owed by staying out of New Zealand then you are nothing short of a criminal and should be treated as such.

Student loans should NEVER be written off, even after death they should be hunted down to the ends of the earth from estates and beneficiaries. They should stay there on your record and New Zealanders who have the gall to return to the scene of their crime should be stopped at customs and have their wallets shaken down.

Rewarding student loan absconders is an insult and kick in the teeth to the hundreds of thousands who signed a student loan contract and worked hard to repay their loan in adherence with terms of the contract.

They don't need an "incentive" to return anymore than someone with a mortgage needs an "incentive" to repay it. They signed a contract.

It is up to panty-wasting woofters like Peter Dunne to be more aggressive in enforcing the contract.

Update - Kerre Woodham has read my post and agrees. Although her example is stupid as it's quite often the child who stays in New Zealand because they are unqualified to go anywhere else who gets everything for nothing by way of inheritance and the one who goes away and succeeds independently in life who then has no incentive to return as welfare has been shone upon those who are too dull to leave New Zealand in the first instance.

That's exactly the problem at the moment with New Zealand's welfare system and decision for returning expats. Most of New Zealand is on middle class welfare bleeding the inheritance by spending all the money the country is earning and savings that ran out years ago so we don't see any reason now to go back and pay for the continuation of it.

Treat For Readers - Retro Column

I'm often asked what my favourite piece of writing is in a New Zealand publication. I challenge anyone to find a more devastating work than this now 15 years ago from Simon Carr at the time contributing to the NBR.

Carr's piece in reviewing appalling Pinko Bryan Gould's autohagiography was technically only a mere thirty words. The rest were Bryan Gould's as he executed himself as Carr seemed to stand by and watch.

I have referred to it many times on this blog but could never for the life of me find it on or offline. Finally it has been found by a talent archaeological expert and sent to me.

So for the many fans of Simon Carr out there who follow my blog - all I say is enjoy at this marvellous historical work.

Bryan Gould finds the words to say goodbye 

The National Business Review - 3 Nov 1995

"I not only made the team but supplanted the club captain as number one in the team.
"By now I felt at the height of my intellectual powers. I had got a first. My degree was rated at that time as the second-best BCL since the war. I have always had the capacity to look positively at every situation. My lectures were a great success. There was a table tennis tournament which I won.
"At Westminster I quickly made my mark. One had suddenly become a great focus of attention. Now I spoke powerfully on this issue. The fallout from the speech was quite considerable. I would have been, I think, the first of my intake to gain such recognition.
"I became quite confident in my handling of issues across the whole range of macroeconomic policy. Very few understood the issues.
"He nodded thoughtfully and commented that Helmut took the same view.
"I had an appreciative note from Neil Kinnock in reply. I have no doubt that this endorsement of my critique was genuine. As always I worked hard. Mine were the forensic skills and I enjoyed the cut and thrust of debate.
"My very focused views on economy policy meant that I could develop an expertise that few others could match. I felt myself to be at the height of my powers both personally and politically. I was well respected and widely listened to.
"Later that month, I rather embarrassingly succumbed to a moment of vanity. It is almost impossible to know what to do with a large, brightly coloured portrait of oneself. It can't easily be hung in pride of place, as it looks rather vain.
"My expertise was generally recognised. I had realised that if I were to make any progress in the party, I needed political friends. Tribune was, however, a great disappointment. It had changed character entirely and was now merely a vehicle for careerists.
"I was gratified to find that my views and initiatives were often being reported. My standing with my colleagues rose considerably, since there was no one else in the Labour Party capable of understanding the issues. Despite the excitement of my promotion to the shadow cabinet, I was disappointed with the job I was actually offered.
"I found myself in constant demand as a spokesperson for the party in every situation. As I proved that I could handle these situations, Neil's confidence in me grew. We rapidly reached the point where he wanted me to do everything. I in turn formed a new respect for Neil.
"My own relations with my colleagues were good, although it must have been galling to them to see a newcomer attract so much attention.
"Neil turned to me often for advice but more particularly to undertake tasks which he feared might be too difficult for others. I topped the poll by a wide margin.
"For the first time, I think, Neil saw me as a potential rival. Peter was also beginning to believe his own myth. He increasingly saw himself, not without reason, it must be said, as the fixer of party affairs and as Neil's mouthpiece on all matters of importance.
"I often said to friends at about this time that I felt that Neil and I and a few other brave souls were the only ones who had had the courage to beard militant ogre in its den. No one dared really to take me on in argument since, I assume, they realised they would not get the better of it.
"To my surprise, that interview was headline news on the television news programmes. I was even more surprised when my comments were repudiated by Neil the following day.
"My confidence in the prospects of national renewal received a further blow. The dreams I had harboured since childhood of a rejuvenated Britain, perhaps leading the world again as an efficient, humane and democratic post-industrial society seemed unlikely to be realised.
"Returning to New Zealand and to the Waikato region felt like returning home. I discovered that I was in essence a New World person."

It's hard to see how the British Labour Party will survive in the absence of Bryan Gould - we can only be thankful that Westminster's loss is so clearly Waikato's gain.

Somebody Remove His Crystal Ball

STOP BERNARD STOP!!

Just stick to writing about what has happened in business rather than impossible random guessing based on a whole host of multi-variables and "could", "would" and "should".

Family Photo Time

Crying Over Spilt Property

The headline screamed "Families Hit Hardest on Forced Sale Front". The reality was far from it......

The text described a "poor" solo mother who speculated on $17 million of property. Precisely what idiot wrote that mortgage?

At times it's a struggle to get by and she lives on tenterhooks, waiting to see what her future will hold.

"I'm waiting for the knock on the door. I'm living on the edge." Her home could be sold by mortgagee auction at any moment if Dominion Finance receivers chose to action it, she said.

Blub. She took a risk and lost. Had she taken the risk and won she would own $17 million+ more of property. I hope that Dominion Finance sell the home she's put under a trust, the deed is probably a look-through and sham anyhow or she had a personal guarantee over it.

People who take risks are rewarded with profits, in many cases (property speculators) handsome ones. There's no reason a risk of this magnitude should be bailed out or cried over.

Farmer v Thomas - The Postscript

Found these emails floating around yesterday morning as a postscript from the emails released yesterday between Jim Farmer and Ted Thomas....

From E.W Thomas [ewthomas@xtra.co.nz]
Sent: 6th August 2010 6.05a.m
To: 'James Farmer'
Subject: Emails

Dear Jim

I see we have filled the NBR today. That sad little sack Baldwin has done a right job on us. Check his Old Boys record please at the Club. See what damage we can do. Clearly Colman never understood it when we mentioned the Scotch being on fire. We are all in the shit. Fuck Alan, lets bail on the bastard. Bill as well. Desperate I tell you. Desperate. I won't be dragged down by a sinking ship. This is a Titanic clusterfuck right now, we need help.

Ted

My cellphone is 02102525650

EW Thomas

118 Benson Road

Remuera

Auckland 1050

--------------------------
From: James Farmer [jamesfarmer@queenscounsel.co.nz]
Sent: 6th August 2010 8.15a.m
To: ewthomas@xtra.co.nz
Subject: RE: Emails

yes Ted, it's not good. I'm off to Las Vegas for ten days for a bit of R & R with a client. Talk more when I am back. In meantime the CJ has asked me to remind you to refrain from commenting further to the media. Stay off Catherine Ryan (sic). Please Dear God. I've spoken with Colin and he's as silent as usual. Worrying about his grapes at present. In middle of an Appeal.
-----------------------------------
From E.W Thomas [ewthomas@xtra.co.nz]
Sent: 6th August 2010 8.16a.m
To: 'James Farmer'
Subject: RE:RE Emails

Dear Jim

I know you are busy. I remember what it was like in the 90's. Full steam on the blower, exciting making all that new law, the dissent, the conflict. I won't take your non-response in the next personally then. You know how I love to keep in touch now I've hung up those lovely robes. I feel that Alan is still bullshitting throughout and needs a wake-up call.

Regards
Ted

My cellphone is 02102525650

EW Thomas

118 Benson Road

Remuera

Auckland 1050
--------------------------------

From James Farmer [jamesfarmer@queenscounsel.co.nz]
Sent: 6th August 2010 10.23a.m
To: ewthomas@xtra.co.nz
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Emails

Ted, I am reliably informed that Alan has taken some stress leave. Two months. He muttered something to Sian that if it's good enough for that "stinking great poof from West Auckland" then it's good for him.
-----------------------------------

From E.W Thomas [ewthomas@xtra.co.nz]
Sent: 6th August 2010 10.24a.m
To: 'James Farmer'
Subject: RE:RE: RE: RE Emails

Dear Alan

Refer to my email 23 July 2009, don't believe a word that surreptitious cow and that slimey bastard says. For all we know he's down on the farm knee-deep in horse shit. Bloody poofs.

Ted

My cellphone is 02102525650
EW Thomas
118 Benson Road
Remuera
Auckland 1050

-------------------------------
From James Farmer [jamesfarmer@queenscounsel.co.nz]
Sent: 6th August 2010 11.45a.m
To: ewthomas@xtra.co.nz
Subject: RE: RE: RE:RE: RE: Emails

Jed

I will take that under advisement but believe you may be over-reacting like that Siemer?

Relax and go somewhere warm for the winter. Thinking of you when I am on the Strip knee deep in ...............

Regards
Jim

------------------------
From E.W Thomas [ewthomas@xtra.co.nz]
Sent: 6th August 2010 11.46a.m
To: 'James Farmer'
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Emails

Who the fuck is Jed?

Siemer's site is good reading for those long afternoons. Shame the prick went on a hunger strike, else we could have put a call in with Corrections to starve the fucker. I suggest we have lunch before you leave for Vegas.

I've only informed Margaret, my son and brother and all the chaps at the Club now about what's happening (all in confidence). And the tea lady at the shops at Vic Ave. I've known her for years, shouldn't be an issue. She's from the area.

Ted

My cellphone is 02102525650
EW Thomas
118 Benson Road
Remuera
Auckland 1050
-------------------------------------
From James Farmer [jamesfarmer@queenscounsel.co.nz]
Sent: 6th August 2010 12.55p.m
To: ewthomas@xtra.co.nz
Subject: RE: RE: RE:RE: RE: RE Emails

See you Ted, doors are closing on the plane now. Please do not talk to the media while I am gone. Sian's people will be in touch. Please keep quiet and play it straight bat.

xx
----------------------------------
From E.W Thomas [ewthomas@xtra.co.nz]
Sent: 6th August 2010 12.56p.m
To: 'James Farmer'

cc: cactus.kate@hotmail.com

cc: lbaldwin@nbr.co.nz
Subject: RE:RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Emails

Cunt

My cellphone is 02102525650
EW Thomas
118 Benson Road
Remuera
Auckland 1050

DPF Papped in Miami

David Farrar is blogging for his Kiwiblog from Austria, so he says. I have reason to believe that he is in fact right here in Miami with his family on Jungle Island.

DPF wearing his National Party colours

DPF speaking to the large crowd in attendance about New Zealand's political system.

DPF with relatives on holiday

Sharples Owns Nothing

The disgrace of the Maori Party and Pita Sharples continues.

First up this week was the Hone Harawira comments (again) that if a European politician made about Maori there would have been instant expulsion resulting. But Hone's racist comments were (again) written off as "Hone being Hone".

But the worst did not come from Honest Hone, the disgrace was Pita Sharples comments on hearing Maori unemployment has again increased.

The Honest Hone truth is that Maori labour is still underqualified and overvalued for the New Zealand marketplace which is becoming more internationally drive. Many Maori who go to tertiary education waste their time and everyone else's money doing courses that are easy, trendy and hip and therefore worthless in the job marketplace. Maori, despite advantages afforded to them are still desperately hopeless as a Group to find employment or create their own employment. Sharples puts it down to not being enough jobs.

Maori Party co-leader Pita Sharples said the Maori unemployment figures were shocking.

"It's terrible, that's about all you can say really," he told reporters.

"It's a reflection of the times, and for many Maori it's last on, first off in any crisis."

Dr Sharples said training opportunities for young Maori would help "but when there are no jobs, there are no jobs".

But he didn't think the situation was hopeless and the Government had created programmes which were helping.

Maori have become the basket cases of the South Pacific developed countries. Some 16.4% are unemployed (doesn't count the DPB and sickness beneficiaries). Despite resources over the years that have been showered up on them over any other racial group.

I put it down to all those years of hands up, subsidies for employing Maori and educational preferential treatment and Maori leaders have STILL no answer for their problem. That's right, the Maori Party are in Government. They have been for two years. Treaty claims have been settled, the Iwi have the money to create their own jobs. They have their own resources to manage and attribute Maori employment to. Still nothing positive to show.

Maori unemployment is Pita's problem.
Maori disgraceful domestic violence statistics are Pita's problem.
Maori's disgraceful child abuse statistics are Pita's problem.
Maori crime statistics are Pita's problem.

You want tino rangitiratanga, your own named race-based political party, you want to be allowed self-governance and control, you want the rest of New Zealand to butt out and leave you alone - then you have to own your own problems.

Continually Pita seems to own nothing, be responsible for nothing.

Words That Haunt

Sent in by an avid reader.....

K1W1 Sighting

I'm in Miami at the moment staying at South Beach.

The hotel I'm at has prime view at the bar across the beach volleyball court. Yum. As the day cools down at 5pm out come the speedoed masses strutting on the court. And down I go to the bar. Fabulous. Yesterday there was even a few men with schlock pockets. The underwear that keeps their schlong in a pouch. Aussie Bum make the best. Usually worn as underwear but these perfect adonises wore them as bathing suits. Heaven.

So anyway I'm happy drinking the stupidly priced beverages, eating the ridiculously priced food at the horrendously priced hotel. I wake up every morning to fine weather and a front seat oceanfront view of South Beach. And I'm on holiday so there's no work to do.

Disaster however has struck as some fellow countrymen (K1W1's) ended up at the hotel.

It took me back to age 15 and the first time I went overseas with my parents to Hawaii. FOCK (Father of Cactus) was unschooled on the art of travel, tipping and the sophistication of the US of A where you fight for everything then pay for it. It wasn't embarrassing at age 15. I was just excited not to be in Waihi for holidays.

Today it was a flashback - parents with two teenage kids. The twang, as I looked down and saw the father's hands. I nodded in recognition he had to be a farmer. "Oh how do you know"? Yeah giveaway was the combo of the badly kept cracked hands and dirty nails and the comment "geez it's a bit pricey here Dear". The sentence rattled in my head as if I'd been clobbered over the head with a tube of steel.

I don't know who put the family at the hotel. It was carefully chosen by me not to be family friendly. Grossly over-priced, too hip, g.a.y. and continental for farmers. But anyway they were there and it was my task to ensure as flag bearers for the nation they did not embarrass us heading into RWC year. I put it down to my role (I'm sure approved by Rt Hon John Key), as an Overseas RWC Ambassador 2011.

I distracted the wife by informing her and the daughter of the volleyball match and to look 1 o'clock. They were taken care of in examining the players form and giggling. The husband and his son were another matter. The son was as dense as a bit of plywood crica most sons of farmers so needed to be especially ignored, for fear he may think he actually mattered in life. As is usual, the sister had received most of the IQ and charm to realise sheep weren't to be used as sex objects. The husband tried all sorts of strategy to get away with not paying tips and commenting how it already was overpriced.

After a few minutes I less than politely informed him of the ways of the world, that all the waiters and waitresses in South beach look like models from a catwalk and that beauty costs to maintain. If he wanted ugly waiters and waitresses he should fuck off back to where he came from because he was surrounded with some of the hottest corporate servants that your 18% compulsory tip could buy. Oh and that the US was in the worst recession since war times and with the high NZ dollar and his returns from a silly payout past and future for a beverage so useless it's not even in our drinks, he needs to just shut the fuck up or return to dodge as it was time the rest of the world came and gave them a bit of a hand, especially as many were immigrants from Poland, Russia or countries where they don't let the ugly people leave. Also I asked why the hell he chose South Beach and this hotel if he was clearly as tight as a heifers arse. If the room rate was pricey, the bar was going to be not worthy of looking at the menu.

Like any rural NZ male, he didn't take kindly to the serve and had a tanty. To which I treated him like any other NZ rural male, total disdain and laughed at him as I knew in the meantime his wife was getting stuck into my Laurent Perrier and not going anywhere. Bless. With the perve factor a 10 in that volleyball court, she was my new best friend. She was clearly a prospect for the Corkery brothel. I don't think they'd had sex since Bolger was Prime Minister.

I sent Mr Tightwad up to find somewhere cheaper to drink and to text the Mrs when he had an address. This was his critical schoolboy error. I told Mrs not to worry he wouldn't be back before we had stuck another bottle of LP on his room bill....well we stuck two on the room. The dumb arse got completely lost, well I stick to that story as I turned Mrs cellphone off (hehe) the kids went to the pool and once again it was left to women to make their own fun. She was reasonable value, having actually worked on the farm so wasn't a city ring-in. When drunk she admitted her husband was an arsehole and the whole marriage was only manageable by an annual holiday. I told her next year to go to New York. Oh, and to wait until farm values had increased again to record levels before leaving him. She understood the value of such legal advice to be paid in Laurent Perrier. I don't think the poor woman had experienced a night out since Shipley was defeated by Clark.

Sadly I had to leave them to go out further. But we are meeting up again tonight at the bar. That's if he lets her out.

Awesome Shops Of The World

I enjoyed a bit of window shopping today in Miami.

Art by God breaks every namby pamby PC rule in the book, but today I found it and what a palace of complete and utter awesomeness.

At the door there is a large sign not to take pictures. But I snapped a few from outside in because, well I couldn't help it.

Those of us who love animals, love them dead just as much and imagine a lifesize alligator strewn across your home (look for it on the roof in the pictures behind the boring crystals)? Awesome. Or an 8+ foot grizzly bear (look for him by the door)? Awesome.





We at ArtByGod represent a philosophy of Natural Art as it is intertwined over eons of geological time where plants and animals have concentrated the earth’s riches through the processes of the life after centuries of burial. This Mineral life form is available and it is ArtByGods goal to encourage ones acquisition of what intrigues your eyes and mind; to behold earth's history, science and secrets from nature’s laboratories!

In other words - our stuffed animals are just awesome.

From full size Springboks, to piranhas, zebras, cobras, skulls, turtles, buffalo and every rare animal that you could think of. All reasonably priced. Even the bear was only US5k, the most expensive item I found in the shop.



May be a little difficult getting such through customs in your home country but I'm pretty sure that all the animals were already dead before being found in the wild and stuffed so didn't suffer.

Wham, Bam, Thank You Pam

I don't know if the rumours are true, Pam Corkery is my Facebook friend and she's not letting on. But the mercurial eclectic former politician and talkshow host is allegedly opening a brothel....catering to female clientele.

The hundred thousand dollar question I guess for every woman is, would they use a male prostitute or escort and visit a brothel to do so?

I never have, but the answer for me, is a good honest - if it was easily available and well promoted in a safe environment - hell yeah. Why not? It is less expensive than a bottle of Ruinart. This Adagio referred to in the article sure is. And he makes house calls.

Conceptually women turn their nose up at paying for sex. They think they can just go to the bar and get it or tinkle it up among friends.

Well you can and..... you can't.

Most women if they scrape the bottom of the barrel can score a root on any given night, if not on internet dating. But as with everything in life, a quality root is a little different. Male clientele believe in quantity and spreading the seed, female clientele using this service would be after quality.

Women would not be paying for sex. They would be paying for good sex.

One would suppose that male prostitutes and escorts are quite good at their job. My version of good being, lasting more than, ergh say 20 to 25 minutes and registering width, girth and knowledge of what to do with it to make a woman happy about the experience.

So immediately if Pam can provide men who meet this criteria, then we may have a winner. Train them (and training would be fun wouldn't it?), to realise that sex is all about a woman having a good time rather than a man selfishly getting his bit, popping his load in two minutes, two seconds and feigning falling asleep and hello, we have a real winner. Wendyttle's bored housewife mates from Grey Lynn would be queuing at the door for a good hard honest shag. Pammy's Pad may very well change the way men look at visiting prostitutes. How do you think they'd feel their wives trotting off to male workers? Hmm....

Because Whaleoil is effectively an older sister to me in this and many matters, we have discussed already in detail. He introduced to me the term - "dud root". Generally defined as a man who doesn't worry about a woman having a good time when rooting. This "dud root" concept has life, in so far that none of Pammy's posse could be dud roots else women would be demanding their money back....and we would. They would also have to be like their female colleagues, be attractive, clean and well shaven.

There could be no dud roots or hairy, pot bellied he-beasts. Corkery should charge a base rate per half or hour a little lower than what female prostitutes receive, on top of that however there could be an orgasm fee of say 20-30% equivalent to a tip that a woman would pay if she received genuine pleasure from the experience. There would be no point would there faking orgasm when you've paid for the sex?

The real advantage of a woman paying for sex would be safety, as say over cruising the internet on those dreadful sites. The first time you meet and think about having sex with a man, you have to ponder important issues as will he volunteer to wear a condom? Does he have any filthy fetishes that repulse you? Is he married and lying about it?, will he call again? Added to that the time and economic cost of trying to look good when you go out. New clothes, make-up, hair......paying for a root just seems far more economical.

And the dud roots of this world could stay happy as well. Anyone married to a dud root could stay married to him, and pop off to Pammy's knock shop a couple of times a week for proper happy time, toe tickling sex.

Married women would no longer have to put up with Mr Softie, Mr Inattentive, Mr Always Drunk and Mr Dud Root. The problem is that when they have proper sex again their husband may get the boot altogether I guess. Too many women I speak to in their 40's and 50's are putting up with Dud Roots and not particularly happy about it either. Women in their 20's will put up with dud roots - they don't know better, as you move into your 30's and early 40's more of us are just simply asking, why bother?

Brothels for female clientele are definitely a concept whose time has come. A chain of such brothels would shake the foundations of how men view going to women for sex (if their wives are doing same with men) and with it the sex industry because of it.

Just make sure Pam that you serve good champagne and a well designed bar area so the place doesn't resemble West Auckland or that dreadful KK Club.