WAG OFF - Keano Is The Best

Because it's important to write about sport but include sex and celebrities for the female readership....

Never short of a word or twenty, Roy "Keano" Keane, former Manchester United (legend) and now Sunderland Gaffer makes the following comments regarding the hideous creatures known as WAGS (Wives and Girlfriends) of Football players. Keano's obviously had trouble recruiting players to Sunderland based on what these suckyoubuses are demanding - shopping where they can spend all their football man's money.

And he was stunned when one ace told him where to go because his other half didn’t like the shops on Wearside — which include a Debenhams, Poundland, Supercigs and The Bridges shopping centre.

He recalled: "A couple of years ago I nearly went to Juventus. People spoke to me about Turin and said it is this and that, and oooh, Milan would be nicer.

"But I replied I am not going there for the bloody shops, I am going because it is Juventus. I don't want to go to bloody Milan. It is a footballing decision.

"Maybe I am not a great shopper.

Or this beauty:

"Greed will always be a part of the game and that will never change. This side of it, with the women running the show, concerns me and worries me.

"Maybe it shouldn't really, because the players I am talking about are soft anyway."

Have a look at this total FAG shot of Ashley Cole and singer Cheryl Tweedy. Nauseating for those of us who have liked Cole as a player but seen him more off the field than actually bloody on it. Always injured. Soft.

Fortunately New Zealand has not exposed itself to the WAG in such a manner. The closest New Zealand comes are those "legs and breasts" who serially date Warriors or Auckland Blues players. Much excitement of course when Byron Kelleher imported a porn star before she blew him off and left the country for something more exciting than Tauranga. Also Mils Muliaina had to move from Auckland to Waikato, not for the shopping, but his WAG introduced new Accounting standards at the Auckland Rugby Union. Good thing most of the New Zealand football players are paid about as much as minger Wayne Rooney's missus Coleen spends a week on clothes. Well good thing for the Auckland city property developers, who seem to be able to keep the girls at least thinking they have more cash than a beefy piece of sports meat. Otherwise they would not have a chance.

I can understand the general attraction of Dan Carter even if he wasn't an All Black (granted he does not date a stupid British style WAG), but Wayne Rooney? Don't know what Wayne Rooney looks like? Here he is, complete with the first book he's ever opened in his life as he's not the sharpest tool around. Yes, one does assume it is "ghost written".

Every man (yes, including one's 20 years my senior) I have ever woken up next to in my life has not only been better looking than Wayne but smarter (yes, even those in the male model phase).

Yet add millions of pounds a year and this is what Wayne pulls in addition to the odd prostitute every now and then. Which is part of the course for these women who only care about enhancing their own modeling careers or shopping.



And does the WAG generally enhance the on-field ability of a footballer or fuck it up?

I am picking the later and it's the only reason I care. New girlfriends usually signal a stark drop in form on the field or in the case of one of my favourite ever players, Thierry Henry and his piece of "white chocolate" (term black women give for white woman who dates famous black man), he actually ditched Arsenal and British soccer to escape "everything British", including her rabid clutches.

Go Keano.