Imran Khan(t)
Really!
As you know I am the leading authority in my own world on Cricket so always enjoy the opportunity to write about it on the blog as no one seems willing to pay for my extremist views on a professional level. Please indulge me the brief luxury.
Imran Khan (God bless his former sex symbol self) is completely out of line. The Pakistanis' have been ball doctoring for years. Imran invented it. Right back before the days of Wasim Akram and Waqar Younis, and the concept we know euphemistically as “reverse swing”. They doctored the ball when they actually wanted to win and did not bet against themselves to throw the games, that is…
Accusing Darrell Hair of being a “mini-Hitler” is a blatant racial slur on all Germ…Australians, he also calls Hair an “umpiring fundamentalist”. It is like Dean Jones calling a bearded South African Muslim cricketer a “terrorist”. Jones got fired for that while friends of mine still amuse ourselves calling an Irish friend “the terrorist” every time we see him. It seems all the more fun these days to do it given world affairs.
Hair was completely correct in his actions under the laws of the game. He did not call the game off because of the ball tampering per se, in conjunction with the other umpire he called the game off as the Pakis spat the dummie and did not come back out to play after the tea break. It’s their own stupid fault that can’t be blamed this time on Inzie stuffing his face with one last pie in the dressing room. And remember Mr Khan(t), there is more than one umpire and guess what - Billy Doctrove is a deep dark, West Indian.
Imran is known for some gems but this takes the cake:
“He declared: “Hair’s brash and provocative manner makes him the main culprit in letting things get out of hand.
“Hair is one of those characters who, when he wears the white umpire’s coat, metamorphoses into a mini-Hitler.
“In my career, I have seen such umpires who go out of their way to make their authority felt. They are umpiring fundamentalists. Such characters court controversy”
Yeah Imran you're neither brash or provocative and you w……eally hate controversy. Sarcasm if you missed it...
Pakistanis, Indians and Sri Lankans live for Cricket. It’s because everything else about their countries is such complete and utter poverty ridden pants and they can’t play any other decent sport to any level. I recall Imran slating New Zealand for having absolutely no night life. Hmm.. Karachi is rated by Lonely Planet as such a world power house in entertainment Imran.
The first thing you are taught as a nipper at 8am Saturday morning is that it is perfectly okay to rub and shine the cricket ball. For a new ball you will not see cricketers unnecessarily drop the ball because of this. It is the job of the wicketkeeper to throw the ball to a player who gets the ball back to mid on or mid off. That’s the person next to the bowler. They then usually give the ball a rub, a shine with their own spit and then carefully give it to the bowler. The bowler then grips the ball based on the science of swing in a way optimal to bowling a ball that deceives the batsman. The cricket ball has a seam and depending on the amount of wear and tear on the ball and what side it is on, the ball can move in the air or when it bounces, on the seam unpredictably and make it harder at speed for the batsman to predict. Nowhere in New Zealand are you taught to dig your nail, bottle tops or screws into the ball. It's against the laws of cricket.
As a youngster I met plenty of cricketers as I would shamelessly go up to them and ask for their autograph at Trustbank (Seddon) Park, incidentally the easiest place in the WORLD to get cricketing autographs. One thing I noticed about EVERY Pakistani and Indian cricketer of that time – they sported the longest fingernails of any racial grouping of men I had ever seen in my life. Legendary spin bowler, Abdul Qadir could barely sign his name such was the impediment. Girls notice these things. Some had a selection of nails beautifully manicured to obviously optimal length for cutting up leather cricket balls. The other nails were cut to normal length. Sri Lankans had not caught on to this yet as their team sucked in the 80’s, witness Glenn Turner ripping them 140 one sunny afternoon.
Australians cheat at Cricket by sledging. It’s perfectly legal if within the UN conventions and racial discrimination boundaries. Then there was the one off underarm incident. The English cheat at Cricket by providing some of the most lifeless pitches on the planet, again legal. The West Indians used to cheat by aiming to knock a batsman’s head off in a five pronged pace attack on the bounciest pitches in the world for which the no ball rule was introduced to counter, now they just infight among themselves for fun. The Zimbabweans cheat by running out all their white cricketers from the country and teams are afraid to tour their for safety reasons and don’t want them to tour for political reasons so governments such as our own pay off Cricket Boards in order to call off the tours. The South Africans cheat by Hanse Cronje means – bookies. Indians have Sachin Tendulkar who in himself should be outlawed for being too bloody good and along with Pakistanis doctor the ball and bet against themselves, Sri Lankans have suicide bombers outside visitors hotels and Murali, the spinner with the most suspect thro..bowling action that the world has EVER seen. He bowls like girls throw and of course gets an advantage in flight.
New Zealand? Well apart from one of the world’s worst at the death bowlers, Kyle Mills’ and his suspect bowling action, we don’t cheat at all.
Which is possibly the problem with NZ Cricket….
As you know I am the leading authority in my own world on Cricket so always enjoy the opportunity to write about it on the blog as no one seems willing to pay for my extremist views on a professional level. Please indulge me the brief luxury.
Imran Khan (God bless his former sex symbol self) is completely out of line. The Pakistanis' have been ball doctoring for years. Imran invented it. Right back before the days of Wasim Akram and Waqar Younis, and the concept we know euphemistically as “reverse swing”. They doctored the ball when they actually wanted to win and did not bet against themselves to throw the games, that is…
Accusing Darrell Hair of being a “mini-Hitler” is a blatant racial slur on all Germ…Australians, he also calls Hair an “umpiring fundamentalist”. It is like Dean Jones calling a bearded South African Muslim cricketer a “terrorist”. Jones got fired for that while friends of mine still amuse ourselves calling an Irish friend “the terrorist” every time we see him. It seems all the more fun these days to do it given world affairs.
Hair was completely correct in his actions under the laws of the game. He did not call the game off because of the ball tampering per se, in conjunction with the other umpire he called the game off as the Pakis spat the dummie and did not come back out to play after the tea break. It’s their own stupid fault that can’t be blamed this time on Inzie stuffing his face with one last pie in the dressing room. And remember Mr Khan(t), there is more than one umpire and guess what - Billy Doctrove is a deep dark, West Indian.
Imran is known for some gems but this takes the cake:
“He declared: “Hair’s brash and provocative manner makes him the main culprit in letting things get out of hand.
“Hair is one of those characters who, when he wears the white umpire’s coat, metamorphoses into a mini-Hitler.
“In my career, I have seen such umpires who go out of their way to make their authority felt. They are umpiring fundamentalists. Such characters court controversy”
Yeah Imran you're neither brash or provocative and you w……eally hate controversy. Sarcasm if you missed it...
Pakistanis, Indians and Sri Lankans live for Cricket. It’s because everything else about their countries is such complete and utter poverty ridden pants and they can’t play any other decent sport to any level. I recall Imran slating New Zealand for having absolutely no night life. Hmm.. Karachi is rated by Lonely Planet as such a world power house in entertainment Imran.
The first thing you are taught as a nipper at 8am Saturday morning is that it is perfectly okay to rub and shine the cricket ball. For a new ball you will not see cricketers unnecessarily drop the ball because of this. It is the job of the wicketkeeper to throw the ball to a player who gets the ball back to mid on or mid off. That’s the person next to the bowler. They then usually give the ball a rub, a shine with their own spit and then carefully give it to the bowler. The bowler then grips the ball based on the science of swing in a way optimal to bowling a ball that deceives the batsman. The cricket ball has a seam and depending on the amount of wear and tear on the ball and what side it is on, the ball can move in the air or when it bounces, on the seam unpredictably and make it harder at speed for the batsman to predict. Nowhere in New Zealand are you taught to dig your nail, bottle tops or screws into the ball. It's against the laws of cricket.
As a youngster I met plenty of cricketers as I would shamelessly go up to them and ask for their autograph at Trustbank (Seddon) Park, incidentally the easiest place in the WORLD to get cricketing autographs. One thing I noticed about EVERY Pakistani and Indian cricketer of that time – they sported the longest fingernails of any racial grouping of men I had ever seen in my life. Legendary spin bowler, Abdul Qadir could barely sign his name such was the impediment. Girls notice these things. Some had a selection of nails beautifully manicured to obviously optimal length for cutting up leather cricket balls. The other nails were cut to normal length. Sri Lankans had not caught on to this yet as their team sucked in the 80’s, witness Glenn Turner ripping them 140 one sunny afternoon.
Australians cheat at Cricket by sledging. It’s perfectly legal if within the UN conventions and racial discrimination boundaries. Then there was the one off underarm incident. The English cheat at Cricket by providing some of the most lifeless pitches on the planet, again legal. The West Indians used to cheat by aiming to knock a batsman’s head off in a five pronged pace attack on the bounciest pitches in the world for which the no ball rule was introduced to counter, now they just infight among themselves for fun. The Zimbabweans cheat by running out all their white cricketers from the country and teams are afraid to tour their for safety reasons and don’t want them to tour for political reasons so governments such as our own pay off Cricket Boards in order to call off the tours. The South Africans cheat by Hanse Cronje means – bookies. Indians have Sachin Tendulkar who in himself should be outlawed for being too bloody good and along with Pakistanis doctor the ball and bet against themselves, Sri Lankans have suicide bombers outside visitors hotels and Murali, the spinner with the most suspect thro..bowling action that the world has EVER seen. He bowls like girls throw and of course gets an advantage in flight.
New Zealand? Well apart from one of the world’s worst at the death bowlers, Kyle Mills’ and his suspect bowling action, we don’t cheat at all.
Which is possibly the problem with NZ Cricket….
posted by Cactus Kate at 1:12 AM
4 Comments:
We used to cheat by producing slow and low pitches so Gavin Larsen and co would bowl 10 overs for 15 runs.
Now all our bowlers have forgotten about line and length, we don't have that advantage anymore.
You got it dude.
Michael
Nothing made me laugh harder than when Hogan threw SixPack Patel the ball and told the spinner to open the bowling at the World Cup.
Larsen was a brilliant bowler fullstop. He used to pitch the ball on a coin. He used to bore the batsman out. It was thrilling to watch.
Fingernails??
genius. You are right, only a chick would notice these things.
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