Whitening Christmas

Anyone who blogs over Christmas I have decided is a wee bit sad. So sorry Poneke - no answer yet and I'm sure you won't have time to read it now you are re-united with the Missus.

So after a visit to the dentist, 4 veneers and 6 filling replacements and a failed attempt at whitening (Jesus CHRIST how do people do that with sensitive teeth? I got through 1 tray of 3 before being close to bursting into tears) I plan on spending at least the next 48 hours in an alcoholic medicinal coma with friends.

Painkilling injections are over-rated when they start to wear off.

Even when I was up on the injection I still thought about just how bloody awful it is the Nats are celebrating Former Dear Leader with the Order of New Zealand as reported by Barnsley Bill on Gotcha.

One word - disgraceful. It's the sort of thing you expect the next Labour government to do...not the Tories. Kind of like poor surrender when you are winning. Wasn't the UN appointment enough?

Greg Johnson Gig - New Years

As advertised on Puntiki's Blog, Greg Johnson is singing in the New Year at The Windsor Castle. Better still, it is advertised as "New Years for grown-ups". Which will appeal to most sane adults over 25 years old that does not appreciate being surrounded by over-excited teenagers.

Of special interest, appearing is Mrs Puntiki, Taylor Cornell a singer/songwriter from Venice, California.

Happy to give a free plug to the event and wish Taylor all the best in return for the fabulous hospitality back earlier in the year when I had my wee "passport in LAX" issue and I gatecrashed her weekend.

Hope she enjoys herself and the New Zealand crowd give her a suitable welcome back.

Baby Steps For Plane Jane

Oh halleljuah and Merry Christmas
A victory for every business commentator this year listed here (in a post way back in May) who has brought up (much to the derision of the negative stone-throwing conspiracy conspiracy theorists) - the conflicts between NZX's regulatory and commercial functions. She's still got her head in the sand about what to do about it and denying that a current problem exists, yet Jane Diplock wont be making that decision Simon Power will be.

``This dual delegation remains of concern to the commission. While this delegation is in place, there remains a potential for conflict to exist,'' the report says.

During the period under review the chief executive, under the direction of a committee of the NZX board, exercised fully on occasion the delegation as head of supervision. The function was competently discharged, and no conflict was evident in the discharge of that function.

``However, the commission considers that the dual delegation is inadvisable. In the commission's view the issue which required the exercise of the delegation could have been resolved by the retaining of external counsel or an expert, who could have independently reported to the board, thereby retaining the separation of the commercial and regulatory functions.

Lets see if Simon Power has the cojones to actually make a clear split in the functions when Speedo gets back from his holiday downing tequillas.

Air NZ - The Cougar Grab a Seat

Hilarious ad for grab-a-seat. Love it and know a few with P addict parasites! Pisstaking of Marketing and Human Resource Consulting employees. Love it more. And SO true.

Thanks Mike E.

Question - has this ad made it past the censors and on to your screens yet?

Random Impertinent Questions

10. Are the NBR really crediting subscribers another month on their sub due to a pay-per-view month off? Or is that a rumour spread by DPF?
9. Sick of corporate emails saying "Merry Christmas" or similar when you've never met the person or can't remember them anyway?
8. Is it really worth working so hard so you can go away?
7. Haven't drank a drop since Friday night. Can I go til Thursday night without?
6. And how messy will Christmas Day be?
5. Will gorgeous puppy Zeus beat his Grandmother Busted Blonde to the leftovers?
4. Isn't it good to finally have a Prime Minister who can take the piss out of himself and his kids?
3. And close your eyes, doesn't he sound exactly like David Farrar?
2. Run out of steam for 2009 yet?
1. Everyone else seems to have except for Whaleoil.

Commerce Commission and Hanover

Today I had this email exchange with Allanah Kalafatelis from the Commerce Commission as a result of my post on Richard Long and Hanover. I have reprinted less her contact details for clarity as nothing is confrontational or controversial regarding. Allanah is clearly very good at her job, polite, and took less than a week to respond to the original post. She also dealt concisely with the points at issue and didn't tell porkies. Therefore a short career in the public sector is predicted.

---

From: xxxxxx@xxxx.govt.nz
To: cactus.kate@hotmail.com
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 2009 12:56:19 +1300
Subject: RE: re Commerce Commission's Hanover investigation

No, we will announce the outcome of an investigation if there is an enforcement action taken, but often close investigations without an announcement, either because there was no evidence of a breach, or in this case because it was quickly evident that it was more appropriate for the Securities Commission to investigate.

---

From: Cactus Kate [mailto:cactus.kate@hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, 22 December 2009 12:27 p.m.
To: Allanah Kalafatelis
Subject: Re: re Commerce Commission's Hanover investigation

Many thanks, was this publicised anywhere? I did search but missed if it had..

Will update post later today.

---

From: Allanah Kalafatelis

Date: Tue, 22 Dec 2009 10:34:53 +1300

To: 'cactus.kate@hotmail.com'

Subject: re Commerce Commission's Hanover investigation

Hi Kate,

Noticed your comment re the Hanover investigation. The Commission did indeed launch an investigation. Having examined the matters raised during the investigation, and following legal advice, the Commission concluded that the matters were better dealt with under the Securities Act, and the issue was forwarded to the Securities Commission. The Commerce Commission's investigation was closed.

Regards,

Allanah Kalafatelis

Communications Manager

Commerce Commission

Level x, xx xxxxxxxxx , Wellington

Tel +64 4 xxx xxxx

Mob 02x xxx xxxx

Fax +64 4 xxx xxxx

xxxxxx@xxxxx.govt.nz

This raises the issue of the Commerce Commission's own website whereby they announce often in a stream of publicity that they are coming after a company or person and then by their own admission do not post follow ups if the person or company is innocent, or in Hanover's case there is nothing on the website stating the Securities Commission was charged with looking into it. Insert "Hanover" into the search engine and you will see what I mean.

No surprises really given that the IRD and SFO have a handy habit of such behaviour, front paging investigations then making any loss or pass-off less public.

Second Asian Invasion Blogger(s) of the Year Award

Whaleoil won it last year So he can't win it again else even though he probably should as his record speaks for itself.

Because of my nature not to be pleasant to everyone or throw fake praise, winning such an honour from me is a prestigious one and not to be taken lightly in the NZ political blogging world as one would praise from some soft hanky pink Tory such as David Farrar.

My award this year will surprise a few people but in terms of the winner I don't think it can be disputed that their blog has been the newest thing of the block to add to political discourse, rage and trolling. In terms of blogs, this one was risky as to how it would be perceived politically. It has been copied very poorly by the opposition party and ended up the year, unlike many promising new blogs, still alive and kicking.

It started on May 5th 2009 where the host driver stated:

......It’s a bit different, and you’re going to see different perspectives. You can join in and have a direct discussion with us if you want to.

........... want to engage directly with you, the people. What you’ll read are the opinions of individual MPs. We won’t always agree with each other and sometimes our opinions may change.

It’s real. It’s honest. And it’s live.

Don't know about honest, but it is real and live and the MP's do disagree with each other.

The leading contributor is quite easily the best new blogger of the year. Not only is he aggressive and angry, he screams "loose cannon" and gives trolls a working over before either banning them or telling them to f'off. With him you never know if he's going to post something that will see him reported to the Senior Whips office or something enlightening and yet oh so very bitchy.

Without further stuffing round, the 2009 winner is Red Alert

What I like most about Red Alert of course is that it cuts The Standard out from having any political or social relevance at all.

Why read from the plebs when you can read it all direct from the servants themselves?

Air New Zealand Gold Elite Gift - FAIL

MOC (Mother of Cactus) forwarded the annual package from Rob Fyfe that reached me today. Here is where it ended up.

First, the envelope combusted in my hand when opened and cardboard popped everywhere. That was kind of cool.

Instructions with a code to go to the website Gold Elite Gifts and pick your gift.

The only cool gift is the Phitek headphones. Like a Fonterra milk promotion however - Air NZ were out of stock when I logged on.

A stupid kids outdoor kit which must cost all of $1.50. A Dick Frizzell book (oh joy to the friggin world to anyone under age 65) and a donation to Make-A-Wish.

The donation prompted my interest as given the gifts should all be of equal cost to Air NZ on bulk buying or sponsorship rates, it should indicate how much they value Gold Elite customers as the donation is a full transfer from their account to the charity. And the answer folks:

$30.

That's right, the stooges at Air NZ not only budget $30 for gifts they only donate $30 to charity on your behalf if you choose that option. I'm sure David Farrar's new Kiwiblog charitable donation from his blog income may exceed that.

In the spirit of entrepreneurial endeavour at Air NZ, I propose a new option for full Gold Elite members. That is, exclude the supplementary cardholders who get a card based on who they are rooting, and the entire public sector who are perking off the taxpayer to get their status.

I estimate that leaves around 30 women in New Zealand from the private sector who are not taxpayer or spousal funded for their travel, 3 of them statistically will be lesbians so not interested and half of the rest married so excluded. That leaves 13.5.

We should all have the option of a lunch with Rob Fyfe, where he turns up dressed like this:



Now that's an option I would take at Goldelitegift. Nice.

* For the record I chose the powerstick which charges devices such as i-pods and Blackberry's. Chances are it will be lost within weeks, probably on an Air NZ flight under the business class pod on reclining.

Speedo Sums Up His Year Nicely

"I think it's been a strong year actually," said Weldon last week. "We're ending it in a good place. There are a number of reasons for it, but I get a general sense of optimism out there and, as a company, a market and a country, I'm looking forward to 2010."

No man is an Island, unless you are Mark Weldon and now a company, a market and a country.

With the acceleration of Kiwisaver you would hope the NZX as a whole has had a strong year with more money coming in under the compulsion of savings and funds therein.

Naturally Speedo is looking forward to 2010, 31 December 2010 inparticularly and whatever he has re-negotiated on the share-split with respect to re-evaluation of the vesting criteria of his CEO Share Scheme.

Holidaying in Mexico, Speedo will come back with fresh ideas and hopefully convincing that New Zealand is in danger of 2025'ing behind Mexico than in front of Australia.

ACT Coup Attempt - FAIL

It would be hypocritical for me not to comment on what I agree with DPF on, is a "Stunning story". If similar happened in National and DPF didn't comment I would cop him a right hook.

Every Party has these sorts of incidents, hell Dr (but can't write a script) Cullen remember pulled one on the former Dear Leader and I'm sure Cunliffe and Jones are holding their own BBQ's and hangi presently. The difference is that small parties cannot handle the fallout as larger parties do.



While not all the facts in this story by Audrey Young are completely correct, the general idea is spot on. Lord knows who leaked it to the Press, but the timing is circumspect given MP's have been boozing all week with Journalists and other hangers on. The execution of this coup was Boris Yeltsin in clumsiness, sobriety and lack of forethought for consequences.

The political strategical stupidity in a coup is astounding in a party of 5 MP's, 80% of whom are reliant for their place in Parliament solely on the electoral seat of the guy they plotted against as the party didn't reach the 5% threshold. For that, the coup plotters deserve a slight fail. It would certainly have made a Constitutional sensation if there was a lost by-election and a Party was left with 4 MP's having neither breached the 5% threshold or won an electorate seat. I can't find out through internet resources as to what the outcome of that would actually be. A snap election with National polling on 60% the most likely outcome in hindsight.

If Audrey is correct in stating that John Key threatened to sack the coup co-plotter and take away her baubles as a Minister if she became leader of the Party, then the coup plotters deserve an even larger four letter "f" for fail, for they have just displayed the same behaviour they were bagging the guy they were plotting against.

Sir Roger has Gold Elite status as a member of the frequent flyer entitlement club. Parliamentary perks use is what they were bagging Rodney Hide for. As well as Heather Roy having chosen her Ministerial position over being co-leader of ACT. Nice one chaps. I don't even care what Rodney Hide's popularity is in the country, for Sir Roger's is unelectable full stop and the old fellow lives in the dreamworld that a nostalgia vote will get him through. The bad news for Sir Roger is that it will not. These days people cannot understand what he is mumbling about and the National Party thus far have treated him with the respect and relevant disdain as you would a mad Uncle who has had his day.

While Sir Roger is around he is a constant nuisance for anyone leading the Party. Heather Roy needed Sir Roger Douglas as co-leader or supporter as much as a hooker needs genital herpes to perform her job. There is no doubting Sir Roger's ability and contribution to New Zealand and ACT in terms of policy but as a true strategic and enduring politician he has an inept record. This latest coup added to the myriad of brain farts the man has had since 1987.

All I have to say on the conclusion of the matter is that the coup plotters must now all fall on their swords, resign as MP's and let the next candidates on the list: Hilary Calvert, Peter Tashkoff and John Ormond have a turn. I have no idea how any of those three would run as MP's versus Boscawen, Douglas and Roy but anything must be better than a trio of turkeys who voted for an early Christmas. No idea what happened with David Garrett but one gives him the benefit of the doubt that he may very well have been at the pub at the time of the plotting.

I look forward to a very interesting 2010 ACT conference in February where party members can discuss this ridiculous attempt and failure by people old enough to know better. Calvert, Tashkoff and Ormond especially should attend. Ex-member Lindsay Mitchell ended up no fan of Rodney Hide's when she left the Party but has an astute post on the silliness of what went on here including a logical conclusion she wasn't cut out for such silliness.

The golden rule of any political coup is that you must actually win it or face the often terminal consequences of looking very very bad if it ever becomes public.

How can you run a party effectively when you cannot manage a decent coup? - FAIL.

Right now the three people are looking very shaky for their part in this year's Nativity scene.

All they've achieved in the way of a higher vote in 2011 is one for FPP. Well done.

Bring Back the Privy Council

The retired Chief Justice of Australia is going to assist review the complaint against Wilson J not recusing himself in the Saxmere case.

A conflict of interest complaint is being investigated by judicial conduct commissioner Sir David Gascoigne with the help of the former Chief Justice of Australia, Murray Gleeson.

If New Zealand needs overseas Judges to assist in such matters given there is so much bias and internal conflicts in the New Zealand legal and judicial system why not just bring back the right of appeal to the Privy Council? The New Zealand Supreme Court are proving to be a right bunch of halfwits.

X Factor v Rage

The current fight for the UK number 1 Christmas slot.



All Simon Cowell has to do is promise the UK male public that if X Factor win the Christmas number 1 then Cheryl Cole will wear this outfit on the next series.

Best Christmas Stick Cartoon Ever

Courtesy UnPc Lesbian

Long On For Hanover Investors

Reading Bernard Hickey's captivating live blogging commentary from the Hanover meeting yesterday there was one comment that stood out.

Alfred Batchelor, 84, asks how he’ll get his money back. “Some silly bugger on the telly told me Hanover was as safe as the rock of Gibraltor.”

After the initial chuckle, I wondered in my best Alan Shore pose whether this man had a point. Whether there is a case for the prosecution on this one? It's Christmas and I am feeling more Alan and less Denny today, so I will take one for the little guys for a change.



Here is the "silly bugger", Richard Long. (Not to be confused with Richard Long, the gatekeeper of the Press Gallery booze and still going strong at 69).



Back in 2008, the Advertising Standards Authority ruled against Hanover for the advertisement where Richard Long stated:

"This One Weather Update is brought to you by Hanover, a New Zealand business with the size and strength to withstand any conditions."

Hanover appealed and lost. That wording ran from August 19 to November 15 2007. The wording was then changed.

The Commerce Commission announced on 24th July 2008 that it was investigating whether Hanover Finance had breached the Fair Trading Act by making misleading representations to prospective investors and/or the public generally.

More than a year later I can't find any evidence that they have actually done so.

Readers may be able to shed light on what has happened some 17 months on, I would also love to be sent or have You Tubed the old advertisements so pull it all out of archives now folks. If nothing has been done at all relating to the complaint then this is grounds for the Commerce Commission disappearing altogether. Here is a classic case of misrepresentation not about a toaster, but a product in which many people were induced to put their life savings. It's a little more serious with 16,500 investors owed more than half a billion dollars.

So putting this aside for a moment I ask if anyone has looked at Richard Long and his conduct as a celebrity endorser more critically than to treat him as a victim of Hanover? The Fair Trading Act has wider implications than Hanover. Individuals involved in the offending conduct can be prosecuted under the Act. Not to mention any other causes of action that can be thrown at Long.

Richard Long was a paid celebrity endorser, unlike Colin Meads and his failed fronting for Provincial Finance, Long was extra special, he had authority beyond just being a "good Kiwi bloke".

Every night Long appeared as an authoritative newsreader in the homes of New Zealand, putting a million in a collective trance at 6pm relaxing after work or a long day on the couch. A newsreader is meant to portray neutrality. Richard Long personified this. Every night he would front without emotion as he read the auto-cue. No one knew Long's politics or much about him at all. He was the consumate professional.

Hanover's advertisements that Long agreed to do actually cross-pollunated back to his former role with the words:

This One Weather Update....

That is Richard Long used not only his celebrity (as in the case of Meads) but his prior position at TVNZ as a neutral trusted newsreader to flog a product that induced Mr Batchelor and others to put their life savings into the investment.

I ask Mr Long in cross examination - Did you have any money of your own in Hanover? Or was your pay in any way linked to the product?

You see this isn't like Tiger Woods and a razor or Nike shoes. Tiger has to use the razors and wear the Nike shoes as part of the deal. Long to the best of the media's knowledge never had any money tied up in an investment in Hanover.

Richard Long may claim he did not know of Hanover's position when he made the advertisement, yet as an intelligent man of above-average means exercising a professional of care how could he possibly state that any investment other than a government guaranteed bank deposit could "withstand any conditions"? There is no reasonable basis for this claim.

Granted the investors should not have relied on this statement either, yet the purpose of advertising is to induce the consumer to buy and New Zealand has legislation protecting the consumer from false claims.

In fronting the campaign and accepting payment for it, Richard Long is culpable as the pointman for inducing the most important part of the puzzle - the investors, into investing in Hanover. Without investors there was no Hanover.

The Alfred Batchelors' of Hanover who relied and were induced based on Richard Long's unique attributes as a frontman, I believe with a bit of Alan Shore style representation have a case for him to answer.

At the very least he should be made to pay back the fee he received for fronting the advertisements that he must have known were false and misleading and resulted in inducing Alfred and many avid newswatchers and fans of Long into investing in Hanover.

That would be a good start.

It may also serve as a timely warning for New Zealand celebrities willing to put their names to all sorts of risky or hopeless products, to earn pocket money thinking that all the liability rests with the other party to their contract.

Little Wonder Papers Sell on Drug Stories

I checked my comments tonight as I do only at night and found 100 comments waiting for moderation.

Never having so many I thought the Spam had got to me.

But no, 96 comments were regarding the post below. Quite staggering and around 50 more than my previous record which was set over a longer time period than one day.

I read them all and most people were of the view I need to be having lunch with the parents.

Highlights were

- a few asking if I had slept with the father (nice)
- an economist who opined based on his knowledge thereof
- most stating that they were parents and would want to know.

Incredibly interactive and rather interesting discussion. And unlike Kiwiblog, no troll farming.

Update - I will be having lunch with the father on Monday.

No Corruption In New Zealand?

Really?

Otago District Health Board former chief information officer Michael Swann has admitted accepting a $755,000 bribe from long-time friend and business associate Robin Sew Hoy in exchange for more of the board's information technology work.

Random Impertinent Question

So can you short Allied Farmers stock?

Problem of The Week - Reader Feedback Required

By the lack of posts you can probably guess that I am either a) out every night or b) working far too hard to get things done by Christmas. Unfortunately it is b) and alcohol count this last seven days has been poor.

Yet for all the problem solving at work, this one has got me stumped.

I'm out at a notorious nightspot to catch the end of a client function that I am three hours late for. No element of being pre-pissed so am stone cold sober. I need to go to the toilet so to the back of the bar I go.

While there it is clear that I am being held up by drug users monopolising the cubicles. It is a pet hate of mine and I have posted before. For some reason female drug users take longer in the dunny than they do for a piss. I can't stand it. Especially in the huge cubicles as there can be more than one person in them easily at a time. This promotes sex and drug use. Nothing wrong with that prima facie, but there is when I need to genuinely use the toilet for the purpose intended.

I hear giggles, the door comes ajar and it is (her) worst nightmare - three teenage expat kids come out of the cubicle, one the 17 year old daughter of a friend. Unlucky. I've known the parents for three years, not well, but enough to know the daughter on sight. She recognises me and shuffles uneasily.

I look at her and see snow flakes streaming from her nose, her eyes are beautifully glassed over and she's carrying a larger than usual (for a gram) empty plastic bag, which she discards quickly into the bin. She realises she is in deep shit and is looking for my reaction which is one I guess between shock and horror and "what a bloody waste on her".

I do my business and go out and find her in the bar. I politely and quietly request she see me outside without her twitty friends. She starts talking in front of other people about what has happened and I less than politely tell her to STFU and go outside with me where we walk down the road some 50 metres to a clear space where I can see noone else has followed us. Questioning starts:

- How long have you been doing this?
just this year

- First time anyone has sprung you?
yeah, please don't tell Mum and Dad

And the killer for drug education programmes all over the world

- How did you start?
the drug education people came to school to talk about ketamine to tell us not to do it

- Before then did you even know what it was?
no

- Do you know what ketamine actually is?
yeah...(then reads off basically a fact sheet of its content)

Hong Kong supposedly has a huge ketamine problem in High Schools to the point where they are considering drug testing in schools. It's the Hong Kong equivalent I guess of "P" in New Zealand.

I gave her a little lecture not about not doing drugs but how to do them safely. Pointing out the stupidity of going into a toilet cubicle with two other laughing teenagers and then carrying around a large bag of it in clubs that are well-known for drug use and therefore under constant police surveillance. I mention to her the difference between supply and possession and the penalties for both.

So the issue is now of course - do I tell the parents?

Again, not so much a moral objection to drugs but the kid is 17. Kids shouldn't be doing drugs. As I said to her she should wait until she is older so she can afford to buy better drugs.

Upside - none really other than if she dies of a drug overdose it would be rather bad
Downside - when she is finally caught the little shit will no doubt rat me out to her parents for having previously busted her with it and consider my silence consent to her behaviour.

Feedback please.

National Treasure - Andrew Williams

I've followed Whaleoil's expose on the short man, Mad Mayor Andrew Williams and found it side-splittingly funny. I haven't commented until now because, well Whaleoil is doing such a good job winding him up.



If the man is NOT drinking that late at night (and we have to give him the benefit of the doubt that he isn't and is just an insomniac), then he is just utterly crazy....I love it. It is pretty hard to hate a man who is just THIS crazy. It also makes him understandably very fun to deal with, as Whaleoil is entertaining himself greatly.

I also love this comment from a woman who I shall not name, on Whaleoil's facebook page.

"He can call me at 3:00 am. I'm usually up and he's cute"

His latest reported text to Bob Parker in Christchurch makes up for all the others:

On July 27, Williams sent a cellphone email to Christchurch Mayor Bob Parker just after midnight after dining with friends in the city. In the email, Williams said he and his party were "most disappointed with Christchurch tonight".

After attending a function in the city, his group went looking for a restaurant, but Williams told Parker "your city was dead as a duck".

So not only is Andrew Williams now a sex symbol, he's a champion for fighting the forces of Canterbury.

If New Zealand can allow Tim Shadbolt as Mayor, surely when he is dumped in North Shore, someone of Williams' character and personality can go fund a niche in a small New Zealand town being Mayor of "somewhere".

Just nowhere important please!

McCartney Ruins X Factor

I don't know what Simon Cowell was thinking inviting Sir Paul McCartney to perform not one but two songs on the final of X Factor.



Age 67, that's right, he's sixty fucking seven (and handicapped by wasted years with Heather Mills), McCartney comes on stage and craps all over the commercialised nonsense of X Factor.

He's old enough to be the winner Joe McElderry's grandfather. That's right, grandfather. But the old man gets up, performs and reminds us all why X Factor is crap.

I hate McCartney's politics and his limp wristed pinko approach to life, and that he doesn't eat meat but hats off he still is the greatest solo act in the world. His concerts are still the best value in town despite his gramps status. He's on stage almost twice the length of these new-age jumping strutting lip synching twits.

I'm sick of Joe McElderry already. His only claim to fame is showing more love to Cheryl Cole than she gets at home from Cashley.

"The Climb" is a ghastly Disney commercialised piece of dog turd. Give me a rehash of the worst McCartney song anyday. And gramps singing it.

No one cares?

Well no one will care about cute little wide-wyed Joe in a few years. McCartney most likely will still be blasting out hit after hit.

Ragers Guide

Christmas time. You are a cheap target.

1. Be careful drink driving. Get a taxi.
2. Don't do drugs in clubs or bars. Undercover cops everywhere, even on the toilets.
3. Don't get drunk in public. Dirty men and undercover cops everywhere.

Not really into going out from now until Christmas time for these reasons. Moreso in New Zealand and Australia where the Police are turning the ragers into roadkill and going after anything having fun.

During the blitz - which began at 6pm on Friday and ended 6pm Sunday - police across Australia and New Zealand deployed 9715 officers, made 2785 arrests, recorded 567 assaults and recorded 1281 licensing breaches.

Hot - private parties with private drop offs and pick ups.

Where's Ricardo?

The Noz's webpage. The A List is a bit light this week. He must have been Tyra Banks hunting.

Where else would Ricardo be this week? But the races. After all he is known for organising on Boxing Day similar events at Bracu through his company One Agency. Also responsible I see for the promotion of Aqualine - the Princes Wharf Nourish bars.

And in an exclusive, Norrie has managed to get Ricardo SMILING. First such shot in living memory, the man has TEETH, good teeth. Gone also are the dark circles of Mr Hung-Over and the darker looks of Goth in pictures. Gone by the looks are the binge drinking "42" days - De Bretts 4 shot of vodka and double splice of lime's. Illegal serve these days thanks to the alcohol police. Sunglasses still on the head, but only Bob Jones seems to have a massive problem with that in New Zealand.



After last weeks second CKWI (Cactus Kate Wardrobe Incident) where Noz spotted Ricardo in the same outfit two times during the week. Here he is delicately dressed in a classic go-to-the races ensemble, Ricardo curiously sports chains that appear to be holding down the waistcoat garment to give it length and form over his rapidly decreasing waistline. That or it could be just holding his house keys so he can get home when paralytic later. I am sure in fashion there is a word for "chains off your waistcoat", but I'm a fashion neanderthal and don't know all the "cool kids" words.

Anyway Teethy Smiling Ricardo just looks so much BETTER. Another tick for firsts on Asian Invasion this year then, due to constant media scrutiny, we got the Party Prince to SMILE!!
Which leads me to the SkyCity ITOC soiree and an inspired party theme. Shirtless hotties. Yum and well done to the Mum below for copping a good feel (next time Dear rest your hands on their dented "love handles"). Shame about the West Auckland jandals boys.



If a girl could get one of those under a Christmas tree then the belief in Santa may just return.

Apart from Teethy Smiling Ricardo there were no hotties on show this week. So I am going to put up the most curiously dodgy photo of the week, World Cup Rugby CEO and former New Zealand Cricket bowler (who filled in to bore the batsmen out when Richard Hadlee needed a rest from bowling) - Martin Snedden.

Smells Worse Than A проститутка

проститутка is the Russian term for prostitute.



Today the Sunday Star Times presented a "kiss and tell" of Rosa Kimpton who has outed herself as the $10,000 a month woman and in doing so has behaved in a fashion not fit to be compared to a hooker. I previously outlined the disgrace of this case.

New Zealand women don't do "kiss and tells". First, unlike the UK or US, there is no money in it and second, it's just not the done thing to do in the Remuera type social set. Set on the back of Tiger Woods' trail of million dollar a time destruction, Rosa Kimpton just looks pathetic.

The difference between Mrs Kimpton and a hooker is that the hooker has the good grace and manners to root and leave after receiving payment and her job is done. Mrs Kimpton, like the dead fish she presents as, is hanging round like a bad rotting smell.

The joke is on the silly корова (cow), as Mr Kimpton seems to be the victim of the recession and is hold up living with a former wife. Why wouldn't he? He would have paid for the house. Mr Kimpton if he had any sense as a businessman has neatly tucked his money during one of those European visits, in an untraceable bank account, while Mrs Kimpton was out buying chinchilla coats and Italian shoes on his Centurion Card or her Visa Platinum.

During the day I received an email outlining briefly the CV of Mrs Kimpton. She left Russia to marry an Australian. She took him for every dollar she could then moved to Auckland to woo a friend of the email author. He fancied her, much to the author's horror, however was dumped with quite glorious words "Rosa you're just too expensive". She moved on eventually to David Kimpton.

Wonder if this evidence was put before the Justice Heath.

Such recidivist offending doesn't deserve encouragement.

Now I will be quick to add that I have met some wonderful Russian women in Auckland who would make fabulous adoring wives and genuinely care about their men. So lets not blanket the whole with the bad behaviour of a few. But in every instance I know of with men who have had a taste of Russian, the women are frightfully difficult to get rid of when the men have had enough.

I don't blame Mr Kimpton for leaving a note in the letterbox. I have heard stories of violence, gang intimidation and visits from Russia by brothers and uncles on the doorstep of men who seek to split from these girls. They are vicious. They defend their meal tickets with venom.

"[Rosa] is entitled to maintain her previous lifestyle, in the immediate future, while she takes time to re-establish herself financially and take responsibility for her own financial situation," Justice Heath's November 20 judgement says.

In other words, when Rosa Kimpton finds herself another meal ticket.

At 49 years old and with now a public reputation for worse than проститутка like behaviour, she will not find this easy. Her career of living off men may well be over. She was reportedly on $120,000 a year in credit card bills and $46,000 in clothing allowances. That's an after tax (rent free) disposable spend of $166,000. Should have put away some of those credit card bills in assets I would think......something more liquid and appreciating like diamonds, gold or art.

More staggering was that SST reveals the couple were married just three years, hence her lifestyle could hardly be seen as needing to be "maintained". She also seems to have delusions about her own age and butter wouldn't melt in her mouth when explaining the difference between love and money. The gap between the two is only 15 years. Which is nothing at age 49 (wonder how many times she has turned 49) and 64.

"Because of his age I had concerns. I had never in my life been with a man that was so much older than me.

If Mr Kimpton is actually broke it raises the interesting point - could those who he owes money to go after Rosa Kimpton's $10,000 a month as well? "For richer or poorer" must surely make her liable for his debts in the marriage as well.

Lets not even start on Mrs Kimpton's tell all breaching any court order placed on the case remaining private.

Either way, party is over for her. She may be looking for a new town to rip men off in after this episode. Surely warning posters should be erected all over the Viaduct, Parnell and Ponsonby such that all men scamper for cover on sight.

* Roarprawn has started her week of grovelling apology for last weeks impugning of mine and Mr Mallard's character, with her unique take on the silliness of spousal maintenance.

Plunket An Internet Sensation*

Nomination for New Zealand blogging gag of the year

Just has to be "Sean Makes Crafts". A satire on the play that RNZ employers directed that Plunket could not write a political column but could write one presumably about say, crafts.

The Kim Hill pasta angel is a highlight.

As is the candle-dipping

So many people say to me, “Sean, as a well paid and high profile morning radio journalist, isn’t it just as easy, if not quicker,for you to just go down to the Red Shed and buy some pre-decorated candles?”

To which I reply:

“You’re missing the bloody point.”

The biggest highlight is the silly gullible duffers who think Plunket's actually writing the blog in the middle of an employment dispute that he hopes to eventually win. Duh.

All I can say to the author is if you are not going to out yourself then keep going. It has built in several days somewhat of a cult following.

* Inspired by legendary Jock Anderson NBR "subscriber only" headline style

Cactus Endorses Fraudster*

An eagle eyed Trade Me junkie sent this in to me. Just to rub one's nose in my past.

In my defence at the time I was a University student and did research for Simon Carr on the book and this was his way of attempting to make the book part of the school curriculum so raising sales.

In return I got to sit quietly in the corner, sink good quality piss and watch him write book after book, which I think to this day was still a good swap.

But lesson learned and last time I write a recommendation for a criminal!

* Inspired by legendary Jock Anderson NBR "subscriber only" headline style

Pansy Is All Wong*

Pansy Wong is wrong



Why replace a Labour led government with a National led one when you have utter silly nonsense dribbling out from the margins such as Pansy Wong?

Seriously, Pansy Wong is an atrocious MP at the best of times. If she was a European woman you would call her a blonde bimbo. Her CV is littered (like a Treaty Gravy train Maori MP's) with appointments and accomplishments based on race than any achievement based on talent. Good lord if she worked in Hong Kong she would be a paper shuffler type who never made a decision and stayed at work til 10pm to catchup on work they took too long to do and to impress the Boss.

She is an utter lightweight in every sense of the word. An appointment that the Opposition have nothing to fear from. Apart from screwing over a friend of mine who ran her campaign to the extent of not even paying her cellphone bills that were owing, Pansy is a crap MP. Yes, Nikki Kaye in Auckland Central was a far better bet. Nikki is young, inexperienced and naive. You can grow out of that. Pansy is old, experienced and still as slow as a mentally challenged snail.

So it didn't surprise me she was given a portfolio that needs to be gotten rid of - Women's Affairs. If her job is to discredit it with incompetence so even the pinkos want to get rid of it, she is perhaps succeeding and John Key is a management genius for gifting her the portfolio.

Pansy writes what can only be deemed a begging letter to the CEO's and Chairs of NZX listed companies pleading for them to take on more women. Why?

And she has written to every NZSX 100 chief executive and chairperson - a mailout, she notes wryly, that included just four female names.

She is focusing on women directors rather than women in senior management because it is the board that sets the direction for a company. However, given half a chance she will "push the other buttons" as well.

Pansy either does not actually know or forgets who ultimately chooses the directors - the shareholders.

Companies must be encouraged to tap into non-traditional networks such as the Ministry of Women's Affairs' nomination service which has a database of 2000 women.

So there are 2000 women out there sitting in a database too bloody pathetic to get off their own backsides and put their own names forward for directorships and pitch their talent to shareholders? I find this too ridiculous to believe.

Pansy's begging letter approach will only make it harder for genuinely talented female candidates who will now be tainted with the "token chick" brush regardless of how good they are. The same way we view token Maori appointments to Boards, Councils and the like we will now view women if Pansy has her way.

If Pansy had any gumption and credibility her campaign would be to get more women to own shares than sit on Boards with director responsibility. Then these women could make the choice whether a woman was good enough to sit on a Board.

Personally I don't care how many women are actual company directors. I am far more open to ideas of how to get women to invest and own companies than be a servant to male shareholders and fund managers.

And there is a simple way to start to get women to invest in shares in addition to Speedo Weldon and Plane Jane Diplock sorting the NZX out - increase their disposable incomes available for investing, by cutting taxes and neutralising taxation effects comparative to other investments.

* Inspired by legendary Jock Anderson NBR "subscriber only" headline style

I Have Not Had Sexual Relations With Trevor Mallard*

Roarprawn has been baiting me all week. Her latest is to mischievously accuse Labour MP Trevor Mallard of having the hots for me. She then even alludes to a possible visit to Hong Kong by Trevor. All over a comment allegedly made in the House today:

Today in the House during Question Time in an exchange between Cunliffe and Joyce., in a total random outburst Mallard was heard to shout out this reference to the spiny spinster: " What did Cactus Kate say about it!" It was noticed, it drew gasps of shock. Others were stunned.

Tau Henare knows all well what happens when he calls a woman's name out in the House in Mallard's direction. So it is interesting when faced with such scurrilous rumours, how to respond. The same problem was recently visited on Tiger Woods. He was as guilty as sin. I on the other hand, while guilty of plenty of things, am completely innocent of the alleged and inferred crime and haven't at any point even tried to hit on said Mallard. All things aside, the daughter is just a few years younger than I am and is a rather large fit unit of strength training, propping for the Black Ferns. She could snap any of my limbs with one hand.

I have never been alone in a room with Trevor Mallard {insert new allegations of Group sex}. You can see how quickly the issues compound if you stuff up your approach. Public and Media Relations experts all over the world can't really give you a playbook on the matter other than to make it up as they go along.

Clearing the matter up further, how do you respond?

1. Silence.

After such a public and large goading by Wellington lunch Queen, Busted Blonde, this naturally leads to allegations that you are silent because it is true so you are doing the whole Mark Todd strategic play. Hoping it will go away. As Tiger proved, it doesn't.

2. Strenuous Denial

This leads to allegations that you are protesting too much. This was the issue with Woods' first and best looking mistress. She started to deny the rumours.

3. Apology

We have seen plenty of that in Tiger Woods' case and it hasn't stemmed the flow. Most recently a bizarre apology from one of his harem of cocktail waitress types - Jaimee Grubbs. Bizarre as it was never going to help.

"I couldn't describe how remorseful that I am to have hurt her family and her emotionally."

Grubbs, 24, who says she got intimate with the golfer 20 times over about three years, said: "If it wasn't me, it was going to be other girls.

"I did care about him - I didn't do it for superficial reasons. I didn't do it to purposely hurt her."

None of the above makes the situation better. None of it makes Grubbs look any better. Her better options were 1 and 2. Especially when she wants us to believe that she was the only person on the face of the earth who didn't know the most recognisable face in sports, was actually married.

4. Threaten lawyers

Tiger Woods' minders did this for years. The "Hanover" tactic tends to work. So on behalf of Trevor and myself I solemnly pledge to sue the underwear off anyone who spreads these rumours in a public fashion.

Nothing really works that well as these things tend to carry. For example if you believe the whispers, Trevor has visited the Cook Islands. I work from there and visit frequently. He was also in London recently. If he flew Air New Zealand, like any loyal NZ MP should where possible it is conceivable he did stop in Hong Kong. And he went on record that he didn't take his girlfriend.

Forgetting that it would take two willing participants, Mallard knows that being caught in a compromising position with myself would lead to Clare Curran blogging her tears, definitely end Mallard's career and lead to an expulsion from the Labour Party with all associated perks. Just because it was me.

.............hmmmm.................

Update: Trevor has responded to put context into the comment (thank heavens for that)

"Just for the record Kate. I was referring to your reference to Steven's hairdresser which has become shorthand for his veracity or lack thereof. Trevor."

Clearly too subtle for the commentators!

* Inspired by legendary Jock Anderson NBR "subscriber only" headline style

Trotter Calls Asia "Radical"*

In Praise of Radicalism

Chris Trotter has the middle-age itch. He's getting so very sick of the Labour and the "left". It is starting to seep through his writing. His revolution back to the centre of the far left is harvesting fruit.



He's turning blue.

It's a shame no one reads him in The Independent. As I've pointed out before with a weekly circulation of just 3,736, in less than two days I have more unique visitors to this blog and I write it all myself with no staff.

In a very selective cut/paste from my extensive post on 2025 - Be Cashed Up By Then, Trotter focuses on Gareth Morgan's self-interested tax regime but only one idea of mine - for New Zealand to trash the minimum wage and allow in 400,000 Filipino men and women to do jobs that New Zealanders don't like or won't do because of a bloated welfare state and an entitlement mentality.

Funnily enough, Trotter may dismiss this idea, but who on earth will business employ to live in the hell of the Mckenzie Basin to look after 18,000 productive cows?

Those currently unemployed? Long-term unemployed? Or foreign labourers?

Trotter thinks employing domestic help is part of "an uninhibited neoliberal imagination utterly unencumbered by anything so economically unproductive as ethical qualms" (wtf?). If so then so are Hong Kong, Singapore and more importantly China.

Trotter is then left gasping in the uneviable position of stating the Chinese are as far to the right as I am as in my piece on 2025 I ignored Australia as a benchmark and used China, India and "emerging nations". In Asia, domestic help is not a "fantasy", it's as natural as welfarism currently is in New Zealand. These ideas are not deemed to be "genuinely radical right-wing thinking" and the Philippines as a country runs on remittances from overseas. Actually it was Ferdinand Marcos who encouraged the export of his own people and Filipino women working overseas have relative economic power compared to those in their homeland through being the main breadwinners.

They don't slave away. And I can tell Trotter I have more compassion than the Chinese towards maids. Unlike the locals, I don't mind if mine uses the air conditioner and has the television on while she works. I have been known to leave her bottled water on the bench and even give her a bonus at Chinese New Year. She is no slave and pockets her tax-free earnings very nicely thank you as well as her main employer providing her with a room. And people in Hong Kong do not sleep on cardboard boxes, there is public housing but also for those left over there is caged housing

In this very column Trotter sadly portrays the New Zealand psyche I discussed in my 2025 piece:

"New Zealanders with their third world snobbery would be shocked if they could actually see that China, India and other supposed "emerging Nations" are about to kick New Zealand's arse".

In a decade my piece of writing will not be so radical. Trotter knows that but fears it at the same time, which is why his discussion piece here. He wants the left to come up with their own "radical" ideas to counter.

Trotter though is yet to take a great leap into the unknown of lateral thought as he fails to see that New Zealanders will soon be effectively not just cheap exported labour to the British professions, but the domestic servants of those in Asia back in their own country.

* Inspired by legendary Jock Anderson NBR "subscriber only" headline style

The Cactus and Kryptonite*

I am allergic to Christmas. Seriously.



The slightest whiff of pine sends my allergies into a tailspin, right up there with those bloody God awful flowers called "lilies". Itching, scratching and puffiness known only to someone smashed in the face with a fist.

Everywhere in Hong Kong there are endless Christmas festivities and original pine trees.

a) where do they get the bloody pine trees from?
b) why do they feel the need to place them in workspaces and at function venues?

I sat on the top table right next to a pine tree last night. After downing three bottles of champagne and two Benadryl Allergy tablets I lasted the night famously. I was even pleasant to children.

Unfortunately in the morning I woke with the puffiest eye I have ever experienced. It took twenty of ice to get the bloody thing to a level I could see again.

Faced with a taxi to work and a wait in the lobby for one of the four lifts in front of the largest pine tree I have ever seen.

The only saving grace is our office Christmas tree is plastic with the cute little lights. Having had a major say in ridding the office of pine it is my Christmas free sanctuary in Hong Kong - home of a trillion pine trees.

Update - came home from work and now there is no escaping it. Inside the door, another fucking pine tree.

Seriously, where in Hong Kong do they get them from?

* Inspired by legendary Jock Anderson NBR "subscriber only" headline style

A Woman's Touch?*

Disgraceful

"A woman's touch proves box-office hit"

You see this is entirely what is wrong with New Zealand business and media.

Here is a person doing well and all the headline can focus on is their gender.

The article itself had nothing to do with Jane Hastings gender. It focused entirely on her achievements. And good on the author Gareth Vaughn for not stooping to that silly level.

That she is a woman is secondary to the fact she appears good at her job.

So what's with the Jock Anderson headline? Not really very cool.

* Inspired by legendary Jock Anderson NBR "subscriber only" headline style

Container Prisons For Cows?*

New Zealand dairying is going mass production at the Mackenzie Basin with an application for 18,000 cows to be housed in cubicles for 24 hours a day for eight months and 12 hours a day for four months.

So rather like container prisons for convicts, the cows are not restricted completely.

I have an unnatural amount of sympathy for the dairy cow. I look at them in the paddock, unprotected from nature, standing there come rain, hail and shine with their only protection a miserable tree in the corner of the paddock where they risk being struck by lightning or other acts of nature and tree.

Their whole purpose is to be impregnated by a bull who engages in random group sexual acts with the entire herd in a fashion only an NRL team could understand. If successful in conceiving then they have to every year for their natural life, give birth to a calf. They then are taken back into the herd and collected every day for a long walk to the cow shed where they suffer suction cups on their teats and are milked. Following this they are forced to walk back to another paddock where they eat, drink and do it all again tomorrow. They share a fenced paddock with the entire herd, perhaps in many cases over 400 cows a paddock. Their personal space is limited and they huddle up like 5 year olds on a rugby field. They get mud on their feet and are exposed to the elements.

Any systems failure such as inability to get pregnant, then the cow is shipped off to the freezing works to make nice fat juicy steaks. If a bull the chances of "bobby calf" run disintegration is even higher.

So tell me what really is the difference between this treatment and keeping the cow inside in a nice warm shed?

"Each cow will have its own cubicle to stand, sit and sleep. The floor of the cubicle is a thick rubber pad and the cows are free to enter and leave the cubicles at will and wander around the balance of the shed and feed as they require.

It is a toughie when you think about it, for as much as a human being can be against blanant battery farming for cows, there is always that thought deep down that the cow is not exactly treated well in the first instance as they stand in a paddock.

Homepaddock has her take on it. But the most interesting is from economist Eye 2 the long run:

I am then a little surprised that in the “cows in a cube farm” debate no one seems to be seeing that the very fact of having some dairy exports produced on pasture – the so called premium product many, including the well known behemoth, believe we are famous for, and some produced by more intensive means offers a great opportunity – if we are smart enough.

There is the opportunity to broaden the offering, differentiate the premium product, diversify a bit of product risk, produce a lower cost segmented product while reducing environmental impacts – all while increasing output massively.

God’s rather than the devil’s work one would have thought.

I've decided I quite like this school of thought and so support the proposal.

Of course John Key has come out strongly against it, because his advisors have judged it will be unpopular with namby pamby city folk.

The Prime Minister yesterday said the Government was against "factory farming" as it could have a negative impact on New Zealand's international free-range brand.

Silly Russell Norman has caused alarmist reaction with comments like:

"Once word gets out to overseas consumers that New Zealand butter comes from factory farms, there goes our competitive advantage."

It was a "chilling prospect" from an animal welfare and environmental perspective, Dr Norman said.

Have to say does it actually matter that butter is from a paddock where the cow faces the harsh elements or from a barn where the cow has restricted movement yet is free to roam inside? Does it taste better or worse? It is just butter for heaven's sake. I'm more worried that the damn butter is spreadable as a practical matter than if the cow has a roof over its head or not.

Clean, green farming? Hello, Key is off to Copenhagen to pander to environmentalists who claim that New Zealand's cows are causing harm to the tune of billions of dollars a year to a mythical concept that science is having an awful amount of trouble proving is actually true.

The cow has truly bolted on that.

* Inspired by legendary Jock Anderson NBR "subscriber only" headline style

Flog'em And Publish Their Names*

Here is a very bad example of incentivising losers.

$70,000 to help the worst children

The ministry yesterday announced five initiatives in a five-year, $45 million Positive Behaviour for Learning Action Plan.

The plan includes up to $70,000 of programmes for an "intensive wrap-around service" aimed at the 500 most troublesome children.

Quite what the deliverables on this spend are who knows? Looks like a bottomless pit for the middle class "behavioural experts", whanau support groups and the Treaty gravy train. It seems like throwing money at an old car when it is common sense to simply ditch the old car and buy a new one. Sad fact is that the 500 worst behaved children in New Zealand need nothing more and can having nothing more done than prescription meds to sedate them, a good thrashing at military training and exclusion from equally troubled parents. Instead they will get all the hugs they need from morons in the system who are milking this slush fund.

The reason this is a terrible mixed message is that there is absolutely no announcement of $45 million to help the 500 best behaved children in New Zealand. They are the ones that resources should be focusing on.

* Inspired by legendary Jock Anderson NBR "subscriber only" headline style

Sex, Money and Fiji*

Lads on ladders


I have a general interest in what happens in Fiji. For no other reason really than there are now direct flights on Air Pacific from Hong Kong so it may heighten my interest to visit more frequently.

Just returning from Fiji after a month of doing stuff all is an informant I will call "Bruce". Bruce is schooled in the art of doing nothing but watching, well and drinking and cavorting with his male and female friends (in differing ways of course). Bruce lives on an Island himself. Because every man IS an Island according to Bruce.

While swanning around Denerau as party of his trip, Bruce spoke to a few locals, sunk a great deal of piss and came up with these questions:

1. Why is it taking so long for people to realise Strategic Finance is rooted and the moratorium is of benefit only to Strategic Directors?

2. Why can't Korda Mentha Partner Grant Graham get the Hilton Denerau receivership sorted when he was already advising Bank of Scotland and Strategic before the dive?

3. How many visits with his lovely blonde assistant to the resort does he have to take? She is described around the traps as "far more rootable than the average accountant".

4. Or can he see through her fixed assets to his other duties as trustees to one of those interested in s.l.o.w outcomes?

5. So how is the moratorium getting along?

Come on lads, get off the piss and sort out the work. People are starting to talk past the massive diversion that is the clusterfuck of Hanover. I know it is hard to get a into gear when in paradise but I work a quarter the year in such pretty little places and you know the golden rule - work first, party later, everyone stays happy.

* Inspired by legendary Jock Anderson NBR "subscriber only" headline style

Where's Ricardo?

Well it's not only Ricardo who seems to be very busy this week, with Christmas parties in full swing it looks like even dear old Norrie's not getting much rest.

Those of you who have spotted that Ricardo has been far better behaved since coming under the watchful eye of Asian Invasion, are not wrong. My spies have the poor lad currently "dating" an ex SAS personal trainer for three times a week on weekday mornings. If Ricardo shows up hungover he is dutifully punished by the trainer who sports a booze nose like a sniffer dog.

Note the water where once was alcohol. and BFF Gilda K.



For girls and boys who wish to know Ricardo's skin secrets there are no botox enhancements which he describes as "very gay" and he never smiles in a photograph. The secret apparently is the Simunovich's Tebe range of extra virgin Olive Oil, where once it was used to sunbathe now it is used to restore. Ricardo also recommends the Olive hydrating mist for after-shaving. Ricardo has confided however that after a big night concealer can be placed under the eyes and a shave on Sunday night is required to cut back the necessary weekly growth so he isn't ID'ed at the door. *



Ricardo's only crime this week is wearing the SAME shirt to two events. A BIG no-no for the girls Ricardo. Even if again it comes from the House of Christian Audigier and is fitted for your pending sveltness.

And making a rare appearance on The A List is superstar lawyer Deborah Hollings QC. A lady who has more than likely had a bumper year dealing with negotiating the separations of those seen far too frequently out on The A List and not at home with their missus tending to matters back home. Deborah is sporting the very expensive here, but never fear she can afford it. And chin up to her clients. 2009 has been one of the cheapest years to break-up in living memory with those net asset calculations looking so thin.



And finally for the male readers, the gratuitous slutty "don't give up on Auckland because there are hot chicks" shot. Well this just looks like one really slutty couple. Props to that.

* More fashion tips from Ricardo next week.
All courtesy of the lovely Norrie at The A List

Hong Kong Blows Itself Up

Saturday night I went to the greatest show in town - the opening ceremony of the East Asian Games. A local sponsoring bank kindly invited me to a restaurant on the waterfront.

The what?

Yep, this miserably supported sports event in Hong Kong has barely raised headlines, I guess it is only natural that China will win every medal in sight. So to get Hong Kong people interested the organisers blasted around NZ $7 million of fireworks (that's cost price I imagine from Mother China) and laser lights around the Harbour.

The thing went on forever. Most New Zealand visitors are impressed enough with the lack of respect for preservation of electricity every night at 8pm when the corporate light show goes off. This ceremony went on for an hour and a half and made that look like a cow fart compared to the wastage of electricity, energy and gunpowder. It was pretty awesome.

Hong Kong may be ignoring the sports but there was no way you could ignore the opening ceremony. I give it a 10 out of 10 on the fireworks/laser light show and an 11/10 for a big f**k you leading into Carbonhagen!

Maorit or Merit?

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: xxx <maorilawsociety@lawsociety.org.nz>
Date: Fri, Nov 27, 2009 at xx:xx xx
Subject: Nominations for Maori Women on State Sector Boards
To: xxx

Tena koe,

The Ministry of Women's Affairs have requested nominations from Te Hunga Roia Maori o Aotearoa membership to identify Maori Women Directors who could be appointed to important state sector boards i.e. SOEs, CRIs and Crown Entity governance boards. Once nominations have been received, the Ministry of Women’s Affairs can then contact the identified women to register them with its Nominations Service, so the women can be put forward for these state sector board roles. The Ministry will also be liaising with other nominating agencies throughout this process.

Please find attached a list of criteria the Ministry of Women's affairs has identified as being important and a list of the relevant SOE's, CRI's and Crown Entities.

Please forward any nominations to Sonya Rimene at the Ministry of Women's Affairs (Rimene@mwa.govt.nz).

Noho ora mai
Te Hunga Roia Maori o Aotearoa

This email was received today in the in-box. The attachments follow

Criteria for Directors-051109

List of Crown Company and Crown Entity Boards-190609

So tell me first why the Ministry of Women's Affairs is recruiting Maori women into positions on State Sector Boards?

As I am not known for my ability to suck effectively off the government tit or off a Treaty Gravy train, I like many of you who are not living and dying in Wellington, will be surprised to learn that there is a nominating service and this forms a function of the Women's Affairs Ministry. Why can't a woman get off her backside and apply directly?

As a female I find it insulting to be pandered to as incapable of sorting out your own private business to even be motivated enough to apply for a position. Maori women should feel even more pandered to.

Next up tell me on what planet should someone with only SEVEN years postgraduate experience in law or accounting be appointed to a State Sector Board? In other words possibly under 30 years old. Completely ridiculous. Have a look at the current crop of MP's that age and you will quickly see the quality and experience that this criteria brings.

The criteria for directors published here is so damn low is it any wonder that State Sector Boards are full of flunkies. So is this a Maori only criteria, or applicable equally to say white middle aged males?

"The Ministry will also be liaising with other nominating agencies throughout this process". So does this mean the Ministry of Women's Affairs (and other nominating agencies) exercises an influence on promoting these candidates ahead of others based on merit?

The Ministry of Women's Affairs has a checklist for the criteria of suitability.

This checklist is a little less specific than the one for Maori.

The Ministry of Women's Affairs should just be disbanded, it is an embarrassment and for many more reasons than just this issue.

If they think the answer to equality for women is to have them waste their time on an SOE, CRI or Crown Entity governance boards then we have advanced to nowhere as a gender.

Successful people do not wake up in the morning and wish to be a director, let alone a director of an SOE, CRI or Crown Entity. They strive to build their own business by doing just that or saving their salary to go into business themselves or become shareholders of businesses.

Anna Woolf - Still Kicking But RIP

Not PC delivered us the very sad news today that Anna aka Annie has died.

Actually I received the news in a fashion Anna would have loved. Whaleoil sent me an email to my Blackberry with the subject header "Dead" and a link to Not PC's blog. Thanks Cam!

And Anna would have had it no other way. Direct and upfront. She drew the short-straw on life for sure but was always cheerful enough around others to make us as comfortable about her pending doom as possible.

I didn't return to work after Cam's email.

I sat with a new blog reading friend and drank all afternoon on Anna's behalf and hope that bloggers in Auckland front up to do likewise to raise their glasses and toast the bravest blogger of the lot. Regardless of what any of us do and say, she was #1 for facing her early death with such large doses of life and good humour.

Like most bloggers I met Anna just the once and at bloggers drinks. She was resigned to the fact she had little time left but was optimistic enough to tell me she was planning to make it to Hong Kong by the end of the year with friends.

Thanks to Peter, the Libz and all of Anna's friends for keeping us updated and again everyone's thoughts are with you all.