Desperate Expat Housewives Story # 227
Because I know how much you all love these, I will oblige by giving you what you all love.
Anyway, I have accidentally met this (rather hot, I will add) guy who is obviously completely and utterly mad as he is showing signs of affection towards myself and has (amongst other wonderful things) sent me now 2 bunches of roses to work. The latest so large that there may not actually have been a rose left in Hong Kong yesterday.
Regular readers of my blog may recall the expatriate quintessential couple: MM1 (Married Man 1), the rather hopeless alch/work/oholic of a man with almost pet like qualities that I keep entirely for my own amusement and his wife WOMM1 (wife of Married Man 1), a horridly shallow beast who could list her occupation as "spending MM1's cash on shit I don't actually need and whining I never have enough".
So yesterday I had lunch with WOMM1 and another mutual friend (MF). I received the latest addition to colour and foliage in my home in the morning and had to take them to lunch as it was a half day yesterday at work for Mid-Autumn festival (being of course 28 degrees outside on average still). I digress. A severe wind up was going to happen. You see MM1 is so clueless, forgetting my good self as well but he has never even sent WOMM1 roses, let alone a bunch this large. I knew as soon as WOMM1 saw the bunch she would have a tourettes type seizure of epic proportions. True to form as another scientific function of speed over time, my interest in MM1 has fizzled to the size I imagine of PeeWee Herman's cock, I felt no need at all to play the diplomat and leave the bunch of flowers anywhere but bolt upright in the seat between myself and WOMM1.
On sight of the bouquet I could see WOMM1 physically shrink in size in her high heels. Her back became hunched and it was like she had been taken to with a broomhandle. I told her in general description who they were from, maintaining my composure at all times in order not to bleat out -- "and I have not even had sex with him yet". Her first reaction of course was to do with herself - "owww MM1 never gives me roses". Well, no I thought he just buys you ridiculously expensive handbags, jewels and pays for you to do nothing now the children are old enough to look after themselves....It only got worse when MF arrived and gushed over the flowers thinking MM1 had given them to his wife. I said nothing but went red as the roses and WOMM1 then had to explain adding to her hurt and humiliation that MM1 had not sent them at all.
The rest of the lunch was all about MM1 and WOMM1 of course and whingeing about how little he gives her (on all counts)....MM1 was on a complete pussy whipping to nothing as this weekend he is on a boy's weekend boozing. This only fuelled her fire when MF asked where MM1 was.
WOMM1 worked herself into such a lather that there was only one thing for it. RETAIL THERAPY. We had to stop at the largest Hong Kong Louis Vuitton shop on the way home and drop her off. Later that evening I receive a text that she had the bag she wanted - one identical to this absolutely tacky classless monstrosity.
A friggin' uglier thing to spend that sort of money on I can think of only one - donating it to the Labour Party to airbrush The Leader's photos.
Moral of the story - Husbands should regularly send their wives flowers. Saves in the long run.
Anyway, I have accidentally met this (rather hot, I will add) guy who is obviously completely and utterly mad as he is showing signs of affection towards myself and has (amongst other wonderful things) sent me now 2 bunches of roses to work. The latest so large that there may not actually have been a rose left in Hong Kong yesterday.
Regular readers of my blog may recall the expatriate quintessential couple: MM1 (Married Man 1), the rather hopeless alch/work/oholic of a man with almost pet like qualities that I keep entirely for my own amusement and his wife WOMM1 (wife of Married Man 1), a horridly shallow beast who could list her occupation as "spending MM1's cash on shit I don't actually need and whining I never have enough".
So yesterday I had lunch with WOMM1 and another mutual friend (MF). I received the latest addition to colour and foliage in my home in the morning and had to take them to lunch as it was a half day yesterday at work for Mid-Autumn festival (being of course 28 degrees outside on average still). I digress. A severe wind up was going to happen. You see MM1 is so clueless, forgetting my good self as well but he has never even sent WOMM1 roses, let alone a bunch this large. I knew as soon as WOMM1 saw the bunch she would have a tourettes type seizure of epic proportions. True to form as another scientific function of speed over time, my interest in MM1 has fizzled to the size I imagine of PeeWee Herman's cock, I felt no need at all to play the diplomat and leave the bunch of flowers anywhere but bolt upright in the seat between myself and WOMM1.
On sight of the bouquet I could see WOMM1 physically shrink in size in her high heels. Her back became hunched and it was like she had been taken to with a broomhandle. I told her in general description who they were from, maintaining my composure at all times in order not to bleat out -- "and I have not even had sex with him yet". Her first reaction of course was to do with herself - "owww MM1 never gives me roses". Well, no I thought he just buys you ridiculously expensive handbags, jewels and pays for you to do nothing now the children are old enough to look after themselves....It only got worse when MF arrived and gushed over the flowers thinking MM1 had given them to his wife. I said nothing but went red as the roses and WOMM1 then had to explain adding to her hurt and humiliation that MM1 had not sent them at all.
The rest of the lunch was all about MM1 and WOMM1 of course and whingeing about how little he gives her (on all counts)....MM1 was on a complete pussy whipping to nothing as this weekend he is on a boy's weekend boozing. This only fuelled her fire when MF asked where MM1 was.
WOMM1 worked herself into such a lather that there was only one thing for it. RETAIL THERAPY. We had to stop at the largest Hong Kong Louis Vuitton shop on the way home and drop her off. Later that evening I receive a text that she had the bag she wanted - one identical to this absolutely tacky classless monstrosity.
A friggin' uglier thing to spend that sort of money on I can think of only one - donating it to the Labour Party to airbrush The Leader's photos.
Moral of the story - Husbands should regularly send their wives flowers. Saves in the long run.
posted by Cactus Kate at 10:25 PM
5 Comments:
good grief that bag linked to is disgusting. WOMM1 is a silly woman really isn't she? I was wondering what was happened to MM1 we havent heard about him for a while and I assumed he had been upgraded. The new flower giving model sounds far beter Cactus I think you should go for that one.
Jen
Jen might be onto something but I am concerned at your comment that you have yet to "test drive" the flower man. Maybe you should hang onto both so you can do the full comparison test (not necessarily together). We wouldn't want you to dump MM1 only to find that the long stemmed rose wilts at the most inappropriate time!
Oh no not MM1 back in print
I thought you had him put down Cactus.
That bag is hideous. I'm of the opinion that coveting animal print is confirmation that an individual has absolutely no taste. And people with awful taste should not be allowed money.
Of course, I maintain that I have impeccable taste and get quite irrate if anyone suggests otherwise.
RH
The roses are still going strong after 3 days. Dreams are free of course that the man behind the flowers can last as long. If so I may never return to blogging.
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