Job Summit Head Slashes Labour Costs 25%

Job Summit Head Slashes Labour Costs 25%

That's your Monday morning headline.....missed it didn't you?

Monday's announcement of an increase in Q1 profit of NZX was greeted with the sophistication of analysis by business journalists belonging somewhere between New Idea and News of The World. Most just cut and paste gushingly from Weldon’s own press release and said "well done". Wel-don indeed. Welcome folks to the Weldonfairy that casts its spell over the financially illiterate every reporting period. Even senior reporters are just too darn afraid to question him.

Such laziness or fear has no place in business journalism when in a period of economic gloom, any publicly listed company, increases their profits by not just double digits but 40% in any given period compared to 2008. Questions must be asked. But here the Weldonfairy has struck again and you have been hazed with his magic spell into spitting out the numbers his PR and handler "Lucy" gives to you. I remain immune to the Weldonfairy.

“Chief executive Mark Weldon said around half the improvement could be attributed to higher revenues and about half to discipline on the cost side”.

If any business journalist had taken half an hour to open the linked spreadsheets they would find an increase in profit for the NZX Group of $862,000 (40%) from not the period 1 April 2008 to 31 March 2009, but the March quarters, March 2008 being the lowest performing quarter of the 2008 year. It’s not an annual result, but two comparative snapshots.

Of that increased $862,000 earnings after tax, $593,000 or 69% (less tax effect) can be explained away as Weldon slashing staffing, the largest cost in any business. “Employee and related costs” at NZX Markets slashed from $2.3 million to $1.7 million (a 25% decrease on the same period in 2008). Add to that the decrease in professional fees from $178,000 to $108,000 and you are looking at a slash and burn of 77% (less tax effect) of the 40% gains.

Yes statistics are fun aren't they? When you actually flex them, rotate them, think about them and interpret them without mindlessly just cutting and pasting.

You too can create positions that the Weldonfairy does for the cut and pasters of the business journalism school of laziness and fear.

At the NZX Markets Statement of Performance the following core activities have disintegrated with the market conditions as would be expected so this cannot be blamed solely on Weldon:

Listings: Initial, Secondary down 42%
Listings: Annual down 9%
Trading: down 15%
NZ Market Services: down 23%

The two interesting results were:

Fees: Participant fees actually up 4%. When core activity is down?
"Information": was up 39%

Information includes real-time core business data across the managed funds, agriculture and media industries. Such as Agrifax, Fundsource, Newsroom, Dairy Week and Profarmer. In other words the drop in cash at the bank (and interest income related) for a concentrated acquisition of FARMING publications. Added to that Country-Wide that includes The NZ Farmers Weekly, Country-Wide North and Country-Wide South, NZ Dairy Exporter, Deer Farmer and Young Country.

Pleasing a Director of NZX, Henry van der Heyden, also Chairman of Fonterra? I think so. See now NZX own the editorial content of every publication that FOC (Father of Cactus) wades through and trusts as the primary trusted source of rural information. Watch for these publications to cement a firm pro-listing editorial view for Fonterra. The Fonterra Chairman is already on the NZX Board and a Fonterra listing is the NZX's wettest dream.

The key to the future. And cashing out those share options that they all seem to have a hand in the pie with respect to as listed in great detail in the accounts.

No information was linked to see detailed intercompany transactions, possible expenditure items written to the balance sheet that may have to be written back at some stage (ie. contingency for AXE's Australia market license) and we cannot see items such as "Equity Accounted Earnings" or TZ1's detailed operating revenue and expenditure (the carbon credit trader that they are preparing for sale to be paid for in shares of the buyer even though it's meant to be a goose that lays endless golden eggs - wouldn't you keep it?). These two line items on the Statement of Financial Performance providing the largest percentage changes up and down respectively on Earnings. Questions folks? Asking them from your position in the newsroom? Nope.

“Chief executive Mark Weldon said the result was due to the success of the company's strategy. That strategy included strengthening the core NZX markets, cementing a broader integrated base from which to grow, and continuing to reshape the NZX business”.

Weldonspeak for moving away from core activity that as a regulator we should be focusing on, slashing professional fees and employment costs, splashing cash on investments gained using a dominant monopoly market position to position one's self for the El Gordo of a Fonterra listing.

The regulatory and compliance arm of NZX should now be put up for competitive tender. It's clear that this is now a secondary activity to Weldon's attempt to be the next Sir Humphrey Michael Fay.

Weldon slashed and burned his own company to get this extraordinary profit figure., no problem with that but this is the guy fronting the JOBS SUMMIT folks.

As a non-believer in the Jobs Summit we like this. If he wasn't preaching the opposite.

Rather than attack him for this prima facie illusionary position of his own company that is now acting more as a merchant bank with profits skimmed off a monopoly position than that of a stable and fair market regulator, I can think of one position in the current National administration that he would be perfect for.

Head of The Razor Gang




A 25% cut in employment costs and 39% in professional fees for the public sector would be a fine beginning.

Reporters don't question Weldon thoroughly about anything these days therefore he would simply glide through the process unnoticed. Teflon Mark would be an excellent acquisition for an assault on the public sector. Perhaps NZX Markets can lease him out for some more "Information" revenue?

Little wonder John Key can see potential in him.

You Know That You........

....know too much about rugby for a chick.

When you take the "Name The All Black" facebook test while taking notes on a conference call to South Africa, drinking a diet coke, messaging on Skype and score 15 out of 16 or 94%, getting only the identity of Chris Tregaskis incorrect.



While mourning the loss of Steve Walsh on our screens, who can send me to his sin-bin any day.

Wall Street II - The Plot

Gordon Gekko is to be re-born.

Excellent is all I can say.

Lets make him a winner this time in trading the bullshit and hot air that are carbon credits off the credit-crunch crisis in 2009. To have him spend his fortune on:

The Ty Warner Penthouse
Loose women
Boeing Business Jet 2's
Aston Martins
Hummers

Only to have him die in a mid-air collision fending off terrorists in his private mercenary B2 Spirit saving New York from another attack.

Cool.

Whale Is Now Off The Leash

Question 12 - The patsy that wasn't

Finally the National Party research team have woken up and Wayne Mapp grew some coconuts under obvious pressure from the next Shadow Minister of Defence, Labour Party mercenary David Shearer.

Best thing Labour could do is feed Whale some meat. Spanish Bride hasn't fed him for weeks now and he is hungry.

Smears And Lies

Annette "full moon" King has decided that National is running a dirty tricks/smear campaign already in Mt Albert for spreading truths about their mercenary candidate David Shearer , tagged, paid and sent in to fight the Mt Albert battle who we all in the VRWC actually LIKE for his views of privatisation.

Well first, the National Party couldn't organise this. They couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. And they are far too busy dealing with the mess that Labour left them to focus on this. The story was broken by Whaleoil and then David Farrar when they were researching Labour candidates for their upcoming blogmobile campaign of Mt Albert. As you would do in any political campaign. As Labour may have already done on the National candidates if they were organised. Whaleoil was fuming at the suggestion of any assistance from the National Party. Because they don't give him any. Whaleoil is a slimmed-down, angry, hungry, one-man wrecking machine at present. And the VRWC and Spanish Bride (the Missus) are yet to sanction his release from the cage.

The information subject to debate can be found with a google search of “David Shearer+war” (he was in the UN). And this from a computer a 12 hr flight from NZ. I know it takes a pinko 10 days, and flights to Australia with a team of 4 to do that, but the VRWC are far more literate.

I took 5 seconds google searching Meg+Bates+Labour to find everything I needed to know about her.

Well, I've only been involved in politics for 14 years but I thought actually saying nice things about an opposition candidate was just plain polite. Shearer should be happy that we are not saying what a c**t he is for agreeing to stand for Labour in the first instance.

Labour is obviously trying to smear National accusing them of smear tactics.

My Kind Of Bar

Genius

Nothing worse than those who sit on one tap beer. Taking up space for real punters who are profitable.

Racket has a laid back Cuban style atmosphere, a bar brimming with quality cocktails, and is joined to an outdoor lane with a massive fireplace, and agents and merchants, a restaurant with 200+ old and new world wines.

Excellent, I shall be visiting next time I am in Auckland.

Loser Alert - Ryan Alexander Frost

Man drought still shouldn't yield this idiot a girl

I think I shall issue male loser alerts for female readers of the blog.

Name: Ryan Alexander Frost, Labourer 18
Victim: His ex-girlfriend Sophie Coker, who dumped his sorry arse


Crime: Kidnapped the Coker family cat with his then new girlfriend in retaliation
Loser scale: **** out of *****
Chances of rehabilitation into suitable husband material: zero

Best quote: "Sophie's father says he would quite like to pick Ryan up and dump him somewhere".

We agree with Sophie's father. The Mongrel Mob's HQ with a blue scarf and/or white power shirt on would be ideal.

Ryan Frost is a loser. If women who are nut cases are called "bunny boilers", Ryan is a "kitty kidnapper".

Stop Taking Coke - It's Harming The Planet!!!

Every time you consume a gram of cocaine you are using 4 square metres of rainforest.

Yet another guilt campaign regarding using the earth's natural resources.



Generally heavy users of cocaine are not that concerned about their own health, why would they give a f**k about destroying a piece of a renewable rainforest?

I say to Colombians, it's a business and you need the forest to hide your dens in ------- simply plant more trees.

And remember to charge 5 cents for the plastic bags. The Greenies will be after you for that next.

Obama's Chance To Close The Border

Pigs have given President Obama now has the largest chance he will get to legitimately close the border with the hell hole of Mexico. The least pleasant place I have visited so far on the Earth (Bulls and Marton included).



Would assist in slowing down the flow of illegal guns, drugs, people and money wouldn't it?

Meg Bates For Mt Albert!

You have GOT to be serious!!!



It's raining up a monsoon outside today, so trapped indoors it's good luck for Meg Bates who is about to have the Cactus microscope placed on her candidacy for the Labour nomination for Mt Albert.

Late last year I posted up profiles of the possible young Labour candidates at the 2008 election. Thankfully none were actually elected into Parliament. Unthankfully Jacinda Ardern, a ring-in from her OE (comparative to Shearer - the UN "special guy"), actually was which would have caused much tension in the kindergarten ranks. All of whom whose only barrier to being Capitalist and right-wing would surely be a sniff of earned wealth from the private sector. They are only in the Labour Party because they don't know how great it is to be in the highest income and wealth sectors of society and unashamed of it.

So just when I thought the Labour Party were trying to get all serious and adult in order to challenge the National Party in opposition, out comes Meg Bates.

Meg has to be the LEAST qualified of any potential Labour Party candidate I have come across. Taito Field is a more suitable candidate for Mt Albert for Labour and I would vote Russel Norman before I'd vote for this infant who very likely has yet to pay a cent off her student loan.

To start with Meg's about 12 years old. And looks it. For heaven's sake she's younger looking than ACT's Peter McCaffrey, whom I met for the first time and wanted to pat him on the head and tell him off for under age drinking he's so cute and little. But forget Meg's youth, lets look at her actions and achievements.

o Honours Degree in Political Studies (First Class), University of Auckland
o President of Young Labour New Zealand
o Lecturer in New Zealand Politics, University of Auckland Department of Political Studies
o Head Tutor, University of Auckland Department of Political Studies
o Electorate Secretary (part-time), Rt Hon Helen Clark, MP for Mt Albert
o Young Labour Women’s Representative, New Zealand Women’s Council
o Sandringham Branch Chair, Mt Albert Electorate
o Project Supervisor, 2008 Election Media Analysis Research Project, University of Auckland Department of Political Studies
o Co-coordinator Labour 90th Anniversary Oral History Project
o Helen Clark nominee at the inaugural Aspiring Leaders Forum
o Assistant Manager, 2008 Tukituki Electorate Election Day Campaign
o Youth Representative, Mt Albert LEC

.......Meg, sure you haven't missed off the merit award you earned at Primary school for picking up rubbish? And in 2008 the Labour candidate had the lowest vote in memory in Tukituki. May wish to airbrush it out aka Helen style......

Yes, this is as impressive as Helen Clark's CV at the same age. Some would say then that she's a future star, future Labour Leader, "Helen did it so Meg can".

Well crap to that.

Helen Clark grew up in an era where a great achievement for a woman was to have a career path that ended as a University Lecturer. Opportunities and rolemodels for women at Clark's age were minimal and women of her generation were University trailblazers into professions. Some thirty years on, with women achieving at a high level in productive, riskier and more challenging areas of the workforce, gaining wider experiences and striving to achieve more, this CV for an electorate MP is quite frankly - appalling and uninspiring. Meg's never achieved anything outside of the safety of University exams that you could say has any element of risk of failure at all. Even the places she states she has travelled to are boring, uninspiring and bulk standard for any New Zealander under 30 who has travelled to Europe.

Is this the best Labour can now do with their female candidates? Unionists, teachers, academics and comparative low achievers to the female graduates and young professionals of today? Can a successful, professional, entrepreneurial woman young, middle aged or old EVER get selected in this current Labour Party?

A serious political party such as National wouldn't dream of standing in a by-election in the seat of the former Prime Minister of nine years, a candidate who doesn't even have enough experience to know what the private sector is, let alone what it needs. To stand Meg Bates quite frankly would be an insult to the people of Mt Albert. It's bad enough the current MP's the nation is stuck with, let alone more imposing their values and Nanny state decisions on others when their life experiences are less varied than a Ginger house cat.

14,894 voted Labour on the list in the last election, 12,468 voted National on the list, add in ACT and the split Green vote if they run a good campaign and they will because they will lie their hippie arses off about global warming and plastic bags, and huge opinion polls lately in favour of National and National could very well take this seat now the glamour of having the PM as your electorate MP is well and truly over.

So in conclusion I say to Labour's powers that be a the selection meeting- MEG BATES FOR MT ALBERT!!! She's your local candidate. No UN exchange student swap with Shearer in for Clark. Go local.

*** Yes little boys I am deleting comments that are derogatory, sexual or otherwise irrelevant to do with Meg in terms of her ability to be an MP...thank you run back to the Kiwiblog troll farm. Stick to her CV, there's enough fun to be had there.

Happy Birthday BOSOC

Boyfriend of Sister of Cactus (BOSOC) is having his birthday today somewhere deserted receiving treats.

Special dedication follows:



Yes, new line of jokes next year.....

ANZAC Day

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz "fuck there goes the bloody alarm"........"that's alright Dear you go back to sleep"...............Blackberry off sleep mode.......Blablablablablablabla....suit......tie....nice polish........step over cat at the door........drive to town........where is RSA again?.........GPS unit ON...lay a wreath........shake hands with few important people......stand behind Phil Goff, leadership coup, BBQ later/don't upstage "John"/Jeanette better not bloody see me here........roll out rhetoric about fighting for freedoms..........sacrifice....pretend they know what they are talking about.........photo opportunity.......bring along your Grandpop who you haven't seen in a year...........blablablabla.............roll out names and stories of dead relatives to show people how much you emphasise...............blablablablablabla...........hide from Richard Worth............................then by midday on 25th April think of cunning new ways to stifle freedoms, increase taxes and generally make nuisances of ones self.

THIS my friends is ANZAC Day for politicians. Particularly the pinko element who don't believe in wars and protested Vietnam Vets and booed returning soldiers.

For everyone else I think it should mean more to people that so few war veterans from WW1 and WW2 are actually still alive.

So I ask this as it is on a Saturday -------------- public holiday? Where is the day off work to crack open a few drinks in the honour of the Old Diggers?

So the Cactus Kate challenge for today is not to spend it blogging about ANZAC Day and the sacrifices other people made blablablabla but go find a genuine war veteran (break into a resthome if you have to and borrow other people's relatives) and keep buying them their drink of choice until they are well sideways, let them tell you all about the war and Winston Peters.

Then drive them home safely.

Will be the best ANZAC Day they would have had in ages.

Face Of Evil

Not just responsible for these allegations that Winston Peters brought up under Parliamentary Privilege:

Speaking under parliamentary privilege, Mr Peters said the woman had a "police record a mile long" and had been "bludging off the New Zealand taxpayer" for 10 years.

He said she had been trying to bring 14 of her relatives to New Zealand and had a record of convictions that would make Al Capone proud

This evil bitch is now responsible for a proposed $5 a flight increase in "security" taxes every time you fly on a "small" plane.

Apparently:

Drunks, people with a metal illness and those holding an excessive grudge posed the biggest threat on domestic flights.

Well ban drunks. those with severe mental illness and those nutbars from flying, or

A far easier solution would be to give the head steward and the pilot a gun so mad bitches like this can just be shot on sight.

A $5 a flight increase per flight is enough to justify deportation of the bludging Somali refugee. Why wait until September? Move the trial forward.

End of My Alumni Contributions

Helen Clark, Doctor of Laws

From the limp-wristed, one legged, hairy armpitted cow strokers in the Waikato? Nope. Auckland. And the Law Faculty. My former faculty.

A Doctor of Laws such as the Electoral Finance Act for one?

"She became highly respected at home and abroad for strong, principled and intelligent leadership. The experience, knowledge and networks built up in this role will enable her to make a powerful contribution in her new position as Head of the United Nations Development Programme," Mr France said.

That's Roger France out of the VRWC. Disgraceful.

And I will keep binning those alumni contribution requests.

Postscript - Whale lists Clark's impressive qualifications for a LAW degree rather more succinctly:

- forged a painting then destroyed the evidence,
- stole $850,000 of taxpayers to fund her election campaign and then retrospectively legalised it,
- who lead a government that rejected a Court Appeal judgement and stole the property rights of New Zealanders for the foreshore and seabed,
- passed the Electoral Finance Act under urgency to try to rig an election,
- arranged for the sacking of her Police Commissioner and lied to the media about it,
- changed the laws around health provision during child birth resulting in un-necessary deaths and trauma,
- organised a rigged inquiry to protect a minister who is now before the courts on corruption

Alistair is A Darling

Britain For the Poor and Immigrant

Well, after this announcement I imagine the smarter immigrants will get the hell out of Britain as well. I don't even wish to visit Britain this year. Too depressing to see what the Mother Country has become - a dumping ground for EU and African degenerates, not to mention their own form of knife wielding white trash. Even the Poles are going home.

Alistair Darling has just ensured that the offshore industry remains strong. He's upped the tax rate on earnings over £150,000 to 50 per cent from next April. Hallelujah.

That is, for those actually left with these sorts of jobs and income after his £175 billion of borrowings, a crashing pound and some 1 million Poms and other EU bludgers on the dole.

Darling's answer to unemployment is to simply keep young people in training longer therefore manipulating the figures ala every Socialist government in time. Gormless indeed.

At present offshore industry participants are generally those who wish to protect existing assets from creditors or dirty spouses not to avoid or evade taxes. However when you shove the tax rate to ridiculous levels and even worse, give out money to those who don't deserve it in terms of individual and corporate welfare, two things happen:

1. The wealthy and mobile up sticks and leave for a friendlier place outside the ambit of your tax net.

2. Those who have to remain due to circumstance start to make enquiries about risking it all and setting up offshore structures on the grounds that there isn't enough cash left in Government kitty's to catch them anyway with the quality of intellect required of staff at these authorities. Witness the self-destruction of New Zealand's IRD.

No word about the non-domiciles is there? Those who fund Labour and can escape with a cheque for £30,000 per annum regardless of wealth and income. Quite possibly the biggest rort when you are asking top tier taxpayers who don't qualify to be non-dom to pay 50 cents.

It's not even about the 50 cents, it is about what it signals. An envy tax. I expect plenty of calls about the number 2's. All of which have to be sent away to less scrupulous operators I must add....but still somewhere someone in the industry will do what they ask.

Still, Labour's days of killing Britain will soon be over.

David Cameron is our saviour



Wonder what they were talking about?

IRD First To Fall

250 people are to be made voluntarily redundant.

The 250 people are 4% of the IRD workforce of 6,250.

While I feel a tad sorry for the IRD workers they should look at this as an opportunity to move from the Dark Side.

The IRD are a gutter scum government department. They are agents of legalised theft. Those too thick to join tax accounting firms or dropkicks from academia. Smart IRD agents get up and leave for fear of the standard of their colleagues. And smart IRD agents are better to deal with than the stupid ones who read parliament intent into every piece of the Act and start from the position always that the taxpayer has to pay what they want them to pay until they prove beyond reasonable doubt they don't.

Real (net) taxpayers are now completely under-represented in the political process. The IRD is a collection agent for successive government promises where voters raised the middle finger to taxpayers and simply voted themselves an income in terms of endless rebates, credits and concessions.

You can no longer call it democracy where the majority are now not net taxpayers and they can vote themselves an income from those who are.

The IRD should have their staff numbers cut in half.

An under-resourced IRD can only mean a simpler, fairer and flatter tax system for all, not instant cash wins for bludgers and a complex taxation and credit system that barely anyone can understand. Including the IRD's own staff.

It may also mean a cut in wasteful government spending.

Amen to that.

Fox Was Fair and Balanced Again

Technically NZ didn't boycott the anti-racism conference at the UN

I was wondering why Fox news didn't include New Zealand on the list of countries boycotting. Now we know.

Mr de Bres attended the conference independently and publicly criticised the Government for pulling out, implying it was trying to please the United States. But Mr McCully believes Mr de Bres has no business criticising foreign policy and implied that Mr de Bres was a Labour Party hack.

I agree with Busted Blonde, time for the big brown sack for the big white pinko, Muzza.

Job Summit Failure - Big Three "Flops"

Banks raise middle finger

Prime Minister John Key said yesterday the banks had "pulled the pin" on the summit's proposed $2 billion equity fund, which was to have been co-sponsored by the banks and the Government to take shareholdings in struggling companies.

And business raises the index finger

The other two big summit ideas are also producing less-than-dramatic results. Only three companies have taken a subsidy to save jobs by cutting back to a nine-day fortnight, and a proposed bike track from Cape Reinga to Bluff has become a network of smaller-scale bike tracks.

Of course I thoroughly support all three "failures" to fail. So no tears from this direction. Well done John Key.

We are right behind you in these successful "failures".

"Marriage should be between a man and a woman"

When you look like this in a white swimsuit, the world can be rather forgiving. Well the straight male world anyway!!

This poofy dimple shit with an obvious sock down his knickers on the other hand got all offended and turned the question into yet another gay political statement. Diddums.

As a non-believer in marriage full stop I feel it a humanitarian act to stop gays from having such a terrible institution brought into their lives.

Single people deserve "equal" rights far more than married gay or straight couples.

Crazy Managerial Decisions In Sport #105

You have a few hundred million dollars of talent and experience in your squad.

So hell why not leave them back in Manchester or with splinters on their arses at Wembley in the semis of a knock-out competition? Play Danny Welbeck on the left side when he clearly has no left foot. Have three strikers fall over themselves for the ball. Should of got a penalty.....but then Fergie should have fielded his A team and played properly and there wouldn't have been the need to rely on a refereeing error.

Today Fergie turned Socialist and gave the little clubs a go, just like in 2000 where Manchester United pulled out of the competition altogether to go play banana football in the World Club challenge. Nice one.....this should assist the squads confidence no end going into the Champions League and Premiership run-in.

But unlike 2000 Fergie officially downgraded the FA Cup today. He put up a better team for the Carling Cup final.

This match was 120 minutes of boredom. Very few shots on goal and terrible handling and passing. If you bought a ticket as either set of fans you'd want your money back. I would say that even if Manchester United won on penalties. The match was shite. A waste of good sleep watching for now it's going to ruin my sleep pattern for the entire week.

Shite. If fans want to see reserve teams play they would hook themselves up with a ticket for 10 quid to watch Scunthorpe or even better go watch the local college team.

ADIDAS - All Day I Dream About Sex

Adidas have brought rugby to the female masses.

This advertisement was definitely created though by a gay male.

The music is gay, the wink and nods are gay........ The slow motion replay of the jersey swap? Oh dear lord.

Adidas have camped up the All Blacks.

The gays have once again hijacked eye candy meant for women.

Veitch - Almost Over and Out Again

Right, now he's got a passport can someone in his family either pack him off overseas for an extended holiday or to an institution?

This is just getting silly

Tips for 3.2

The other week when I was drinking a few quiets with Busted Blonde at the Parliamentary bar 3.2 I paid cash for drinks and left the change on the bar top.

I am not used to drinking in bars where vodka is $6 a shot. I must say I was carried away with the cheapness of it all.

I order another drink and notice the change still there. So I leave some more. The barman looks confused.

By the third drink I inform him that it is in fact for him. A tip. His response?

"I have never received a tip in here".

For which I say to Wellingtonians frequenting the ridiculously cheap bar and especially politicians and overpaid public servants -------- SHAME.

Veitch - Over and Out

Tony Veitch really is a cocky bastard.



He's admitted committing a pretty atrocious crime against his former partner.

He has paid up big time in fiscal terms hundreds of thousands, his high profile job, his passport since being charged, attempted suicide and been at the lowest eb of his life.

He has gained some public sympathy for the plight of what only can be deemed undue delay in a trial. I could see how he had been treated unfairly in terms of waiting for trial and he had no choice but to plea bargain as the Police squeezed his testicles til they burst.

But he needed to learn the ancient and valuable PR art of "shut the fuck up".

His friends in the media did nothing but their job

And now after admitting he actually committed the rather heinous assault on his former partner he wants to sue them?

Oh Veitch, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

You are the luckiest bastard on the planet today. You escaped jail with inmates called Butch and Junior for a crime where you should have been locked up. You even gained my sympathy at one point for what could only be described as undue delay. But you hit her. You smacked the "bitch up". You paid the price. You gave her a small fortune, you lost your job. You tried to kill yourself. You paid a huge price for a nasty crime.

A bit of humility wouldn't go amiss, not a front foot action. Which would have today meant a cone of silence and a hurried rush in a late European model car back to your Mummy and Daddy's home and a hug to your all suffering wife to realise how lucky you were to escape soap on a rope.

Picture Telling 1000 Words

(c) Whaleoil Productions

Ronald-----o

This is quite the most beautiful goal scored in recent memory from a player under pressure. Anyone who doubts Ronaldo can go stuff their plastic cigar with hemp. This is a classic.

Just for Gooner I embed the following (but took it out as it was crashing readers viewers)

And we will beat Arsenal.

Your bet is ON....thing is will your Missus let you out long enough to buy me bottles of Champagne? Because you are a tall skinny athletic bean pole and fall over at the sight of alcohol above 5% strength.

I look forward to meeting her around 8pm when she has to pick you up when you have collapsed on the floor of a Viaduct bar.

Fuck buying me the drinks I want to see you passed out and crying to Mummy.

The Longest Taxi Ride - Random Impertinent Question

Sikh veterinarian come taxi driver Jarnil Sandhu was assaulted by passengers he picked up at a $13 million house in Herne Bay and dropped off near tittie bars in Fort Street/Emily Place.

Some of the passengers appear to be rugby players, one even from a (shock horror) rich, white family. They get their names plastered over the papers and now have legal representation. Mr Sandhu has yet to actually identify who precisely hit him.

Assaults happen all the time. Plenty are racially based. This assault was awful, but many others are as well. I would hazard a guess if the taxi driver was of any racial persuasion they would have been given tap by this intoxicated goon squad of testosterone. They were after all on the way to a tittie bar in all likelihood to demean women as a pack so demeaning the taxi driver is second nature isn't it?

So my random impertinent question is

What was more creepy about this case?

1. The Sandhu's appearing on television giving statement-by-Campbell Live?
2. Mihi Forbes-Garner's voice?
3. Constant calls to the father of one of the alleged attackers (who is not a minor) for no other reason than he's rich?
4. That rugby players have incidents in taxis?
5. Richard Worth visiting the family?

That's right, Richard Worth visiting the family........is my pick.

Not learning from his last foray into India and the conflict and issues resulting, Worth has now taken it upon himself to visit families who get assaulted.

And now instead of supporting his bumbling I shall call him out on it.

Doesn't the Minister of Police visit victims of crime? If any visit was justified at all because the Police didn't actually kill anyone here. Do we now have politicians visit every victim of racially based assault? If so then that won't leave much time for the politicians to create crimes on the taxpayer in Wellington will it? I imagine if Parliament was sitting this week no politician would have visited.

Worth justified that he was making a private visit, Mrs Sandhu has a different version of how he introduced himself as Minister of Internal Affairs. She didn't know him. Worth did admit to having met the father of one of the alleged attackers and Forbes nailed him on it. She of course omitted that the father has met many politicians from all sorts of parties and a wide circle of friends, but a reporter need not tell the full story.

Surely Worth could have seen how stupid it looked? He's the Minister of Internal Affairs for crying out loud. If he was going to issue a passport to the Sandhu's then I can understand his visit, but his own website states his links to the Indian community are now past Chairman of the India Trade Group Inc.



So Mr Sandhu is alright and back driving his cab, the Police are investigating the assault , the rugby unions are all quiet, lawyers are handling the alleged attackers and the person who is coming off worst in the TV3 report is actually Richard Worth.

Run John Run....

Seven-Up

Seven inches or better.

Sizing it up.

An email buddy that I have never actually met, however has the reputation of being rather lovely, prim and proper - to my horror sent these links to me.

For men interested in women, it is quite easy to see if the woman's breast size is to his liking or not, or even the shape and size of her derriere. The same goes for women interested in men. There are many women that feel the size of a man's penis is very important to them. Unfortunately, because of how society is, it is very inappropriate to ask a man immediately how big his penis is or even if he is uncircumcised or not. A properly behaved woman that is respectful would never ask such a question. Instead, a woman will date a man perhaps for a few days, weeks or maybe months. After all this time the woman will decide she likes the man and that it is finally time to take things to a new level/the bedroom. It is at this time that many women are disappointed with what they find and now they are in an awkward situation. They like the guy, but they need to move on if they are to be sexually satisfied.

I couldn't agree more. Seven inches is good. Excellent even.

But once again I remind women everywhere of possibly my all time favourite and most widely commented on post One About Penis Size.

Mad Robyn Hits The Maxpot

This one will have men itching their wandering balls worldwide, Mel Gibson, formerly the sexiest man in the world is being dumped by his wife Robyn for a cool half a billion.

Throughout our marriage and separation we have always strived to maintain the privacy and integrity of our family and will continue to do so."

Which is simple celebrity wife divorce code for - "piss me off and this will go to court and I will tell the world about your hookers, drug use and many years of philandering".

The size of any settlement or award is utterly ridiculous to give to a woman who used to be a dental nurse. Lets have a look at what Mrs Gibson (Moore) walked away from:

Against Her Half Billion

1. Had sex for many years with the sexiest man in the world when he looked like this.



2. Plenty of women in the world would have swapped places with her. Even now.
3. She drove Mel to drink more.
4. "miscellaneous jewelery" listed in divorce petition probably worth more than entire GDP of small African nations.
5. She allowed him to slobber other hot women as an actor. What did she expect?
6. Dental nurses generally can't earn half a billion.
7. Terrible precedent, shouldn't there be a cap to spousal theft?

For Her Half Billion

1. Mel has not aged gracefully.
2. Mel is a drunken buffoon.



3. Mel would have been cheating on her for years.
4. Put up with this



5. He was dumb enough not to have a pre-nuptial.
6. She was a breeding factory.
7. Put up with the Gibson wholesome family image for years and his Catholicism.

Business Decision

In terms of Robyn Gibson this one was a simple business decision. The fixed asset that was her husband Mel was heading into negative book value. He was becoming a fat slob and accumulating plenty of nasty habits and generally becoming an embarrassment. The rumoured Russian woman was only the last straw in a haystack. Housewives relying on a large fixed asset don't leave their husband on the basis of one photograph with a woman in a bikini. They are generally far more resilient to acceptance of bullshit.

To check out now with half a billion sure beats putting up with another twenty years of the lies and his rampantly destructive fifty-something behaviour. With that descriptive it was a purely rational decision to dump his sorry backside on the kerb.

Of course within weeks Mel will be cavorting semi-nakedly with beer bottles and a woman even younger than the one he was rumoured to be with presently.

And Robyn will be left at home bawling her eyes out and whinging to much poorer friends, forgetting all the cool shit she could do with that half billion.

Feel sorry for neither.

Groped By Fat Man

I've travelled many miles in my time on a aircraft, most in business class and this is the FIRST time this has happened to me.

As a cautionary tale to sleeping naked on Air New Zealand I must warn women everywhere of the most recent incident.



I boarded an old style Cathay Pacific long haul plane where the seats in business class are lie flat but right next to each other with minimal division and privacy. Air New Zealand of course has superior seats in Business Premier as they are separate and therefore more female friendly.

To my disgust on rolled an obese Australian man who would have tipped the scales at 140kg. He parked his lard arse and bearded face next to me. Shaking in anticipation of the night ahead I warmed up the earplugs (a man that fat just HAS to snore) and changed into my pyjamas. No way were they coming off. He had already parked his fat arms all over the shared armseat.

After take-off I slipped the seat into bed mode and off to Noddyland I went.

Only to be woken with a large arm resting not so gently on my shoulder just inches from my breast. Disgusting. This obese piece of horrible form was never going to be able to sleep in his alloted space. He was too fat and fat men don't sleep easily. In revoltion I used both my arms and threw his fat smelly grubby paw off me and tried to put the very small divider down between us but he resisted.

It was quite obvious to me that it was unintentional as the Sleeping Mammoth was snoring his head off so there is no need to press criminal charges as I would of had I been from Hand Mirror or in an Arab state (I recall a Western man was jailed for a similar unintentional act). His snoring continued, failing to be drowned out by engine noise and ear plugs. When he woke he would breathe but so fat he was that he would make a groaning sound on expelling air.

Now is the time for woman travelling alone on aircraft to demand that:

a) we are only seated next to really hot men, or
b) a spare seat is left next to us if no one is suitable to be seated next to.

If it is good enough for unaccompanied children then it is good enough for us.

While I do not wish for this man to end up in a jail, I think a complaint letter to Cathay Pacific asking for my concerns to be relayed to the man in question is an appropriate action.

Charm School

Easily the funniest article in the Sunday papers this week (apart from the Herald on Sunday grovelling apologies to Richard Worth and Donna Awatere-Huata and the woman mistaken for her), was an article promoting the return for young women to go to "charm school".

Chic Consultancy can teach you as a woman, how to interview, communicate, deport, text and email. In other words be a nice little lady.

My personal viewpoint is that the most charming way to be is totally charmless. That is, be the best you can be at being utterly charmless.

Has worked to date.

Clown From Campbells Bay Performs Bukkake

Andrew Williams Does It This Time!

Not content with multiple sprayings of his trash over "right wing bloggers" such as Whale Oil, The Clown is now performing late night Bukkake in the direction of actual politicians.

Rodney Hide is now his target. If Whale Oil was out of his league, Hide doesn't even play the same game.

That this is funny is an understatement of Pork Chop proportions.

Bukkake can be best described as propelling "a dangerous substance at another person." That substance being semen or other bodily fluid flung out of sexual desire.

The Public Gallery

Last Wednesday I had a brain explosion and decided to go have a look from the Public Gallery at the new National Coalition government.

I performed all security function, left my worldly possessions with the rest home volunteers downstairs then climbed up to the second screening point.

None of this slightly irritating procedure I have issue with when visiting Parliament.  People out there do wish to kill them.

Then the MP's started behaving like schoolchildren in question time.  I looked around and realised I was sitting next to one of John Key's spooks.  Again this is all part of visiting Parliament.  Nothing new.

But then a new phenomenon.  Looking up towards the Press Gallery and Audrey Young and friends I noted that there is now clearly a Kura Kaupapa kindergarten in the far corner next to Audrey where feral children of Maori persuasion can play unsupervised by their scruffily dressed parents.  They can talk whenever they like and climb over seats.  Audrey, trying to concentrate on matters at hand was even distracted enough to do as I was and stare up wondering if cradle to the grave welfare meant that New Zealand Parliament had to now provide supervision for children while they are in Parliament.

More elderly rest home volunteers came over to perhaps explain that the feral children must be kept under control or leave.  Whatever they said I have some advice - look meaner.  Smiling is not going to get you anywhere when you need to give people a darn good telling off.

I looked around the gallery and saw the usual mix of tourist, student and relatives of MP's. The supervisors of these feral little rats were all of working age but clearly not working.  They've decided to come to Parliament to see how other people's money is spent to give them a disproportionate voice in running New Zealand.

To my left was a group of beautifully supervised Indian children.

I don't blame the children.  I blame the parents for thinking in their wildest dreams that you can control a child in the Public Gallery where they have absolutely no reason or rhyme to be in the least bit enthralled by proceedings.

If I have to leave my cellphone at security desk I see no reason on earth why decibel creating units such as children should not similarly be barred from accessing the Public Gallery.  They can't actually vote until they are 18 and could have stayed home and watched Parliament on Sky television so they are hardly being denied some right of access to democracy.

So I ask once again, which part of the tradition of our Parliamentary system do they not understand?  One little feral actually spoke over the Speaker of the House who was calling for order.  Do that on a Marae while an Elder was speaking and I imagine and there would be beatings at dawn.  Showing that lack of respect for order off the Marae however seems acceptable.

How do we expect MP's to not behave like children when children are invited into the Public Gallery behaving appallingly. They should be setting a far better example for MP's.

Standards must be maintained and edicts reissued. Lockwood needs to get on top of it before the feral Gallery take over Parliament altogether.

Depositors Subsidising Lenders - AGAIN

Westpac has decided to let working bludgers who over-mortgaged themselves without saving for a rainy day, off the hook for a year of "holiday".

Depositors should be outraged.  

Westpac term deposit holders should storm the bank and demand that all interest on their fixed term deposits is paid by Westpac in advance....you know....as they are struggling with lower interest rates due to the economic crisis.  And need the money now......even though they haven't contractually any entitlement to have it paid in advance.

The Art of Borrowing

Weighted poll

So it's alright for Government's to borrow billions if they spend it on silly pet projects like a Snail Trail or for geeks to have faster porn delivered to their computer, but even the slightest whiff of borrowing for tax cuts and New Zealanders go weak at the knees?

Brings to mind when ACT was formed and we were doing some phone canvassing. Plenty of people were questioning our low tax policies - "well how will you pay for the tax cuts?". No one seemed to question though our policies with a "how will you pay for government spending".

Households with incomes between $100,000 and $150,000 a year were the least keen on new tax cuts, with 70 per cent opposed.

I would imagine the poll had heavy Wellington Central liberal bias ruminating from excessive civil servants. To my horror on visiting recently most appeared to still be in employment.

Pork Chop: Princess Eugenie in New Zealand

Pork Chop's putting word out that Princess Eugenie is in New Zealand

The second child of Andy and Fergie is reportedly headed to the Americas, via Godzone. Only, my peeps on the paparazzi front have heard zip on the young royal's Kiwi sojourn. Have you?

Our spies who looked long and hard for Pork Chop at the recent MTV awards have managed to scoop an exclusive picture destined for PC's blog of Eugenie spotted in the middle here between former Prime Minister Helen Clark and a visitor from Hawkes Bay on the right.

Easter Special Link - International Blogger Interview

A bloke with a keyboard asked me to participate in a blog interview. I did so on the grounds the questions he was to send to me were more interesting than why one starts blogging.

Here it is

The Unequal Playing Field of Welfarism

Thanks to America's latest fiscal and social woes from excessive corporate and individual welfarism and credit to those who could never afford it, offshore industry professionals have become targeted to be almost as popular as bankers or AIG executives. This is despite America itself having a large offshore industry based in its own borders, notable in Delaware, Nevada and Wyoming. America is also easier than most places to open a bank account. The Economist recently examined this hypocrisy more detail . Obama can call for an end to protectionism all he likes during these times of crisis but in his own backyard he will not apply the same rules to his own people as he will to foreigners. That's the very definition of protectionism.

Thing is, Obama's lot has always had the power to gather information regarding US citizens anywhere in the world. All they do is allege fraud and money laundering (criminal offences) and no amount of secrecy can save a client from the threat of upsetting Uncle Sam. Switzerland and Liechtenstein perhaps the only two jurisdictions that offered the veil of banking secrecy. But the veil was a thin one. The US would backdoor through the jurisdiction where the company or trust was set up to get the banking information, or find another jursidiction the client was using. Most offshore jurisdictions under the threat of Uncle Sam (even Aunty Helen once in my experience) rolled over and let their tummys be tickled.

In other words Obama is merely big-mouthing here. These changes are nothing but puffery as he always had the power to take the information that he now chest-beats as a victory for being able to gather. It's popularism aimed at trash Americans who think the problem in America is from those richer than they are.

Obama's got much larger problems with a new capitalist order emerging.

With the current G-20 (Gang of 20) summit unraveling, countries such as America and France were looking to tighten regulations and China's Hu Jintao was the one left standing up against excessive tax haven OECD listings for "Internationally Accepted Tax Standards". The Communists have effectively become the new free-marketeers standing up for Sovereignty and fair competition. Ironically the easiest way to get rid of tax havens is to lower taxes and have a fairer tax system so people feel happy to pay them. While the developed world has forgotten, the developing world know how hard it is to earn a dollar and don't wish to throw it away. Even the French are outshining America's tax, borrow and spend policies. When the French have better ideas to fix the world's economic crisis than the Americans you know that there is something drastically wrong.

This brings us to why G-20 nations are so sensitive at present. Welfare. All forms of welfare, corporate and individual. If you look at G-20 nations you will find that the so called "developing nations" do not have substantial welfare programs they need to fork out billions and trillions for so the need to collect higher taxes dissipates. China, India and Indonesia for example. Highish tax rates but so many exemptions that their effective tax rate is low. These potential economic powerhouses have looked at so called "developed countries" such as America, United Kingdom and Australia and realised that excessive welfarism is the path to ultimate national poverty. Indeed getting something for not working is not in the Chinese vocabulary. While Americans kept swiping their credit cards, China and India prosper and get wealthier. Do they (China and India) share that wealth among their people with welfarism? No. Do they pay top-up benefits to the working poor so they can buy the latest consumable? No. Do they pay people to sit around waiting for a job to be created for them? No. What are they doing with the money?

They are not, like their developed nation counterparts buying elections through ever increasing popular welfarism that's for sure! They are accumulating massive US currency reserves, that's what they are doing. Latest statistics show that Mainland China has the most with $1.92 trillion , India are 5th with 248,724 million, Brazil are 6th with 203,201 million. These nations could afford far more extensive welfare, their GDP's are large enough, so are their reserves and industry. But they won't introduce a welfare culture because they know it destroys wealth creation and would make them internationally uncompetitive.

So the new capitalism and free market order is effectively being driven from the stars of the developing world and it is the developed world that is showing shrinkage back towards high tax and spend socialist money printing economic policy.

A cautionary tale about what America is battling to keep their standard of living:

Skip Jones started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 8am . While his coffeepot ( MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG ). He put on a dress shirt ( MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans ( MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA ). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet ( MADE IN INDIA ) he sat down with his calculator ( MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch ( MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio ( MADE IN INDIA ) he got in his car ( MADE IN GERMANY ) filled it with Petrol from the Middle East and continued his search for a good paying job in America. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (Made In Malaysia ), Skip decide to relax for a while.. He put on his sandals ( MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine ( MADE IN FRANCE.! ) and turned on his TV ( MADE IN INDONESIA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in ... the U.S of A.....

Jennings for Chief Executive

Last night I went to the Sir Ron Trotter lecture held at Te Papa.

First, the venue is quite spectacular. For a foreigner like myself it didn't go unnoticed that this venue is better than any I have attended in Auckland, even if the night was one of sideways wind and it took half an hour to get from my nearby hotel to the venue as it is not just Auckland that has an inner city traffic problem, is it?

Next up, Wellington men are without a doubt the best dressed in the country. I am assuming all the Aucklanders visiting dressed "Wellington". Quality suiting for Africa in that event and not a Hallensteins in sight so well done Wellington men (or women for doing good shopping on behalf of their bloke).

Lastly I wish to add that Stephen Jennings did "kinda sort of" call for MMP to be canned.

I suggested a replacement system equal to Hong Kong's to those discussing it around my table. A new-age pro-business democracy with a Chief Executive. In this case I could think of no one more suitable for the job than Jennings himself. At a million metres tall he just looks Presidential. And he talks like a reformer. It was right wing porn for the eardrums.

John Key's staff didn't particularly like this idea. But it is a whole new sycophantic world in Keyland now and Key is not a reformer so it perhaps frightened them to be surrounded by people who are. With a private staff so youthful and utterly inexperienced in the world of business..perhaps many in anything at all other than worshipping at The Shrine of John, most of them would have had to have read about even Jim Bolger several years ago as zitty University students. They all seemed to think it was funny that after slagging Cullen off all campaign quite rightly for his lack of integrity, that now he somehow had enough integrity for an SOE appointment. There was only one from Team Key who privately told me how disgusted he was at the Cullen appointment.

A genuinely funny moment occurred when someone was talking about another man named "John" and instinctively through "Keywashing 101" assumed they were talking about their Leader, when the speaker actually was not. I wonder if metal detectors go off through the airports for the chips that have so clearly been placed in their heads.

But the highlight of the night was not necessarily Jennings himself it was amongst an elderly audience of the 1980's Superstars of Business collected in the land of National Treasures, after giving his usual hard-hitting sound bitten speech as the patron saint of the VRWC (Vast Right Wing Conspiracy), Sir Douglas Myers at the ripe old age of 70 strapped on his reading glasses and literally stage-jumped on to the floor below just metres from my table with considerably more vigour displayed than those at my table 30 years younger who were disgracefully nodding off during parts of the evening. Not because it was boring because even the pinko journos in the audience all looked like they were having at least a good time.

After hearing that Sir Ron could not attend due to health reasons, barely recognising some familiar old faces due to premature time consumption and watching Sir Ron Brierley imaginatively zimmer around the Cricket on Monday, it is good to see that Sir Douglas is still capable of kicking the Pinkos all around "Our Place" even well past his bedtime.

Councils Are For Ratepayers

Maori chuck another tantrum

If Maori want representation on Councils they should do what Indians, Asians and Islanders do and stand their own candidates.

I am still appalled that everyone can vote at Council elections full stop. I posted my views on Councils previously and was only in favour of getting rid of them, not making a larger one.

The only people who should be voting are ratepayers. Everyone else is a mere passenger in the process. If we are going to have Councils then they should be democratic - everyone financially contributing to the Council through rates should get a vote. Everyone else should keep aspiring to pay rates to earn their vote.

Cullen Further Sucks Off Taxpayers DDD Breasts

I thought it was an April fool's joke almost a week late when I heard the rumour.

I was sipping timidly on a diet coke waiting for my lunch company at the overpriced rubber Calamari venue Dockside.

Then the rumour was confirmed that Dr (can't write a script but lumbered us with Rail) Cullen was leaving politics to become Deputy Chair of NZ Post.

First National helping Clark and now Cullen get new jobs.

There's no spin for people outside of politics to accept. Cullen and Clark are New Zealanders of questionable professional fitness. National and Key spent three months last year proving this. But these two loathsome terrors and Pre-fu(ckers) are now good enough to have leading jobs with the assistance of National and John Key? Whatever.

National Party nambys are trying to spin that it is all an evil plot to assist them. It's not.

They are all the same.

I sobered up from my hangover very quickly and ordered a dozen bluffs and a bottle of Moet to feel better.

This afternoon it was possibly the only thing that could.

Coddington v Pork Chop

Whale Oil has proven again but this time once and for all that Rachel "Pork Chop" Glucina has no credibility.



She reported on an event she was sponsored to go to but never showed up at, then she didn't check a picture of Donna Awatere Huata that looks as dubious as hell.

Pork Chop will get away with it as usual because like a battered wife, HoS doesn't realise that they could get someone to do that job who is better at it and actually turn up to events and be pleasant, such as Joanna Hunkin or in fact any young reporter joining their staff with half a clue how to write actively funny pieces.

Of as much concern are the columns of Deborah Coddington.

Fresh from her hypocritical rant a fortnight ago at the hired help around her husband's home, this week Coddington talks about the crime of using hacks to write your own speeches as an MP.

Holy heck.....

This is a woman who actively attacks bloggers for making things up.

It was as well known in the business as Parekura Horomia is a Maori, that Deborah Coddington had one particularly lovely gentleman write all sorts of academically challenging pieces for her when she was an MP....then when she got the pip with him, he withdrew the services so to speak and her work went significantly downhill.

As a friend who worked in her era astonished by the column commented me today:

"She rides so comfortably in the saddle of her high horse".

Meat Is Good

I love (natural) oysters and this week I plan on eating them every day until I am sick of them. There's nothing wrong with this as John Key likes meat and oysters are entirely New Zealand grown so I am doing more for the New Zealand economy than most who will spend their tax cut on a Japanese HD-TV or a new mobile phone.



As he's now kindly reported to millions, today I dined with David Farrar. We discussed his membership to the VRWC that has been under threat lately with some Socialist activity and Labour corpse cuddling. As I abused him, I dined on the only good thing to come from Bluff, their oysters.

I made it easy for the waitress for once and handed her back the menu and just order Bluff oysters natural for every course. Unlike "Kevin 07" I was polite to the help, even David complimented my exemplary manners. I am not used to dining with such fresh oysters and sooooooo cheap. In Hong Kong I would get half the quality for three times the price.

To my disgust, by dessert and coffee I was drunk enough to give the Pinko ex-VRWC member some. I don't drink coffee.

Oysters are not good for soaking up alcohol. But I already knew that and didn't care.

Meat is always good.

Your PM Is A Vegan

How friggin embarrassing to be Australian?



Kevin Rudd chews out a mattress on a VIP flight.

The PM has apologised for blowing up at the woman after he did not receive the non-red-meat meal he had requested on a VIP flight from the Pacific Islands Forum in Port Moresby in January.

What kind of antipodean bloke doesn't eat meat? Kevin 07's a bit of a girl isn't he? First, successful wife whose career outshines his, now he's outed as a vegan.

Apparently Kevin 07's behaviour was caused by an iron deficiency. Well it's a little like a criminal blaming "P" isn't it?

New Zealand may not be at G-20 ............. but at least our Prime Minister is rich, more successful than his wife, charming to everyone and eats meat.

Key Telling Banks What To Do

Yes, banks are all evil. They are all surviving on corporate welfare. They all over charge their customers. They should all cut interest rates to ridiculous levels because government is guaranteeing bank DEPOSITS.

What hogwash.

Today John Key joined his namby lackey Bill English and told the banks off.

Today, Mr Key told Dunedin Radio he thought banks were taking advantage of people who used credit cards with high rates of interest.

"It is very high, you can't help but feel they are taking advantage of their customers and I have made that point to them personally and directly," Mr Key said.

What a ridiculous comment for a Prime Minister to make. If people are stupid enough not to pay their credit card in full and at the end of the month then the banks as far as I am concerned can contractually charge whatever they damn well please as long as people are dumb enough to sign up and it is in writing.

I have had a credit card since 1999 when I joined the workforce as a graduate. Even in High School my class was taught the horrors of compounding interest on a credit card.

There has not been one month when I have not paid my credit card in time and in full. Some of the bills are quite choking but it's nothing I haven't managed to pay back.

Which of course makes me the shittiest sort of customer a bank can possibly have. But why should the hundreds of thousands of responsible spending taxpayers in my situation be underwriting the banks risk and the welchers who live their lives continually in credit can profit with lower interest rates? Lower interest rates that erode the return I get on my savings?

Keep interest rates high for high risk customers so they don't take the debt on in the first place. The taxpayer may be underwriting deposit interests but does it underwrite the risk of a loser's credit card for the bank?

If you are living off your credit card then you can't afford your lifestyle.

Vettori Won't Shave Until Black Caps Are Cured

And in news just in, Daniel Vettori is refusing to shave the growth on his face until the Black Caps win a test against India.

Vettori was spotted talking to Paul Henry at the weekend at a cafe in Ponsonby stating "I couldn't bore them out with sledging from paragraphs of my biography "Turning Point" so I thought the Indians would simply collapse laughing if I dressed up like the Yeti".

Andy Moles declined to comment as he was still out on his own celebrating his self-confessed victory from the 2nd test.

How Much Did You Cherish Her?

Baby Killer

The headline screams "Cherish Died After St John Delay". Nonsense.

Cherish fell victim to a combination of what Whale Oil deems silly name syndrome and being allegedly bashed to death by a 56 year old woman who you can assume is known to the family. The statistics of random 56 year old women murdering are I would imagine extremely low.

In an eloquent statement, family members are blaming everyone but themselves - this time St John came under fire

"It really pisses me off to think they dicked around for a couple of hours while a little girl was dying," said family spokeswoman and Porirua Deputy Mayor Litea Ah Hoi.

It took 2 1/2 hours to get Cherish to hospital. The hospital is at most a 40 minute drive away.

The Police have a different take:

Detective Senior Sergeant Craig Sheridan, who headed the murder inquiry, said the ambulance response had been "first rate".

He understood the delay was because of the time it took to stabilise Cherish for transport.

In other words she was so bashed up that they couldn't actually move her for that time. If St John really were "dicking around" for no reason, wouldn't the response be to grab the child and put her in the back of your car and drive her there yourself?

Family should be more worried about their own standard of care for little Cherish leaving her near or with a 56 year old woman capable of bashing her so badly that she died in the first instance.

Compare this woeful family outburst at the hardworking mostly voluntary members of St John with the dignity shown by Charlie Borrell. The father who has the best beef for allocating blame and compensation for the murder of his son, Augustine by this piece of s**t.

Boy killer



Augustine wasn't a loser, dropkick or a troublemaker. But he was killed by one who was out on bail. In a time where New Zealanders whinge about not being able to afford homes, an 18 year old Augustine was looking to buy his first house.

Charlie Borrell's claim for compensation would be a good one. Augustine had an excellent future and earning capacity ahead of him.

While Mr Borrell spoke about his son's death forcefully he didn't come out with a barrage of nonsense at in general a pretty excellent ambulance service, like the Porirua Deputy Mayor did. And his case is in many ways more tragic and he has the right to feel decidedly more angry.

** Update: Macdoctor confirms all our suspicions and translates the med-speak. Isn't it good to have a Doctor in the House?

Richard on Erections

Some days it is best not to turn up to work. Throw a sickie while things blow over the trenches. Today was always going to be one of those days for Richard Worth. So when the heat was applied, he cracked with this CLANGER

Mr Worth tried hard to defend himself, but it seemed the pressure got to his performance and caused a slip of the tongue with his recollection.

"I don't have a clear erection, rear, I don't, Mr Speaker, have a clear recollection of that issue," fumbled Mr Worth.

Worth isn't a bad man, a criminal or a malicious liar. He's not Winston Peters. I have met Worth several times and strangely enough once I put aside the fact he's a stinking Tory I saw that he was a man with a huge array of passionate interests in languages, arts, films , trade and travel. Particularly travel. Intellectually he's no slouch but as they must be saying now - idle hands appear to make Richard a tool.

I think he's just easily distracted with his hands in many interests gained over years of being a bored backbencher from 1999.

Worth also has possibly the worst "born to rule" Tory arrogance of the entire National Party caucus. Even if he doesn't mean it, his demeanour just SCREAMS it. And while that is okay in closed private members clubs all around the world, and the pre-Key days of National - the New Zealand public just don't get it. And Epsom has gone all chav anyway, so even the local toffs have either died off or moved as they can't afford maintenance on the Arney Road mansion.

He's been given crap portfolios that are about as interesting and intellectually absorbing for a man of his varied background as one ply toilet paper - Internal Affairs, Land Information, Associate Justice and National Library and Archives.

Worth looks like an agitated Senior Associate in a law firm that the Partners know are not going to make Partner.

And Worth would have disposed of a few of those in his time. He just needs to put himself out of the current misery he is obviously having heaped upon him, go on a Senior's OE and live the rest of his life doing what he wants to do all around the rest of the world before he's too old to enjoy it.

As for Nick Smith....well we have one of these for him

And Phil Goff. Well of course he wouldn't have sacked Richard Worth. He wouldn't of had to. None of the current or immediate past Labour Party MP's were ever or ever will be that sought after to speak overseas on anything with a commercial interest. Labour are the Party of Unions and Academia.