Perve Corner

Courtesy of The A-List, summer is still happening, stiff nipples and all.

Even though I prefer men to spend less time int he bathroom before they go out than I do, I pick out this weeks hotties - even though Noz always manages to ruin it by picturing women with these men. I do enjoy perving at men with excellently pumped arms.

On right - Neck down - fabulous. Sporting facial hair but no chest hair.

On right - supremely hot male. Shaving and shirtless would be the only way he could be hotter.

Key Sticks A Bag On Smith's Head

Ask and you shall receive

His second target was Environment Minister Nick Smith, who floated a proposal to charge shoppers 5 cents for plastic bags.

Dr Smith said he had asked his ministry of investigate compulsory charges as a deterrent to using them.

Mr Key said there was no way he was going to support a charge that was in effect a tax going into the coffers of supermarkets.

"My preference is to find a voluntary and industry-led solution," he said.

"I've made that very clear to the minister."

Asked whether he would preferred to have known in advance about both issues, he replied: "I think it would be more useful if I found out about things before I read about them in the newspaper."

Judith Collins or an ACT MP should now be given the environmental and climate change posts. No more namby pamby Ministers. Nick Smith can go and hug a tree with women sporting houstaches.

McManus Delves Into Comedy

The funniest story in the Sunday paper this week was from one of my favourite more acidic reporters Jenni McManus who SURELY must be taking the piss when she writes a serious article about how the rich are struggling. Hilarious. I can hear tears of sympathy in the outer Auckland suburbs as I read it.



Instead of interviewing the men she talked to two female "professionals and socialites"! Well you can't be both I am afraid. Most of the Aucklanders who ravage the social pages each week as "socialites" are living this credit card, "on borrowed money" sort of lifestyle of no substantial assets or cash to their names at all bar for perhaps for a few a diminishing trust fund and bagfuls of "P". As Whaleoil deems them, most are simply "broken arses" who trust in the maxim that if they hang out with the very few people at those functions who actually earn even over $100,000, that the wealthy fairy will rub off and they too will suddenly become rich and famous to match their tiny bit of outwards beauty.

If you are concentrating on your business you simply don't have time or more importantly energy to gaily trot off to party after party during the week unless it is your job to go to parties which gives a pretty good indication in the small pond that Auckland is, just who these two wankers were that agreed to be made fun of. And these are two professional socialites who spend $15K on clothing for their husband!!! Ha. Is there even one female socialite without full time employment that would be stupid enough to marry a man who earns less than they do? Come ON!

If we add up all the expenses of the 2008 family listed in the print version I get $428,500. But the article states this family lives on a $500,000 salary. Impossible given that a $500,000 salary would accumulate some $200,000 in taxes (mostly at the top rate) leaving these paupers with $300,000 per annum to live off. So their deficit is $128,500 per annum.

This has to be one of the cuntiest pieces of writing I have ever seen bound to wind the entire population of New Zealand into writing letters to the editor. For balance next week McManus should interview a dairy farmer and cut down their income and expenditure to see the difference or perhaps so we can have a good laugh at them as well.

The nanny, the school fees, the babysitter, the gardener, the marina fees (who bothers owning a boat unless it's a $10 million+ superyacht), $60K on clothes, the flowers, the botox.

Sensible married women with children earning $500K don't have to pay for these things themselves. They make the husband pay or if he is a submissive earner then let him stay at home and be the gardener, babysitter and the nanny.

Those of us who are single don't waste it on crap and live within our means. It's quite a large means and even though life doesn't suck on this sort of salary, you can't afford all the adornments that are in this article. It is simply nonsense as is the size of the mortgage to be honest and owning a beach house. You have to submit your expenditure to the bank when getting a loan and these sums wouldn't cut the mustard for a loan that large. There was even a reference to a Lamboroghini. I can tell you right now that a person on $500,000 a year can't afford to buy one. Even with finance, which I don't believe you should ever need if you can afford to actually drive the car you do. Cash is for cars.

My spending pattern has remained the same as it was when I earned a quarter of what I do now. Therefore there is no need to budget when you earn this much money unless you are a spendthrift or a complete fiscally irresponsible idiot. You buy what you want when you want it, trusting yourself not to be a loony tune with the dosh. These women are obviously good at their jobs but piss poor with their own money. Lets hope they are doing something fluffy and unimportant like PR or marketing and not actually in charge of other people's money. They sure as hell can't manage their own or show discipline to the exercise of looking after large dollops of cash.

You see then, how stretched executive salaries are becoming and why they're trying to cut back. Note our survey doesn't include telephone, mobile and internet connections, or medical and dental care, as most are funded (at least partly) through work perks. It also excludes taxes as most people on this rung of the social ladder use accountants to dodge them.

I agree that the comms are usually paid for by work, as is medical care. But tax dodging? In New Zealand? Yeah right.

Ughm, before joining their bracket, I used to do the taxes of people such as this and sorry to make the article less sexy but they don't dodge taxes if they are on a salary. And even if they pay less tax than the top rate of 30% or the company or trust rates, they then have professional fees to do this that would negate the effect for even a mid range CEO. Individuals would need to own their own company with major available loss offsetting to bother going to an accountant to pay less tax.

The article sums it up at "Grand total: $513,220". To have that much to spend they must be earning in the vicinity of $800K plus.

And not many New Zealanders will be doing that. Well not enough that are silly enough to spend it all, live beyond their means and be interviewed about it!

Polluter Pays - Send Nick Smith The Bill

Nick Smith pollutes New Zealand with yet another stupid namby-pamby idea

Save the world - one plastic bag at a time. Spare me the gibberish.



New Zealanders NEED plastic bags. Housewives line bins with them, kids put their wet togs in them, we throw scraps into them, the homeless use them to protect themselves from the rain and who can forget that we put our liquids into them on airplanes so customs officials can confirm that we are not the Taliban about to blow up the plane.

Nick Smith wants to introduce a new tax of 5 cents per bag. Why? Well.....the rest of the world is doing it so New Zealand has to follow.

No new taxes? Yes.....John Key and National?

Can we add up the environmental cost of detergent to wash re-usable bags, the carbon footprint from producing cotton bags, the time spent by the poor shopkeepers asking "Would you like a bag?". And the simple fact that New Zealand doesn't even have a bloody 5 cent coin anymore, to add up to how stupid that this new tax is?

Because plastic bags are light and compressible, they make up only 0.2 per cent of New Zealand's waste but, because they are not biodegradable, they stay in landfills for decades.

So plastic bags are not even .5% of New Zealand's waste but they stay in landfill for decades? Well it is landfill, does it bloody matter that it is in the ground? Isn't that the point of landfill?

Is the money raised from this tax going back to assist in namby-pamby environmental programs that don't make a smack of difference to the world's problems from a country of 4 million people? Nope. It goes to the supermarkets!!!

Money generated by the user-pays scheme would go back to the supermarkets, rather than into a cash pool, Dr Smith said. "I don't see this is as some sort of cash cow, what's important is changing consumer behaviour."

Progressive Enterprises spokesman Bill Moore said the company which owns Foodtown, Woolworths and Countdown believed voluntary efforts made "the most sense".

"But if the Government were to mandate a charge on plastic bags, we would, of course, support this."

A stupid idea with an even more stupid implementation plan.

Classic Nick Smith.

Someone in the National Party please put him out of his misery and put him down. If the polluter truly is going to pay, does this mean farmers will be given the bill for their environmental pollution and fart tax? Sure looks like it. Plastic bag tax is the first step.

This stupid piece of legislation will not be the last in this ridiculous assumption put out by Green propagandists that every time a human being or animal uses the earth's resources that they are somehow polluting the planet.

Nonsense.

The Houstache II

Selective reporting

I've got far better quotes on the issue.

Cactus Kate said: "Paul Henry should become Head of TVNZ. It was a superb moment in New Zealand television."

Another one for the family scrapbook.

Fortunately Fonterra shareholder FOC (Father of Cactus) hates Greenies and agrees that women should not sport the houstache.

The Houstache

A lot has happened in the past ten days I have been away not to mention my Macbook Pro went on a little trip sabbatical to the Apple "service" centre for a replacement keyboard and to be told that the battery is faulty but out of the recall period for Macbook Pro's of it's generation.

By far the most fabulous moment apart from Jesse Ryder's innings yesterday was (Sir) Paul Henry's ultimate derision of what I will deem a houstache. All he did to start it was read a viewer opinion out. Ali Mau cringed only out of her usual sucking up to the teacher, forgetting that her Labour chardonnay drinking friends are no longer in charge of TVNZ and we have a real Government not a trade union branch extension.

I erred with my "burnt sperm" terminology so I have looked up the word "houstache" and realise no one has used it yet in the common vernacular.

A "houstache" is a term I will give to a female who chooses to leave visible thick hair on her top lip in the form of imitation of the male moustache. It looks bad. Very bad. This is not a sexist comment as I will state that all forms of facial hair look bad. With the exception of the mo' 0f Tom Selleck. He is the only person on the planet, male or female who has EVER looked good with facial hair.



Fellow feminists at Hand Mirror naturally have over-reacted and do not get the houstache.

1. Women have the right to choose to leave hair on their upper lip
2. We all have the right to comment how unusual it is as we do if a male has a mo'
3. Waxing is very cheap and with good technique very painless
4. Men make the effort to get out of bed every morning to shave their entire face
5. Women send men off to shave before they perform sexual acts. It's nicer.
6. When you are appearing on national television in front of hundreds of thousands, you think you would groom?
7. Wouldn't Greenpeace have far more success if their female activists were hot?
8. Why can all right wing female activists find a shaver and a good waxer in the phone book but the left wingers can't?
9. Aren't the left wing male activists just jealous that left wing female activists are superior at growing facial hair than they are?
10. So what do they do in November to look different? Shave?

Right-wingers got over the moustache and in general all forms of facial hair with its two 80's fashion icons.

Sir Roger Douglas chose to shave his mo' off and Sir Robert Jones published derogatory comments about trusting men with beards. Indeed the 80's spawned facial hair as a status symbol. It screamed that you were so rich you didn't care how stupid you looked as no one had the guts to tell you that you looked like a character from Sesame Street not a man of mega-millions. Witness these case studies:

Brierley asking Weiss to freeze his hair for scientific research

Santa Gibbs

The Arab

Bollywood came in the 80's to Auckland

Once was a Moustache

Left wing female activists often live in a poverty mindset by selfish acts of over-indulging society in welfarism. The New Zealand ho's derivation is a copy of these bastions of masculinity and success of the 80's. Users of the ho have neglected to realise however that the good fiscal karma gained by a female rubbing her private parts on masses of facial hair, has expired.

Smooth skin is now in.



"Gina" comments on Hand Mirror - "To me the whole thing wasn't just offensive to women- it was offensive to me as a left wing female activist". That may very well be true but what is offensive to me as a right wing female activist is having to watch for the past nine years as hairy legged left wing feminists who CHOOSE not to get a razor, have taken over the wonderful country formerly known as New Zealand and imposed their unusual values upon it?

When the hand mirror shows a burgeoning mass of dark or thick hair on the upper lip it is not time to stiffen it but attack it with the myriad of product produced in third world countries to give wealthier women the chance to look better and therefore score with a higher quality of male. Buying these products not only assists in this quest but while doing so you are assisting these countries out of hairy poverty.

Pant wetters attacked Paul Henry for being insensitive to women who have medical conditions that speed up the growth of thick facial hair. Fellow right wing female activist Busted Blonde has one such condition, I have lunched with her and didn't even notice the facial hair. Which means Busted Blonde rightly chose to remove it all before leaving the house. Busted Blonde didn't wet her pants about Paul Henry's giggling, she found it amusing, outed herself by blog and laughed the whole thing off.

If Paul Henry grew a moustache columnists such as Bridget Saunders would be running column inches regarding the growth. It would be the talk of the town for weeks. Everyone would have an opinion on it.

Mark Sainsbury has trademarked his, but OH GOD dear we mention that pinko feminists enjoy growing facial hair and choose not to remove it - national incident in pinko land. Hell, even November "Movember" takes the proverbial stuffing out of facial hair where men and feminists grow mo's and ho's for charity. The difference is that the men all realise how horrible it looks and voluntarily choose on November 30th to remove it.

Stephanie Mills is a Greenpeace activist, she's chosen for years to wear the ho' and by all account is as rough as guts. She won't bother shaving her armpits or legs I imagine and is therefore possibly as acquainted with a razor as a Yeti. My conclusion is she doesn't give a toss about wetting her pants over Paul Henry's comments so why has every pinko pant wetting feminist all up in arms?

There is a new sheriff in town and he's more interested in shaving a culture of left-wing mediocrity and dependency and selling TVNZ than sacking a presenter who by all accounts is about the only naturally gifted on-screen comic in the shop.



Give Paul Henry his own show.

Clark To Work With Corrupt African Leaders

Perfectly qualified after working with Winston Peters for three years and Dr (but can't write a script) Cullen for her entire career and has learned enough to match it with every African leader.

Clark is in charge of a $US5 billion budget giving aid to third countries. Most of which is spent on guns, weapons of mass destruction and bullet proof Mercedes for their leaders. Clark is therefore under laws followed in the offshore industry, the primary conduit for money laundering and terrorist financing.

The post, to be taken up in August, is the third most senior UN role and would involve overseeing a $US5 billion ($8.9 billion) budget, which is mostly spent on programmes in Africa

The funniest result of the exercise is not that we are foisting on the world one of the best spenders of other people's money before Obama came along, but that Judith Tizard will now possibly be back in Parliament.

Funny only because I am not paying for it. New Zealand taxpayers are possibly not as impressed!

Apart from David Farrar (former member of the VRWC) who has already congratulated her:

Congratulations go to Helen Clark for gaining the job. As I blogged back on 7 February I do think she will do a good job, and on balance supported her candidacy - not without reservations of course. And the fact she was successful does show she is highly respected for the contribution she can make to development issues.

Strewth David, next thing you will be speaking at a Young Labour conference.

Coddington Wins Lotto....Twice

Lady Coddington of the Wairarapa Speaks

Deborah Coddington, rumoured to be one of the past and present's more materialistic glamour girls of the New Zealand print media industry comes out with a quite astonishing and nonsensical column. Even by her high standards.

A foreman in charge of workmen on "her" house, came out with this clanger when Coddington was mooching around "her" house:

I struck this recently when tradesmen were fixing an 18-month-old problem with the house. Working in the garden and vineyard, I was asked by the foreman if I had a day off work.
"This is my work," I replied. "Lucky, aren't I?"
"Nice to be some," he grumbled, "maybe one day I'll win Lotto."
I hope he does, if that is what would make him happy, because he's a good craftsman who has toiled for months fixing a mistake and deserves to be proud. But just because he's a tradesman, and he-who-keeps-me-in-the-manner-to-which-I've-become-accustomed (my Lotto) is a professional, doesn't mean the tradesman is a lesser person.

Anyway, who but the most materialistic judges the success of another on how much stuff he or she has amassed?

Coddington in her hey day of journo cum pollie used to strut around looking elegantly "Deborahesque" in quite beautiful designer clothes, dripping with jewels. Source of funds - unknown. For a journo she used to have the latest European cars that clearly were not funded from slotting on Radio Liberty, BBC World Service or churning out a few columns.

See what would have pissed the tradesman off more than anything is not that Lord Coddington (the QC) could afford to live in the house he was fixing but Lady Coddington (admittedly like many a retired housewife who "dabbles" in part time work while her kids are all grown up) was mooching around doing sweet f'all all day clearly living a lifestyle that she on her own writing the odd little column could not afford......unless she married well.

"Nice for some people". It's always uttered out of the side of the mouth by someone who blames his or her perceived lowly status - financial, social, emotional - on the success of others.
Well the previous Lord Coddington did just that didn't he, by ripping people off or paying them so slowly they bled themselves to death while he and family lived the lifestyle they could obviously not afford.

Forgive the cynic in me but Coddington may wish to mention less of bankers, AIG and bleeders from the 2008 and 9's corporate bailouts.

The source of funds from every dollar, jewel, clothing, alcohol and lifestyle that Coddington amassed outside of being a journalist or MP from 1978 to 2004 while with the former Lord Coddington remains rather tainted.

Tax-free Tim

This is US Treasury Secretary Timothy Geitner.

He's a tax dodger.

Nothing wrong with that in my view, but not when you are imposing "do as I say not as I do" on millions of Americans, including must maligned bonus recipients who received their money from Geitner, with his knowledge, from bailouts.

Obama now states he will not accept Geitner's resignation. But Obama is outraged at AIG's bonuses paid from bailout funds and will now seek to impose an unconstitutional 90% tax rate on them. Geitner knew about the bonuses.

Public sector employees are equally as incompetent for letting this all happen. Why not impose a 90% tax on them too?

One Night in Bangkok

A colleague was busy at a meeting on Friday so gave me the key to his room and I went down and grabbed his laptop that we were working on for a proposal. On entering the room I needed to use the bathroom so popped in and found the above on the sink. For those of you who have never had the pleasure plastic bags of this size containing white powder usually are a lot of fun but potentially in a place like Thailand a hell of a lot of trouble.

The colleague is reasonably dim and thus I thought instantly that he was sampling some of Thailand's finer substances, so not the best idea then to leave it lying around where anyone could find it and exercise the foreigner bounty for reporting this sort of behaviour. I didn't want to report the behaviour to anyone sensing a huge amount of employment issue related so flushed contents and rinsed in the sink. Even a smidgen is a capital offence here, the four grams I estimated the content to be would have resulted in some serious "special fee" or on a bad day, imprisonment for an eternity.

This morning the colleague at breakfast came down looking rather pissed off, as I would expect with a grand's worth of equipment flushed. He announced in front of the table that the staff had pinched all his detergent so he couldn't hand wash his gym clothes in the sink so hadn't been able to make it to the gym. After mocking him for not using the perfectly good butler service for procuring washing services......I had a thought.

Retired to room and searched through the extras in the bathroom to find this - detergent.

Who would have thought they provided this now in your room? Not something generally I go looking for!

Today's Entertainment

The Rush Limbaugh six and I launched a blistering attack on Obama's bailout and AIG tax plans today. Predictably cries of "racism" were brought into the equation (ironically never from blacks but wealthy pandering white-guiltests).

I explained that Obama was the President of the United States of America. It would be racist NOT to verbally attack a US President. The monkey cartoons were discussed as well. I reminded that no President has ever been accused and compared with a monkey than George W Bush. And monkeys come in white as well.

More fine dining tonight but I shall retire early and double deadlock the door. Rampant Americans after the six and I.

Normal Transmission Resumes at TVNZ

Morale at TVNZ "crap" says insider

Well, since when has morale been anything other than crap at TVNZ?

It's largely a vacuous shit-hole of nepotism, a large casting couch, backstabbing bimbos, himbos, overpaid middle management who would sink the Titanic in weight - scattered with many very talented creative people who continually get shafted because they aren't "in" with the "in"crowd as at the end of year balance date.

Nothing new here folks.........that's show business.

Noone I have spoken to who has ever worked at TVNZ has ever regretted their departure, whether forced or voluntary.

Enough

Today I participated in a two hour discussion about poverty and the current "worldwide financial crisis".

Speaker after speaker got up and rabbled on about the world's poor and how current events would affect them. Obama, bailouts, corporate greed, AIG bonuses. Oh, it went ON and ON. The tales of woe. All bullshit as the less expensive room option at this hotel is a rack rate of US400 a night.

It came my turn to speak.

Rather irritated at this point and sadly lacking in caffeine, I got up and pronounced simply that I was bored listening about poverty and I now wished to talk about rich people because they were far more fun. The looks I received suggested I was trying to sell babies.

After yesterday's talk about how you can't possibly be materialistic if you can afford the purchase from money you made yourself, my fan base has grown from the 6 Rush Limbaugh supporters in attendance to 7. I managed to convince one Obama voter today thus that he was an idiot. Progress.

I retired after my good work to my decadent room, whacked a CD on the room system called the butler, who speaks better English than most New Zealand employed hospitality staff, to run a very hot deep bubble bath and noticed that the blouses I had ordered laundered were ironed in a fashion that only Watching Brief would appreciate - no lines down the arms and hanging right next to the beautifully folded clothes he unpacked for me yesterday from my suitcase to the cupboard.

Any hotel that doesn't do all of the above for you and with a little bow, I repeat is NOT a 5 star hotel.

Work Gets In Way Of Blogging

Work is going to interfere with normal transmission for the next seven days.

Happens sometimes doesn't it?

I am off here....



To do this......




But unfortunately a lot of this......



And this.....



But with any luck plenty of this..........

Although based on empirical evidence and the crowd involved there will be absolutely none of this.....

The computer is coming with me but I doubt I shall have the chance to use it for anything remotely fun. So in the meantime run off and watch Roarprawn and Whale Oil. You know the links by now.

Rewarding The Best

Emily Adlam is an incredibly intelligent young girl. She clearly words hard and does not deserve the word "gifted" to be sloshed around next to her name.

"Gifted" implies she was born brainy and hasn't had to do anything grand to get to where she has as she was "gifted" the intellect. "Gifted" is a disgusting word handed out by losers who think that anyone smarter than they are is so because of a fluke of nature not due to years and years of hardwork, persistence, self-sacrifice and never giving up. "Gifted" is also an overused term dolled out by parents who think their child is especially smart or needs extra attention. When they possibly aren't that clever.

Emily is one of 10 students nationwide this year to win the NCEA premier award, which is worth $30,000 to be paid over three years, and one of 47 students to win one or more outstanding scholar awards.

So the NCEA Premier Award gives this incredibly intelligent and hardworking girl just $10,000 a year for just 3 years of her study. When Emily achieves her goal of a PhD she would be at University for twice that length of time.

Would it hurt to actually pay these 10 absolutely brilliant students an amount that appreciates their effort in NCEA for their ENTIRE University study and at a rate where they don't need loans or part-time jobs to subsidise their excellence? All ten should never pay a cent in University fees and at age 17 know that they will never have to worry about student debt or contributing a cent to their education. They deserve to have it all fully funded and New Zealand Universities should consider it a privilege to have them on their student roster. Overseas Universities would no doubt flock to have them.

Consider this, if Emily dropped out of school, or stayed in school and smoked P at the weekends at school parties and had a baby she would have been entitled to $263.78 x 52 weeks = $13,716.56 just in the DPB, forgetting all the accommodation allowances and grants available.

By the age of High School plenty of girls have stuffed up their education enough that they will never achieve Emily's $10,000 a year from her NCEA winnings and shortsightedly cannot see what the point is to be as smart and hardworking as she is when they can just opt out and get $13k + extras by spreading their legs. They'd rather dismiss her as a geek and mock her achievements. Because they are losers and very likely always will be with that attitude. Emily doesn't watch television and presents as many girls do at age 18 as a skinny, awkward white girl but she was the one who was always first in class. You can only imagine the level of teasing she's had to put up with even at an establishment such as Dio.

NCEA needs to man up and become a centre of excellence for the best students. Not an apologetic centre for the Nations losers. $10K a year for three years screams to me "OE because New Zealand doesn't value you".

It makes me cringe back to my University days where if you were really good you got a $500 per annum scholarship, above average with an A Bursary you got $200 per annum and a moron you got a B Bursary and $100 per annum. The prizes look as miserly today as they did back then and it is (still) shameful.

They Won You Lost

Even the grumpy old Pinko can see that

By now, the joke's starting to wear very thin. DML seems to have had the monopoly contract for so long its forgotten that in a competitive system someone has to come second. It's what competitive tendering is all about. Encouraging innovation and economic efficiencies and all that.

Fatboy Limited Goes To Town

Wonder why Jesse Ryder will be given a chance and another and another...........he wins matches.

Today look no further. He dined out today of a three feast course of curry and farted all over their bowling. And Jacob Oram came to play when Vettori hid himself again like a folded naan bread behind his bowling attack.

Trust though security has Ryder locked in his hotel room tonight. Saturday night Viaduct night can be hell and I saw the way he gripped that champagne someone stupidly gave him when he won Man of the Match.....

Just Not Getting The Point.......

Against my wishes the landlord bought me a new washing machine, a Philco PW80E.



Personally I wish he'd just lower my crazy rent that I cannot get out of contract until July this year. But that's the power of the landlord isn't it? To buy you stupid shit for the apartment that you don't want or need.

One man delivered it from 10-12, arriving at 11.45am naturally only to tell me he doesn't install it he just delivers it and takes the old one away. So I have to wait until another midget comes at around 2.45pm to install it. Fortunately I could settle in and just watch livestream Cricket until then or I would be pissed off.

It was installed and he left. I looked at the machine curiously, pushed a few buttons and noticed it had a horrible new smell about it. I saw the instruction manual and remained unmoved. You see there was nothing really wrong with the old machine as I had only used it once, then lost all interest and decided to take my laundry to the professionals. The machine had other ideas and developed rust from the humidity.

I refuse to look at the instruction manual and long for the top loading F&P one touch. This bloody thing is complicated. The on button doesn't actually start the bloody machine into some motion, you need a degree to work out what cycle to use as there are numerous. Too hard and confusing given you have to check the fabric of your clothes, the temperature and the spin speed. But still I was determined to use it to get rid of the new smell. Needs must and all I pushed a few buttons and settled in to watch the Premiership football. After 90 minutes +half time the Philco still had not finished. I took a shower. I sat by the heater to full dry. Still the bloody thing was going, spinning. The F&P would have finished 3 cycles by now based on my observations when I visit the parents and can hear the machine working out in the garage cleaning shitty farm clothes.

If it wasn't so new I would have given it a kick but if the machine is taken away I have a large gap to fill under the sink. So I turned it off and tried to open the door to take out my gym bag. I had left my comb in the gym bag so it had a wee wash as well. I could see it through the plastic. I couldn't open the fucking door.

I went back later to open the door and it opened. Out popped my clean gym bag, comb and inner bag.

The smell still remained.

So I did what I should have done earlier in the evening and sprayed air freshener in the kitchen, closed the door and ignored it.

I still don't get the whole point of the washing machine.

Thursday Night Dating Horrors

I went out on a date Thursday night. A watershed moment because it has been a while I went out with a legitimately single man of my own age bracket. I remember now why this has been so.

In my decades of learning I have realised that going to a bar is a terrible first date. All that happens at bars is a rapid descend after a hard days work into loud music, cigarette smoke from other patrons, possible drink spilling, abuse and finally happy hour antics where you are both as drunk as skunks by 8.30pm.

I don't first date at bars anymore. Bar drinking is for close friends (such as now the legendary Busted Blonde) who are not shocked by what can happen when I get trolleyed or that way inclined themselves, and my alcoholic men friends 50+ years old who are immune to even knowing they are in a bar when it gets dark.

So we went straight to a restaurant. A cold restaurant where the first port of call was to ask the air conditioning to go into at least double figures.

Introductions went reasonably well and Mr Y was at least easy on the eye and dressed well. Alcohol was kept to a minimum one bottle per person and discussion. I got to hear all about Mr Y's life story. I was being polite and listening. To my horror he misread my good mannered silence and kept talking. He didn't shut up. We got to the end of the mains and it stopped. It all stopped. That was it.

When you are over the age of 29 and can tell your life story between entree and the end of the main then there is a problem, a big problem. This was a thoroughly nice guy. Well, who could bloody tell if he was nice really? Outside of graduating University and being in one job for the past eight years, a relationship for five of those years and never venturing outside the Qantas flight route he had achieved about 5/8th of diddly squat. Limited travel, desk job as no work trips, limited life skill, no recreational abuse of any substance, no near death moments, indeed not many moments at all. This was the kind of bloke that women like myself are MEANT to hook up with to provide "balance". In other words - this is a manbag (male you take out as a handbag - looks good as an accessory, keeps quiet, never offends anyone).

Didn't like Cricket, didn't like rugby, didn't like sports full stop. We agreed that Macs were superior to PC's. That Hong Kong had limited television stations. I asked what sort of hair gel he used, putty apparently. He told me about his grand plan to buy a studio walkup apartment in Hong Kong and install a 50 inch big screen to watch movies. I asked what sort of movies he liked and he loved Lord of the Rings. I'm the only New Zealander never to have watched any of the trilogy. He does "gaming" of the computer game kind. I told him I had a blog and that while blogging was an utterly useless waste of a person's time, "gaming" over the age of 10 seemed to be a hundred times more futile.

Then I asked him who he had voted for at the last election. Kevin Rudd. At that point it was all over. There was nothing left to cling to, even if he was rather hot. If we were at a bar you see I would already have been on my third bottle of Champagne and actually failed to see he was bloody boring and wasted a few more times going out with him thinking he was the reason I was having fun, when it was the bubbles.

He did pay for dinner without hesitation and for that I give him enough credits to tell him straight away that I didn't wish to put him through date two, but I would introduce him to a girl I know who he would be perfect for. She answers phones all day and gets cups of coffee for older people.

She would no doubt find him fascinating.

Crying Over Spilt Test Tubes

The post I compiled last week titled "Healthcare for No One" provoked an excellent response from readers and along with it many interesting comments and stories.

As a result, one reader was motivated enough to forward me some very interesting information about the recent developments of a long-standing stoush between Diagnostic Medlab (the current testing DHB provider) and the upcoming newcomer Labtests. If you recall DML are the client service geniuses who wouldn't pick up my samples of tests that were taken at Ascot because I was a "foreigner", so I had to drive from Ascot White Cross with my own samples to 10 Harrison Road in Ellerslie on a Sunday.

It is interesting also because you recall that the former Dear Leader actually had to issue a grovelling public apology over this issue to avoid having her Parliamentary Super fund and her home obliterated in legal proceedings.

Exhibit A then......which I will explain below.
Love Notes From "Arthur"

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Government Business & Legal love notes labtest

Facts

So it basically goes like this.

DML through its Australian Parent, Sonic Healthcare currently has the Auckland DHB contract to process some 30,000 diagnostic tests a day worth $72 million a year ($576 million over 8 years). The Auckland, Waitemata and Counties-Manukau DHBs dumped them and now the newcomer Labtests, owned in majority by Healthscope takes over on the 7th of September the day after the DML contract ends. The decision has been appealed all the way to the Supreme Court of New Zealand on the basis the tender process was unfair, where DML again lost.

Legal Decision

DML were caught napping in the commercial tender process and were not prepared to drop their ridiculous profit margins. There can't be many more reasons for the DHB to rationally drop a long-standing provider in favour of one that has not been tested in the market. They needed an excuse to report back to the Parent company how they lost an impossible to lose contract so went off to Court to contest like cry-babies that the tender process was unfair.

The Supreme Court in February rejected DML's bid for a further appeal and said that Labtests must take up the contract "as soon as can reasonably be achieved".

The Leaked "Love Notes" Above

So witness exhibit A above and "love notes from "Arthur"" who is the DML CEO, Dr Arthur Morris, where his rabble-rousing is contrary to the spirit of the directive from New Zealand's highest Court to basically pull his head in and just get on with it. Here is Dr Morris below.



"Arthur" commences his battle plan on 16th February with the words "Our legal door is now closed. Now is the time to go down the public path". His intention to up the ante was quite clear with the threatening "let's take our situation to another level".

The Accounts

DML management have even downplayed the contract loss in the reports of Sonic to the half year of 31 December 2008 where I found at note 2(j) of the Director's Report an acknowledgement that the Supreme Court has ruled against DML (the Auditors Report signed off just recently in Sydney on 23rd February 2009) and this:

"Sonic's Board has considered the issues surrounding the contract in Auckland and now believes that there is no need to make adjustments to asset carrying values at 31 December 2008".

"No need"! You've lost an eight year, half billion dollar contract that makes your entire infrastructure in Auckland well, kind of underemployed. Nope, shareholders won't want to know about that.....

The DML Staff

Staff of DML are a natural fit with the new operation. DML marched out senior pathologist Dr Richard Lloydd when he resigned to become Labtest's Medical Director and he was stuck on "gardening leave".

Of concern really if you read "Arthur's love notes" is that evidenced is that DML have led an orchestrated campaign to undermine the handover to the new provider by "Arthur" and tried to get staff involved. Well, evidence here is that they have used them for their own ends. And the NZ Herald have been suckered into running emotive concerns based on the human nature of being naturally worried about anything that even suggests healthcare and safety is to be undermined. Health issues are great headliners, through the weight of always respected Doctors and medical professionals and people listen. And old people worry.

The New Zealand Herald "Health" reporting - Martin Johnson

Martin Johnson has either long-lunched with Diagnostic Medlab management many times, or lets assume he is a man of total integrity and has simply been duped into running "Arthur's" last ditch PR campaign for him.

Johnson's most recent writings since ""Arthur's" love notes" in Exhibit A has involved stories following:

Friday March 6th - Scare the public with cuts to pathologist numbers. Reference above Exhibit A on 18th February 2009 where "Arthur" states arrogantly "if Labtests ever gets enough pathologists......". The use of "if" indicates that Arthur still holds out the hope that Labtests won't be able to find these people and so will have to breach the contract! On 23rd February 2009 "Arthur" gleefully states Labtests will use 1/3 less pathologists.

"Arthur" is clearly having acceptance issues that their contract is over as he knew it was before compiling the love note of 18th February.

Tuesday March 10th - The Herald brought in an "international expert" as per "Arthur's" key messages about the risk of the transition. This evidence was presented however, in the High Court some three years ago and didn't even make it to the Court of Appeal. Reference point 9 of "Arthur's" love notes of 23rd February 2009. The largest risk of transition seems to come from "Arthur's" stirring of his own staff.

Wednesday March 11th - The Herald raised awareness of staff issues. In Exhibit A there is a note "An open letter of concern from the staff at Diagnostic Medlab" where the writer talks of Diagnostic Medlab staff employed on a "free will" basis, that they are "not a commodity" and "cannot be traded". A tad short-sighted given the basis of your work has all just been taken out the door by a Supreme Court endorsed "get on with it".

Allegations have surfaced to me in correspondence from the leak who sent me all these papers that DML have questioned staff who have dared search internet sites in their competitors name offering jobs. It has been far from friendly I imagine. Lord knows what "Arthur"will do when DML staff are caught reading this post!

Thursday March 12th - A plea to Tony Ryall mentioning Dr Harry Dooer as set out in the documents was brought in for a staff motivational talk a few weeks ago. "Arthur's" love notes of 20th February state very clearly that political intervention was to be called for and poor new boy Sam Lotu-Liga, National MP is recorded as having visited the premises and Dr Dooer giving a pep-talk.

Yesterday also Labtests, who have clearly stayed out of the stoush recently due to having won it, and wanting to "get on with it" issued a statement that they will appease GP's fears that they will become collection agents.

Pleas To Suppliers

DML have also tried to raise the ire of suppliers with this last ditch effort this week with the following scare mongering:

Dear Business Partners

As you are probably aware, the Supreme Court denied us leave to appeal. Last Friday, the 6th March, the ADHB gave Diagnostic Medlab 6 months notice, making the 6th of September our last day.

We believe this is a bad decision for the people of Auckland. They will have 30% less collection rooms, collection staff and pathologists, all for a proposed saving of 2 million per year.

The majority of staff at DML are staying put. We work for a laboratory that has respect from our customers, the Auckland GPs, patients and from other laboratories around the world. We do not believe Labtests will have the same reputation or level of service. They do not need to be accredited for up to 12 months.

We are making the politicians aware of our concerns and urge you to do the same as a person who uses and understands the quality of our service and people.

Please e-mail your concerns to all or any of the following.

(List of MP's follows)

Conclusion

This is business and business is about money and contracts for money. Labtests won and Diagnostic Medlab lost. For DML to use both staff and the public (ie. their patients) in a blatant "shock and awe" scare campaign is both unethical and disgusting. Using The New Zealand Herald to run the campaign is laughable now that "love notes from "Arthur"" have been made public and closely analysed with the stated "shock and awe" strategy.

If "Arthur" doesn't pull his head in now then Tony Ryall should step in and do it for him. If "Arthur" is deliberately seeking out to sabotage the continuity of the change-over to the detriment of patients and the public then he should have more than his contract terminated.

If any firm needed a competent public relations practitioner representing them and cleaning up the mess then DML and Sonic are it. Because you can only assume they had no advice at all based on the incompetency of the campaign thus far as outlined here. The public support that management of DML were trying to manipulate should now be that of public disgust.

Doctors and other medical professionals are all good people just based on what they do all day and put up with. Some of the DML staff are profiled here and they look like good people. As are the other staff of DML who deserve to be reappointed at Labtests under new management so they can continue their work. They need job security in these times and under Labtests they would get it. They don't need "corporate guilt" imposed upon them by management who bungled the contract tender. The same large corporate who would happily make them redundant if there wasn't enough work available.

Doctors are worriers when it comes to change. As a group of professionals they seem to automatically assume cut backs are always bad, not could lead to efficiency and actually benefit their existence. Doctors naturally back the little guy. But DML are not the little guy here.

They are one Australian big guy who lost to another Australian big guy.

And can't just get over it.

Seh-wag The Dog

Virender Sehwag is proof again that the dumpy little men can play Cricket. Isn't he an A grade pain in the arse?

But can I ask again why the former number 1 bowler in the world Daniel Vettori doesn't give it some lateral thought and step up and take the ball off the former number 3 bowler in the world Kyle Mills and throw himself the ball to open the innings bowling?



Give us some more of this Daniel.

When the chips were down Martin Crowe Captain, opened the innings. Stephen Fleming Captain, opened the innings. Geoff Howarth Captain, had another drink.

And why haven't we used our home advantage to prepare New Zealand friendly pitches for Christ's Sake? It is accepted in Cricket that you doctor the pitch based on home advantage.

This series is quite desperate now, New Zealand haven't looked like winning a match. We are CRYING out for the dibbly dobblers to return to New Zealand favoured pitches.

Bring back the slow bowlers for match 5.

Vettori to open the bowling.

Random Impertinents

1. Does Ross Taylor have a brain?
2. Can Jacob Oram remember how to bat?
3. Will Grant Elliott free his arms?
4. Who is this M.Iqbal that appears on the NZ Herald scoreboard EVERY game this time batting at number 10 and bowling in the place of E. Thompson?
5. Will the groundstaff have a good match?

HSBC And Hong Kong

I like to keep you updated with the more quirky stuff that goes on here for your education.

If you want to see an example of a large corporate reaching "iconic" status, Fisher & Paykel has NOTHING on Hong Kong Shanghai Banking Corporation (HSBC). HSBC, along with the Jockey Club (ie. TAB) is the corporate mafia in town. Right now a waterfront design project is being built out on the Harbour on landfill. HSBC's view managed to stay unimpeded. If you know Hong Kong's landscape, keeping your view among the pencil wafers is quite an achievement.

Yesterday Hong Kong was rocked by news that the stock had plummeted to HK$33.

This caused mayhem in the marketplace and the street. More Hong Kongers own HSBC shares than pay income tax here. Generations pass down advice to their children "buy HSBC". Spare bonuses from the common folk are thrown at HSBC shares. Street cleaners and taxi drivers all own HSBC shares. Most MPF funds have HSBC shares as a large chunk of their portfolio. Profits are cashed in with tax-free dividends paid and deposits laid down on apartments. More apartments would be brought by the lower incomed this way than ever through savings from their employment.

In the Chinese gambling dominated culture, HSBC is seen as the safe bet. If you hold long enough you can never lose money with HSBC....well so the legend went.

HSBC are planning to raise $US17.7 billion of capital through a rights issue, where the price of HK$28 yesterday was looking too high.

Here is HSBC's chart over the past year



Hong Kong's richest men are promising to support the rights issue. They will as they will lose face if they don't. It now seems the ultimate act of patriotism. But there is an air of mystery surrounding the collape in price and the Securities and Futures Commission is investigating. Rumor has large investors manipulated the market, short selling to drive the price down before they buy back the shares at the lower price.

But the most amusing moment of the day occured when I saw Agnes Wu Mang-ching sobbing on the closing announced at $HK33. It was one of those cultural moments that could only happen here.



Agnes doesn't even own HSBC shares, she just sobbed as she didn't like large investors "bullying" small ones. Many of whom had purchased shares at $80-100.

Small investors in Hong Kong however do not go in with their eyes shut. In any other country they would be deemed "sophisticated investors" for their intimate knowledge of the markets. Plenty of retired folk (and those not) just play the markets all day. Real estate and stocks.

Wellington Hits Hong Kong

Found this in the local paper in the morning.

Unfortunately I will be in Bangkok on business at the time otherwise I would have gone along for a look as it looks very interesting.

Under the guise "Innovate Locally Collaborate Globally - The Success of Wellington, New Zealand", a group of what looks like Lord of the Rings style creatives are giving an expose to the Chinese on screen and digital media.

Even the Mayor Kerry Prendergast is coming over.

It is scheduled the lead in week to the Hong Kong sevens. I could cynically say it was a nice Sevens junket, but there are a huge amount of visitors in town that week and it actually is the best time to do business in Hong Kong for that reason.

For the Wellington ratepayers, I don't see a mention either that you are paying for it. The Key Sponsor is Office of the Government Chief Information Officer Commerce and Economic Development Bureau. Which you can read about here.

With all that creative intellectual property on display though I would be very watchful guys at copyright issues least you see your own work on display in China in the next year under the label of someone other than yourself.

Critical First Class Air Reviews

Air travel reviews at it's finest

Watching Brief is a man of few words when it comes to blogging but having known him now for a couple of years I can confirm that he indeed sits on seat 1A, blocks off seats next to him on domestic routes, demands to be called Sir or Mr, does not even have the word "cheap" in his vocabulary and doesn't think most servants or women know how to iron a shirt properly.

Added to this he has two planes of his own and always makes sure that women he is with do not have to walk closest to the pavement or open doors.

His reviews should be excellent for the discerning traveller as he travels in more style than I do.

Sounds Good To Me

Not helping your cause 101

Double bunking will lead to more rapes: Criminologist

Former inmate Greg Newbold, now a criminologist, said double bunking would lead to rapes, bullying and violence and would be "the beginning of the decline of Corrections in this country".

Inmates are in jail for crimes such as rape, bullying and violence. Who cares if they get it dished to them in jail? Public sympathy won't be with the crims will it?

The best idea would be to put all the rapists together in cells to practice their urges on each other for their sentences. Likewise all murderers and violent thugs.

We worry too much about the supposed "rights" of criminals. Lets stop wasting our time on them and look at the victims of violent crime. Victims who didn't have a choice when they had their rights to not be interfered with, taken away.

The State should be worrying solely about protecting law abiding citizens from murder, rape and random acts of violence. Not getting all Nannied up protecting those who are already in jail for such violent crimes.

Shave For A Cure

Annie shaves for a cure

Easily the toughest blogger around, Anna Woolf has kept us all smiling at her positivity in slowly croaking it but living life to the full while doing it.

She's cheating a little bit here, but is fundraising for the Leukaemia and Blood Foundation by shaving her head.

While fellow bloggers can keep her amused by continuing their blogging, we can also donate to her cause here at the first link to keep her spirits up. So go do it. Now.

Two John Key"s

There are now officially two John Key's.

1. The fabulous John Key who stands up to Obamamania and says it is wrong on the world stage.

Good John Key.

"You've saddled future generations with an enormous amount of debt that then they have to repay," he explains. "There is actually a limit to what governments can do."

2. And the John Key who just keeps on promising to pay out more money to the black hole of the worldwide recession.



21 ways to spend New Zealand out of recession


So which John Key do we get?

Too Close

Not often you score 334 in a ODI, have a run rate of 7.39 and STILL lose the match.

20/20 cricket at it's best. We got two 20/20 matches worth of runs in a day. Thanks to crictime.com I got to see most of the match.

Yay to Jesse Ryder in a break through innings of perfect slogging and pure hitting to a century. But Fatboy seemed to run out of puff and concentration after being involved in 2 run outs. Perhaps the merits of fitness could be explained to him as he watched Tendulkar carry on to 163 of quality.

The tragedy of the match was that New Zealand has the batsman to chase down a total as large as 393. The middle order and Ross Taylor were appalling however. McCullum's bowling decisions were a trifle confusing.

Trust Mrs Vettori will hurry up and plop the baby out so the Skipper can make the next match and sort out the bowling. And fingers crossed Tendulkar's stomach strain keeps him out of at least the next match so we don't have to watch some more of his quality batting plundering our hapless bowling.



And here is a picture of Jeetan Patel in case next time he is playing you forget he's actually on your team, not the Indians and can bowl 10 overs.

Roger Kerr New National Party President

Yeah, sounds stupid doesn't it.

But no more stupid than Andrew Little, EPMU Union Head taking on the role of Labour Party President.





Welcome to the new Labour Party. Out of control, out of touch and out of people willing to have their name associated with the sinking ship.

Healthcare For No One

Bottomless pit


Everyone's getting all tetchy with ACC are present.

I can add my unique perspective about New Zealand's health system as a foreign full fee paying patient under the egalitarian hell hole created by nine years of Labour incompetence.

Usually it is the poor people and their lobby groups whinging about the health system and Doctors complaining about how poor people don't get adequate health care. Fuck 'em, the fully insured can't get it either!

On my recent trip I had the misfortune of requiring medical attention in New Zealand. Remember not only do I a wallet full of credit cards but full private medical insurance while travelling. In other words - I am at the top end of the heap. If you think the bottom end is bad, fancy having the resources and still being treated like absolute shite.

Stop 1 - Ascot White Cross A&E, Greenlane: Sunday

Because of my intimate knowledge of Auckland's nice parts, I assumed that Ascot had a sublime 24 hour clinic providing a quick and efficient service with nice people in the waiting room and competent English speaking Doctors. It is after all Auckland's nicest private hospital facility.

Wrong. I forgot that it borders on to Panmure and Mt Wellington on the non-Remuera side. Even the waiting room looks like that of something out of the old Soviet Union. The facility is primitive and an insult to the nice private hospital next to it.

The star of the show the morning I was there was the experienced middle-aged bossy nurse, she ran the show. Three Doctors were on. Two directly off the boat and one a New Zealander who dithered around slower than an ant and could barely get the file off the wall.

Foreign doctors are fine, for treating foreigners who speak their language. I had the entire consult with an Indian Doctor who spoke English as well as I do Chinese. The nurse had to translate the entire session and in the end spoke more intelligently about my problem than the Doctor.

You can call it whatever you want but medicine is the most important profession NOT to have a language barrier. It's dangerous not to be able to communicate with patients. In Hong Kong I struggle to see Chinese speaking Doctors therefore have to use the incredibly expensive expatriate Doctors, who to the Chinese are foreigners.

Simple fact is now I have a better chance of being served in my adopted country Hong Kong by a competent English-speaking Doctor than in my birth country of New Zealand.

So time to pay and I am hit with a pay chart that's more complicated than the Stock Exchange wall. There are so many charging differentials that the chart takes up most of the wall. Of course on first look and sound the staff assume I am a New Zealander but then one hint of a foreign address and I am in the foreign pile.

ACC patients pay far less than medical patients. Which is ridiculous. They must take more time per consult.

From a cost perspective I have no issue with paying more as if I am treated like a "foreigner", but medicine is a service industry. If I am paying more than other people I expect to be seen first.

Like letters are delivered faster when you pay Fastpost and everyone accepts that as fair, medical services should be delivered the same way. If the user has to pay then the user who is paying the most should be seen first. Airline frequent flyers get priority rights, so do business and first class passengers. They get this service because they pay MORE.

Even if the clinic gets the same per patient, they only do because the higher charged patients are paying more tax dollars to fund those who get a discount. The more you pay, the quicker you should be served.

That is, New Zealand's ridiculous egalitarian "wait" system treats everyone equally regardless of where they fit on the chart. Ridiculous. I don't mind waiting behind someone who is dying or extremely ill, but there was no one in that waiting room where I sat for 45 minutes before I was seen and another 30 minutes after I saw the nurse to graduate to the Doctor, who was in any more urgent need of attention than I was.

As people came to pay (and I use that term expediently), it was clear that instead of the $120 I was hit with, these people were paying just $20 or $30. I think the maximum other was a scarce white, middle aged middle class male who was hit with $60. No doubt he is subsidising through his taxes every other person in the wait room other than myself so why on earth does he have to then wait behind the people he is paying for? It's just another kick in his already sniffly nose. And probably why men don't go to the damn Doctor in the first place.

Then came the bigger hit.

I required some tests. So these apparently are usually done in the Clinic then picked up by the lab in Ellerslie. However as I was a "foreign patient" this could not happen to me (and I quote the receptionist who in fairness could see how stupid the situation was):

"You know, it's for the patients from the Islands who come over here and then don't pay".

Lovely. So to add insult to bloody injury I had to drive to this clinic down a difficult to find no exit road and drop off the tests and pay. Fortunately I had a rental car so wasn't faced with the insult of having to call a cab.

The cost? $35. By then I was on the phone to MOC (Mother of Cactus) swearing and cursing. For a mere $35 I had been disadvantaged because I was lumped in the class of some bludgers who don't pay.

Even after the $120 I paid for the consult more squabbling with the front desk regarding calling me about the test results. As I have a foreign cellphone number they clearly didn't want to pay the few dollars to call me when they were ready. This was now reaching stupid proportions. I was paying a premium rate for these services and getting paperbag delivery.

Off to the pharmacy where of course they didn't have some of the drugs prescribed by the Doctor and more fluffing around by a female Pharmacist who just wouldn't STFU (shut the fuck up) and get on with her job of counting pills into a bottle. That was another $150 odd dollars.

Stop 2 - Matamata Medical Clinic - Saturday morning

Matamata has one clinic open at the weekend and there is no appointment. Well, talk of the great unwashed you need to look no further. I am actually enrolled at this clinic as it is the family Doctor so should get at least an appointment on the well differentiated charted wall.

This clinic had one Doctor on as well, a Scottish man who would have been in his late twenties. I am sure he would have given fine medical advice, if I could have actually seen him.

Waiting from 9.30am through to when I pulled the pin at 11am all I witnessed was snotty nosed children, literally a mini-bus full of whanau from the Kura kaupapa (we know this as an old biddy asked them what school they went to) and one magic moment when a 5 year old was asked what school they went to and they didn't know despite being back at school for 2 weeks. I cut in sarcastically at that point and asked the child if they had actually turned up to school this year at all. "No" was the answer as "I've been babysitting my brother".

I went back to the parents place, FOC (father of Cactus) found the whole experience too amusing and choked laughing.

He shouldn't of as I woke up at 2am the following morning and threw up violently at both ends all over his house for the next 12 hours requiring MOC to put a sign on the toilet door for other family members not to use it. I imagine an hour and a half with the Kura kaupapa had struck a nasty chord in my immune system.

Stop 3 - Ponsonby White Cross - weekday afternoon

After a long lunch at Prego I crawled down to the clinic to get a simple referral to a Dermatologist. Nothing is simple at these A&E clinics is it? At this clinic there was ONE Doctor. The room didn't appear too busy but the receptionist informed me of a 60 minute wait. Again, pissed off that I had to wait given the cost of the services I asked if she could call me when I was one person away. I could get another couple of rounds in at Prego for that. She refused.

Once again, medicine is a SERVICE industry. If I was for example getting a spare tyre changed at a tyre shop and asked them to call me when the car was ready, 100% of the time they would as it's part of the SERVICE.

These are private fee-paying clinics. They are not public A&E hospital waiting rooms. There is nowhere else to go for these services and if you are a visitor most local GP's won't see one off patients anymore.

This time I got smarter and put my parents address down on the clinic form. This ensured I was taxed at the top New Zealand rate but more importantly, wasn't going to face the same indignity of being treated like I was from some bludger state and required to pre-pay and deliver my own lab tests.

I waited. And waited. A professional suited man and his daughter were waiting as well. Clearly there was a preferential system based on how poor you looked as EVERY person in that waiting room served before us had come in and enrolled after we did. I muttered to the man that nine years of Labour clearly incentivises the clinic to see the bludgers before the rest of us. He smiled as his daughter, sensing the massive unfairness started crying. At that point we both went ballistic at the receptionist regarding her queuing system.

So do these medical clinics, like low decile schools actually receive MORE money to treat low income and welfare bludgers before those who actually are subsidising them? I ask MacDoctor.

Children brought into the clinic were not wearing shoes despite having sniffly noses, their parents snuck out for a smoke every bit, one walked down the road and brought back KFC and ate it in the clinic.

Yes, medical services are creating their own demand encouraging provision of services at cheap prices to these sorts who abuse their bodies and that of their children.

I saw the Doctor in the end and he was very good but looked like he was going to throw blunt instruments after the afternoon he obviously had endured being the only on-call Doctor in the clinic. Unlike the Ascot Doctor he actually inspected the area that required Dermatology referral. Wow. The Ponsonby doctor actually questioned and wondered why one of the three drugs that Mr Ascot had prescribed was relevant. He said the drug was commonly used for asthma. I don't and didn't have asthma. I had a skin condition.

Stop 4 - Dermatologist

Try getting a dermatologist appointment in Auckland at ANY clinic in the next two months.

Go on, I dare you.

Literally everything in the phone book bar one was fully booked for months., one in Remuera was stretched til the end of April. I asked one receptionist what you would do in Auckland if you had a skin condition that was recurrent and therefore may have disappeared in the two months it takes to get a bloody appointment.

Her response was that not many of their patients suffered that. Say what?

Again, I can pay any price because my own insurance pays for it. The best I could do was ironically a Hong Kong born dermatologist in Pakuranga who I don't think was an actual dermatologist, but a "Skin Doctor".

Conclusion

There is something rotten to the core with a system where even wealthy and fully insured people can't get adequate treatment and service.

Sack every bureaucrat and start again. It's just too fucking appalling for words and it is not the Doctors and nurses fault, you can see they don't like it anymore than I do. I don't know what Labour have done, but it ain't good. This is just the A&E system for coughs, colds and minor ailments. I don't even want to know how bad it's got if you have Cancer or a serious illness.

We can start then with more clinics for full fee paying and non-subsidised earners. Beneficiaries and subsidised patients to the back.

Unlike the earners, they have all day to wait by definition don't they?

"Closing the gaps" isn't about making services useless for everyone. Or is it under nine years of Labour?

About time the taxpayer and fee payer fought back and said enough of this nonsense. So next time some bureaucratic halfwit on reception tells you to wait, inquire why you have to wait behind those who have all day to wait because they are unemployed or fee subsidised.

The Great Wall Of New Zealand

An ideas man?

"Cycling is the new golf". Oh dear.

We love these sorts. So does Pippa by the end of the interview. That says a lot doesn't it?

They usually have great ideas but no idea how to pay for their ideas. Rather like creatives at Advertising companies.

Can we pray the property market picks up so this dangerous mind can be focused on something less costly for New Zealanders?

I'm always suspicious of people who can't sit still when they speak.

Q & A Won't Be Okay

Terrible news just out that Paul Holmes will be prostituting himself back on to television appearing with prissy Guyon Espiner and Therese Arseneau in a new political show that promises to be far blander than Agenda.

Don't do it Paul!

With the other two presenters, the new show will quickly become known as Queen & Arse and rate lower on a Sunday morning than Praise Be. Espiner and Arseneau are ghastly. Ghastly. Ghostly. Arseneau in particular destroyed many happy moments on election night with her grating style and schoolchild comments stating the bleeding obvious. She doesn't add value. Surely there is better p***y on the ticket in New Zealand political broadcasting than the Arse.

I know retirement is hard but rather like the comebacks of Jonah Lomu, Michael Jordan and Monica Seles, Holmes is destined to blot his fabulous broadcasting career with yet another cringeworthy last minute tilt at getting the HoJo back.

He doesn't need to. He's wealthy enough to travel the world and have fun while he still can. Why oh why do we have to watch a slow TV death reminiscent of what is happening to Jade Goody are present in the UK?

All I can say is Bring Back The Ralston Group.

There's even a low-key cult Facebook Group for it with now a strong 79 members ranging from MP's to Cabinet Ministers to Bloggers to PR consultants to Journos and Broadcasters.

Now that was a TV show.

National Disgrace

Jesus. Say it ain't so!



One week allegations of a billion dollar ACC cover-up at Pre-FU time, scolding by the National Party and years of fiscal damage and hello:

The very next week, National are contemplating appointing Dr (can't write a script) Cullen as Chairman of Mighty River Power, or another SOE?

1 April is a few weeks away. I guess it came early this year.

Disgusting.

The only job Cullen should be offered by the National administration is as a pool boy for John Key's Parnell mansion. And even then you couldn't trust him with the chemicals or Key's elderly relatives.

If this is a cunning plan to get Cullen to drop out of politics then it's a fucking stupid one. He was leaving on his own account anyway. Let him leave and go back to teaching irrelevant classes at a University.

Update: this in from David Farrar (formerly) a member of the VRWC

I am not arguing that Cullen is not talented, and at the appropriate point in time, would be a good appointee to certain boards. But he should be out of consideration until National’s second term (if there is one), or at least for a minimum of a year after he leaves Parliament.

Say WHAT?

That's it Whale Oil, Busted Blonde, Barnsley, Oswald et al..., David is now no longer a member of the VRWC. Kiwiblog Derangement Syndrome strikes again.

Kiwiblog Derangement Syndrome is of course David sycophantically fawning over ANYONE who is an MP in a way unbecoming to any human being who is infinitely more successful in life than the MP is or ever will be as a lowly MP.

Welfare For Families Under The Pink Tories

UnPC Lesbian recounts her dealings with the IRD who assessed her at a way below her income level and gave her a whopping welfare for families tax credit she wasn't entitled to.



Maybe the IRD are really "here to help".

She corrected the error after navigating the IRD computer phone system only to in the process have this disgusting exchange with the IRD staffer:

"When I asked why my income had been assessed so low when their on screen records show what my current income is, I was told "we have to assess it as something then the client can contact us to correct it".

When I queried that wouldn't it be logical to assess at a similar rate to the previous years income I was then told "we don't know if you have got a new job or not". I resisted the impulse to say that I'd have to a total dumb fuk to take a new job with such a hefty salary drop, instead just commented that "you must be getting a lot of phone calls then", to which the agent agreed".

If only the IRD calculated provisional tax in such a manner!

UnPC predicts a whole lot of dishonest or stupid parents will simply not notify the IRD and spend the credits.

I imagine she is right and then they will all cry foul and poverty when the IRD asks for the credits back.

I was more impressed actually with how she has found a way of circumventing the machine. Perhaps a little share by blog on how she did it would be useful.

Advice Corner - Commonsense Not So Common

So when you have an innocent dinner with an often controversial and non-marriage believing columnist who writes for a paper in the same circulation area as to where you reside, and your wife reads the newspaper regularly.

Do you think it's a good idea to tell her?

Nope.

And it wasn't. In fact it may possibly, short of a full confessional if anything had happened, be the stupidest thing you could have done.

So stop the fretting emails and suffer.

Lesson over.

Cricket's Darkest Day

Forget the Black Caps got thumped today. Doesn't matter. Forget the Underarm incident. Doesn't matter.



But for an heroic bus driver, more heroic police, a failed grenade, a tad of terrorist incompetence and a miracle, the Sri Lankan team would have suffered massive casualties playing Cricket in Pakistan. Poor bastards. It was a miracle they all survived.

For every person who has called the Black Caps past and present, woofters for not travelling to these parts of the world, or for coming home when there was a bomb blast nearby.....this is why they come home right away or don't tour at all. Plenty would have had flash backs to their time touring and being in hotels minutes away from suicide bombers. Windows blown out. Sirens going off in the middle of the night.

When you are a Westerner in a country over here with terrorist violence or extremists you are forever watchful in your hotels of this sort of stuff. Even in your most drunken state you watch for it, the inbuilt paranoia in your head placed from incidents like this. It's hard not to notice the Western chained hotel car you arrive in being searched with metal detectors, the security, the warnings in Indonesia, Thailand or Malaysia not to go out of areas without designated drivers or guides. It takes an idiot to say that it doesn't put the s***s up you every now and then. Random vans parked over the road, a man with dodgy eyes watching the hotel or the groups of young men wandering, circling or scoping areas of Western build up.

And now it's Pakistan v India all over again.

I'd say nations fight wars for less than trying to kill national sporting heroes. Let alone the whole team.

To say this terrorist attack was disgusting is an understatement. It was a political statement that will and should fuck all tours to Pakistan, India, Bangladesh or even Sri Lanka for years. Say goodbye to Cricket in the sub-continent and even the IPL or ICL will be hard pressed now to guarantee player safety with the whole India v Pakistan thing re-emerging. I can imagine plenty of players are now thinking whether the few weeks to earn their million dollars is worth it. It's probably not at the moment.

There is no way in hell the Black Caps should go near Pakistan in November. Forget it. Not happening. Cricket is now a targeted political statement for terrorists. The tour should be called off right now. The ICC should step in and cancel every tour to Pakistan period. Australia won't go near the place and haven't since 1998. Good on them. The 2011 World Cup in Pakistan, India, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka looks like a security disaster. That should be canned as well and moved to a safer venue.

To their credit, every Cricket loving Pakistani and Indian has come out condemning this attack. They have all been there and know just what it will mean. No more Cricket potentially in their countries. Which is like telling New Zealand that no one will tour to play the All Blacks.

Cricket will become a game played in New Zealand, Australia, England, South Africa and the Caribbean and neutral venues in the Far East.

I look forward to New Zealand or Australia v India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka or Pakistan in Hong Kong. I shall bump work a few days to go see that.