Cactus Kate is Unwell

Unwell

Random Impertinents

10. Why does Wayne Judd from Outrageous Fortune wear a hoodie from Sydney to Auckland? I mean no one approached you anyway dude? Why the hoodie over your face?
9.Who does "e" these days? Like really?
8. Has Pork Chop got any friends left after Spy this week?
7. Will Whale promote the Mengster up to Journalist after the Len Brown is Jesus special?
6. Qantas emergency t-shirts are just not cool.
5. Qantas lose two bags from the winner of the Air NZ Best blog Award? How will that be a good outcome?
4. And seat them next to a morbidly obese woman who takes up a 1/3rd of her seat?
3. How could a parent state as fact that their kids aren't taking drugs? Spend al your time with them do you?
2. Is Len Brown really second only to Jesus?
1. How did Goff's kid get off after pleading guilty? Seriously?

Harvard over the Chinese

So the Harvard Endowment Fund can own $28 million of New Zealand land for dairying, but Chinese billionaires can't?

Pending OIO approval here is another chunk of $28 million of land that will fall into foreign ownership.

Will Landcorp bid on this one as well?
If not, then why not?
And will there be a public outcry of xenophobia over the Yanks buying up New Zealand farm land?

Government Doesn't Make Good Farmers

Homepaddock, our resident rural expert, has got a few thought provoking random impertinents going on her blog about the news that Landcorp is bidding for the Crafar farms. Rumours have been swirling about Landcorp's timing for a month now.

The most thought provoking from HP are these:

9. Should the taxpayer have $1668.7m tied up in farms?

10. Are dividends of $10m last year, $13m in 2007/08, $12m in 2006/07 and $3m in 2005/06 good returns on that investment?

The answers are no and no, that is a terrible return on investment (.6%) but indicative of the whole concept that farming in New Zealand is now solely for non-taxable capital gains over taxable revenue returns. As a business model, from a large corporate enterprise, receiving a .6% return on investment does not stack up.

Total revenues of Landcorp are just $174.1 million, with net operating profit of $6.9 million. The net operating profit just a .4% return on assets. Total shareholder returns was a loss of $76 million.

Landcorp has a mission statement "To provide the shareholding Ministers with maximum sustainable financial returns.".

They sure aren't doing that.

Let us not even start on how little tax this SOE pays. Go have a look and see.

Landcorp, by stepping up to bid for the Crafar farms puts a spotlight on itself as to why in an economy where SOE's are looking to be sold, that Landcorp shouldn't be the first off the block. Is Government holding more than $1.5 billion of land, artificially holding land prices above where the market would have them?

And why taxation reforms are still required to ensure farming pays their fair share of taxes. Gareth Morgan's capital gains tax regime and Bernard Hickey pushing land taxes, now just doesn't seem so far fetched if farmers don't want to pay for their fair share of polluting if John Key and the Tree-hugger from Nelson go ahead with the ETS.

I've been researching what percentage of total taxes in New Zealand is actually paid by the leading export earner in agriculture. The IRD and Department of Statistics haven't given an answer as of yet.

Fonterra doesn't seem to widely publish in glorious numbers how much tax the farmer actually ends up paying. You can compare that with their obsession in telling New Zealanders how successful and important their oufit is - talking about high-value products being the future, never actually having delivered this high-end product and into a market such as China that is as tight as a fishes backside that still cares only about one four letter word starting with "c" - cost. Chinese Vice-President Xi's recent visit to New Zealand was almost overshadowed by Russel Norman's ditherings and we missed the most important statement from Xi when he said New Zealand dairy is too expensive, which in Chinese code is that they wish to manipulate the prices downwards themselves.

Of course high leveraging means plenty of income can be tax-deducted resulting in farmers paying far less tax than other taxpayers. Meaning more farmers buy more land and drive prices up as well as reducing income taxes, and increasing eventually their tax free capital gain.

It is a vicious cycle of lending reliance that could be assisted with a carve up of Landcorp.

So Close Yet Nowhere Near

So the All Whites have three draws at the World Cup and finish unbeaten after playing reasonably negative defensive and dull football for 270 minutes and scoring just two goals, coming third in their group ahead of a woeful Italian side. We are also the only country to be unbeaten and exit the tournament. Playing not to win but just not to lose.

At a time where the All Whites needed to play positively against Paraguay and actually score goals, only the most optimistic one-eyed supporter would argue against my conclusion that we just didn't look like scoring at all. In fact the whole tournament we have had precious little chances of getting near the goal.

The country goes narnars. Labour effectively hexed them yesterday with a video from the caucus and a call for a day off if they make the next round.

While a great achievement, let us put some perspective on it - the whole thing has been kind of like getting excited when a stupid kid gets say 30% in an exam when there are much smarter kids in the class achieving more.

The stupid kid has exceeded expectations, but it doesn't really matter as he hasn't passed.

In sports winning is everything. Even winning badly like England managed to scrape through their pool.

Anyone who thinks this is New Zealand's greatest sporting achievement is either a soccer fanatic or clearly knows nothing about sports. Sure it was the heart-warming Disney moment in New Zealand sports in living memory, but the result is tomorrow they fly home.

The All Blacks can only wish they could get away with three draws in their World Cup and have acceptance from the nation.

The positive is that the All Whites have given New Zealand wider global attention than the Rugby World Cup 2011 will. And look how little it cost the taxpayer. If we want to see actual success from the All Whites, it will take more money and resources thrown at the game.

Oh but the big plus, we lasted a day longer than Australia.

Kevin 07 Doesn't Make It to 11

Crying?

Yet another reason the man was unfit for the PM's job. It's UnAustralian. There's no nice way to leave politics. Very few resign happily when they are in power. If the voters don't kick you out, those who are on your own side will. Every victory is tainted with the knowledge you are one day closer every day to being rolled.

Enter stage left - Julia Gillard

Like Helen Clark immediately the poor woman faces charges of being a lesbian even though she has a relationship with a bloke, who many don't view as a bloke because he is a hairdresser.

I've even seen commentary that she doesn't have children so can't possibly know what it is like to form policy for families and their children. An interesting application of bigotry, sort of like you don't know anything about housing because you don't own your own home, or you don't know anything about being poor because you are rich.

I'm far more worried she's Welsh and a Socialist.

My only question mark as to the woman's credentials to take over from a lightweight such as non-termer KRudd would be that if you were living with a male hairdresser then how did you get out of the house wearing a ghastly colour job like the one above?

It's All The Fault of Women

Bruce Sheppard has a very amusing piece on the role of women in driving the lust for residential housing. It's very good and I find it difficult to rebut.

Housing has become a competition, let us see who can have the biggest house, cause if you have the biggest house you are the biggest man. Interestingly Hotchin is short. Why do we think like that? Here is a quick straw pole for you to run in your work place, ask the women, “when choosing a man, what do you pick big heart, big house or big …?”

Well in most groups when I run this politically incorrect survey the house wins by a country mile. So it is the woman’s fault, they want the man that can provide the best for them and his kids.

Random Impertinent Question

Facebook status updates:

Tau Henare You know what. I've been killed by kindness. Chris Carter took some fruit around to the house today. Pretty cool. Now I can't call for his resignation. No more Chris jokes OK. I mean it!

Tau's had a bit of a health scare which is a shame considering he's been trying to do the right thing since being diagnosed with diabetes. Despite being a pain in his own arse, I wish him well in his recovery and hope he keeps his sense of humour through a difficult time. Lets face it, he probably wanted to stay away from Wellington and watch the soccer from the bed or a couch anyway.

But my random impertinent from his post above:

Did Chris Carter personally pay for the get well fruit?

Oh, someone else got in first with that one.

Honest Hone's Next Project

Honest Hone Harawira (HHH) has a potential new crusade about to hit town.

If he wants to run the cigarette companies out of town because their product is apparently so addictive that Maori are having cigarettes stuck in their mouths and can't get them out - fancy what his reaction will be to:

Kripsy Kreme

Krispy Kreme was run out of Hong Kong by market forces. It didn't make money here because Asians don't like being fat and reject such vile food.

Even this New Zealander rejected the mouthful of creme, sugar and icing after one bite. Krispy Kreme is about a zero out of ten.

Lets see how it goes in South Auckland if Triple H can't get to it first.

Yuan and Games

The Chinese have announced rather cryptic news that the Yuan (or renminbi for those who are good spellers) is to be allowed to "resume its appreciation". Subject to that news, presumably to quell mass speculation, was a warning that it would not be a one off appreciation.

I'm not a great gambler but I could see this happening six months ago and changed a good proportion of my longer-term holdings into Yuan at the currency restricted rate of 20,000 per day for a HK ID card holder.

Critics say the Yuan is undervalued some 40%, my gut feeling is that given trade imbalances and the world situation, is that it is probably more than that. But in true Chinese fashion they've kept everyone guessing and the markets have thrown a wee tanty with their petulance.

The Chinese will eventually do it, but how they do it will be on their own terms and the effects are like all things in China - relatively uncertain as to how fast things will happen.

Exerting the motto when doing business with this mysterious group of newbies to international diplomacy and tact - it may not happen overnight, but it will happen.

Diplock & Power v Hubbard

Huge call to make, of all those businesspeople who have lost money in finance companies and business deals of late, sticking Allan and wife Margaret Hubbard and associated entities and trusts into statutory management. Diplock and Power have really made a stand here and will live and die by it.

Possibly so will Hubbard as he's 82 years old and on kidney dialysis. The stress of this will only hasten his bid to the grave. It's incredible he made it out of bed this morning.

Lets hope that there are material reasons for this quite extraordinary move that the public does not know about and the Securities Commission is acting in a proper manner. Before one makes a judgment at all times we must remember that losing money and failing in business does not itself make a criminal or prove the existence of a fraud.

Secomm had this to say:

But given the circumstances of this case, that Mr and Mrs Hubbard are involved in the affairs of the entities as depositors, managers, and borrowers, and that loans to related parties have not been properly secured and documented, it was felt statutory management was the only option.

This precedent may catch on for a few other businesspeople say around Auckland. Many issues have been raised as of late around related party lending. South Canterbury Finance are specifically excluded from the probe but a quick squizz of the inter-related parties suggests it may not be that simple.

Some of Hubbard's naivety is starting to show with his anger that wife Margaret is part of the order. A nano-second viewing shows that she is very much part of the business. And this rather unusual comment:

"I don't believe in the history of New Zealand that any person has acted more honourably than myself."

Normally you would hope others said that about you on the Monday so you wouldn't need to state it in a press release.

In my personal view from the truck-wrecks I have seen the past few years where clients have lost money, a lot of the problems with fund management and financing businesses that is exposed when there is a financial downturn revolves around what the investor thinks she or he is actually buying into. That is, it is less about the operation of the structure behind it (which usually is perfectly legitimate having passed many accountant, legal and consultants hands) and more about at a retail level how you have enticed people to invest and what they think they are investing in which may be many light years from the reality of the risk of the structure. It doesn't make it a ponzi however nor a Madoff.

Many times people don't read the fine print, but a lot of the time they are too reckless themselves and invest based on the cult of personality behind the structure - in this case Hubbard, the good honest non-falsh, non-pretentious K1W1 bloke.

I hope he doesn't shatter everyone's (d)illusions in New Zealand about the super hero vs the villain.

Trotter Schools Aussie Russel

Chris Trotter has released on his blog a previously unpublished obituary penned at the time of Rod Donald's death. It's written so carefully with the best of Trotter's poise, grace and love for every word. In it the difference between Aussie Russel's undignified protest and Donald's more respectful approach, could never be starker.

My abiding memory of this remarkable man – my friend – Rod Donald, will be of him standing alone at the foot of the parliamentary steps, his face a mixture of sadness and defiance, holding up the forbidden Tibetan flag. It was a noble protest - and all the more effective for being conducted not by some raggle-taggle band of New Age anarchists, but by a senior Member of Parliament and party leader, dressed proudly and patriotically in his best, New Zealand-made, suit.　

Len The Muss?

It's not just Kerre Woodham who has slapped out Len The Muss

But it doesn't take a tangata whenua to see that what Brown did was not a Maori gesture at all. He was just being his usual try-hard self.

Willie Jackson, The original Muss of Jake, Tem Morrison, Frankie Stevens and Ranginui Walker have all come out and commented at Len the Muss' strange behaviour.

"The spin about it being a Maori gesture is rubbish. I've never heard anything like it."

"I don't know what the hell they were talking about, having been a Maori every day of my life," Jackson said. "Len needs to harden up or he's going to gift this campaign to John Banks.

"This campaign was his to lose and he's doing a good job of that."

"I don't know what this guy was doing," Morrison said. "This guy is on another planet."

I think Len the Muss needs to apologise to Maori for offending them and using their culture as an excuse for just being a creepy weirdo.

Would You Let Len Brown Loose On Your Credit Card?

Matt McCarten nails it today:

His explanation on why he used his card to buy personal items was because his wife had their joint card raises more concerns. Everyone knows couples can get a card each on joint accounts.

Len Brown - even his own wife won't let him have a credit card.

The PEDA Files

On May 20th 2010 Georgina te Heuheu put out a press release stating $4.8 million in the next four years would go to this strange, anonymous beast , curiously named PEDA:

The Budget provides $4.8 million in operating funding over the next four years for the Pacific Economic Development Agency (PEDA), which will significantly improve the economic wellbeing of Pacific people in Auckland.

I've had a read of the funding proposal to the Minister of Finance on behalf of PEDA (Pacific Economic Development Agency Limited).

If this document is worthy of $4.8 million of funding over four years then I shall quit my job forthwith and start writing funding proposal documents for a living, my clients would get hundreds of millions if this is the base level required.

The PEDA website is quite simply a monument to the trough. It uses "nothing" words such as communications, events management, strategic and marketing. In areas designed to not say a hell of a lot. There are no clear front people, other than the names of a few. No CV's, no setting out of why they are qualified to take money, it all reeks of pork. "JR" Periera is the CEO. A flash title for what looks in essence a one man band. This has ALL the makings of a "whanau ora" for Islanders, the little trough that if uncontrolled by mature adults will turn into a Shane Kawenata Bradbrook within seconds.

Apparently they are at the World Expo in Shanghai, August 2010. Although details of the arrangement are "under discussion". The Expo is on now of course. They've dovetailed off the NZ stall and linked back to it. Also name-dropped the RWC 2011 and linked to an outside website.

PEDA Funding Proposal

Their proposal has received the nod for $4.8 million of funding. The whole proposal confuses itself with whether the money is used for New Zealand Pacific people or those still living in the Islands. "JR" Pereira is now not the CEO but is listed as "Director Marketing and Sales". I will give him an MBA as well for good measure "Master B.s Artist".

Apparently Pacific people need an "aggressive programme to halt (them) from descending further into hardship and severe hardship". In explaining this PEDA use statistics from 2006, well dated by now to display that the Pacific population has only grown at 3% from 2001-2006 compared with 2.5% for total Auckland. Not exactly the huge spurt we are told there is. Islanders have a 6.7% unemployment rate compared with 3.8% for all Auckland. Again not exactly surprising given the number of Pacific Islanders coming into Auckland with limited skills and education as immigrants. For example New Zealand can cherry pick wealthy Asians who won't join the unemployment queues there is no such luxury with the Islanders who come.

National have already answered what has happened to Islanders, they have Sam Lotu-liga, who is the first of the new generation of Islander who went to University. He would be a future Prime Minister if he wasn't so damn quiet. The transformation of Islanders education is even reflected in the statistics that 2.9% of Islanders in 2006 were on student allowances, compared with 2.3% for everyone else. They are at University already. Taxpayers money has already been poured into these areas and they get preferential admission. PEDA now wishes to create yet another funding organisation for people who are already getting plenty.

The proposal gave six excuses for poor Island performance at page 4, using more up-to-date statistics to 2009 that they don't present throughout the proposal that "the region has worsen". The lamest excuses were at

iv) "They lack motiviation to fully participate in the labout market" and then v) "High population growth rate (causes decline in income per capita)"
vi) "Very young population with 37% of its population under the age of 15 compared to 22% of the rest of the population"

All these problems are already addressed with the higher number of Islanders at University. When you are surrounded by poverty if you don't have motivation to participate in the workforce to get out of it, I cant see how $4 million to a select group of troughers is going to increase your motivation.

The high population growth rate is caused by Islanders having too many children. This problem can be addressed by cutting off access to the DPB or how about a little restraint through poverty not to breed.

All PEDA have done so far is go to the Waitakere and Auckland City Council and troughed there to profile the Pacific Island workforce. Even Father Len Brown at Manukau hasn't opened the wallets of his ratepayers to these troughers in training. They've gone to Ministry of Pacific Island Affairs, Tertiary Education Committee and the Auckland Regional Economic Development Forum and everyone's been "positive". In other words no one has been politically incorrect enough to tell them to get their snouts out of the trough to date and focus on deliverables.

So what projects have they got lined up? Wait for it - staggering innovative stuff (not):

1. Upskilling Pacific Island workers - $1 million, what on earth are you going to do for $1 million. What are the deliverables? Who will be privileged enough to benefit? Who needs upskilling?
2. Leadership plantation - targets 19-40 year olds. EVERY University has one of these already, targetting these apparent leaders in waiting. Hoping they turn out more like Sam and less like Taito. Apparently this needs $75,000 per annum probably for some current "leader" to be paid a salary.
3. Buy Pacific Made needs $65,000 per annum. Why? This simply crosses into the Made from New Zealand and Buy New Zealand Made campaigns. Is the taxpayer funding the seller or the maker of the goods as if the seller is importing Pacific Island goods that is different than supporting an Islander in New Zealand making the goods in New Zealand.
4."Village Framework - Ethnic Community Development". Apparently Tokelau and Tuvalu are so pathetic they need an extra $60,000 per annum. No reason why or deliverables here.
5. Performing arts and cultural pathways. Put simply, Islanders want a further $85,000 per annum to dance. No race ever got rich by dancing their way to progress. Reeks of similar money given to hip-hop.

The proposal adds up to $1.285 million per year. National are giving them $4.8 million over four years...apparently. Maybe there are secret papers elsewhere justifying this funding but to date all that is in writing could have been written by a school leaver. It really is unjustifiably bad.

So why did they get the money? Who has given this nonsense the nod as in writing it remains unimpressive?

Because of te Heuheu's poor handling of the questions that have gone on about PEDA, the spotlight is now on a link to Mary English, wife of the Minister of Finance and herself an Islander.

Can someone tell us just what the hell is happening and how this latest attempt at troughing "will significantly improve the economic wellbeing of Pacific people in Auckland"?

And not just the economic wellbeing of a few of the Government's mates.

Aussie Russel Takes One For Team

Norman assaults Chinese security

It is the Chinese who should be laying an assault charge against Russel Norman for his initial assault on their security man.

In this TVNZ footage right from the beginning of the drama, Norman clearly shoves with his shoulders in front of a security guard as he was upset the guard was trying to do his job - which is always to protect his man by getting between trouble and him. This is what DPS security does in protecting VIP's. Norman, as with all professional protestors, knows this and they seek to exploit it in order to create a scene.

The initial footage clearly shows at 17 seconds in that Norman was indeed the instigator of this incident as he repeats over again in Aussie squawk "don't try and stand in front of me" jostling for position. The security detail then uses the airspace above Norman to put an umbrella up. Quite within their rights. At 47 seconds Norman again assaults more than one member of the security while trying to retrieve his flag. In this footage I can't see once any arms hyper-extended to restrain or touch Norman, indeed he is the one on the offensive at all times.

The Chinese will leave tomorrow with no one charged for the incident. Norman will gain his self-promoting publicity for the Greens.

What is it with freeing Tibet anyway? Shouldn't the Greens be protesting the Chinese for environmental concerns worrying about Tibet?

Link - Nevil Gibson at NBR asks some damn good questions.

New Blog - Ministry of Aesthetic Development

This blog is written by a pinko but has the potential to be brilliant. The author rates daily the best dressed MP. Here is a small sample:

I just realised that Peter Dunne and Maryan Street have very similar hair.

Street's is better groomed, though. It's also appropriate to note that she today became Labour's spokeperson on Foreign Affairs - I think she will do a fantastic job.

AND:

Now I am not sure who made this comparison but I happen to agree with them. HOWEVER, I don't think it's a bad thing. Clare looked wonderful; a fashionable pirate! (I also don't see any problem in looking like Stevie Nicks).

I would advise against dressing like a pirate when going to future conferences about copyright and filesharing, though...

Deborah Coddington on Porn

Deborah Coddington on Porn

To date, I have only seen one interview with Shane Jones' wife. I doubt a female MP's husband or partner - of either sex - would be afforded such privacy. By week's end, their relationship would be in tatters.

Deborah Coddington has started on Pundit. Her first post is hilarious. However, with respect, her understanding of men is rather deficient.

I don't know a single man (gay or straight) that I have ever sat within 20 cms of that would think that their missus running up porn at hotels wouldn't be anything other than really dribbling hot. Coddington even misjudged to this extent:

Who wants a female sex fiend as guest speaker and representative, other than the Boobs on Bikes brigade, perhaps?

Ergh.....pretty much anything where a male (or horny lesbian) is doing the invite.

Those Rotary, University and Greypower invitations would not be drying up. In fact you would find an entire new support base of middle-aged very wealthy businessmen down to even Unionists who would book speeches for a Jacinda Ardern or Nikki Kaye once it was outed that they were chicks who watched pornos.

Coddington even used the example of Ruth Richardson. Curiously Richardson has a wide support base among right-wing spotty teenage boys and older men. With Coddington's explanation on Pundit she's just created their wettest dreams.

Actually Coddington has just given ACT the best campaign idea ever. Heather Roy must take one for the team and chock up thousands of dollars of Porn, lube, condoms, D-vice structures and even ear wax cleanser from Len Brown's pharmacy on her Ministerial credit card.

The male youth/dirty old man poll would be off the charts.

Well maybe - the link seems to have (cough, cough) gone down.

Brown A Maori?

I've seen some unusual behaviour before in New Zealand political spin, but describing Mayor Len Brown's almost insane quasi-operatic performance at the Council meeting in this light breaches new barriers in explanation desperation:

Mr Lewis said Mr Brown was a more emotional person "than you and I" and a 20-minute speech to the policy and activities committee was a case of wearing his heart on his sleeve. He said the chest and head beating was a Maori gesture, kanohi te kanohi, inviting people to tackle him face-to-face.

Mr Lewis perhaps needs to come down from the clouds of working for Dear Leader and be reminded:

Len Brown is a weird, skinny middle-aged white guy.

He's not an Islander and he's not a Maori. Trying to be either just looks silly.

Maori commentators willing to describe application of the kanohi te kanohi are welcome.

Update: Brunette has described the situation here as has CW is the comments below.

Parekura's Expenses

I've been reviewing these for the past ten minutes. Stuff now makes it easier to download by MP. Forget the dollar amounts for Pare.

You could put on 10 kgs just reading what he's eaten.

Want one!

Not the bratty child, but the pussy on the right.

This kid gets to have his own LION! How frickin cool.

"He really loves kids and he's really gentle."

Yep, all fun until the Lion gets bored.

Best part is when the Lion gets too big, you can send him back. Sounds like the perfect pet to me.

What's the bet now the handler's house is broken into and the Lion gets stolen? It is Rotorua after all. Crooks down there steal anything and I'm just seeing a Van and Munter episode in the making.

Picture..... Thousand Words.......

Smear! Smear!! Smear!!!

All it missed was some tears when the Cop pulled him over and it would be perfect.

Random Impertinent Thoughts - Insurance Policies

Here is a random impertinent on all the suits that MP's seem to be losing and replacing on their Ministerial credit cards. Apart from of course the "why"? As a $1,000+ suit should be in a suit bag and carried on.

I lost my carry-on bag this time last year off a hotel shuttle bus at LAX. Stolen if you like because I never got it back. I've been through claiming on insurance. It goes like this.

If I lose say a suit that cost $1,000 you have to show the receipt to the insurer. You then do not get $1,000 back to replace it on a standard policy. If say the suit was 2 years old you would have trouble getting even a small percentage of that back because the replacement cost of a 2 year old suit is minimal. You don't get a brand new suit as value of the replacement.

So either the suit losers have all replacement cost policies (if so I want the name of a company that offers such policy because I cant find one in Hong Kong) or someone is paying for the depreciation on the suit.

The Reverse Smear

It seems a left-wing phenomenon in New Zealand these days.



To accuse your opponents of running a smear campaign against you in order to deflect corrupt, fraudulent or down-right dirty behaviour which would otherwise put you offside with the electorate. To gather sympathy for your views on the basis that you are being "picked on" by the big evil bully. To deflect your own behaviour.

So what is a smear? Lets go to wikipedia:

A smear campaign is an intentional, premeditated effort to undermine an individual's or group's reputation, credibility, and character. "Mud slinging", like negative campaigning, most often targets government officials, politicians, political candidates, and other public figures.

Smears often consist of ad hominem attacks in the form of unverifiable rumors and are often distortions, half-truths, or even outright lies; smear campaigns are often propagated by gossip spreading. Even when the facts behind a smear are shown to lack proper foundation, the tactic is often effective because the target's reputation is tarnished before the truth is known.

Len Brown's only defence to crimes against the Mayoral credit card has been the classic used by the left wing in New Zealand politics as their political brand goes down the toilet:

1. Deny, sort of
2. Sit and wait for media to run the story further, cross fingers
3. When caught out, scream right-wing smear

But is it a smear when it is the truth and can be proven as such? It can't be a smear. There's no gossip, no lies or half-truths. Brown's rooted his own reputation for being clean living in terms of politics.

The problem for Len Brown is that this is not a smear campaign. It is not because actual documents can prove the allegations of troughing against Brown. The documents prove the audit process at MCC is a disaster to say the least and there is a lack of tax invoices for any expenditure such as dubious dinners and expenditure for private purposes. And today those documents, all 74 pages of them were released around the blogs. The media received them but they must have been censored else they would already have a summary.

Whaleoil has released these documents and they do not make pretty reading. They show a man desperate to spin out of the reality of the situation, a man who campaigns as the people's champion, a rich prick himself, more than capable of paying for private expenditure himself, helping himself to items right down to having regular morning coffee on the ratepayers tab. Kids food, cases of wine, $1,200 of gifts and such personal items as hand sanitisers and panadol, ear cleaning solution and insect repellent. A trip to K-Mart on page 59 that saw $102 put on the card for children's toys in November. Regardless of who the recipients are, what sort of person expenses $102 of toys when they are earning $150,000+ and then takes the credit for giving the gifts? Charity for Len Brown seems to begin with other people's money.

Just as bad are the numerous Mr Magoo-like handwritten notes asking or reminding for receipts. "Receipts/invoices lost again" page 21. And was Brown working on 30 December 2009 to incur charges for "refreshments"? Little things, small things, that add up to a pattern of behaviour that tells a story. Staff members frustrated by the lack of documentation to back up this spending. He's a lawyer so there is no excuse of ignorance in these matters, he knows the importance of detail.

The story here is all about what kind of man Len Brown is under pressure that politics puts its participants under. He could have just admitted to inapproriate spending, apologised and "Jonesed" it out taking the one day hit. Instead he has made the mistake of justifying the unjustifiable to an electorate of some of the most impoverished people in the country.

As Richard Prebble said to those in ACT "If you are complaining or explaining you are losing".

Brown and his team of Labour Party hacks have instead tried to spin it all round and smear opponents with the charge of smearing.

Sadly for them there's now 74 pages explaining why that won't work.

Photo of the Week

Simon Bridges is genuinely a nice guy. Sick I know. He enjoys the bimbo "meet and greet" stuff in politics and gets around and about his electorate and dutifully posts all the pictures on Facebook. He seems to be a hit in the electorate with the very young and very old. The photos show happiness all round in his presence, such as 104 year old Florence Harvey, who doesn't seem at all concerned that Winston didn't visit her like he did for her 100th.



But tell me what other MP could possibly get away with holding a young girl's hand and have her seem happy about it? Tau Henare wouldn't be able to pull this off.

Talk about first prize. Go Emma!!

A Fool and Her Testicles Are Soon Parted

Always curious to try pretty much anything once, I am currently engaged in a series of reflexology sessions with a Doctor here in Hong Kong. It involves a very unrelaxing foot massage technique followed by more prodding and poking in the ankle and leg area to improve my very poor circulation.

After the sessions I sleep for hours and the next day feel like I've been run over by a bus. I have had to stop the sessions during "school nights" as I have had trouble actually getting out of bed my legs can feel so dead.

I have been very quiet on the alcohol lately in an effort to see if the body can detoxify itself to make me feel healthier. So far about seven weeks in of course there have been absolutely no noticeable results than anytime I do drink (about once every ten days) I end up in a wreck on the floor or dozing off at a bar or restaurant as I have the endurance of a 13 year old.

The Doctor is a strange wee man, reasonably priced and I think insurance refundable so I will give him a chance. He recommended that for two weeks I wear these detox pads at night on the soles of my feet. The results have of course being rather alarming but alas I think there is a hell of a lot more toxins in there to go!

Being relatively cost effective, they are harmless enough and I guess I can tell the result if less crap is being collected in them every morning. At first I thought with the strange array of herby smelling stuff in the pockets, of course attached to a sweaty foot they would turn black, so the only indication to me would be if after time it got better. In scanning the website however I found this gem:

I thought you might be interested in hearing about a use that my family has for Acupeds. The males in my family use Acupeds on their testicles. They are flabbergasted by the amount of junk that must be in their testicles because the Acupeds are absolutely black and slimy in the morning.

Hmmmm.......I am curious if Mrs Roslyn Motter gets any action in the morning because after ripping off the sticky part of the pads I don't know of any man in a good condition for a bit of morning blood circulation rearrangement.

There are plenty of men's testicles I would like to attach these sticky pads to. Can't imagine any willing to volunteer!

Sex and the City 2

I haven't got the energy to review the whole movie and it seems pointless because as a fan of course I am going to like it. But what I reeeeally liked was Samantha's new exhibitionist of a root, Rikard, played by this guy - Max Ryan. Hello.



Don't under any circumstances leave the movie early. Skin shots are right near the end.

Random Impertinent Question

I've only watched two World Cup games but already these things are driving myself and other viewers nuts.

With a weapon so offensive to white ears as the vuvuzela tell me how apartheid lasted so long?

Nah-pooey want what?

Some old idiot with a European name who needs to be put in a rest home states:

Matarahurahu hapu chairman David Rankin said the proposed flat tax rate, which would be administered by the Inland Revenue Department, would "pull Ngapuhi out of a depressed state" and ultimately benefit the entire region.

He wants a NINE percent tax for "economic development".

Here's a better idea - how about deducting from that nine percent all the welfare, education and health benefits transferred over the years to 122,000 Nah-pooey members and their ancestors.

Then it would be his tribe paying the taxpayer a damn fine amount back to the IRD.

Such ridiculous claims only add weight to counterarguments that the entire Treaty industry is a crock and needs to be called out on such. Ngai Tahu and Tainui are only rich as tribes because they had better negotiators of white guilt and took it from collective coffers rather than on an individual level. Taxing your own neighbours for having the privilege of living next to your tribe's squalor, will only backfire.

Top Ten Worst Troughers - Day Three In

I have compiled my own list of the worst troughing offences and why - just three days in. The list has become quite staggering based on the fact that the media have 7,000 pages to go through and I bet none have actually completed their round up and left the paddock over the pig sty yet.

Call it tabloid journalism if you want, but I call the $50,000 spent on this exercise the most important $50,000 in living memory. This is openness and transparency at its finest. Journalists have saved this money in the first print run of crimes. Do you think a Minister will ever use a credit card again on anything remotely pushing the boundaries? Journalists running with this have done the country a massive service and it is their greatest achievement I think in decades. Well done. They may just move the boundaries and end the giant trough that politicians have been dining at. Without such public accountability this would have gone on for years.

These Ministers are not paid piddly amounts compared with others in New Zealand. They are all earning $200k + of taxpayers money and have private credit cards of their own. In a company they would be at CEO/Senior management level where most employees now use their own credit cards and submit expense claims to get monies back.

And it's not straight white males dominating this list. It is full of ethnic and social minorities. A disgrace to all their arguments about Parliament being a privileged group of straight white men. You have all proved to be even worse than what you once rallied against given you have all traded off being not rich, white, straight or male to get voters trust.

10. Judith "Patsy II" Tizard - my opinion of her increased when I saw she had purchased a bottle of $155 Bolly. The issue being was that it wasn't her money she was using, which puts her in with all the scrubbers who expect men to finance their lifestyle habits. Typical socialist example of spending other people's money on luxury items while fisting workers they represent and who elect them. Dramatic irony is that if any Labour troughers resign over their disgraces, she's next back in on the list.

9. Parekura "Whopper" Horomia - his penchant for eating is well known, the issue being his mammoth appettite is now being paid for by the taxpayer. When a $500 bill came through it lead David Farrar to aptly quip something like "what did the others eat". The only thing I want to see on Parekura's accounts in the future is a stomach staple. Such would save the country a fortune.

8. Len Brown - he sneaks in, not an MP but attempted to use this process to hide his own disgraceful spending. Brown, bought a stereo, family event at a hotel and a Christmas ham on his Mayoral credit card since 2007. Representing an electorate of people so poor they face Christmas every year not being able to afford that ham. Brown's hypocrisy is huge. His excuse of leaving his personal card at home doesn't add up for a man who has enough income to have an ATM card and numerous other sources of credit. If he can't remember to bring his personal credit cards how can he have the brain capacity to run an entire Supercity? A trougher through and through.

7. Helen "Dear Leader" Clark - not for her own spending, which seems miserly in comparison. She was the leader of the Labour Party when all this was happening. It beggars belief that she didn't know what was happening given her level of control over the Party. She was a micro-manager. Where was she on this?



6. Jim "Bernie" Anderton - what is left to say about Jim that hasn't been said? A trougher extraordinaire with such a sense of entitlement that he thinks he can be Mayor of Christchurch and continue as a one-man MP, gaining extra financial privileges from the taxpayer as a "leader" of a Party. Oh dear. Overseas trip expenses of more massages has the whiff of a last hurrah about it. You know, when you've almost resigned at a company and you don't give a fuck? Weekend at Bernies indeed.

5. "Vege" Mita Ririnui - atypical (irregular) Maori trougher. Used money he shouldn't have to buy healthy items - a bicycle and some golf clubs. I don't know what planet the man was born on but since when were bikes and golf clubs legitimate work related expenses for someone who represents Maori and works as an MP. Taxpayers cannot claim deductions for bikes and golf clubs so why the hell should they pay for his. Needless to say most Maori who voted for him couldn't afford a bike or golf clubs.



4. Clayton "Plughead" Cosgrove - the world's unluckiest traveller replaces suits with pricey $1,674 jobs and thinks that we are all too dumb to realise that every business traveller carries their suit in a suit bag in business class. Terrible excuse that it was to be claimed on insurance. If that was really the case then why didn't he just put it on his personal credit card? Come on Clayton, you expect us to believe that you have ever personally paid for a suit worth over $1,674 that needed replacing? If so then your tailor should be outed as you look like a farmer when wearing one.

3. Nanaia "the Trough-le Hunter" Mahuta - the spending on caviar was a disgrace. Made more a disgrace that Mahuta represents Maori in an electorate of poverty, under a reign of Maori treaty troughing that has yet to see any money from the well-healed Tainui benefit everyday Maori. Think of the hysteria if Paul Reynolds was caught dining out on caviar on the account of Telecom shareholders and times it by a million, because that is how disappointed Maori should be with this class A trougher. When caught on the caviar she blames not herself but a staff member.



2. Shane "Tugger " Jones - the pornos, not for the amount of troughing but the stupidity attached. It was not hard for him to take those off the final bill by paying separately himself. It was not hard for him to take care with his indiscretions. But he wasn't I think even dumb about it, he just never thought he would get caught. Another who claims to represent poverty striken Maori and be a future leader of New Zealand. God knows how he made it to Harvard, but all that has now gone as he will be forever knows as the Minister of Porno. Makes everyone now wonder how much he troughed away with in his prior life on the treaty trough. After the Bill Liu affair, now this, if Tugger was a straight white middle class male he would be finished. He's a Maori trougher so there are much lower standards he has to adhere to. I doubt this will be much of a setback given the nature of that beast.

1. Chris "Koru Club" Carter - now getting to the stage where no straight man could get away with buying flowers for their wife, kitchenware or having hotel massages and survive politically. Carter is every work places nightmare, a stereotypical gay mincer who flounces around and doesn't actually produce anything. Unlike those in radio advertising and television, he's not even amusing. Went to St Kitts and Nevis, was chastised badly for it by right-wing bloggers and then forgets the entire experience on his pecuniary declaration forms so has to file an amendment. The man is a disgrace to all good hard-working gay people in New Zealand who pay for their own rubs and roses. Your time is up Koru.



All trougher shots courtesy of Whaleoil photoshop.

How To Guide - Hotel Expense Claims

There seems to be a general lack of understanding in the political field as to how to complete expense claims at hotels to avoid embarrassment. Let me share the experience of some six years of overseas travel staying and living in hotels.

1. Hotels love business and diplomatic travellers.

That is they will pretty much do anything you ask them because they know you aren't really paying for it.

2. Know the front desk.

They are in charge of the print-outs. Be nice to them.

3. Use the same hotels if possible.

Stay at the same hotels they will get to know you and definitely do anything you want.

4. Explain you are not on holiday.

That alerts the front desk to the fact you are there on business and may require assistance with your expense claim.

5. Run two tabs.

One tab for personal items, the other for business/diplomatic expenses.

6. Arrange two separate invoices.

One for your personal expenses, the other that you claim. This has the sole purpose that no one checking the claim back at the office will have any idea what you did do even if you paid for it yourself. There is no excuse for handing in just one invoice with all the details on it. Silly, silly, silly.

7. Sundry items

The hotel will have keycoded categories they cannot change. For example "laundry" and "internet" and "mini-bar". We all know that "laundry" and "internet" are legitimate expenses in pretty much every corporate/government department. "Mini-bar" is not and leads to further examination. "Movies" will leave a slap on the hand. "In room dining" is most of the time acceptable. "Hotel bar" is acceptable within guidelines. Get the pattern?

There isn't a hotel in the world who will not recode for you "mini-bar" to say "internet" (which can be very expensive in some countries) or "hotel bar". For some reason mini-bar as Tim Groser will now know infers you are having a party in your room. Going down to the bar infers you met some important VIP colleagues and shouted a drink in the process of working. There is nothing wrong with taking something from the mini-bar (especially water in countries where the tap water is unacceptable) and most employers will let you, but the accounts staff checking your expenses on a tenth of the pay as you are will act in effect as a journalist and blow it all out of proportion.

Shane "Tugger" Jones will now wish he asked the front desk at Sky City to change all those movies to, ergh say "laundry". And I am sure they would have. Now it has all become his own dirty laundry that is being aired in public. I look at the amount McCully spends on "laundry" and wonder if he wasn't tutored by the same elder I was.

The worst thing is MP's travel with staff most of the time. They don't even have to do this dirty work themselves for heaven's sake. Handing in any invoices with "movies" on deserves to be treated as it was. Humiliating the idiots who would try it on.

8. "Massages" - oh dear, there isn't an employer in the world who will pay for a massage at a hotel. They may pay for a massage with a happy ending at a club, but those are all put on CASH not a damn credit card! There is no excuse (not even 40 degree heat in Cambodia) for charging a massage to the employer. Worse is that every hotel massage centre offers independent facilities where you can pay for the darn thing separately so you don't even have to charge it back to the room. In Cambodia a massage down the road would have cost Carter a hundredth of what he paid.

Make no mistake, these MP's Jones, Carter, Anderton et al had put the extra expenses on their Ministerial cards with no intention of paying them back. I've just explained how you easily segregate out expenses so your employer will never actually see what you make private expenses on.

They are all thieves and should be treated as such. If the taxpayer underpays the IRD they can't just pay the tax back. There are penalties on top. Jones, Carter and Anderton were not running up expenses on mini-bars. They were for things that no employer in New Zealand, or perhaps most of the world except for the old Enron, would have paid for. You are away from home, yes, but boo hoo. If you don't like that, then get a desk job.

I work in an industry known for looseness in accepting travelling and entertainment expenses. What I've seen in the past few days would not pass any test that employers impose. Those workers would not have been asked just to pay the expenses back, they would have been asked to clear out their offices for dishonesty.

Winner of the Air New Zealand ** Best Blog Award

Me.

Thank you very much for all the kind comments from complete strangers that I have received today on the email.

Congratulations to everyone who entered the spirit of the competition and the other finalists. Here are the four posts I used for my entry:

http://asianinvasion2006.blogspot.com/2009/05/who-has-got-power.html
http://asianinvasion2006.blogspot.com/2009/05/nz-information-exchange.html
http://asianinvasion2006.blogspot.com/2009/03/crying-over-spilt-test-tubes.html
http://asianinvasion2006.blogspot.com/2009/12/strategic-triumph-for-hilton.html

I appreciate the ineptitude, controversy created and downright dodginess of those individuals identified in assisting with good subject matter.

And thank you the most to Air New Zealand. I look forward to receiving a lap dance from Rob Fyfe shortly. That was the prize for winning was it not?

Minister of Pinot, Porno, Putting and Private Planes

Sounds like Plane Shane Jones is the best trougher so far!!

Former Labour government ministers racked up taxpayer-funded credit card bills for a massage, new clothes, wine, pay-per-view movies, a $600 set of golf clubs and chartering a private plane, Stuff.co.nz understands.

The MSM should have a riot of a time today going through expense claims. Oh what fun. Come on boys and girls bring ON the light entertainment.

We all want to know - what movies did Plane Shane indulge in and were any of them pornos? You know hotels are SO good at hiding "movies sundry $15.99"!!

And what sort of massage? Come on!! And you can't drive so you chartered a plane that cost as much as a normal flight? Come on!!

Did he pay any credit card Burger King by any chance?

That leadership BBQ now looks darn shakey. You wouldn't want to be installing a fat Maori trougher into pinot, porno, putting and private planes as leader would you?

The "Too Hot Banker"

Handmirror girls are probably expecting me to tell this woman to shut up and get back to work.

But I am not going to.

Suits are horrible to wear. No woman looks good in them and the worst feature of a suit - they are the most uncomfortable pieces of clothing invented since a chastity belt. My view on suits are well known. I hate them as passionately as Bob Jones hates sunglasses on heads. I am currently boycotting suits by wearing jeans to work. I don't care. I've got 6 pairs of jeans. I do wear suits but only when large sums of money can be earned by putting one on.

So along comes an attractive woman at Citibank with large breasts who dresses without letting a bank's suit culture affect her decisions.

She's now at JP Morgan who are silly enough to want to now take action against her for her media appearances. Hello, this is the chick suing Citibank? A mighty career limiting move in New York yet brave. She's litigious.

Good looking women may get jobs easier than fugly ones but they have trouble once they have the job. I've seen it myself where the men in the office are all excited as a hot chick turns up at work. That woman will be driven from the same firm for the same reason she got the job. Her hotness. PwC usually employed one or two per year. Every year there would be eyes rolled as we all guessed how long it would be before one burst into tears for random reasons.

The optimal position for a female is to avoid this situation:

Middle aged groper: What do you think of Ms X?
Middle aged groper 2: Whoa nice tits

That is, your physical appearance shouldn't be the first thing that is brought up when the question above is asked. The quality of your work and your intellect should always outperform the way you look and dress, else there's going to be issues.

Citibank apparently told this woman that:

"she must refrain from wearing certain items of clothing, in particular, turtleneck tops, pencil skirts, fitted business suits, or other properly tailored clothing" because the form-fitting fashion drew too much attention around the office"

From the pictures of what she was wearing I can't see any trouble with it. The next part of the allegations are even worse:

The sexy single mom pointed out to her bosses "that other female colleagues wore similar professional attire," and that some dressed far more provocatively, the filing says. But her supervisors shot back that those women didn't have to worry about turning them on "as their general unattractiveness rendered moot their sartorial choices, unlike plaintiff," the papers say.

Chances are she was fired for being a DC (difficult cunt) in general, but if Citibank instructed her to do above, then they are in an awful lot of trouble at their own making. They say it is "performance related". But therein lies the rub. Whereas the office is one thing:

Clients LOVE having hot chicks in charge of their business.

So I don't believe she didn't pull in clients and make quotas.

Bankers are notorious for sexist comments so I would not be surprised if she is telling the truth. However there is a quantum leap between that and getting treated as she should and winning a case against a very powerful company. They've already started a campaign discrediting her which is standard practise.

Wankers are stating she should use her case for the greater good of women's rights and be an advocate. As if suing Citibank isn't enough! When you get publicity for that you can do one of two things. Keep quiet completely and the Press will write what they like as you sit at home infuriated as they goad you into speaking out. Or use it to your advantage by speaking out. I can't see the former as an option in many cases such as this as you are on a hiding to nothing in any instance.

Sadly she is not the first and definitely won't be the last woman to suffer from the "too hot" syndrome at work.

"Purely for Asset Protection"

Stuart Nash says:
June 7, 2010 at 10:08 pm
Just to reiterate, I have blogged on the use of trusts before (there is a link in the first sentence of this post to another post I did on the different types of trusts).I am more than happy to talk about my trusts – as mentioned, they are purely for asset protection and certainly not for tax avoidance.

Mr Penny from Penny and Hooper says at para [30]

"He cited similar reasons to those advanced by Mr Hooper for adopting a company/trust structure. He too had become concerned about exposure to not covered by Accident Compensation and was concerned with adopting a structure that would offer the best asset protection"

So who needs asset protection more at the time of setting up their trusts? Doctors and medical specialists or (Nick Smith aside because the man is an idiot) general forestry consultants who would be politicians?

40 Year Itch

Marital cooling - the Gore's....

Even after reading about this new phenomenon , I don't really get it.

You've spent 40 years together.

Out of the blue her husband told her: “I don’t love you any longer. I want to go away for a year, and I’ll see how I feel about you when I come back.”

The man simply needs a sabbatical. Anyway the wife seems happier....

Now happily remarried, Ellis is enjoying a new lease of life. “I’m a great respecter of marriage; it’s worth a very considerable effort. But if there’s no love left between the two people, you are wasting what few days you have left on this planet.

“If you are in an unhappy marriage, I don’t think you can be the kind of person who is much use to anyone. My granddaughter says, ‘Granny, you’re so different now, you are so much happier. You are not trying all the time.’”

She's right of course, however why wait 40 years? If misery is to start then it starts well before 65 or 70.

Website of the Week

Couldn't help laughing when I see that lesbians have now taken over Justin Bieber's hairstyle. So naturally was created.......

Lesbians who look like Justin Bieber.

Or LWLLJB which has its own Facebook page with the best split image shots.

Too funny.

Rooters Glass Always Half Empty

Stuart "Rooter" Nash always sees the downside to tax matters. His latest post is quite laughable in its fence-sitting pessimism.

I know Rooter always enjoys my social discourse on the net so I am going to give him a little lesson in how tax and trust practitioners view the world. Rooter of course being qualified in a steady array of subjects pretty useful if you plan on playing with trees or fucking with people's minds:

Qualifications
Master of Management (Auckland University)
Master of Forestry Science (Canterbury University)
Post Graduate Diploma Business (Auckland University)
Post Graduate Diploma Forestry (Canterbury University)
Bachelor of Arts (Victoria University)

Completing
Master of Philosophy (AUT University)

So he's clearly Labour's best spokesperson on the IRD. The rest being school teachers and Unionists and all. But notice how his posts on tax never seem to make a stand or illustrate any Labour policy to the contrary?

Nash (I shall now desist calling him Rooter as I have made my point), thinks that the IRD has had a significant legal victory with 2 namby pamby Judges ruling in their favour versus one staunch defender of what is right.

I say they have just opened Pandora's box. Which is why I am personally delighted in the decision to pick on sole traders and hope that the IRD now try and penalise every single person in New Zealand using structures like this in their small businesses.

The IRD have been on a rampaging warpath in recent years against big business and HNWI (high net worth individuals) and they have been winning due to the Judges treating each case not on its merits but namby pamby rulings of what the politicians intended to achieve (like most MP's even understand tax law), rather than what the law actually says. That is tax avoidance has been ruled in times when the black letter law says what has happened is perfectly legitimate structuring.

You see sadly no one gives a shit about big business or HNWI being caught up in this. The country applauds when they are beaten in Kangaroo courts by the IRD and taken down.

But now the IRD have opened up the way for the little guys to be beaten up. The country will not be so wild on this. The IRD have used big business HNWI decisions made on complex structuring and planning to apply precedent here to the Ma and Pa outfits of sole traders and smaller working class businesses like plumbers, electricians and handymen. Oops, PR FAIL.

For tax and trust practitioners this is just the break they need to make a solid publicly acceptable argument that the IRD and the Judiciary are going too far in terms of how tax law is applied and to pull their heads back into line.

Justice Ellen France (my new favourite Judge in NZ for her ability to actually think and apply law) states:

It is trite, but worth repeating, that not all arrangements which produce a tax advantage will constitute tax avoidance. That is the corollary of the freedom taxpayers have to structure their tax affairs in the most tax effective way. I have concluded, contrary to the decision of Hammond and Randerson JJ, that, while the arrangements entered into by Messrs Penny and Hooper do produce a tax advantage, they do not amount to tax avoidance.

These words are not at all trite, they are crucial and hopefully inspirational on appeal. She concluded quite correctly:

In all, I do not consider the taxpayers have gained the benefit of specific provisions in an artificial or contrived way. Rather, they have taken advantage of the difference in the tax rates in a way that is within the limits of acceptable commercial practice.

In other words, it is Parliament's intention for the differential rates between companies, trusts and personal income to work in this way, a subject Bill English has proposed to equalise. She can see that, why can't the other Judges? Nash is trying to create a mountain out of a molehill:

This, in turn, could well set in course a number of legal suits against the lawyers and accountants who provided the advice… Watch this space, but there will be a large number of very nervous business men and women out there, and, no doubt, a few professionals checking their professional indemnity insurance polices come Tuesday…

Nash is getting a little excited here. It is very hard to sue a lawyer or an accountant for giving advice which at the time of giving the advice was correct. Also any lawyer or accountant worth their salt takes massive indemnities signed and never guarantees that a structure will win in Court based on the judicial activism applied in New Zealand currently. Added to that suing your lawyer or accountant isn't wise given if it gets all the way to court all your records become subject to discovery.......

Anyway as Nash knows, trusts, including his own have been set-up for more reasons than just minimising taxation surely? Asset protection for example, very important for those property developers currently being sued by creditors and their lazy, greedy ex-wives, generation succession and wealth planning, Labour government's (when they increase top tax rates again) and means testing. Especially means testing.

So go on Stuart, tell us in your next post why you set up a company and a family trust of which you are beneficiary?

Two Paragraphs

That show that Deborah Coddington finally "gets it".

Some say corporate wives should be left out of this. But in the past I've been on the other side, sharing in the spoils, then suffering reporters representing angry creditors.

I know how it feels, but creditors have every right to be aggrieved, especially when people who owe huge amounts of money continue living the life of Riley.

Hallelujah, FINALLY a corporate wife who has managed to show in understanding some remorse for what it is like to be on the other side of a bad business deal. I hope some of the wives of Remuera, Parnell and Orakei have a read of Coddington's column and a perspective change as to how benefiting off the good from their husband's business comes with an equal obligation to take the debts as well and show a bit more respect to people who have lost money when they've been spending it.

And that the only difference between a corporate wife and the wife of an investor who has lost money, is that the corporate wife married better.

Coddington's latest column is worth a read. In fact her columns as of late are improving, it's taken many years but she's finally swung off the sad-sack wall of political confusion and is writing probably the best columns in HoS.

This latest one on how there really are no tall poppies is exceptional given the personal nature of the topic.

The Curse of Heskey Continues

Emile Heskey has done it again, this time colliding with England Captain Rio Ferdinand in training and now the Skipper is out of the World Cup.

I've previously posted of Ferdinand announcing the end of Heskey's career prematurely in 2007.

His career was meant to be over in 2007 when Rio Ferdinand stated "It would be nice for Emile to finish his England career with a goal.”

Looks like the big fat dunce has had the last laugh. Ferdinand's World Cup career is over.

Roll on John Terry appointed Captain. He should have been so from the beginning. Ferdinand has been held together by bandages all season.

Random Impertinent Leaks - Queen's Birthday Honours

Well if you haven’t worked out by now, bloggers have a copy of the Queen’s Birthday Honours List in full. It is possibly the saddest ever in the history of New Zealand. It would be tempting to publish the whole list in advance, I can't see any law against it other than it's like opening presents before Christmas.

However I agree it would ruin the day in controversy for those few worthy New Zealanders, many whom it will be a complete surprise (yeah right). I just want to make us again think about what Honours should be.

In my opinion there are some worthy winners on the list. They are always the good servicemen and women, Police, RSA, Veteran and community workers. That should be the limit of honouring New Zealanders. Many categories are an horrendous joke. It is made worse that they are handed out by an undeserving bunch of insolvent bludging inbreds on the other side of the world called the Windsors.

Services to Maori

This year there is a disproportional amount of race based awards. Perhaps it is a coincidence that National are in coalition with a bunch of bead and blanket traders in the Maori Party but isn’t being a Maori, especially an activist who has fought against the Crown, a selling out of Uncle Tame or Tamati proportions to turn around and accept an award from the Crown? It’s like a branding slapped on their backside from Pakeha and makes a laughing stock of a recipient as it is handed out by our Queen, not Maori Royalty.

Where on the list is there “services to Pakeha”? Seriously, where? Why is it that you can be Maori and awarded a National Honour, but you cannot be awarded for example services to "White Middle class males”? As stated these race based awards are rarely deserved and a political trade-off between pandering to Maori and taking the piss. The winner of the highest honour on the list I have googled and cannot find one reference to. Hone Harawira will be pleased to note that the “M” word is used 11 times. That is 11 race based awards for Maori. Indians, Chinese and Pacific Islanders now demand awards. The whole thing has turned into a joke. How about removing the race element and bringing in a national standard?

Services to Philanthropy

It would be acceptable if this meant, standing for 20 years in the freezing cold handing out soup to poor people, but four recipients got awards for giving away their loot, a couple with questionable source of funds because it wasn’t their personal money to start with but family money. You shouldn’t get an award for giving away money. This only brings the awards into disrepute that you can buy an Honour based on giving to the “right” or “left” political party. When you have $100 million, how sacrificial really is it to write a $1 or $2 million cheque to charity? Many recipients past and present give away their money out of a sense of guilt. Philanthropic awards of honours only has lead to Maori taking the lead that they too can follow the honky and give nonsensical awards to their mates as well.

Every New Zealander paying a top tax rate ever year should receive a service to philanthropy if they are to be handed out. The government coffers being the largest charity of them all.

Services to Business

Same objections as above. You are awarded in business if you are successful with shit loads of money. That’s enough.

Services to rugby

Three awards for this. Richie McCaw should win one if he raises the World Cup next year but really, who cares about lesser achievement in sport than that. Honouring rugby just leaves it open to stupid sports such as equestrian to claim an award (yes there was one for sitting on a bloody horse), volleyball, marching, yachting and softball.

Politicians

A CNZM (Companion of the Order) was awarded to a politician for “public service”. It won’t be hard to guess who it is as she’s just retired and never actually achieved anything that special other than being demure and huggable. I think it was the least deserving as with every other politician, they are already awarded with a huge undeserved pension from the taxpayer. The award system is already political. I propose that awards are no longer given to politicians of any party.

The highest honour, the Order of New Zealand was ruined when not only Don McKinnon and Jim Bolger won one, but Helen Clark, Mike Moore and Jonathan Hunt.

Silly categories

There are a few standouts:

Services to traditional Indian dance – all I say is, next stop with Maori will be “services to hip-hop”. This sets the bar to a new low.
Services to the Earthquake Commission – enough said. Serving something we can’t actually stop, a natural disaster. Would be worthy of the honour if they actually stopped an earthquake…
Services to herpetology – hmmm….

Services to organ restoration - sadly not a medical restoration but assuming it means restoring old musical instruments. Another service the country cannot do without.

Services to poetry – the winner is a pioneer in such strange behaviour that he could very well have identical symptoms to a P addict. Mad rantings before meth was even

ENZA Has The Balls

Hot on the heels of the Smile and Wave stating he has had the snip, Tony Gibbs threw his challenge up today in the starkest way possible. A billboard at Wellington airport just for the politicians.

This should be a good battle. Zespri guard their privileged position in the market with as many dirty tactics as possible. Look for more billboard warfare to come.

Million-dollar Man Up To His Waders

It's a rather unusual corporate strategy to say that you fucked it all up. But Telecom today actually admitted it.

Reading between the lines the ad firmly states "we've sacked the pricks responsible and now it's working".

I don't think New Zealanders are that great at picking themselves up by the boot-straps as they are more likely to first blame others, but I do know they are very good at giving something a try if there is 30 days risk-free right of return. So that looks a winner.

More impressive is that if XT doesn't work this time, Reynolds himself may have plenty of time to go fishing.

Which is why I'm thinking it will be all fixed because in fronting the ad it's not the silly little Hamster but his arse that is now right on the line.

Rob Fyfe stripped and was body painted for his Air NZ ad. Don't let the waders fool you, Reynolds right now is wearing far less than body paint.

Making the strategy all the more unusual and bold for a CEO.

Random Impertinent Leaks

So do you think "services to traditional Indian dance" deserves a Queens Birthday Honour?

And how many "services to Maori" will there be this time versus "services to white middle class males"?

More to come.....

Sayonara Second Class Meat

Restaurant Review

For as many years as I have been on this earth I have sampled the best beef New Zealand has to offer, plenty as a child from the paddock right outside my bedroom. Some of the best New Zealand beef is sent outside of its place of birth so I’ve chased it pretty much all around the world. Brainwashed to accept that New Zealand has the best beef in the world. Loyally trotting out orders of New Zealand beef in fine dining establishments, turning ones nose up at other offerings in some sort of entranced state of Pokareker-bloody-ana consciousness that I am the New Zealander at the table so cannot order anything but New Zealand beef.

Well that’s about to change as I come one baby step closer to chucking my New Zealand passport out with the bath water. It was all lies!

Quite accidentally I discovered the Intercontinental Steak House in Hong Kong. Tucked away in Kowloon, or as I call it because it’s on the other side of the Harbour – the Mainland. Not a fan of hotel restaurants but in my backyard plenty of the finest dining experiences are shared with sleeping and shagging.

I will always remember my first trip to the Intercontinental Steak House, because it was there that I tasted the first mouthful of Saga A5 Filet Mignon. An experience that will now scar me for life as I cannot state that New Zealand has anywhere near the best beef in the world. The Japanese do and we should honour that with a small bow. Those in rural areas grimacing in Fonterra fury at my review should just shut the fuck up, find the nearest cow as quickly as they can, massage it and feed it beer while playing Beethoven.

I am thankful for a lot of things in life and one is that I didn’t pick up the bill for the Saga A5 Filet Mignon which for one portion rolls in at around $NZ280 let alone the rest of the meal. It was a dare from a foreigner who chides me about the quality of New Zealand beef over the Japanese. He was right and was happy to pay for the shock on my face when I digested the first mouthful. A taste not so rich or stodgy as New Zealand beef but a subtle texture that floated around my incisors. Eight ounces (220 grams) was exactly enough. No more, no less. I leaned back in my seat and didn’t feel like you do with New Zealand eye fillet that you had digested an entire beast and smelt up the haybarn at the same time the rich waft lingers on your clothes as a take-home surprise.

There was a salad bar that I unsurprisingly ignored completely as an unsightly waste of stomach space. Insecure women and fat men hovered over the sad looking greens and dressings. The women eating salad only and the fat men endeavouring to calm their nagging wives after ordering the 32 Oz (900 grams) New York Strip by feigning concern for their cholesterol and fat intake.

On the downside we were in a hotel restaurant, meaning they turn the air conditioning down to that of Antarctica and the guests are a hodge potch lot of passers by and walk-ins. But not even the hoiking throat clearing bachelor of the year behind our table out on a date with a giggling cardboard cutout could ruin my new love which is the Japanese Wagyu. I’ve had Wagyu before, but not like this. The staff were average and the décor probably not complementing the gazillion dollar view of the 8pm Hong Kong Symphony of Lights.

But as you are asked to choose a weapon of your destruction from the drawer of a worldwide selection of steak knives (Brazilian for my hand size) sit enjoying your carbon destroying Wagyu, freezing air conditioning and random wastage of electricity from the light show – you realize that this is one of the last remaining places in the world where those of us worried only about the present and ourselves because we accept one day the planet is going to just blow up, can actually enjoy it without the disturbance of lesser minds and dissension from terrorists organizations such as PETA.

This ladies and gentlemen is a small shrine to everything good and proper left in the world.

I am now officially well over New Zealand beef and will carry the flag of the Japanese.

The experience is as life-changing as turning left when you get on the plane. Once you do that you never want to even consider the experience going on down on the right.

And if living life how it is meant to, you should not have to.