Monday, August 31, 2009

Things That Won't Happen In My Lifetime

The mischievous NBR columnist David Cohen seems hell-bent on being more mischievous since I termed him an "Undertaker" for the suit he's wearing on his headshot.

"So how about Hong Kong? If Tim Wilson’s not up for it, we can think of at least one zesty Kiwi currently living there for whom the correspondent’s hat could prove an interesting fit".

Charlotte Glennie used to be the Hong Kong correspondent for Television tight-arse.

Her budget per week was very close to what I spend on entertainment so that's a starter for sweet nothing.

The only job at TVNZ I would ever be interested in would be the top one. Because Cohen is right, I do love TV. I would though sack every pinko and hire a newsroom = Fox TV, only with hotter guys. And Paul Henry would have his own Prime Time show.

Clearly Cohen is trying the "flattery will get Cactus to pay the bill next time we have a drink". Knowing it will probably work as he's a bit of a charmer at the worst of time. He's obviously got tips from his mate Ben Thomas who when I last time met him wandered over with the chat-up line "So Cactus are you still rich", "yes", "good then you can buy me a drink". I remember Ben when he was a cute little button stuffing envelopes at ACT, so it will probably always work.

Questions For The Herald on Sunday Editor

I've noticed online that Kerre Woodham is getting space to write three pieces in the Sunday tabloid.

Was she less expensive than hiring Unionised journos?
What does their Union think about this?
And what does it say about indepth reporting when Kerre Woodham is dishing out this much content?
Please don't tell us you have allocated a real journos budget to this? Like say a business journo?

I don't mind Kerre, but like quality blogging stories (note to my fellow future Gotcha colleagues), less is definitely more....if you know what I mean.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Retail Genius - Smiggle

Niece of Cactus (NOC) is fascinated with this shop. It is called Smiggle.

Such genius in retailing I have not seen for a while. Import a whole heap of colourful co-ordinated cheap gunk from China, open a shop with a silly name and spread it around places where there's not much else happening like Hamilton, Dunedin, Lower Hutt and Mt Maunganui. Not much but a load of children in towns known for breeding.

http://www.smiggle.com.au/Images/Catalog/ProductImages/470298_Black_m.jpg

Seriously though have a look at this - an eraser. Such engineering in design will make it last approximately one week at school. Then the child will need another. It retails online at A95 cents! The mark up must be massive. Funnier is the descriptive

Description:
PVC with plastic stick; scented; non toxic; no traces of nuts; not suitable for consumption.

Tell that to the moronic dim-witted parents who have not taught their 5 or 6 year old a few lessons in life. Leaving it all to the poor teachers.

I can see MOC (Mother of Cactus) spending a fair fortune at this shop. NOC took her there at the weekend with $5 and played MOC like a pro using the Christmas Playcard as $5 doesn't get you very far these days. Being almost September and plenty of school left there is no way NOC is going to have to wait that long for her fill of Smiggle. Moreso that MOC is a schoolteacher and finds the stuff just as fun as NOC.

Bill English need look no further than Smiggle to wonder why his balance of payment deficit is morbidly obese.

Ronaldo Scores on Debut

After Manchester United dealt 2-1 to the Arse and crushed Gooner's spirit again, the most interesting match of the weekend had to be the debut of the over-hyped Real Madrid "team". There is no "I" in team, but if you have another look you will see meat.

http://photos.posh24.com/p/119508/l/cristiano_ronaldo/cristiano_ronaldo_takes_our_breath_away.jpg

Ronaldo scores on debut on the field to help Madrid scrape to a 3-2 victory over a team no one outside of Spain has heard of.


With A Little Help From My Friends.....

http://static.stuff.co.nz/1251562804/073/2815073.jpg

Mike Williams just can't seem to get jobs on his own. Once again he's pulling favours, this time with Paul Holmes to lead the new anti-P tirade The Stellar Trust. For the mere sum of between $100-200,000 Williams will handle the fundraising side.

"There may well be other candidates in the marketplace who may be capable of doing a better job as CEO and chief fundraiser, however if we go that route we will very likely not have Holmes' involvement," it continues.

Clearly people will wish to have nothing to do with anything that has the Visible Hand of Williams attached:

"It is with some regret I wish to advise that I am unable to reconcile my concerns about the appointment of Mike Williams to the position of CEO to the trust. I believe this is a high risk appointment that will be very polarising given the political overtones."

You just have to ask why a man who has his own business wishes to meddle back into the public spotlight in a paid position for Charity. Quite handsomely paid for a position that under the circumstances a volunteer may have handled for nothing. Williams is more of the "give us the money or we will stick Helen on to you" sort of fundraising style. In other words, better suited to fundraise for the gangs in the fight against "P".

Lets stop stuffing around, what the Stellar Trust needs is a mercenary to lead it. Round up all wealthy parents concerned that their kids are or will use "P", get them to donate to a central fund and sanctioned by the Police turning a blind eye and giving their officers the night off, hire mercenaries to conduct hit-man style kills on all the leaders and headquarters of the gangs who deal and distribute in "P" and the proceeds of.

That would be the best message to send that New Zealand will not take their shit no more.

Not Mike Williams.

Tumeke Lead Protest To Hell

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs149.snc1/5560_136465892224_43522837224_2222245_3405899_n.jpg

That's our fearless blogging buddies Tim and Bomber in the middle.

Probably more people inside eating Hell Pizza than outside protesting at the "racism". Where were all the offended "brownies" one wonders?

Looks like a bunch of mainly white middle-class suburban vege growing Ponsonby tenants to me.

Although the man with the mega-phone has a good point, as Hell has become more popular with more outlets, their actual pizza quality has gone from gourmet to shite.

Kerre Gets It - Why Can't The Unions

When Kerre Woodham understands why Paul Reynolds is paid what he is, SURELY that is the end of the argument!

Taxpayers aren't funding his salary or his perks. Shareholders and customers are. And if they're appalled at the size of his package, they should sell the shares and/or take their business elsewhere.

Although from what I've seen, Dr Reynolds' package is entirely in proportion.

I'm not even sure it's nice work if you can get it. I don't have the ability or the desire to do a job like that, with the long hours, the international travel and the responsibility.

Choke on that Unionists.

Tamihere Can't Count

John Tamihere is not known for his ability to count. Once again he proves that maths and logic are not really his thing.

Rodney Hide and the Act Party in the 2008 General Election achieved fewer votes in total than the Maori Party. In fact, they achieved 3.4% of the total vote yet, by way of threat and intimidation, can control the other 96.6% of us. Now that's our democracy. Where is the One Man, One Vote?

ACT received 3.65% of the list vote and the Maori Party just 2.39%. ACT did not bother standing candidates in the race based seats. If Tamihere seriously thinks he can add on Maori electorate voting as an indicator of anything he's a fool. The Maori Party only exist because of race based seats. Without the Maori seats they would never have had a presence in Parliament at all.

Random Impertinent Questions

10. I'm dealing with my travel and home insurance companies for my carry-on bag stolen in Los Angeles. How do people without legal degrees handle this sort of shit? Seriously, you have to tell them (the agent muppet who is meant to help you) what to do. Have you read the fine print exclusions lately?
9. Anyone care that Oasis has split up?
8. Want to buy a holiday home in Fiji anytime soon?
7. How good is Daniel Carter?
6. Shouldn't Universities be turning students away more frequently especially those that fail?
5. Isn't it time the New Zealand A team replaced the Black Caps?
4. Does the media go easy on Rob Fyfe because he is good looking, charming and charismatic?
3. Sick of having the legislate against stupidity?
2. Will John Key go have a beer with Helen Clark when he is in New York?
1. If you earned more than a $1 million a year, would you care what a Union hack thinks about your pay?

Saturday, August 29, 2009

CEO's Keep Up With The Joneses

http://static.stuff.co.nz/1193742000/372/82372.jpg


Right. I have had enough of this.

As predicted the reporting season this year has seen the media go to town on bonus payments to CEO's, highlights of their salaries next to mis-representative profit statistics. The preferred method seems to be running off for comment from of all unsophisticated corporate thinkers - Union representatives.

I stated:

and the media to commence collation of statistics to give a good sensationalist de-briefing of the exorbitant rates of pay the CEO receives compared to the office cleaner or beneficiaries.

Even when I created The Weldon Index, it was not to say Weldon is overpaid and should necessarily have his remuneration cut, more to prove that the CEO's are actually underpaid comparatively and perhaps the man should be a tad more humble about his opinion that CEO's are overpaid.

If the CEO has negotiated a contract with a bonus or performance clause in it then this must be honoured. And the public and media never get to see these clauses negotiated and they should not. It is absolutely none of their business unless they hold shares in the Company. Many CEO's bonus packages have non-quantitative aspects to them like negotiating long-term supply deals, policy targets, strategy, building long-term strength in the balance sheet, such that it is misleading and highly unsophisticated for the public and the media to look at the profit figure and scream blue bloody murder.

I've had a clause in an employment contract not that too long ago that I would be paid a $US1,500 bonus for "good co-worker relations". That was $US1,500 I was never going to collect so I abandoned the idea completely within the month and viewed it as a donation back to the Company so I could behave how I wanted to. But is a good example of clauses written in that are qualitative. As Legal Counsel I have drafted all sorts of bonus schemes for executives and plenty do not use underlying profit as the sole or major measurements. Not least for the short-term view a CEO or executive adopts when remunerated in such a fashion, or carefully cooks the books through the accounting process.

Reporting season silliness has spread from the media exposes about apparently overpaid CEO's and now politicians are running populist lines commenting about the pay of CEO's from publicly listed companies.

I've posted on this before. In fact I went through the archives and found this post from March 2007. In it I was actually sticking up for Mark Weldon's negotiated bonus scheme on the basis if it is contractual and being promised it must be honoured. I stated:

Asking the NZ public for their opinion on Weldon’s or any other CEO’s remuneration package is just plain stupid and asking for trouble. Of course the public are going to be outraged when they pull in a year what someone of these guys and girls get in a fortnight. Thing is, what a CEO does 99.9% of the public could not comprehend in any instance. No publicly listed company or large private company should ever short change its CEO for a good CEO can make or break the whole operation. To do the job properly requires a skill set that most of us simply don’t have so should not cringe when we see them earning millions a year. In all likelihood they are worth it based on the size and profit of the company.

Unionist Robert Winter thinks directors are overpaid and amounts their pay to $500 per hour. Nice Robert. If you knew anything about risk and directors liability these days you would understand directors are not paid so much for turning up at meetings but the risk of being sued or even ending up in jail by breaching their duty of care to shareholders. It's not really about paying a New Zealand director on "international comparatives". They are subject to New Zealand law that is increasingly exposing them to more risk. Risk/return. I know, not something Unionists understand being the official antithesis to drivers of productivity and entrepreneurship.

Next up in the ignoramus stakes are these comments from Unionist and Labour party hacket Andrew Little who termed Paul Reynolds bonus "shameless greed" and used his bonus for an argument as to why engineers should get more money. When these engineers and Unionists can run a $5 billion company and all the staff within it, they should come back with a serious proposition for comparing their situation to that of Reynolds. Do they honestly think if Reynolds didn't get his bonus, they would somehow be better off and pocket the cash or have their original conditions restored?

Rob Fyfe received a million dollar bonus for running his billion dollar company but it was eloquently explained what his bonus targets actually were:

Chairman John Palmer said Mr Fyfe had outperformed his targets, which were not based just on comparing year-on-year financial performance by Air New Zealand, but comparison to other carriers. Leadership, strategy development, balance sheet strength and dividend flow are also taken into account.

Yet another rent-a-comm(i)ent Unionist Jill Ovens of the Services and Food Workers' Union said it was "not a good look" for senior executives to receive big payouts when staff were being asked to tighten their belts. She forgot to research that some of her own workers will be getting bonuses and sharing in the wealth - the way Air NZ has structured around the pay "freeze".

However, about 2200 of the nearly 11,000 staff were entitled to performance-based bonuses as part of the salary packages. Those staff include some airport workers, senior cabin crew, and sales staff.

But the worst piece of blow-hard politicking was from Shane Jones on Red Alert. This being Shane Jones who is supposedly the future of the Labour Party as one of its star performers. In the same way I guess that being the best player at the Woking Football Club is supposed to make you a star footballer because you are the best of a bad bunch. Jones writes (and I use that term lightly as for a Harvard Scholar he's as eloquent on a blog as Tau Henare is passing the corridor to the debating chamber):

Telecom acquiesces in biased employment practices, as we are seeing in my rohe, Northland/Tai Tokerau.

How? And this where suddenly Reynolds $5 million package has risen another $2.5 million.

Theoretically CEOs are rewarded on the basis of results. The stratospheric salary of Telecom’s CEO is nauseous. There is no way that he represents $7.5 million of value to either shareholders or society.

As well as this gem:

I fear in the North that the livelihoods of Telecom employees are being screwed to embellish mahogany panelled lifestyles.

I fear more that the Maoritocracy are embellishing their own Kauri and bling panelled lifestyles at the expense of their own people who remain dirt poor despite the richness of Maori assets from the treaty grievance industry. Rod Oram reported from TPK that the Maoritocracy are in charge of some $16 billion of assets given to them by taxpayers - and that was in 2006. Making Jones and his mates 4 or 5 times larger by now than Telecom's market capitalisation. Telecom's workers and shareholders are doing a hell of a lot better than his.

The Maori in Northland that Jones so pretends to represent and the Maori underclass have not seen "trickle down" from that gravy train in the slightest, the gravy has been cleaned out by those who dine at the top table .........but I digress....

This is Shane Jones, MP. Background entirely of Maoritocracy, treaty grievance train and racially based privilege with huge question marks over his involvement in the entrepreneurial endeavour of immigration, suddenly talking about "results" and "shareholder value". Laughable. Quite what delusion a politician lives under to say anyone is overpaid when most of the population believes MP's are overpaid. And they are. And I can prove it.

At any time there are literally thousands of people who believe they can do the job as MP. They all turn up and stand for Parliament. Plenty have no qualifications at all and limited skill and would do the job for less money. I profiled Tau Henare this week, hands up seriously how many New Zealanders are more qualified to be an MP than Tau. You would hope hundred's of thousands of New Zealanders. All but a handful could possibly dream to have the skill to be a CEO. And that's why the CEO is paid so much more than a worker, a cleaner, a beneficiary and yes - even a politician.

Still don't believe me. Alamein Kopu was a politician. Paid more money than she'd received in her life. While there are relative grades of politician, most apart from those who have left high-paying professions and taken a paycut are overpaid as literally anyone can do their job.

And the public are not paying a CEO's salary*. Shareholders are out of their profits. For Unionists to compare wage claims to a CEO bonus is dangerous and stupid. Do they seriously think that salaries and bonuses are a zero sum game? That if the CEO did not have the remuneration that they would?

To compare beneficiary bashing to the pay of CEO's and justification to give them a bash again is silly. The taxpayer pays for beneficiaries the taxpayer does not pay a CEO's salary*. The Company does through its Board and shareholders. Unionists seem to think they own the Company through their workers. They don't, the workers are there to serve the shareholders as well.

But in this apparent "financial crisis" it's fun to bash the CEO. When chances are he or she is the person most losing sleep right now thinking and plotting and begging the banks to keep the cashflow and leverage coming to keep those "low paid workers" in gainful employment. While low paid workers can go home, switch their brains to zero and watch Shortland Street, not having to report profit figures to shareholders - the CEO of any Company will either still be at work, worrying about work or on the Blackberry or otherwise working from home.

Don't believe me? Business reporters should call the CEO's of the largest 20 companies in New Zealand and ask them a) when they last took annual leave of more than two days at a time, b) how many days annual leave owing they have and c) when they last went to their child's parent-teacher meeting. Currently these guys and girls will be slaving away harder than they have ever worked to stay afloat in market conditions mostly completely beyond their control.

I've met poor performing CEO's. Sure. But I have never met one anyhere in the world whom I would deem lazy.

One of Asia's most successful CEO's spoke to a conference I attended in Singapore a few years ago when business was good. Everyone was fornicating (as the Chinese tend to do) over his achievements (ie. how much money he made shareholders as that's generally all they care about) but he tempered that stating in a very frank and firm fashion that right now was the easiest time to be a CEO and the Company was running itself making profits. He argued that CEO's should actually be paid more when the Company is about to structurally (through a general recession) hit bad times because they had to work a lot harder and it was a lot more stressful to be the CEO at that point.

He made a great deal of sense.

* Unless of course you are Rob Fyfe and your airline is 75.5% owned by the taxpayer makes you the best remunerated public servant in the country and now its 17th largest shareholder...... there goes those fingers over the keyboard again........

Even with these advantages, Fyfe ranks on the Weldon Index with indexed fair pay relative to Weldon's of $11,729,000 so there's a fair bit to make up next year!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Fyfe Floats Through Unscathed

Air New Zealand, like all airlines has had a tough year.

The airline reported a 26 per cent fall in full-year normalised earnings before tax of $145 million, while bottom-line net profit was down 90 per cent to $21 million.

I am waiting for a business reporter to get stuck into the performance of Rob Fyfe as CEO and the company as a whole.

Because I can't. I see bad profit figures, write-offs, taxpayer bailouts and government intervention in the airline that normally I would be all over like a plastic bag used to be allowed to be in a supermarket, I think of this......

http://static.stuff.co.nz/1241759793/721/2396721.jpg

And then when delivering the news - the pin-striped number 1's to cover those stiff nipples

http://media.nzherald.co.nz/webcontent/image/jpg/fyfe_robnewBP_300x200.jpg

It is the equivalent I guess of a red-blooded male trying to write a critical piece about a very pretty female. It generally doesn't happen does it? I can't do it. The fingers won't type.

Oh to be a grumpy old non-sexual curmudgeon like ........ well I wouldn't give them (insert plenty of he's and she's) the satisfaction of naming. I wonder how many young (female) journos have been sent to interview Fyfe to ask hard questions and wilted to a messy pulp?

Despite being a disgracefully taxpayer propped business with questionable past and performance, I like Air New Zealand. I have even come to like the ugly hostie policy and I definitely like the Camp stewards as long as they keep the noise down. I like flying on Air New Zealand...well up the front, even if Business Premier is now dreadfully outdated and they stick that ghastly half-way house of Premium Economy on the upper deck, increasing demand for precious toilets. I don't like their cut off system with respect to airpoint years when you hit Gold Elite status even though I can probably achieve it again this year now they have reasonable online round-world Star Alliance tickets.

But all is forgiven. I won't even look at their annual reports.

Their CEO is totally hot.

Wedding of the Year

Barry Soper weds Heather du Plessis-Allan and quite appropriately for their occupations, in the Great Hall at Parliament.

http://www.facebook.com/profile/pic.php?uid=AAAAAQAQhvPP0HLkMYEGjef1DJsNogAAAAkU4u_p4-yL6j9B1znkyFAp *nicest picture I could find on google of the happy couple.

As reported on Roarprawn, it is all on. The wedding of the year that will take the Syndrome from the Soper and make him a taken man.

After a near introductory miss at Prego, I had the pleasure of sitting one person away from Barry at a function in April. Both of us could see the humour in the potentially awkward seating arrangement after my gentle ribbing of him in the past after dedicating a whole newspaper column to his charm and wit over women and reminding housewives to turn on Good Morning when Barry is on if they don't wish to have to service their husband's desires.

If we needed at any point reminding of the irony however David Farrar was seated next to me to refresh our memories.

Anyway after meeting Barry I vowed never to write anything about him again unless it was glowing. He's very sweet and he's like a little portable entertainment unit full of insight and stories. Very funny.

Heather arrived later and still is markedly snarky towards myself, wrestling Barry from the grasp of entertaining the entire table thankfully without reaching over and ripping my eyes from their sockets. I can't call Heather sweet for this reason but with Barry they make a very cute couple.

So in all sincerity, congratulations to you both and I hope you have a fabulous day with all your friends and family and all the very best for the rest of it.

Update - yes I stand corrected, the source will be banished for the false info, I have it from the participants that no they are not eloping this weekend, but the wedding is indeed a couple of months away.

Blogging Latest

http://csmt.uchicago.edu/glossary2004/Davis_Reading/The_Sun_Gotcha.jpg


Right, setting the record straight on this so I can stop answering the emails regarding.

Whaleoil suffered from premature blogulation on Wednesday and announced the launch of GOTCHA, our new blog/website. In terms of botched launches it was rather "Jetstar" wasn't it?

Clearly (as my login doesn't actually presently work) I was not a party to the move having only contributed my archives to 24th August, something that Mrs Whaleoil is all to familiar with by the looks of it:

'While I knew this would soon be happening, clearly I was not informed that today would be the official launch date!'

As to the above, welcome to my world ;) every day is an adventure cough cough, you never know what will or won't happen.

So some answers to the questions I have received so far:

The name GOTCHA and The Sun

I was 6 years old when this happened, just looked it up. Had absolutely no idea of the connection.
Not a great war historian, too busy studying topics of fiscal importance like maths and economics or at age six, learning how to ride a BMX. The GOTCHA name was thought up by Whale with respect to his breaking stories as he added them to his "harpoon" wall. It has no connection whatsoever with Argentina or England.

Love CK/WO, can't stand WO/CK


For those of that can't stand Whale but read me, or can't stand me but read Whale, the good news will be that we will operate separate blogging platforms within the site each with a separate address. The front page will eventually link through to each blogging platform or you can save the separate link right to my page which will look a lot like blogspot, but only sexier. Same goes when we add contributors, they will each have a link through:

Whaleoil's separate link is here
Cactus Kate's is here and I will leave it permanently on the top of this page when I move to GOTCHA

When are you moving?

It is almost there, but almost is not good enough for me as I am a fussy bitch, I shall wait until it is looking totally awesome and fully operational before I move from this address to the new one. Then I will stop posting here and move to GOTCHA.

Why the move?

The focus of GOTCHA as described in the headline question above, will be on investigative stories and original opinion content moving away from the cut/paste the Herald/Fairfax style of many blogsites {cough} and into that of more a one stop news and entertainment platform. All our contributors will have that brief and will be sacked if they don't stick to it.

As you would have realised if you have followed my blog I have moved the focus of my blog from what I do or who I did on Friday nights, to a more business issues orientated blog. I plan to continue with this platform on GOTCHA.

Whaleoil will continue to be himself (under my slightly stricter legal guidance and more importantly that of Mrs Whaleoil - who in my opinion should have her own page.....), just more focused on breaking stories through his tipline, investigative skills and contacts with a special interest in political issues.

So not much will change to what I read on your blog now?

No. It will look prettier and more of your favourite bloggers should by the end, be in the same place making it more efficient for you to read during work hours.

Anyone else?

We have already lined up several other leading centre-right and even some media figures to blog with us and this should be all good to go shortly once everyone is happy and the kinks in the site are sorted. No pinkos.

Can I let you know what I think?

As it is already in development with the polish to go, I invite you to contribute to what you would like to see on the site or the site layout. Pop on over and leave a comment with Whale.

Lawyers/Andrew Williams

The good news is that contacting me at NZ time 11pm or in Williams' case when you are drunk at midnight to complain about Whaleoil is perfectly fine. It's only 7 or 8pm in Hong Kong and I have my email forwarded to my Blackberry so I will be happy to have a chat. I will be piss grumpy and unreceptive however if you call/contact me before your mid afternoon. I am not a morning person, the office messenger doesn't even come near me until lunchtime.

You will get sued, you are fucking crazy Whale is a loose unit

While GOTCHA is a single website platform, each contributor is an independent person and this is reflected in the structuring of the site itself. Just as Emma Hart has nothing to do with what Haydn Green writes on Public Address. Or a business reporter at the Herald has nothing to do with what is written in the entertainment section by another reporter.

I have been blogging for four years and have never had any issues on the legal front despite being reasonably controversial. Being offensive or writing something people do not like is not automatically defamatory and even if it is defamatory there are defences to defamation that people naturally forget about in the hysteria of chanting "you can't say that you will get sued".

The Herald on Sunday will no doubt breach a court order before we will.

Any reasonable requests to remove material will be considered on application, especially if you are polite and logical about it. But there best be solid legal or compassionate grounds to remove material as you will be wasting my time and unlike Whale I charge per hour in an office tower so you will be using my leisure time to deal with it.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Accounting "Fudge"

When working in the taxation division at PwC I was taught in my first week a term that the beanies from the audit division used called a "fudge" when things don't quite add up or make sense. A fudge is used to make everything good again in the world of balancing the debits with the credits. Up until then I thought it was an urban myth. Surely trained CA's didn't use this?

So delighted I was with this high-level live documented working example of what PwC mean by the "fudge". I attach the relevant page and corresponding PwC auditors report.

Audit
And the NZX announcement

NZS Financial Statements

The attached financial statements replace the version posted on NZX earlier today. The earlier version had a wording typographical error which did not affect any of the numbers in the financial statements.

Further details contact:

Andrew Clark
021 471-953

Sure about that?


Henare Has Brains In His Little Toe

Roarprawn has dished out her own smacking of Toe, Ngati-spoon style. I think we can go a little further Busted Blonde as your effort was a little weak.

Toe Henare calls Rodney Hide a "buffoon" and a "jerk off" over the recent faux furore with respect to race based seats on the Super City.

Woopie, poor Little Toe. Pot, kettle....... brown

Presently as a servant of the taxpayer Rodney Hide is usefully overseeing literally billions of dollars of restructuring of a project Key himself is in favour of and is National Party policy. He will then hand over the Super City to a CEO once the framework is in place. Some $3 billion budget, $28 billion in assets and 6300 staff. Apparently the gig is rumoured to pay $400-500,000 per annum. If we put that into the Weldon Index, both Hide to date for overseeing the regulatory reform and the CEO, are to be tragically underpaid.

John Key has quite cunningly by complete accident or design, drowned the leader of his more active and hard-working coalition partner in highly productive work. As you do with any hyperactive, intelligent, demanding and potentially very useful business partner. And Hide is responding with the required output and enthusiasm for the task at hand. So what if he demands support for the original plan that apparently (from media reports) they signed up to anyway?

Hide's current task must be the toughest outside the PM's portfolio at present. It is arduous, intellectually and physically demanding and well, Toe...has absolutely none of the skills required to cope with it. Toe wouldn't make the side to bring the bureaucrats a beer for their hard re-structuring work at this point. It is adults work and Henare is still a kid having a pee at the end of the sandpit for attention.

Henare is just the big stupid posturing wide-boy thug he has been and always will be. Politics to him is just one large opportunity to be utterly mediocre and earn more in perks and salary than he would if he ever had to go into the private sector and away from the treasured Henare Maoritocracy and get a real job on merit.

Little wonder he is in favour of race based seats and privilege. There's no other explanation as to why they put him on their list at all let alone front of such useful and qualified individuals as Stephen Franks! Skills and merit? And three party loyalty? Pause for a moment and think about that even if you disagree with everything else I have ever written.

Mr Key has said Mr Hide's threat to quit was a factor but not a dominant factor in Cabinet's decision.

"Ultimately it's been a long-held view of the National Party that they didn't want to see race-based seats in that second tier of government in New Zealand."

Toe's obviously been out smoking or eating pies when that email came around.

It is no secret that I know Rodney well enough to contact him regarding however I have not communicated at all with Rodney regarding the events or the Super City and I very rarely blog at all about either the Party or the Leader of ACT anyway. Least the blog is taken over by politics and party political preening as Kiwiblog can be at times. But if you know Rodney well enough you know that presently the man is busy. The man has been disgracefully busy from the day he was given the job of restructuring Auckland's councils.

Too busy to worry about Toe Henare has to say about anything. Unlike Trevor Mallard who rose to Henare's baiting, Hide won't because why would he care? Who is Toe Henare and what precise tokenism in the National Party let him get a list position at all? Surely if you want a Maori list candidate they could have chosen a young, well educated, well spoken male or female of real potential with an actual future in politics. There's a few in National now who are more useful, intelligent and less of a liability than Henare who is no longer that special and never has been anyway and now serves an archaeological purpose solely for training young Party members in understanding the history of NZ First from its remaining relics. Aaron Gilmore, Simon Bridges, Paula Bennett and I am sure more waiting in the selection wings in the National Party machinery. Not a washed up, has been that never really was if it wasn't for his buddy Winston.

Whom he later ditched anyway.

So in the tale of the tape lets see how they stack up:

Toe Henare

http://media.nzherald.co.nz/webcontent/image/jpg/henare-main.jpg

1. 48 years old
2. MP for NZ First 1993 to 1999 then National from 2005
3. Member of NZ First, Leader of "Mauri Pacific" and National list MP
4. Maori Affairs Minister based on a coalition agreement NZ First (well Winston) stitched with National pretty much by default as National's previous Minister was John Luxton
5. Prior work experience - Department of Internal Affairs and Waitakere City Council, race based positions
6. Member of the Tight Five. Who couldn't score a point without Winston.
7. Enlarged over the years in width and a smoker
8. No known formal education I can find beyond High School or specialist knowledge outside Maori and being a Maori
9. Not a great reader, an informal sluggish orator and a writer lacking in eloquence. Stuck between West and South Auckland in very heavy rush-hour traffic
10. Brother-in-law of Tuku Morgan, the largest victim of the perks campaign with his fancy underwear. Still hasn't grown out of being a resident attention-seeking thug.
11. Owes his entire Parliamentary career to Winston Peters whom he later stabbed in the back and front
12. When leading his own Party (Mauri Pacific) scores a whopping .08% of the vote. Nowhere near even "1%"
13. "Agreed" with Don Brash's "Orewa" speech convincing National that he was on their side
14. Famous for baiting Trevor Mallard into smacking him one and overshadowed by more respected members of the "Henare" Maoritocracy.

Rodney Hide

http://images.tvnz.co.nz/tvnz_images/news2009/auckland/hide_auckland_report_2.jpg

1. 52 years old
2. ACT MP from 1996 to present
3. Member of just the one party, I think in his whole life
4. Minister outside of Cabinet due to stitching of coalition agreement with National
5. Prior work experience as an economist, oil rig worker, lecturer and truck driver
6. Doesn't join any clubs for peer support but brings 4 other MP's to the Coalition table
7. Shrunk over the years in size and a non-smoker
8. Masters Degrees in Economics (from Montana State University) and Resource Management (from Canterbury/Lincoln Universities)
9. Author of many books including his own, one of Parliament's best debaters and an avid scholar, reader and traveller.
10. Formerly "the" perkbuster whose scalps included Henare's brother-in-law Tuku Morgan. Calmed down with increased workload and responsibility
11. Owes his Parliamentary career to Sir Roger Douglas for founding ACT but also part of a solid group of founding members that built the party
12. When leading a Party (ACT) scores 1.5% in 2005 and 4% in 2008. 19 and then 50 times the vote of Henare when he lead a Political Party even with the advantage of race based seats
13. Has continually agreed on most issues with Don Brash
14. Famous for beating Trevor Mallard at debating in the House and a spot on Dancing with Stars.

The tale of the tape really says it all. So I encourage Toe to keep running his mouth over on Facebook. It is far funnier at present than Mallard bitching people out on Red Alert. And that takes some beating.

Toe is making Trevor look more like a scholar and a gentleman with every incoherent brain fart he excretes from his little one.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

NZX Moving In Right Direction

http://www.map-of-croatia.co.uk/maps/map-of-split-and-dalmatia.gif


Credit where it is due, NZX is responding to public pressure (and clearly that of the Capital Markets Development Taskforce) with regards its role in the capital markets. Albeit in a slightly tempered way and releasing of this information amidst a barrage of good profit news hoping no one will notice. Sorry, we all did.

I have been tagged as a Mark Weldon critic, but I am not. I have never had an issue with his skills as a businessman. It has always been about the crossover and conflicts of the regulatory and commercial function of NZX.

I am an NZX critic. Yep.

I am sure Weldon's an entirely capable businessman returning value for acquisitions and sales using his skills and talent in the area of wheeling, dealing and marketing. No issues with him there as he's a first rate snake oil salesman. He's possibly very good at this area of his business. In all likelihood very good. But we will never know how good at present as he's operating on a massive handicap.

But as a regulator? And this is my area of interest in the business. You are joking. The man has no game at all. And I don't think he's ever been that interested in it to be honest unless it has made him money.

If you go back to my original post on the review of NZX you will find I have little cause to complain with what has happened since. Things have trotted along nicely for us capital market reformers.

We have had:

1. 20 minute delay in announcements - gone.
2. Henry van der Heyden, Chairman of the Fonterra and on the Board of NZX - gone.
3. Jane Diplock's role in effectiveness of overseeing NZX - questioned.
4. NZX questioned in its role in publishing - outed by the collective power of the print media.
5. NZX compliance staff involvement in share schemes - outed.
6. Weldon's role in the future of the tax and capital markets taskforces - outed. And it can't be worse than continuous disclosure obligations vs the Capital Markets taskforce's increasing position to loosen his monopoly position in the marketplace. Yet another conflict.
7. NZX's largest supporters Fisher Funds state NZX has a near monopoly - outed.
8. Weldon's pay packet indexed to market cap and measured.

NZX in their submission suggested the Securities Commission handle NZX's enforcement function, oversight of client function, approval of offer documents and "Clarification of the scope and remit" of oversight reviews.

ASX was just today stripped of some of its supervisory powers. When Australia leaps, New Zealand tends to follow. Weldon was ironically in favour of this dilution:

This month its chief executive, Mark Weldon, described the experience of waiting for a decision from the Federal Government as Kafkaesque.

''Some capable and respected players [are] trying to establish a competitive market platform … and you have months of deafening silence,'' New Zealand media quoted Mr Weldon as saying.

We already know the Securities Commission in New Zealand is a V8 functioning on 4 rusty cylinders at present don't we? When it needs to be a V12 humming on all. Nice try, pass these functions to the organisation that makes NZX looks good. I am sure Simon Power (with assistance from the likes of Stephen Franks and other experts) can come up with a crack division that is a damn sight better than Plane Jane Diplock's at present and as feared as the ASIC are in Australia. The markets need this level of fear in their regulator.

So I am calling Weldon out.

I think you are good. Plenty of people that I respect tell me that you are good. Prove to us how good you are and drop completely the regulatory role of NZX and with it profits gained from the regulatory role and upfront run the business of NZX for its shareholders and see how well you do.

Yesterday, NZX dismissed such criticism as having "no underlying logic beyond sophistry and soundbites".

I am actually backing you to do well inspite of handing over your regulatory role, because I think in terms of a marketer and a businessman, you have game.

So much so that I will put aside the "sophistry and soundbites "and bet NZ$20,000 on it. I use that figure solely as it is my only NZD holdings left and you can't expect me to convert at 69c to the dollar.

Split your regulatory role completely and I will chuck in NZ$20,000 into your new company that operates as a true market participant most likely as a merchant bank. You may laugh at the investment but I am supposedly one of your loudest critics and true, I haven't a cent invested currently in the stockmarket in NZ and as stated yesterday, a true non-believer in housing. Hence your perfect new New Zealand stockmarket investor that you are meant to be targeting in your current role.

And I am a chick who is 8 years younger than you, so stop dribbling.

You can't possibly not take up that challenge. Or will you stay hiding behind your safe little regulatory skirt?

Paul Reynolds Pay

$5 million. So what?

New Zealand Shareholders Association chairman Bruce Sheppard said if a fall in net profit was the only factor "you would have to ask why are we paying [Paul Reynolds] a bonus? But if Telecom wins market share and the support of New Zealand he will have delivered immense shareholder value."

Erghhh... because Bruce he still runs a far larger company than anyone else. Here is why he's paid more than the other flunkies with little tiddly companies.

A bargain under the Weldon Index. Which under he should be paid around $45 million per annum.

And he's really quite hot.

http://www.australianit.news.com.au/common/imagedata/0,,5880341,00.gif

I'd say excellent value.

Diagnostic Vidlab

Diagnostic Medlab has hired a film crew to interview patients emerging from the rooms of its rival, Labtests, and has threatened to release the footage if it finds undisclosed problems

Sometimes you are accused of running a campaign for a particular side when you blog.

Sometimes that other side just completely runs the best campaign if they are given enough rope to hang themselves.

Whomever is running Diagnostic Medlab's campaign needs to be outed and sacked.

Such terrible PR need not be repeated. You have made my job of discrediting you far too easy.

Names please?

Baby Boomers and Poverty

Utter nonsense.

Nearly half of respondents lived on New Zealand super plus $5000 or less and most owned their own homes.

We all know what happens.

Parents just come and bludge off their children.

This nonsense about parents at 70 or 80 being down to their last cent and starving. Ridiculous. They all pop off to the kids place for a feed, and so they should.

Because when the old biddies pop off it is the children who will inherit the home.

I've heard disgraceful stories about parents crying poor with a debt free $400k home. It is the children's duty to look after the parent as guess what - they get the $400k home when the oldie crocks it. There is no poverty in that situation. They have their own home and it is the children's job to pay for their retirement on the commercial basis they will inherit the home.

If not then the State should come after the children. There is no poverty and no need for government handout.

My parents have good spending habits, I am quite certain they could live off the pension and $5k a year. They don't have to by any stretch but they could. And if anything happens to one of them then the other one is definitely going to live with BOC (brother of Cactus). Already planned and he's out-voted. The NOC's (nieces of Cactus) will love it.

Putting aside a health catastrophe, those baby booming old people just don't spend any money.

All this talk of poverty is just an insult to the intellect of those of us who can calculate annuities.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Home-Buying Game

Having met the man briefly once during his stop in Hong Kong, I'm thoroughly enjoying reading about Fairfacts Media's first foray into housing. His first ever open home. I say good luck to him and all, but I loathe being taken through the endless mindless process of buying a house.

Because I actually do not like property. At all. No attachment to it. Can't see the point. Because I view house hunting the same way as I view the search for the perfect husband.

Perhaps it is that despite having enough cash to buy a very decent and liveable home, I find the prospect of the open home, the negotiation, the worry about the quality of what you have bought, the resale value, whether the price will increase...etc... just mindnumbingly dull.

Like with men, it's always been easier (and most times less expensive and all times safer) just to borrow someone else's and give it back when I am well sick of it.

When I am finally forced into purchasing by some possible blow to the head or moral duty of becoming "old" and completely fucking boring I shall be calling up friends I know who are excellent at it and they shall be doing that all for me. In the same way I've been giving them free legal advice for years the pricks can finally help me out.

Everyone has heard about some parasite who without any knowledge of property or much in life at all, has bought a house and sold it a month later for 50% gain. It's always the same parasitic prick who doesn't pay his round for drinks mind you. And then after drink 12 you realise he's possibly full of it anyway. Now he's the same sort that wants banks to waive contractual break fees for re-financing his new super mortgage, bailing out for his leaky home or tax credits for his rental property loss.

New Zealanders love property for a few reasons;

1. We are a nation of DIY experts. New Zealanders love wasting their weekends putting on overalls, donning the paint brush and supposedly increasing their home's worth by a "do up". And lets face it, New Zealand is a pretty boring place at the weekends and there's possibly nothing much else to do for couples to keep marriages together than a bit of bonding over a paintbrush. New Zealanders are actually pretty good at doing up their homes on a worldwide standard, especially women who are mightily handy. Me? I couldn't find my way around visualising the plans of a house let alone the measuring tape. I am real property dyslexic. Heavy form. Surely capable of a disability grant such is the dyslexia for it.

2. New Zealanders do not get great bonuses and when they do they have to pay tax on them. Now overseas in first world paying countries, people can collect a handy sum every year if the business is doing well, equivalent probably to what the chumps back home make on the best sale price of a house. New Zealanders view the tax free buying and selling of a home as their "bonus". Why? Try saving substantial amounts of cash even on 100k when you are taxed on well over a third of it with a first world cost of living. My sympathies go out.

3. Productivity. Most New Zealanders will argue that housing actually is a productive asset. Ask their bank manager if it is productive when they are scamming $40-50k or even $80-100k in tax free capital gain every year or two when moving house. That to a New Zealander is productivity. They could not give a stuff about the nation's productivity. Tell the interior decorating industry, the builders, the plumbers, the gas men, the pool shops, the BBQ factories that housing is not a productive asset.

4. What else to do with the money? You have to live somewhere. You don't have to buy shares in the NZSX. You can't live on shares. You get taxed at your marginal rate on money in the bank. So the prospect of house prices increasing 25% in 5 years - or less than 5% per year, is still attractive when your real rate of return on interest is 2%. You are old enough to remember what happened in the 87 crash, you are young enough to read of reports of finance companies cleaning out savings. The house looks and still is a good investment.

5. The government will always prop it up. Laughing? Try the $12 billion bailout of leaky homes. Where is the furore over this? It is an Obama sized bailout. Why are Councils (ie ratepayers) and the general taxpayer paying for the mistakes of those who bought homes from people who didn't do the job of developing or building properly? Shouldn't the civil courts take care of that and insurance companies? No, it is the likes of people who are purposefully not into property or deliberately paid more for good quality property that will be burdened with bailing out people who took a risk and lost. May seem unfair but if a person purchased $500,000 of shares and lost the lot, the taxpayer would never bail him out of that loss. Why is property any different?

6. Collectively we can hold the banks to ransom. Break fees? Nah. Consumer lobby group will deal with that as it's unfair. Never mind had it gone the other way the banks can't break your contract and charge more interest.

7. It's easy. Stuff working for a living, punt on a house instead. If you save $10,000 a year from working and earning a salary, a small $30,000 gain is three years of hard work. Easy. And it is easy...apparently. Just takes a bit of DIY and some basic manly New Zealand skills to buy a house and on-sell it.

EVERY New Zealander buys a house with the intention of profiting on resale. Whether that resale be next week or next decade. Who on earth buys a property expecting to make a loss? And who buys with the intent of renting for ever? You rent until a buyer comes along and offers you the most money, that's what. This is why I am firmly against a Capital Gains tax with an exemption for the home you live in - why? You are expecting to profit on the resale of that aren't you? Especially at the moment where rental yields are negligible it is hard to argue against the idea that all rental property is indeed for the sole purpose of one day realising a capital gain, the sooner the better.

Yes, housing is a privileged investment but a dedicated capital gains tax? Nah, won't do a thing to dampen property prices and make the pampered first-home buyer wooses spend any less of their cash on a house, ie. housing affordability. Australia, the neighbour is a great example of why dedicated CGT is just another revenue generating mechanism and does nothing with respect to demand and supply. Heard how hard it is to buy in Sydney? Or rent in Brisbane? Yeah CGT did a lot to quell the demand and increase the supply of housing in Australia didn't it?

The issues that will are what has been raised on Not PC. Things like freeing up more land to build more houses, easing silly building regulations and bringing supply up to meet the demand. Not distorting the market further with taxes that do not make sense.

Which brings me to my salient point.

Bill English cannot afford a housing slump. Why? Because New Zealand as an economy and an electorate is now tied to it. Think of a 20% dump in house prices. All that debt that is leveraged currently to unrealised home equity. He can say he doesn't want a 25% increase in house prices, but a 20% dump in prices would be for him far worse. Not to mention hollow out the mood of the nation as everyone will suddenly realise they are individually poorer than they were under Michael Cullen.

There are a few things that can be done in my view, but they have to be done together. Whatever approach is decided on cannot be the normal half-hearted piecemeal approach of the past:

1. Remove all NRWT and RWT from savings, and dividends. Rather than punish the housing investor inefficiently and ineffectively with a dedicated capital gains tax that will not work to its targeted aims, this would encourage savings and investment. NRWT and RWT are the distortion of investing presently, not the absence of a dedicated CGT. This will also throw the stockmarket a much needed bone, ditto our funds managers who sit on the Key Tax committee.

2. Require a 30% deposit to be paid for all first time mortgages and limit finance to "investors" by way of stricter debt/equity ratios. This will cut out the "dreamers" from home ownership ie. those who cannot afford the market to go considerably pear-shaped. This deposit would have to be raised by the purchasers and the source of funds proven ie. not a loan from parents or other sources. Comparably low interest rates simply fuel housing demand, but in New Zealand it doesn't seem to have a desired effect of lowering prices by much. Lay on the hurt in other ways lessening access to mortgages to begin with to prevent the current subprime lending conditions of borrowers. This approach is a "cruel to be kind" one. If you haven't got a 30% deposit then I am sorry you cannot afford to play this game, keep renting or go live with mummy and daddy a wee bit longer.

3. Removing the ability to offset losses on a rental property with your individual tax return. This is relief that I will admit it is stupid and unfair. Relevant yes if there was a dedicated CGT, to provide relief as the asset is bleeding money towards the Capital Gain, but there is no dedicated CGT at present so the loss offsetting against tax payable of a salaried income is nonsensical. If the losses are to be used they should be through a company or trust structure and the offsets ring-fenced.

4. Create a real market for inner city apartments. Move the people in and build the apartment buildings up. If they owned their own apartment rather than rented it, the cities would soon be full of responsible occupiers of these apartments rather than "P" dealing scum and hookers as at present. Would also ease transport issues in main centres. And living in the inner city is awesome. When I return to Auckland I park myself now in serviced apartments by the water. All good fun and there is no reason for the bleaters why children cannot be housed in apartments. It does not kill them. Most of the Hong Kong population have lived in shoe-boxes their entire lives. The current apartment market is distorted and held back as in most cases you need a 30% deposit for a bank to even interview you. If other home owners needed the same condition then this distortion would evaporate and prices would start rising (as well as falling).

5. Get rid of ALL government namby pamby distortion schemes subsidising people into homes, including state housing. It is picking "winners" from losers and not doing anyone any good. If people are to be assisted into housing then they should be moved into apartments as at #4, not general housing stock.

6. Move the burden of "leaky building syndrome" back on to the people who took the risk in the first place - the home owner. It is nonsensical that taxpayers who cannot afford a home are now subsidising those who can, took the risk and failed. What does that say to future homeowners? Yes, it encourages them to take more risk. The homeowners should take legal action against Councils issuing the Code Compliance Certificates which should be backed by professional indemnity insurances and builders/developers with likewise. While it may seem unfair to burden the homeowner with this load, how fair is it that other taxpayers and ratepayers now have to stump up for something that they had no business with? The taxpayer has no share of the homeowners upside risk (of the home gaining value) so why should they take the burden of the downside risk?

7. Hold every bank and borrower accountable to the contract they sign. That is, stop meddling in private contracts. If people signed up to a condition with a bank then make them pay for that condition. Again, tinkering in the consumers' favour with private contracts only encourages more risk taking behaviour.

8. Let people fail. Take for example this couple earning $180,000 where both were recently made redundant. They shouldn't be given a food parcel, but a sale and purchase agreement. They cannot afford their house. They should have to sell it. This ladies and gentlemen is the market working. Someone will buy their house who can afford it. They have taken a risk and overextended. Why does welfare cover these sorts? Yes, they were earning $180,000 and now nothing but shouldn't a couple on $180,000 covered themselves for a "rainy day" and not overextended on their borrowing? Look outside, it's raining now.

9. Land tax. Silly idea for New Zealand, works in Hong Kong only because of significantly higher rental incomes and much lower business and personal taxes. The burden goes on to true homeowners (the ones who are not the issue of the current whinging in New Zealand as to house prices) and in the case of the "investor" or as they are now termed in NZ, because of low rental yield's "speculator" with a rental property - he just puts the rent up for the poor tenant to compensate which explains why rents are so high in Hong Kong. Therefore if you wish to stop speculators, land tax doesn't work as the burden falls on those you are not wishing to target, the tenants. It is merely a revenue collection mechanism for a government where a third of the workers pay no tax at all and the maximum rate is 16%, most people don't pay anywhere near that. I can't quite see John Key getting that radical and progressive.

Hong Kong is probably the greatest example of land speculation in the world and I live in it. A rise in the stock market merely sees a shortly after blip in the property market as gamblers top their gains from the stock market into property. And a swing the other way as well.

The Government has realised it cannot and does not wish to control the property market. So it doesn't. It clips the ticket through land tax (that accounts for around 40% of total government revenue) and stamp duty (on every sale of shares and property) and lets it go hell for leather. People who lose money in housing simply jump off buildings. And no one here seems to care much as it is part of the game. The taxi driver, the cleaner and the street vendor all scrimp and save to buy shares to accumulate capital to go on and buy a shoe-box apartment. This is Hong Kong's National Sport. No DIY here (and some of the apartments show it!), it's complete and utter speculation and gambling.

And they all love it.

Fortunes in Hong Kong are almost never made through working, they are made through a property market that is a constant land of opportunity, and no one can accuse Hong Kong of lacking productive assets. Indexed to 1997 (100) here are the trends.

http://www.chinatradeinvestment.com/images/hkproperty.jpg

Plenty of movement up and down there to make profits and losses but still prices have a bit to go to 1997 rocket fuel levels. And that's how any market should be - ups and downs. New Zealand's housing market needs this level of instability as it would temper risk and return.

In fact this is the only way that the market will stabilise for people to get burned and to see what a true "market" looks like.

So to all the meddling politicians when faced with a house price graph such as this, with very few years below the 0% annual increase line what does a "rational" investor in New Zealand currently do? This is not the graph of a true "market" there must be corrections at some point and you must let the market correct.

http://www.dbh.govt.nz/UserFiles/Image/sector_information/prices-and-costs/increase_prices.gif


You can't blame them for choosing the house.

So design your taxation system around it, regulate to a cap that people can borrow from banks to prevent subprime, remove all other distortions to it and do not intervene.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Sporting Interlude II

http://www.independent.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00010/frankelcolumn05novem_10861t.jpg

The best looking man in undies on a rugby field is back tomorrow - Daniel Carter. And not a moment too soon.

Unfortunately the All Blacks are pants without him so am glad to see the back of easily the worst All Black first-five in my lifetime Stephen McDonald, for the great (looking) one's return.

Let us hope that it is a good return.

Update: The great (looking) one's boot is a sight to behold. Fluffing an easier kick he belts one over in the dying minutes to win the match which despite the low scoreline was a nail-biting belter that the All Blacks butter-finger backline tried their best to lose.

Plane Jane Strikes Again

Further to my posts and anointing Jane as Plane:

Who has got the Power?

The Secret Diary of Plane Jane

The Independent (weekly circulation 3,736) has followed on from the work of the one-woman band of Asian Invasion (weekly readership in week to date of unique visitors 13,104) * and published a piece complete with a most fabulous cartoon of Jane on her adventures overseas.

NZSC

Seems that IOSCO pay for Plane Jane to get on one to travel to their meetings which leaves the rest of PJ's expenditure spent solely on jaunting around promoting NZ as a "well-regulated investment destination".

Even $227k of the total spend seems very high for that itinerary, even by a business class -nice hotel standard of travel especially if IOSCO is footing most of the travel bill and it is not really the Regulatory Head of a Securities Industry's job to be doing marketing for New Zealand as an "investment centre". And "training enforcement staff overseas" what would that be precisely?

The McManus piece raises in her usual fashion far more questions than it answers. Such as what precisely is Simon Power doing to ensure extra funding for the Securities Commission is going to go where it is needed and not as a fiscal stimulator for the world's airlines and tourism industry?

* Yes I've breached copyright re-publishing the article but as with Smellie's article on Weldon the readership really could do with a boost couldn't it?


Update: An eagle eyed comments person posted this link that I missed as I myself was on a jetplane between Heathrow and Hong Kong (non-taxpayer paid) - Plane Jane interviewed by Karyn Scherer surprise surprise, in a hurry on the eve of catching a plane to Rarotonga for a holiday. Too funny given the content of the interview. Redeeming those Air NZ frequent flyer airpoints perhaps?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Sporting Interlude

Too much business this week. So for the girls the question of the week.

How do you reckon Ronaldo goes?

http://www.celebrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/cristiano-ronaldo-hottest-9-11-07.jpg

In La Liga?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Writing Down The Spilt Test Tubes

Mark Weldon may have New Zealand CEO's most out of whack remuneration system but he is by no means near the most incompetent. That title must surely go to Arthur Morris of Diagnostic Medlab.

The audited results of his parent company Sonic are not due out until 28th August 2009 however in order not to spoil the party at that time an earnings update was released today announcing what we have been waiting for, the level of writedown from its New Zealand operation and DML.

The writedown is some $A36 million higher than the $100 million expected. So the question is was it the auditors demanding that Sonic go to the market early with the announcement? The staff redundancy level is $A10.5 million which will basically gut the New Zealand operation of DML. How many of the 100 staff that Arthur thought would be still gainfully employed, are in fact expected to still be around?

Crying over spilt test tubes
(Still) crying over spilt test tubes

2009-08-18 NZ Pathology and Earnings Update

In a carefully scribed piece of corporate PR silliness that I will interpret:

"These decisions are as a consequence of the conclusion of the Auckland laboratory contract and the adverse funding system now operating in New Zealand which is considered not conducive to further investment given the risk of non-renewal of contracts".

In other word - we are giving up because the system did not favour us this time.

"Sonic confirms that the current New Zealand system of tendered, fixed term contracts for community laboratory services is unique and does not exist in any other market in which Sonic operates"

Those bloody New Zealanders, fancy asking for a tender. Cheeky bastards.

"The Auckland contract represents less than 2% of Sonic's total revenue and earnings and will therefore not have a material impact on Sonic's future performance"

The operation in New Zealand is of immaterial concern to the Parent company.

"Sonic emphasises it is not exiting the New Zealand market. However New Zealand pathology is expected to represent less than 1% of Sonic's future global earnings.

Lets give them some false hope but the market is so insignificant it's not worth our efforts.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Weldon Index - A Case for Increasing CEO Pay





With reporting season upon us, now is the time for CEO's to make their case for underpayment in the marketplace and the media to commence collation of statistics to give a good sensationalist de-briefing of the exorbitant rates of pay the CEO receives compared to the office cleaner or beneficiaries.

As a generous blogger, with this in mind I have created for them The Weldon Index.

This index uses as a base the market capitalisation (one measure of aggregate value of a company) to measure the size and with it assumed complexity, responsibility and risk of being a CEO of a particular company. I used market cap as a measure due to the increasing reference to it with respect to CEO's pay during the supposed financial crisis . The general understanding that a CEO's pay should be in direct proportion to the market cap of a company. Academics Gabaix and Landier of NYU backed this up with a study in 2006 explaining why CEO pay had increased so much.

Weldon is often held up (mainly by himself) as an example of a "tall poppy", a "high achieving CEO". Yet when analysis is done as to market capitalisation, even at its current rate, NZX is still a tiddler of a company compared with those it is listed with on the exchange.

Indeed, if NZX as at the date I made these comparatives was on the NBR Rich List it would only come in 31st postion.

Other CEO's here have a far greater case for larger pay relative to Weldon's. They also have a large case for being included on industry groups and PM's discussion circles as leaders in their industry and of the markets. In other words, the other CEO's who are getting on with the job of managing their much larger companies and not appearing ad nauseum in the media or politicising their positions pumping out a barrage of press releases every time the CEO sneezes or walks down Lambton Quay.

In a recent article written for The Independent by Pattrick Smellie, Weldon projects his pre-conceived bias as a member of John Key's tax taskforce.

"As a member of the task force, Weldon sees the economic turmoil as an opportunity to break bad National habits that have left New Zealand "massively imbalanced" with a weighting to unproductive assets, such as housing that are "embarrassing and a threat to our economic health and productivity"

Little wonder what new taxes he will be projecting forth.

Weldon also mouths off that apparently none of his critics have run a business.

"Not one whom runs a business by the way"

He is of course partially correct. His critics have never run a business like his. Because in New Zealand there simply are none.

I can't speak for the background of most of his critics, but who cares if they have never run a business?

Weldon's never worked in the taxation industry but now sits on a committee in a plum role advising on the future of it with pre-conceived bias of the taxation of potentially a very large part of the future of it in housing. Obviously any taxation of it may be beneficial in enticing people to speculate with their limited investor knowledge into - the stockmarket. Little wonder New Zealanders still love chucking money into houses.

Contrary to Smellie's publishing, once again, I am no longer a tax lawyer or advisor, there would be little work in Hong Kong would there? Being (bless) such a simplistic tax system and all...

But as Weldon wishes to wave his big one all around for us to challenge, I digress.

I work in an industry where all of us in a similar position have signing rights as director and trustee of offshore companies and trusts, in charge of billions of dollars of other people's assets with director and fiduciary duties that pertain to that. That is upward of 10 times the amount of assets Weldon is in charge of on a market cap measurement. Some of us are entitled to executive sized pay, bonuses and private stock options and spend 3-4 months a year travelling the world rather like Jane Diplock does. For (bless) half the hours Weldon works, and (bugger) a tenth of the budget of Diplock's travel. None of this is publicly printed in annual reports, because with the nature of our business it cannot be.

But anyway, so what?

So what if journalists are critical of Weldon and "do not run a business"? Does that mean the only people who can criticise and analyse the truth are those running businesses? If so there would never be any analysis would there? As I am sure that ANZ's Michael Smith has better things to do running his $60 billion company than locking horns with Weldon. He'd be better off playing a round of golf or quite frankly having a good scratch in the morning.

Unlike Weldon none of his critics are regulators of their own business.

And rather than the commercial aspect, this has always been my (and most of his other critics, especially the journalists) particular area of gripe as I deal with regulators from offshore jurisdictions all over the world who are subject to much stringent regulation and conflict controls from OECD countries than Weldon ever will be as a regulator.

None of the regulators I deal with can sell the product they regulate. If we could regulate and sell the products we regulate, I imagine I too would be nearing semi-retirement with that dominant position in the marketplace.

Weldon has had a ridiculously out of whack remuneration system for years including 6.5% ownership of the company the NZX accounts now realise, that has a market advantage in regulating its own work and using proceeds from its regulatory activities to cross-subsidise into commercial enterprises. He still works for and answers to a Board and shareholders and is a wage slave like the rest of us, as are all CEO's. He's no self-made entrepreneurial tycoon. His position is gained in an advantaged one, in a similar fashion to a child who had the help of his parents backing versus one who has had to make it on their own like other CEO's.

Weldon can claim he's in a fair and free market all he wishes, but Carmel Fisher of Fisher Funds in Smellie's article sinks that theory as she cites the "near monopoly" position as the reason she has raised Fisher Funds holdings in NZX.

And despite being the darling of those who read of record trading gains and endless good PR, Weldon's still probably not flavour of the month with shareholders for example, who bought in at the $10 and $11 price in 2007 and are still to see any gains on their "investing" into NZX.

So how out of whack is Weldon's pay?

I have created an index of random types and sizes of companies listed on the exchange where CEO's and officers can insert their market capitalisation and pop out what they should be paid based on the new CEO currency, The Weldon. Although despite my endless disclosures and referencing, I admit it isn't scientific, and some companies make reporting the precise remuneration figures difficult, even if you take out the calculation for Weldon's share scheme, the results are so astounding that the trend can be easily spotted.

The Weldon Index


For example, take Paul Reynolds, CEO of Telecom who can't regulate his own business. I bet now more than ever he wishes he could.

Reynolds is paid around $4.8 million a year to run a company with a market capitalisation of $5.1 billion. That is, he is paid just 2.25 "Weldon's" to run a company worth 21 times that of NZX. Based The Weldon Index, Reynolds should be paid $46 million.

The "Naked CEO" Rob Fyfe is paid 1.06 Weldon's but Air NZ is 5.5 larger than NZX by market cap. Fyfe should be paid $11.7 million by The Weldon Index.

So take a bow CEO's, most of you appear to be completely underpaid. I ran about a dozen more listed companies results down with my eye and got the same trend, those with more time can spit out a few more examples no doubt.

Get your negotiation hats on now CEO's and head back to the board room and those remuneration committees forthwith.

Symbiotic Meshing of Headlines

Cost revealed: $250k to raise a child

Really?

Millie resigned to possible prison term

I'd say it's cost Mr Holmes a tad more than $250k to raise that spoilt little shit.

Wasted money.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Forget Provocation When We Have Makutu

Another piss-arse woofter of a Judge on the bench pandering to so called "Maori" interests after a jury found these barbaric thugs guilty of manslaughter of a defenceless mentally ill member of the family.

The court had been told the family believed Ms Moses had been possessed by demons after two family members stole a concrete lion statue from a hotel in Greytown, in Wairarapa.

Water was forced into her mouth and eyes to flush out demons and lift the makutu.

Ms Moses drowned and the 14-year-old girl's eyes were injured as people picked at the demons they saw in them.

Justice Simon France today told the siblings that their understanding and knowledge of their culture was not complete. He accepted they had not realised the danger of what they were doing and had only wanted to help Ms Moses, who the Crown said had been mentally ill.

What the fuck? The woman was possessed by demons when two family members were the one's who stole.

France J. is a complete disgrace to the legal profession and has made New Zealand an international laughing stock. Worse is that he rejected the cultural ritual. In which case why the hell didn't the killers of this poor woman go to the clink?

He rejected the notion that they had been acting out a religious or cultural ritual.

Look for the "Makutu" mitigation of sentence to pop up in child-bashing cases from now on.

Apple Environmentally Friendly?



I bought from the Apple shop online these 12 little ear pads. My last lot were pinched in the great carry-on bag loss of 2009.

Have a look at all the packaging they used to send them to me?

Now I don't really care and I had fun with the bubble wrap popping it all afternoon, but I can't stand the hypocrisy of foisting this environmental shit upon the consumer when the producer is doing this!

Case in point Hong Kong now has a 50 cent plastic bag levy even for plastic bags that are biodegradable. Another waste of friggin time. So the nicer HK supermarkets are now taking the piss and issuing these bags below (full of eaten sushi) that are not levied as they are produced to hold meats.