Young Nats Seek To Expel White, Heterosexual Blonde Chick

What the hell is going on with the Young Nats?

Tsk, Tsk.....

"There are people that have issues with her and they are discussing that with the board and I suppose expulsion could be one possibility. The only organ in the party that has the power to do that is the board. They haven't been formally approached yet."

But if she's expelled from the Young Nats doesn't that mean she is expelled from the Party?

The Young Nats (predominantly white males) are seeking to use the senior Party Board structure to expel one of their only young, white, very keen, heterosexual blonde chicks. What are they? A bunch of ........well? What does one say? You would expect her to be expelled from Labour, but come on boys? You never expel females no matter how much you hate them as females come with female friends to parties and things like that...you think?

But people join the Young Nats to have fun too, to be a part of something with others who share similar ideas, to makes friends and to network with people who influence the direction of New Zealand.

Sure. Right. Until we don't like you. Then we will dump all over you without a fair trial.

I have met Emma Mellow. She's probably not everyone's cup of tea and we are not close friends, just on the BookFace together. She's incredibly (like 100% worse than Nikki Kaye) intense and passionate about the National Party and politics in general and made me run to the hard liquor thinking a young person is quite that interested in politics before they've even paid a net amount of tax. She's however a brilliant little networker (1,105 Facebook friends and emailed a friend of mine within seconds of meeting him how pleasant it was to meet him), looks like a hard-worker who follows orders from Seniors well and probably the very sort of enthusiastic "true believer" that has powered the National Party since 1936. And she shaves her armpits, smells nice and isn't a Pinko.

And she's 20 years old. Twenty folks, 19 when this was unfolding. You have expel a 20 year old rather than manage the situation? How embarrassing.........for you....

If the test is irritation, half the Young Nats wouldn't last their first meeting. For heaven's sake the National Party is such a broad church that Tau Henare is allowed in after his stain of NZ First. You are a Party that seeks 50% of the vote. You cannot afford to exclude people.

Winston Peters was a member of the National Party and to my knowledge even he wasn't expelled, despite various acts of treason. In fact here is a question for historians (David Farrar), please provide a list of the broad church National Party of expelled members?

Chris Fletcher (treason and crying) - not expelled
Gilbert Myles (treason) - an excellent one arm bandit as well I hear
Hamish McIntyre (treason)
Michael Laws (treason)
Maurice Williamson (took out Bill English)
Marilyn Waring? Anyone?
Bill English - if he was coach of the North Korea World Cup squad he would have been taken out the back and shot (twice) after being thumped by Helen Clark.

Young Nats - this is a really large FAIL. You can't boot out members just because you don't like them. The National Party way is to use and abuse these people, take their campaign donations and never promote them into positions of power after using and abusing them for 30 years. Don't they teach you anything in Young Nat school?

What will the Young Nats executive alumni think of such stupidity? The likes of Tim Hurdle, Shane Frith, Grant Tyrrell and Sarah Borrell, Mel Davis (bless) anyone? Back in the good old days when girls were welcome. If only to manage the ironing of Carrick Graham's shirts for the conferences. David Farrar is a life member. There is no way in hell David would have expelled any woman, let alone any blonde on the off chance they had really hot friends. This is the Young Nationals tradition.

If you seek to boot out members you have to at least give them a fair trial at the meeting you are booting them out from. And they have to smell bad and show strong signs of pinkism. I've seen the minutes of your meeting on 27 July 2010. The eight attendees at this farce follow:

Daniel Fielding (President), Zach Castles (Vice President), Sam MacDonald (National Secretary/ Canterbury Westland), Oliver Ibbetson (National Policy Chair), Shaun Wallis (National Treasurer), Sean Topham (Northern), Chad Wallace (Central North Island), Lauren Brazier (Lower North Island).

Note Emma wasn't at this meeting and there was no minuted process or description as to what she was meant to have done. The meeting wasn't in committee at that point either so the discussion should be minuted. You think?

5. . Matters Arising

Matters arising - regional proposal of expulsion to a Membership

That the Board consider the motion by the Northern Region, for the expulsion of Emma Mellow from the Young Nationals.

Moved: Daniel Fielding Seconded: Zach Castles Abstained: Lauren Brazier, Oliver Ibbetson, Liam Kernaghan CARRIED

Senior party - I don't care what Emma Mellow did, send a message that you enjoy the company of young, blonde, reasonably attractive heterosexual women and send this request to the bin where it belongs. And revisit the role of the Young Nats while you are at it. Embarrassment.

Does Emma even know what she is supposed to have done? How Constitutional was the Young Nats motion to even expel her? We don't know as I can't find the Constitution online, it's clearly so important. I would be revisiting this before the Constitution was forwarded for a good solid arse riping.

You talk as Young Nats about democracy and process in VSM debates and you expel a member without her being present to answer these allegations? In your own words: "It is unfair, undemocratic, and unacceptable".

Peter Goodfellow should be on the phone about now if he was any sort of President apologising to Emma and pleading for a young, blonde, heterosexual chick who actually genuinely loves politics (Lord knows why after this) to stay with the Party volunteering her time and energy.

She will probably end up a Cabinet Minister and when she does I am sure that karma will be a bitch for those who plotted against her.

Update: I am reliably informed the Young Nats are going to write a "stern" letter to me asking me to remove this post. One word for you - don't. I am not a member of the National Party or beholden to them in any way. The MSM (well and after the Maori TV coverage - pretty much everyone else in the country) already think you are a bunch of turd-burglars and you will just elongate their coverage. Remember people inside your organisation leaked these minutes everywhere, including the MSM.

Update 2: Life Member of the YN David P. Farrar gives you all a good serve here "Silly Young Nationals". Will you revoke his life membership now? Or send him a "stern" letter?

Update 3: Blair Mulholland returns to blogging and asks what the hell the Young Nats are doing as well?

Update 4: Clint Heine gets stuck in with a good suggestion.

Cocktail Interlude - Don't Vote for Me

Before I head off to 4pm happy hour at the beach bar, just want you to all vote for Busted Blonde on the NBR 40th birthday celebrations.

The winner gets to drink their weight in Veuve Clicquot. But don't vote for me. I spotted a far worthier contestant.

Reasons that BB should win (and she won't mind me saying so)

- there will be a FUCK of a lot of champagne!

Her entry here:

I weight heaaaps! So on the back of my successful 50th birthday in Wellington where I fed 50 people on Lobster and Bluff Oysters, I would hold a " Just be cause you can" kick arse picnic on a pontoon in Frank Kitts Lagoon. However, everyone would have to dress up and pretend to be complete wankers - which shouldnt be too hard!

VOTE HERE

The Grumpy Travellers Revenge

I have not been writing much lately because I have been travelling. So stop the comments about lack of output. I have lived out of the suitcase since the last week of June.

I quite like travelling. So it hasn’t been a hard decision to leave the laptop in the carry-on bag and sleep on flights rather than produce anything. I just can’t be bothered.

This year, more than any I have been a grumpy traveller. Due to my efficiencies I can now navigate pretty well around Miami International Airport, Heathrow and JFK, along with LAX the four airport hells on earth. It’s a shame that others cannot and see the need to get in my way. Everywhere get in my way.

“Priority access” is given to AA travellers who pay extra to travel in First or Business class. “Priority” is not given out freely to obese families of six who part their 15 pieces of luggage in the way then demand “why she getting in ahead of us?”. There’s a reason “she” is getting in ahead of you and you should all know it. So move the fuck out of “she’s” way.

“She” also has an APEC card. The panache in airport travel around Asia. A little known fact of the APEC card is that it gets you up the diplomatic lane coming into the USA at hells on earth such as Miami and JFK. It’s not hard to get an APEC card, you just have to travel lots, pay a fee, wait and be organised. And that is where most travellers I find fall down - they have the organisational skills of a Kindergarten teacher.

“She” also can pack a carry-on bag to open it up and take out contents that are required in 2.2 seconds, including liquids bag, slip on shoes and the absence of belt buckles. “She” also takes off jewelry in advance that is known to set off machines. She doesn't wear a belt, carry offensive weapons, wear a baseball cap on backwards and have slang such as "Baby Phatz" on her jacket and carry a fake Puerto Rican dummy for adults. Seriously, adult sized dummies for these wiggers to suck.

Most of middle and lower America doesn’t understand these basic points of travel.

And when you are grumpy you have to choices with a blog:

a) Whaleoil style: where you write out your most intimate thoughts on the internet about matters that to others seem trivial as you appear to chase your tail getting more and more worked up.

b) my new style: silence in acceptance.

I am aware that, like the personal trials and problems of all bloggers, no one gives a shit about my travel problems.

There you are reading my blog in work time contemplating the thankless tasks of your day, the last thing you give a shit about is how I had a bad time in Miami International Airport getting to a destination infinitely more exotic than say Westmere on a Wednesday evening. I apologise for emailing friends that do not share the current attached wings that I have, with these stories. I realise you do not give a flying fuck and are possibly more worried about how to get home between public transport and rain puddles as to avoid the latest bout of flu.

I am also aware, unlike Mr Kiwiblog, that you probably don’t wish to see every bowel movement as I check in and go through an airport. Quite why this Facebook application exists called “Four Square” I have no idea but DPF has fallen quite horridly under its spell. Where Wednesday at 6.39pm we saw that David was boarding NZ39, Gate 3. It was probably more interesting than Wednesday at 4.12pm where at Gate 17 DPF was “Getting Scanned”. I get scanned a lot. It’s not something I wish to share. Is there a function for “Getting patted down”? Spud no doubt would have a smiley face for that.

David Farrar Boarding NZ39

Gate 3

David just checked-in @ Gate 3

What the fuck? I draw the line at Four Square. It's like Twitter. Too much.

I spent two weeks in Auckland getting very drunk. There’s no point blogging the details of such as, well, getting drunk is kind of uniform isn’t it? Preparation, execution and suffering the next day. What made my two weeks remarkable I guess is that I never once had a hangover. A friend reminded me if you keep drinking there's no such thing as a hangover.

I then spent two weeks (11 nights) not drinking. This time spent was equally as unrecordable. I am sure I will live longer for the break, well maybe I will, in any case it just seemed to go longer. Most of that two weeks I have carried with me traveller's bugs that I am sure you don't wish to read about. If I worried about it that much I would have popped an Imodium by now.

Doubters tell me that I must get sick of travelling. I have had many hours on planes to think about this and the answer is I don’t.

The alternative is sitting at a desk checking on the weather to Westmere.

On that note you shall next hear from me when I’ve stopped travelling long enough to find something else to write about. Here is the view from my hotel room currently.



On the right is a beach bar and I can hear the happy hour blender.

Slow News Day

When it is reported that Barry Soper got DIC'ed.

It is far more of a story that he remained silent.

"We've spoken about it and Barry has acknowledged that drink-driving is an issue in New Zealand and he's made a mistake. The only other thing I would say is that he's stepped up and taken responsibility for the matter."

Oh please....Soper is a political reporter, not a rolemodel for thousands of young children making a living out of a reputation for health and clean-living. Why on earth would he have to acknowledge that drink-driving is an issue in New Zealand, like he's some sort of law-maker?

At 99mgs he was barely over the limit anyway and at his age can probably drive better at that reading than a younger person stone cold sober. The drink-driving wowsers are out again. More people are killed by bad driving than drunk-drivers.

Newstalk ZB general manager Dallas Gurney said he was aware of the conviction and he "counselled" Soper on the matter.

Yes, a "Bad Barry, go on another long lunch with Richard (insert surname) here's a taxi chit to get home" would be about it.

Candidate Endorsement - Super City

I used to find Cameron Brewer incredibly irritating. He would pop up everywhere like a snot grovelling Tory. A cross between Paul Henry and Mr Bean if you like. In your face, superficiality. No real career in the private sector, a business union rep if you like.



But all that changed when Cameron Brewer did what I never thought he would do - he branched out on his own and gained his dignity back.

He has quit the safety net of his job as dashing Newmarket business cheerleader. Quit. To campaign not for Crusty & Rusty (C&R) as the "establishment" would have him, but as an Independent.

YES!!!

He has turned his back on some of the worst candidates that C&R have trotted out for years and said - "I am not going to be a part of that". He is not waiting his turn like a snot grovelling Young Nationals member or junior wanna be Councillor. The kind that preach "we need more young candidates", which is code for - "I want a token youth seat of my own" Cameron's trying it on his own. Let us applaud that.



It is a disgrace that the best candidates C&R thought they could run were recycling the likes of Chris Fletcher and Marie Hasler. Little wonder younger people like Brewer have turned their hand and said "no thanks" to promoting their campaigns. I hope more follow, but doubt many have the intestinal fortitude or appetite for risk to break away from the big spending pink-tory's of C&R.

Brewer will be a better Councillor as an Independent than Hasler or Fletcher. Two has-beens who surely should never have been in the first place. If Chris Fletcher is the answer, what was the question again?

So all the best to Team Brewer. Facing an uphill struggle to win a Council seat but win or lose he's kept something not many candidates will at the Council elections - their dignity.

You won't find me endorsing anyone else for the Super City elections. Most of the candidates are utterly awful thus far. But I will always support an independent right-wing candidate of principle.

C.Brewer is now that man.

Disclosure: - Have never met C.Brewer or communicated with him other than accepting a Facebook friend request several days ago.

Travelling Not Ill

Currently I am under basic house arrest for business purposes at Lord Ashcroft's 2 and a half star Inn.

The highlight of my day is stonegrill cooking. Then recovering from the undercooked chicken/peanut sauce from my stonegrill cooking.

There are no other highlights.

Three more sleeps and the house arrest is over.

As Reported Last Week

Slow-time reporting

Only takes the MSM five days to catch up from last Thursday.

A broking industry source said NZX had attributed the latest delay to minor technical issues concerning system testing and finalising regulatory matters.

What regulatory matters one may have asked?

Subsequent interaction: Adam Bennett has emailed quick smart and explained that "It was written for Saturday's paper but there wasn't enough room".

Best thing about a blog is that there is always room.

The Perils of China

Smeltz bad

The Gold Coast Bulletin reported today that Smeltz had decided it would be impossible for wife Nikki and his two children to settle in Jinan, 400km south of Beijing.

$300k for living 400kms out of Beijing clearly isn't enough for Mrs Smeltz to put up with living on the Mainland. Men can live pretty much anywhere, it is almost always the wife who pulls the pin on expat living. An issue of "it's me or China" must have been made and Smeltz was pussy whipped into returning to minimum wages in Australia.

National Ban Blogger

Banned by his own

Whaleoil has now morphed into what he hates - a true journalist.

Imagine the street cred that a journalist would receive for having their media accreditation declined? There would not be a journalist of any vintage at the conference that has received such treatment.

Kevin Taylor is an idiot. He's now just given oxygen x 100 to the very person he was trying to shut down. Blessed is John Key for when the honeymoon is over and the polls start going down he's going to have to turn to this twit to keep the ship together.

Instead of banning pinko journalist from sitting in the media section Taylor's banned New Zealand's most aggressive and completely out of control in every way blogger.

Who also happens to be a long-time National Party supporter.

Clearing House or a need to Clear the House?

After two weeks on holiday I can safely report that we are to resume normal transmission. Where does a girl start?

Back with Speedo Weldon and NZX of course.

The clearing house project has been a barking dog for NZX and I've written extensively on it. In February 2009 they even admitted it was a stuff up. The date was extended to "late July 2010".

Rumours are abound that NZX has however yet again delayed the kick off of the clearing house.

The latest reason for the delay that industry insiders are spewing over is an alleged overlooking the need to get a license to operate. The Reserve Bank said yes which means that Speedo seems to have forgotten about the Compliance Issues to get a license to operate.

However this seems to conflict with what was said back in May, which of course we have no reason to doubt whatsoever:

Final application forms were signed off by the NZX board yesterday and submitted to the Securities Commission and Reserve Bank, he said.

So what is really holding up the ship this time? Time being more money and all.

Meeting Rare and Beautiful Creatures

Bloggers, like any other publisher and producers of commentary in print have to be wary that one day it is only natural that you have to meet a subject of your work in person. To ensure a safe environment and less of a scene you must accept with the same humour any comments made to you as the subjects should have originally with yours.

I am often asked what happens when I meet in person someone I have lampooned via the blog and to be entirely fair to subjects, without exception all to date, even Pinko politicians have been wonderful and taken any writing of mine about them in spectacular humour. This good humour of course makes it a million times harder to ever write anything again about the subject that isn't glowing. Many ask to be a subject of a follow-up blog post and receive another Cactusing for their own publicity.

A mischief maker decided however it was time I was introduced to the crispy breakfast cereal that is the Special Gilda K. When I spotted this highly volatile creature of the late-night I braced for a Wendyttle of an experience.

Many years ago (2006) I scribed a review in complete admiration of a brilliant Metro article written about the Orakei Housewife that was an execution of her own words. It was rumoured she was a tad upset about the blog post, especially my inclusion of words regarding hookers, although I never called her one at all. To be perfectly honest I remained astonished that she reads beyond the pictures. No one outside Central Auckland actually has any clue who Gilda is, adding to the air of mystery surrounding her. Her brand GK is very urban-centric between the co-ordinates of Orakei and Ponsonby, surprisingly her appeal hasn't broken into the provinces to date.

I am by the way, a strong supporter of hookers and the Prostitutes Collective. Early this year I nominated one Lisa Lewis for the 2010 Veuve Clicquot Businesswoman of the Year. It's a good honest profession to be in and now perfectly legal to take money from men for performing escort and voluntary sexual services. I respect Lisa for what she does and the work she puts in to ensure her body is in condition to make usually much older men happy and appear as a social accessory for business and networking purposes. Auckland has plenty of hookers of the neo-age and traditional variety.

You approach a subject like Gilda as David Attenborough approaches a small, beautifully manicured but potentially highly toxic animal like say, a puffer fish. It is important to ensure you show no signs of fear, watch and cover for all signs of movement and the surroundings because there is nothing worse than being circled by an entire school of puffers that requires you to make a scene in verbal or physical defence of yourself. You do not deliberately harm the puffer with an attack as did Wendyttle because the poison may break out at any moment leaving unsightly stains.



Gilda remained reasonably calm with the pseudonym introduction and exchange of pleasantries until I commented how little she was. Most sensible women would take this as an extreme compliment from another woman. She makes even the ubiquitous party promo girls look large.

Perhaps like Jim Bolger when even he as Spud tried to meet the mind of Gilda, she misinterpreted the compliment intended but swooshed in one rather unelegant movement up on her feet in the same way the puffer expands its body to warn of predators, her skirt to the glee of male onlookers not quite following her amazing childlike frame. Standing at this point taller than myself thanks to shoes of much higher altitude I looked at her tiny feet as her heels remained precariously perched almost over her toes. I wondered at the extreme mad scientific experimental mix of chemistry, biology, physics, accrual accounting and trickle-down economics that is The Gilda.



Rather than walking away or ignoring me, as I wasn't speaking at this stage, or simply carrying on a conversation with the pleasant man next to her, Gilda then launched a rather unusual stuttering tirade of reasonably irrelevant abuse that I translated between the accent, as "I am not a fan of your blog". I remained completely unmoved by this non-revelation. I don't expect Tariana Turia, beneficiaries, Mark Weldon or Chelsea supporters to be fans either.

Given she wisely did not further physically advance at me I calmly observed her movements as the Queen puffer circled around like a one-armed freestyle swimmer in one-way argument with herself before blowing out having nothing left to say and leapt into verbally abusing someone else in attendance.

Like a recreational angler does when they have the rare experience of accidentally landing a puffer, I stood quietly, admired its unique performance and form, smiling all the way through and then simply let it back off the hook unharmed into its own environment when it had provided enough entertainment for someone else to play with.

Youth MP's - Why Encourage Monsters?

Seriously, why encourage it?

We don't let children into jail to be mentored by criminals, what planet would allow wanna be troughers in to learn from their masters?

And they always seem to pick goody-two-shoes geek children.

This one personifies what we should be thinking of youth MP's.

Cactus Kate To Resume Illness

Back to it then.

Out To Get Ya!

Chris Comeskey acts for some of the worst crooks in town. He upsets people. There's not much love in the Inn for him. He's like the 2010 version of Christopher Harder.

Seems like he's been diddling the billings for the Legal Services Agency.

The current case involves Comeskey charging $3157, all at the senior rate of $154 an hour, despite the client saying she only saw him once and was otherwise dealt with by junior counsel who were not authorised by the Legal Services Agency.

Is this mistake? Seriously.

In my first year at PwC they charged us juniors out close to $154 an hour just to do photocopying. Dunno what it is now.

Little wonder he padded the chargeout rate, it would barely pay overhead. As for making disparaging comments about judges and courts, most of us would be in the shit for doing that.

Comeskey is a marked man now in the legal profession and will suffer the same fate as Christopher Harder. No one is going to care about this but if you are going to take someone out I say at least do it fairly. If he doesn't act for the worst scum in town, there simply will be someone else that has to step up and do it.

Dumb Email Fraudsters

I received this today into my hotmail account under the tag "Vince Siemer".

---

From: vsiemer@hotmail.com
To: vsiemer@hotmail.com
Subject: Urgent help needed please
Date: Tue, 6 Jul 2010 00:38:39 +0000

How are you doing?hope all is well, I"m very sorry i could not inform you about my trip to Penang, Malaysia..I need a favor from you as soon as you receive this mail, Kindly get back to me immediately as i am short of cash right now because i misplaced my wallet on my way to the hotel where my money and other valuable things were kept, i want you to assist me with a loan urgently. I will be glad if you could assist me with $1,370 to sort-out my hotel bills and get myself back home.I will appreciate whatever you can afford to help me out,I will pay you back as soon as i return. Kindly let me know if you can be of help? so that i can send you the details.Your reply will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Apart from not knowing him, the issue of course is that Vince Siemer was arrested and detained last Tuesday after returning from the USA according to the NBR.

Nice one.

Mission Accomplished

Ferret Put Down

Simon Wilson has started the best possible way he could as Metro Editor, by putting down Wendyttle.

Quite apt for today as I can point out to Liam Baldwin of the fate of the last fiction writer who called me out for comments on Facebook.

I shall pick up a copy of Metro tomorrow and give it a review.

Lets hope there's more in there than bloody school reviews which grace the front cover. Every year they seem to do this which immediately loses the interest of every elderly, single and/or childless potential reader.

I am looking forward to reading what must have ended up being New Zealand's most expensive column - written by Sean Plunket.

Monday Morning Churnalism

An early bird friend spotted a reference to myself in the NBR online pages. Fortunately as the reference in the story is nonsense, it is behind a paywall so only seven people have the chance to view it.

Liam Baldwin should be more aware as to how new media now works. You don't mention a blogger without having first given them the opportunity to comment else you know what happens - they do comment, on their own forum called a blog.

In short he seems to think he's found another Crafar farms bidder. After rambling on he adds this paragraph:

Ms xxxxxxx’ profile on social networking site Facebook lists among her friends Hong Kong-based xxxx xxxxx, also known as blogger Cactus Kate, who has written much about the Crafar deals.

To which I replied in the comments section under the heading "Churnalist"

Oh for heaven's sake - Aaron Bhatnagar is my facebook friend as well, perhaps he's a bidder too. Lets throw Bernard Hickey into the mix, Lisa Lewis and Michael Laws for good measure. All are facebook friends.

If Liam had bothered sending me an email I could have informed him I haven't got a clue about Ms xxxxx bidding on the Crafar farms and only know her socially and not in any professional capacity.

Liam Baldwin - Churnalist and a facebook ferreting dickhead. It would have taken him five seconds to contact me to find this out. Instead it's another sad arse example of churnalism by Facebook.

Cactus Kate is Very Unwell

And thus seems to have found a cure for the awful and dangerous addiction of blogging.

P.S: Isn't it nice to take a repeater with you to record events?

Cactus Kate is (still) Unwell

A five day sea of unwellness.