Simple Men Corner

I am due to go to Cairns next week for the long weekend.

I won't be going.

Here's why.

Two weeks ago a FOOMA (Former object of my affection) called up to see if I wanted to meet up in Hong Kong then fly to Cairns. FOOMA is reasonably well endowed in all departments and told me he would pay for the ticket as he wanted to make amends for what he had done several years ago (ie. behaved like a prat).

Yes, in other words, his wife has finally left him for similar issues and the cad is going through his black book. Yes, admission came within seconds of cross examination.

FOOMA and I have travelled together before and generally it goes well as we meet each other's expectations of taste and decorum, in other words, where it is acceptable to sit on a plane. He also has very good taste in hotels which I appreciate.

I told him that even though I was due the next week to go away on a long business trip called the "Olympic Avoidance Asian Invasion World Tour" I was up for it. Agreed that he would come in from London and we would grab a flight from Hong Kong to Cairns direct of some 7 hours.

On Monday I checked my booking online (as any prudent frequent flyer does to ensure the muppets have done their data input job correctly). Flight fine, looking good, annual leave form completed at work, but something didn't look right - class (B).

To most logical people (B) means business class. But in Cathay it means (B) for Restricted Economy. Business is (J). This is not good. No first class on this flight.

So I called up Cathay, wait their mandatory 20 minutes in a queue listening to their chorus of "I can fly" at least 1,000 times, and asked why I was booked in economy, there had obviously been a grievous error. Nope I had been booked there according to the system. So I give them FOOMA's name and ask to be seated in economy next to him.

"I sowwy Madam you cwan't swit next to hem, he book in business".

What the fuck?

I give FOOMA the benefit of the doubt and enquire as to who made the booking (knowing they probably can't do this because of privacy). Nope they could! And it was FOOMA himself (not even his agent or secretary).

I may have calmed down enough to have said nothing and gone sat in economy with him on the basis that he is paying for the ticket, but I sure as fuck am not going to be sitting in economy when he is in business class. Not for 7 hours to anywhere. That's far too long for me to voluntarily fly economy when I am paying for it. Worse it's a total night flight leaving 2330 hours so I would arrive seven hours later having had exactly no sleep after working the entire day. FOOMA won't want me in the same Continent after that's happened, let alone hotel room.

I may have inquired if I can use points or pay the extra and upgrade my own ticket to business class as there were seats.

But then I simply said after she checked 3 times (and also called back later to check again), "thank you", hung the phone up and thought why the fuck bother? If he's not going to be considerate enough to book me to sit with him then he can go on his own AND pay. I've seen too much of this sort of inconsiderate shit from men in my time to find it even amusing any more. Time such bad behaviour went punished. Most women would just go on the trip, spend as much of his money as possible on alcohol and the room bill and then take it out on him the entire time making it as miserable as possible by refusing sexual relations. I don't see much point in even bothering to do that. It would require far too much effort on my part and still the idiot won't realise why I am pissed off.

Of course if I tell him now I wont be going in economy he could get someone else to go with him who liked to be demeaned like a little woman sitting for 7 hours upright while he rests in business class. He may even be able to transfer the flight (unlikely as its restricted economy) or get a refund (again unlikely as it is restricted).

The best part of course is that it won't be refundable as he booked the cheapest fare he could get, it wont be transferable and at long weekend time the seat itself is about 3 times the normal price. Some $HK13,883 or $NZ2,000.

I think I will wait and call him about half an hour after I told him I would meet him at the airport from his connecting flight and say I am not coming.

Dork. Stingy selfish stupid dork.

Three cheers to the wife for getting rid of that!