Monkey See Monkey Do

The other day I took a tour up to Ubud and stopped in the Monkey Forest.



Here monkeys eat, shit, root and play around you as you walk in a forest. There's thousands of the little critters.

As an expert in Asian travel, there's two things that the uncleaned masses want to take from you at all times - US currency and food. Two reasons then not to carry any. I was careful to not even buy bananas at the front entrance because that will only mean one thing - attention.

The guide and I walked unimpeded through the forest observing, while stupid tourists of all persuasions were assaulted for their bananas (monkeys) and US dollars (locals).

A small British child pointed and yelled out "monkey" at the ground. Only there were no monkeys sitting down selling bananas were there!

But by far the highlight of the trip was a very small child with very protective parents walking tenderly through the forest. The child had insisted on carrying the largest bunch of bananas that you could buy. He was shit hot. You could just see what happened next.

The largest monkey went after the largest load of bananas from the smallest child to carry them. The monkey, not much smaller than the child played only the ball and swooped the entire bunch from his hands. It was the cleanest dispossession. The child started screaming, the parents got angry at the monkey sanctuary staffers and I burst out laughing. More so at the baby monkeys huddling around this child staring at him wondering why he was crying.

And so starts the day that little Junior was afraid of monkeys for the rest of his life.